Guarding His Heart

by Synithia Williams

“Hi, Kathy,” Jasmine said after she walked over to the table.

  Kathy’s light brown eyes tightened. The brightness of her smile dimmed before she forced the sunshine back. Jasmine pushed aside the wave of guilt. Years had passed. She couldn’t be expected to still call her Mom.

  “Jasmine, it’s so great to see you.”

  Kathy opened her arms. Jasmine leaned in and accepted the hug. It felt weird and comforting to be in Kathy’s embrace again, surrounded by the citrus and peppermint smell of her perfume. Jasmine had to fight the urge to squeeze her tight.

  She stood back quickly. “Yeah...it has been a long time.” She pulled out her chair and sat.

  Kathy sank back into her seat. “I know.”

  Irritation scratched across Jasmine’s skin. She didn’t want to do small talk. Didn’t want to pretend only a few days had passed instead of several years. The waitress headed in their direction. She took their drink orders and walked away.

  “That’s what we’re here to talk about, right? Why you walked away and never contacted us again?”

  Kathy’s hands trembled as she straightened the silverware and the water glass in front of her. “Just diving right in.”

  “Yes. That’s the only reason I’m here.”

  Kathy’s steady gaze met hers. “Jasmine, I didn’t mean to hurt you or your sister.”

  Intention didn’t absolve Kathy of the hurt she’d inflicted. “But you did. We were young when our mother died. You were our mother regardless of what you may have thought. When you walked away, that hurt.”

  “It was never my intention to walk away.”

  “Then why did you?” The pain-filled words spilled out and landed heavily between them.

  “My heart was broken,” Kathy said simply. “Your dad really hurt me, and I couldn’t be around him anymore. I wasn’t sure if the pain would eventually fade, but it did. By the time I woke up from the depression caused by our divorce, a year had passed. I reached out to him about you girls. He said it was too late. That I had no rights because I never legally adopted you two and he didn’t want me to come around.”

  Jasmine loved her dad, but she also accepted that he was imperfect. They’d never gotten the story about why he and Kathy divorced, just that they didn’t love each other anymore and Kathy was leaving. Her dad could hold a grudge, and if Kathy hadn’t contacted him in a year, then he would have moved on. Still.

  “Why would he do that?” she asked quietly. Her dad had known how much she and Jada had missed Kathy.

  “I don’t know. I don’t think he expected me to stay away for so long. I can’t put it all on him, though.” Kathy’s voice was filled with years of uncertainty. “It was easier for me to stay away than fight him to see you girls. I knew you’d be confused. Hurt by my decision. Especially your sister.”

  “Easier because you didn’t love us?” Jasmine hated that her old teenage pain entered the question.

  Kathy looked up quickly. She reached for Jasmine’s hand on the table, but Jasmine pulled back. Kathy’s mouth tightened, pain filled her eyes and she slid her hand back.

  “No. That wasn’t it. Your dad’s words angered me. They hurt me, but they were also the truth. You weren’t my kids. I wished I had insisted on the adoption, but when I married your father, I thought we were forever.” She lifted and lowered a brow. “Silly me, I guess.”

  “It’s not silly to expect your marriage to last,” Jasmine countered. “I’d like to think some people still believe in forever. Still want it.”

  “That’s true. Your dad and I were great. It wasn’t until later I realized I wasn’t the woman he really wanted to be with.” Kathy waved her hand when Jasmine’s eyes widened. “No, he didn’t cheat. Your dad met me too soon after your mother died. He was still heartbroken, and unsure of what to do with two young girls. He fell in love with the idea of having a wife to help him raise you two. Not with me.

  “I can’t even be angry about that. I knew he was still in love with your mom, but I was in love with him. And after nine and a half years, I wanted more, and he realized he’d never been in love with me. The divorce was amicable, but the pain of knowing he still didn’t love me after eleven years was too much. I’m sorry I didn’t try harder to stay in your lives. I wanted what he couldn’t provide. I found that and I was happy.”

  The waitress returned with their drinks. When she asked if they were ready to order, Kathy shook her head. “We need a few minutes.”

