Growing Up Native American

by Bill Adler

  And that pretty girl next door Priscilla she’s so dumb and Alvin her brother he’s so dumb all he does is talk about God and the Bible and church and that time he kept asking me about prayers my prayers and I said he descended into hell and on the third day he arose again from the dead and he ascended into heaven and Alvin said what you mean Jesus went to hell and I didn’t know so I said yeah I guess so and he told his sister and his mom and dad and I wanted him to shut up but he told everybody that I said Jesus went to hell and I didn’t know what to do that time either

  Well I might go to West Point I told mom that I was probably going to West Point and she said well we’ll see you can probably go to West Point if you really want to I want to but maybe my eyes aren’t good enough Tommy said you have to have really good eyes my eyes are pretty bad I guess the doctor said I would have to wear glasses how long I asked him and he said well you’ll probably have to wear them all your life the Indians didn’t wear glasses not the Kiowas how can you hunt buffalo with glasses on I broke my glasses where is West Point anyway They died with their boots on Custer was at West Point and he liked onions Taking a chance on love

  Miss Johnson said Mayre not Mary and she says mary not merry mary Christmas Christmas I got boxing gloves and a football and a really good pen once I got a train I got boxing gloves real ones then everybody wanted to box with my gloves we had a tournament and I knocked Earl out well he didn’t fall down but he acted really funny knocked out I hit him pretty hard I guess the twins are always fighting each other and they both have a lot of scars they’re tough and they get in a lot of trouble after school last week they got in a big fight and Seldon was on top of Meldon hitting him hard in the face Meldon was crying but he was talking really dirty calling Seldon terrible names and blood was all over the place and we were all watching it was so terrible and Seldon better kill Meldon while he’s on top and then a lady drove by and stopped and she was really upset and she bawled us all out and said she was going straight to the principal and Norman said aw ma’am they’re brothers Billy Don told me the twins used to hit each other over the head with milk bottles the Mollé Mystery Theatre Amos ’n’ Andy how do you do Mom said she heard me telling those guys Billy Don and Burleigh to be quiet mom’s sleeping and that was sweet she said she really thought that was great of me and dad’s always saying that’s great sometimes he goes to Midland or Odessa I wish I could go we used to go out in a pickup at Chinle with Blackie in the back and the Navajo kids would see us and Blackie barked like crazy oh but that time at San Carlos when that crazy guy on the white horse chased me and mom and mom was scared and I guess I was really scared too but I can’t remember so well but mom talks about it a lot and dad wasn’t there and the guy was drunk and crazy and really mean and we ran to the trading post and it was closed and mom pounded on the door and finally the trader opened up and let us in and said it was a good thing he was there oh those Apaches they have beautiful horses one day I went to Mr. Patayama’s house there and he was taking a nap and Mrs. Patayama told me to be quiet and mom was mad at me because I had bothered those dumb people I was in a program at the school there and I said I only regret that I have but one life to give for my country Nathan Hale Joe Louis beat Buddy Baer in the first round A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

  My name that’s Indian my names Tsotohah Tsoai-talee Kiowa George gave me that name Kiowa George Poolaw on his gravestone at Rainy Mountain Pohd-lohk those funny names Pohd-lohk Kau-au-ointy that’s Indian Mammedaty Huan-toa and mom Natachee too that’s Indian the round dance holding hands moving round sideways singing the dresses swaying those beautiful shawls and moccasins beadwork the war dancers feather bustles bells quills we went somewhere Carnegie or Anadarko or Hobart that time there was a dance and give-away oh it was fine all the colors everyone was wearing such fine clothes the dancers had fans and rattles there was one big drum those men four or five were beating that drum like making thunder the ground seemed to shake and the dancers their feet seemed to make the thunder how do they do it keep time that way so perfectly that’s Indian and when they stopped the give-away those women put lots of things down on the ground heck anybody could just go out there and take them blankets and stuff money too but sometimes they call out the names Indian names and those people come out and get gifts dad got a blanket Pendleton blanket plaid red and blue and green mom got a shawl black with red flowers that old man gave me some money two dollars two dollar bills they were new they were folded once the long way like paper airplanes and Jimmy and Lester gave me money too they always give me money that’s Indian that give-away it’s funny it takes such a long time you get bored well I get bored if you don’t get anything and have to watch just sit there talking maybe resting and the boy the water boy comes around with a bucket of water and a dipper and the dancers drink it’s so hot and all the names are called out Goombi Poolaw Tsoodle Tonamah Poorbuffalo Whitehorse those funny names Marland told me someone’s name was Chester Meat and he got so tickled it was somehow it was really funny like Billy Don that time and we all laughed Chester Meat and we all really laughed that’s Indian Chester Meat you’d be so nice to come home to dad said one time Mammedaty got a horse at the give-away a black horse really a good one well I guess it was the best horse in the world it was black dad said and it had a red blanket on its back and it pranced and danced around and there were feathers in its hair its mane and tail and that time too a girl dad said a beautiful girl in a buckskin dress beautiful beadwork white buckskin she had hair so black and black eyes dad said she was given a name at the give-away and it was good dad said a good thing to be given a name there and the girl was very beautiful and everyone was honored everyone honored her because of that maybe I would have married her if I had been there did she look like Faye Emerson no Minnehaha that’s Indian hey when was that I was in Roswell I went to a show it was a good show all about was it Billy the Kid there was a Mexican his name was Jose I hadn’t heard that name Jose before and it sounded good to me and I kept saying it over and over again Jose Jose Jose Jose Jose I liked it and mom said she visited Mrs. Garrett Elizabeth I think and her dad Mrs. Garrett’s dad killed Billy the Kid well yes I killed the little varmint of course yes he came in you see the room was dark very dark you couldn’t see really but he said who is it or who’s here or there or something like that I squeezed the trigger there was a flash in the room I saw him he fell oh yeah well listen here Garrett go for your gun Garrett gun Garrett gun Garrett I’ll give you the chance you never gave poor Billy Garrett go for it what you’re not afraid are you Garrett oh call me Jose just say that I’m a friend of the man you shot down in cold blood pough that’s for Billy pough that’s for Billy’s girl Faye pough that’s for Billy’s mom that gray-haired little woman back in Silver City pough that’s for Billy and me Billy and me we rode the range together