  Jasmine looked down at the menu, her mind whirling with what Kathy said. That and an echo of Jada’s voice taunting I told you so. Jasmine could relate to Kathy’s situation and her feelings. The pain of the past didn’t lessen, but the anger did.

  “Jada told me you that you and your husband divorced.”

  Kathy sighed and stirred a pack of sugar into her tea. “Midlife crisis, a red sports car and a woman twenty years younger,” she said sarcastically. “Very cliché, but clichés happen for a reason.”

  Before she realized what she was doing, Jasmine’s hand was on top of Kathy’s across the table. “I’m sorry that happened.”

  Kathy flipped her hand over and clasped Jasmine’s. “I didn’t tell you that for sympathy. It’s what happened. The end of that marriage made me reevaluate a lot of things in my life. I love my children, and they’ve gotten through this divorce with minimal collateral damage. Despite all of the years, I never stopped thinking of you and your sister. I looked you up online. Followed your careers. My kids know about you and my daughter wants to meet you.”

  Jasmine couldn’t hide her surprise. “She does? Why?”

  “Because I raised you for nine years. She says you’re like sisters. She’s the romantic one obviously.”

  “Is that why you reached out to us? Because your daughter wants to meet us?”

  “No, because I needed to see you and tell you what happened. I needed to tell you I’m sorry for walking away, but I also hope you understand. If you never want to see me after this, that’s fine. I just wanted to see you again.”

  Jasmine thought about everything Kathy had told her. She hated when her baby sister was right. She could understand Kathy’s reasoning, even if she didn’t like it.

  Julio’s kids had worked their way into her heart, but when Julio said she couldn’t contact them anymore, she’d respected his wishes because she wasn’t their mother. Kathy had nine years to Jasmine’s eighteen months with Julio, but that didn’t necessarily mean she would have had it easier to force her way into Jasmine’s and Jada’s lives.

  The years without Kathy couldn’t be erased. The unflinching trust she’d once had wouldn’t return after one lunch conversation. But Jasmine couldn’t pretend she hadn’t missed her. As surreal as their meeting was right now, she still hadn’t taken her hand from Kathy’s.

  The urge to blurt out all the things happening with her was like a balloon swelling in her throat. She wanted to tell her about her concerns with the exhibit. Her creative block after realizing Kevin no longer wanted to try. Ask if she was crazy for expecting a man like Kevin to admit that he was in love with her.

  She swallowed all the questions. She’d get through lunch. Being here with Kathy might make her feel as if she once again had a mother, but Jasmine was shrewd enough to accept that Kathy was maybe going through her own midlife crisis and was in the middle of reflecting on the decisions she’d made in the past. This need to be with her and Jada again could pass.

  She didn’t deserve all of Jasmine’s pain and secrets. Maybe one day she would, but not now.

  “Tell me about your kids,” Jasmine said. She slipped her hand from Kathy’s and leaned back in her seat. She caught the waitress’s eye and waved her back over. “We’re ready to order now.”

  Kathy relaxed and smiled. Jasmine smiled back.

  Chapter 21

  Kevin was father of the year.

  At
least, that’s what his daughters and their friends said after Raymond sang happy birthday to Asia. The party was going off without a hitch. Asia was on cloud nine and his ex-wife had finally relaxed and breathed. Today was a good day.

  Having Jasmine here would make it better.

  The unwanted thought rushed through his head. He had a lot of unwanted thoughts about Jasmine. A week ago, he’d finally stopped texting and calling her. Pretending as if their conversation hadn’t happened wasn’t going to fix this. He knew what it would take, but he wasn’t sure if he could do it.

  Pain was a dull ache in the joints of his hands. He looked down at them. His own fault. He’d forgotten to take his medicine today in all the hubbub of Asia’s party. Some days he could forget that his body was fighting itself. That he was getting old. That he’d be a burden on Jasmine one day if he gave her what she wanted. She had her own thing. She didn’t need his problems.

  I thought you were smarter than this. I thought you would realize that something like this wouldn’t matter to me.

  The look on her face when she’d said that had convinced him she was telling the truth. She wouldn’t look at his condition as a failure on his part. He couldn’t use that excuse anymore. This breakup was all on him. Again.

  “Well, Kevin, you’ve now set a bar. Mya wants Wonder Woman at her birthday party.”

  Kevin chuckled and looked up at Hanna. She’d brought their kids over from LA for Asia’s birthday.

  Birthdays were always spent with each other. That was one of the ways they tried to make sure all four kids developed closeness despite their age differences and living in different parts of the country. Holidays didn’t always work out. Hanna was married now. Sabrina was engaged. They both had obligations to their spouses, but birthdays they could do. They’d insisted on it. That, combined with frequent phone calls and video chats when anything important happened, worked to keep his family close.

  “I’ll see what I can do about that,” Kevin said.

  Hanna laughed and sat next to Kevin. They were in Sabrina’s backyard, which had been turned into an outdoor concert hall. Sabrina hadn’t done bad for herself. Her fiancé was a television producer, and from the looks of things, he loved Sabrina and the girls. He’d been just as excited and nervous as Sabrina to make Asia’s birthday party a hit.

  “Don’t forget you’ve got four kids,” Hanna said, flipping her thick long hair over her shoulder.

  “And I’ll do what I can to make birthdays special. They’re the only days of the year when we’re all together.”

  “But it won’t be this way forever,” Hanna said a bit wistfully. “Asia is already sixteen. I’ve heard her talk about design school in Paris. They’re growing up so fast.”

  Kevin felt a tightness in his chest. He’d heard the design-school-in-Paris wish, too. Jasmine would know the ins and out of the fashion industry. “I know.”

  “What are you going to do when they are all grown up?”

  He shrugged. “Celebrate.”

  Hanna shook her head. “Sure. We all will. But you know what I mean.”

  “Actually, I don’t. What are you getting at?”

  Hanna rubbed her hands together. Her dark, almond-shaped eyes watched him warily. “I talked to Sabrina about Jasmine.”

  Kevin sat up straight. “What?” His exes were discussing his defunct love life now?

  “Calm down. She was upset about Asia hanging out with her. I told her the twins met Jasmine over the summer at your grandmother’s house.”

  “Are you going to yell at me for letting the kids meet her, too?”

  Hanna let out an amused sound. “No. I spoke with your grandmother. I know it wasn’t the introduction. Your grandmother likes her. A lot.”

  “She does.” She and his mom were here for the party, and both had asked him about Jasmine. Charlotte had looked particularly disappointed when he’d said Jasmine wasn’t coming around.

  “She thinks you like her a lot, too.”

  He looked away from Hanna’s probing gaze and tried to appear indifferent. Even though his insides twisted. “We were cool.”

  Hanna scoffed. “Don’t tell me you let her go?”

  “What do you mean, let her go? She broke things off.”

  Hanna patted his leg as if he were a misguided kid. “Kevin, sometimes you’re clueless. Why do you think I left you?”

  “You said because I didn’t love you.”

  “And I had hoped you’d fight to keep me. You didn’t, and I had my answer. I’m okay with that. I’m much happier now.”

  Kevin put a hand over his heart. “You’re cold as hell.”

  “It’s the truth. We knew we were coming to an end. The twins kept us together a little longer, but now that I’m with Lee, I see how much better a relationship can be. I thought that because you let her meet your kids that you really cared about Jasmine. I guess I was wrong.” She stood and walked away to talk to someone else.

  Kevin considered her words. He did care about Jasmine. More than he’d cared about any other woman in years. That’s why he’d let her break things off. Wasn’t it better to end things before she realized he wasn’t good at relationships?

  He spotted Sabrina carrying a tray laden with cupcakes toward the house. There were plenty of people hired to help, but Sabrina had never been able to sit around and ignore something that needed to be done.

  He jogged over and took the tray out of her hand. “Let me ask you a question.”

  Sabrina smiled as she handed over the tray and rubbed her lower back. “After making our daughter the happiest sixteen-year-old in the northern hemisphere, ask me anything.”

  He followed her as she continued to walk toward the house. “When we agreed to the divorce, did you want me to fight to make our marriage work?”

  Sabrina stopped in her tracks. She turned to him with a wary expression. “Whoa, that’s not what I expected.”