  All right Angelo look we can do it we’re only behind by six points I can get clear look I know I can get clear look just watch me I’ll go right down the sideline get the ball to me okay on three oh yes I’ve got it here they come I stiff-arm one get the knees high high pour it on now you’re fast fast ladies and gentlemen this is incredible it looked like a run all the way but Bertelli hid the ball and at the last moment flipped a pass to Momaday in the flat and now the chief has it on his own thirty-five he stiff-arms one man slides off another my lord how did he get out of that there were four blue jerseys he was completely boxed in five six seven men had a shot at him oh now he’s reversing his field the stands are going wild two more tacklers get their hands on him but he gets away simply incredible I don’t believe my eyes he’s at the fifty the forty-five the forty the thirty-five only one man now between him and the goal the thirty the twenty-five he feints he spins he side-steps the lone defender is helpless ladies and gentlemen tied in a knot Momaday trots now walks the ball across the goal line touchdown Notre Dame ladies and gentlemen that play covered ninety-seven yards from scrimmage the fans are wild the most brilliant bit of broken-field running this announcer has ever seen


  The dog Wahnookie at Shiprock German shepherd would not let anyone come near me stood between me and anyone else anyone she didn’t know well I was just a baby then learning to walk I guess once I went to sleep outside under the slide in the playground and dad came looking for me with a switch and I was afraid but I said hi dad and before he could get mad he said hi and everything was all right oh that geography Sacramento is the capital of California Olympia is the capital of Washington Pierre is the capital of South Dakota is it I think so Albany is the capital of New York arithmetic I hate it what I do sometimes is draw in the books move the pencil down through the words not through the words but around the words well among the words not touching them oh make believe I’m running with the football the words are tacklers move the pencil real fast if you touch a word you’re tackled I showed Billy Don now he does it too maybe I’ll spend the night at Billy Don’s house but last time I got homesick in the night and went home and mom was up sitting at her dresser and she was glad to see me and missed me too and did we whip cream stiff with sugar JJ sings those dirty songs but they are funny tells jokes daddy what’s that that’s my roll of bills mama what’s that that’s my purse daddy will you put your roll of bills in mama’s purse and the girls of France

  Last summer I had that little dagger that Mexican dagger from Mrs. Ball’s shop I think and I practiced and practiced throwing it holding the point very lightly between my finger and thumb how was it the dagger felt just right balanced just easily there and finally I could stick it in the ground almost every time then there was the horny toad on the ground and I just saw it and just automatically I flipped the dagger down and it went right through the horny toad I didn’t mean to do it it just happened gosh the horny toad wasn’t dead but it had the dagger sticking through it and it seemed just the same looking around and I had to get my dagger back but I didn’t like to touch it then but I did and I threw the horny toad off and it didn’t die or act hurt even but I was a little bit sick I think then afterwards I thought it was pretty neat and I told Billy Don and all the kids you don’t want to make any sudden moves when I’ve got that Mexican dagger it just flicks out like the tongue of a snake partner oh yes like the time this dumb kid jumped on me from behind we were on the playground at lunchtime or recess and this dumb kid jumped on my back and I threw him over my shoulder and he fell on his head and started to cry and I was scared he was hurt and I wanted to say I’m sorry but there were these girls watching and one of them said gee he must be tough and I really liked that so I didn’t apologize heck it wasn’t my fault the dumb jerk that will teach him to sneak attack it was just a reflex action like throwing the Mexican dagger and that time I threw Leroy Woodley into the lockers it wasn’t all that hard but it made a terrific bang like a bomb or something and it scared everybody me too but he wasn’t hurt I am tough I guess really tough but Billy Don is tougher

  Oh I have had a toothache don’t tell me about toothaches there’s nothing worse I had a bad toothache I was lying on the divan crying and mom and dad were trying to make me feel better but I just kept crying softly I think bravely and dad asked me what would make me feel better an official Boy Scout hatchet I said and he said okay I could have it