  “Just... I need to know.”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess a part of me hoped you would realize you didn’t want to end our marriage. Why?”

  “Jasmine broke up with me.”

  Sabrina nodded and started for the house again. “Ah...that’s what this is about.”

  Kevin walked with her. “Yeah, she wants more.”

  “Kevin, only you can decide if you want to give her more. I was mad when you brought her around Asia, but after talking to Hanna and your grandmother, I understand. You love her.”

  Kevin froze. “I didn’t say that.”

  Sabrina raised a brow over her shoulder. “You don’t have to say it.” She continued to the house. Kevin blinked a few times, then followed. When he reached her side, Sabrina kept talking. “You don’t bring the women you typically date to your grandmother’s home. Much less let them meet your kids. I knew it would happen one day.” She cocked her head to the side. “Funny, I thought I’d feel differently about it.”

  They reached the back door. He maneuvered the tray to open the door for her. “How did you think you’d feel?”

  “Angry. Jealous. Upset,” she said without any remorse. “I didn’t feel that way when you and Hanna started dating. I knew that wasn’t love.”

  Inside, the kitchen was quieter. Everyone, including some of the catering company, had gone outside to see and meet Raymond. Kevin set the tray on one of the granite countertops. “How did you know?”

  “Come on, I like Hanna, but the two of you didn’t have much in common then or now. She’s beautiful and you were still in your I-just-moved-from-the-country-and-now-I’m-a-millionaire stage.”

  “Jesus, Sabrina, you make me sound vain.” He ran a hand over his jaw but smiled at the teasing spark in her eye.

  Sabrina laughed. “You’re a guy. Guys like beautiful women. I couldn’t exactly be pissed because you liked Hanna. She wasn’t some sleazy gold digge
r or a beauty with no brains. So, yeah, even though I was a little of course he’s with her when you got together, I never believed you loved her.”

  “Jasmine is beautiful. And she’s got brains. How do you know this thing with her isn’t just me succumbing to my dumb male brain?”

  Sabrina crossed her arms and leaned a hip on the counter. When she looked at Kevin, her face was serious. “Because you’re not just dating Jasmine. You kinda introduced her into your life. You didn’t do that with Hanna until after she had the twins. By then, she was family, and though it took me a while to admit this, you’re big on family. With Jasmine, you brought her into your world, your real world in Silver Springs, no strings attached. And you haven’t been jet-setting out of the country with some new supermodel or partying hard with your teammates this summer. You spent it with her. Now you’re actually pining over her. I never thought I’d see that.”

  “I’m not pining,” he said, affronted by the accusation. He tugged on his shirt and twisted his neck.

  Sabrina rolled her eyes. “Yes you are. I heard you mumble something about Jasmine would like that. You didn’t think anyone heard, but I did. You miss her.”

  Damn Sabrina for being so observant. “Of course I miss her. I spent the summer with her. I got to know her. I want to make sure she’s okay. That she’s taking her insulin. That she’s not having a hard time picking the photos for her exhibit later this year. I just want to check in and she won’t even accept my calls or texts.”

  Sabrina laughed. “Kevin, why are you so afraid to love this woman?”

  “Because I loved you and I hurt you. Hanna loved me and I hurt her. I don’t want to do that to Jasmine.”

  Sabrina’s smile turned sad. “You’re such a man. Kevin, you’re hurting her now. Look, our divorce was...screwed up. And your breakup with Hanna came nine months too late, but you can’t keep guarding yourself from falling in love again. Just don’t mess up this time.”

  “I don’t know if I won’t. My dad—”

  “Your dad is a jerk who walked away from his family and only tried to look back when you entered the league,” Sabrina said forcefully. “You aren’t him. We were too young when we got married. We both know that. I was hurt, but I get it. I was your first, for God’s sake. You wanted to experience life, and honestly, I got to experience life too after our divorce.” She patted his arm. “The only way you’re going to be like your dad is if you run away when things get hard. And the guy I know, the one with multiple championships, who’s played hard since he was eighteen and for the past few years has always been there to make his children happy, shouldn’t be afraid of that.”