  Last night driving along the sky was so red and streaked and everything so still the ground big and black my dad singing Indian songs my mom talking to him and laughing talking to me and laughing and Chiquita on her lap and the flare out there in the fields the smell of the place but going on driving on out and away from Hobbs towards Jal Caprock the ground so big and black the air so cool after the hot hot afternoon the sound of the wind rushing by star star shining bright first star I’ve seen tonight I wish I may I wish I might have the wish I wish tonight oh please I wish

  Miss Johnson said Mayre not Mary and if Jeanine doesn’t come to school on Monday I’ll put one of those rubber mice or snakes in her desk the sky so red really red and beautiful it was then it was dark all around the headlights jumping around and I put my hand out the window and felt the wind so cool so hard on my hand I guess we were going fast and other stars were around all around there were so many and so close sometimes you see shooting stars the stars were so close last night when we got so far from town that there was no light on the sky no light but the stars on the sky and we stopped dad stopped the car and mom and dad and I and Chiquita got out and looked at the stars there were so many you couldn’t begin to count them and some of them were so close together they were like water on a window when you move rain around on the window with your hand I wanted to rub my hand across the sky to see the stars move and run and spread out on the sky the sky was so black so purple but there were so many stars and the stars were so bright the black was closed out almost there was the sky full of stars and made you shiver to see them to feel the cold to hear that the stars were so quiet

  But I was yet a child, and I lay low at Hobbs, feeling for the years in which I should find my whole self. And I had the strong, deceptive patience of a child, had not to learn it as patience but only to persist in it. Patience is what children have; it is especially theirs to have. I grew tall, and I entered into the seventh grade. I sat looking into books; there were birds on the lawn, chirping. Girls ambled in the dark corridors in white socks and saddle oxfords, and there were round, sweet syllables on their tongues. Time receded into Genesis on an autumn day in 1946.

  West of Jemez Pueblo there is a great red mesa, and in the folds of the earth at its base there is a canyon, the dark red walls of which are sheer and shadow-stained; they rise vertically to a remarkable height. You do not suspect that the canyon is there, but you turn a corner and the walls contain you; you look into a corridor of geologic time. When I went into that place I left my horse outside, for there was a strange light and quiet upon the walls, and the shadows closed upon me. I looked up, straight up, to the serpentine strip of the sky. It was clear and deep, like a river running across the top of the world. The sand in which I stood was deep, and I could feel the cold of it through the soles of my shoes. And when I walked out, the light and heat of the day struck me so hard that I nearly fell. On the side of a hill in the plain of the Hissar I saw my horse grazing among sheep. The land inclined into the distance, to the Pamirs, to the Fedchenko Glacier. The river which I had seen near the sun had run out into the endless ether above the Karakoram range and the Plateau of Tibet.

  NOTES OF A TRANSLATOR’S SON

  Joseph Bruchac

  In this moving essay, Joseph Bruchac describes his own “cycle of becoming” amid racism and the ridicule of his schoolmates. Raised by a beloved Abenaki grandfather who felt compelled by history and circumstance to deny his Indian blood, Bruchac describes how he transformed his grandfather’s shame into a personal celebration and reclaimed his Native American identity.

  Joseph Bruchac was born in the Adirondacks in 1942 of Abenaki, Slovak, and French ancestry. As a storyteller, fiction writer, and poet, he has published numerous books, including Keepers of the Earth: Native American Stories and Environmental Activities for Children. Two of his best-known books of poetry are Indian Mountain and Other Poems and Walking with My Son. He has been awarded a Rockefeller Foundation Humanities Fellowship and the PEN Syndicated Fiction Award.

  THE BEST TEACHERS HAVE SHOWED ME THAT THINGS HAVE TO BE done bit by bit. Nothing that means anything happens quickly—we only think it does. The motion of drawing back a bow and sending an arrow straight into a target takes only a split second, but it is a skill many years in the making. So it is with a life, anyone’s life. I may list things that might be described as my accomplishments in these few pages, but they are only shadows of the larger truth, fragments separated from the whole cycle of becoming. And if I can tell an old-time story now about a man who is walking about, waudjoset ndatlokugan, a forest lodge man, alesakamigwi udlagwedewugan, it is because I spent many years walking about myself, listening to voices that came not just from the people but from animals and trees and stones.

  Who am I? My name is J
oseph Bruchac. The given name is that of a Christian saint—in the best Catholic tradition. The surname is from my father’s people. It was shortened from Bruchacek—“big belly” in Slovak. Yet my identity has been affected less by middle European ancestry and Christian teachings (good as they are in their seldom-seen practice) than by that small part of my blood which is American Indian and which comes to me from a grandfather who raised me and a mother who was almost a stranger to me. I have other names, as well. One of those names is Quiet Bear. Another, given me by Dewasentah, Clan Mother at Onondaga, is Gah-neh-go-he-yo. It means “the Good Mind.” There are stories connected to those names, stories for another time.