Holding You

by Jewel E. Ann

  I grabbed my phone. “Hey, Mac.”

  “Hey yourself. It’s been one day and you’ve already forgotten about me?” she whined.

  “Not hardly. I’ve been trying to get my stuff unpacked quickly so Quinn doesn’t think he’s been invaded upon. He’s a bit of a neat freak, and I think piles of boxes could send him over the edge.”

  “Well, at least I know Karma got you there okay.”

  “I never doubted her. She’s nestled in the secure, temperature controlled parking garage between Quinn’s Lamborghini and Range Rover.”

  She exploded into a fit of laughter. “I’d love a picture of that! The caption would say, ‘completely pussy whipped.’”

  “Don’t be so dramatic. He loves me that’s all.”

  “I’m sure he does but I guarantee you’re going to have to put out like you’ve never done before if Karma so much as brushes his Lamborghini. I’m talking some serious dick sucking and even … swallowing.”

  “Eew, Mac, nice mouth. I’m not going to touch his precious car, and even if a small mishap took place, I would not be sucking cock as an apology.”

  Before I could say anymore, I received a text from Quinn.

  Get in here, NOW!

  “Mac, I’ll call you tomorrow. I’m being beckoned by my sex god.”

  “Okay, glad you’re in New York safe, even if I miss you like crazy already.”

  “Me too. We’ll talk soon. Bye.”

  “Bye, sweetie.”

  I figured Quinn must have worked himself into a blue balled emergency. I casually padded down the hall to his office. The first thing I noticed was one of my boxes that I had set on his desk earlier and forgotten to unpack. He was holding some papers in his hand and the look on his face was an odd mix of shock and anger.

  “What the hell is this, Addy?”

  “What is what? Is that mine? Are you going through my stuff?” I was confused as I cautiously moved closer to him.

  “I was going to put your stuff in some of my empty drawers and file cabinets but then this caught my eye.”

  I took the papers from him, they were financial statements from my bank and various investment firms. “So,” I casually said as I shoved them back in the box and pushed the lid on it.

  “So? Are you fucking kidding me? Addy, according to those papers and just some quick figuring in my head, you’re worth over a billion dollars.”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “It’s possible. I don’t really keep track because it doesn’t matter.”

  “Well it sure as hell matters to me!” he yelled.

  Completely confounded, I could not imagine why my financial portfolio would matter to someone like Quinn.

  “Quinn I … I don’t understand?”

  “Well, that makes two of us, because I don’t understand why you would lie to me about this.” His anger had it’s own relentless stamina.

  “I didn’t lie, we just never talked about it.”

  “So if I was married, but we just never talked about it, you wouldn’t be upset, right?” His voice dripped with sarcasm.

  “Uh, not really the same thing but … are you upset because you think I lied to you or because I have my own money?”

  He released an exasperated sigh as he ran his hands through his hair. “Why didn’t you just tell me? It’s not like I tried to keep my wealth a secret from you.”

  “Oh my God! Are you kidding me? Everything about you reeks of wealth. I don’t know if you could hide it if you tried. I’ve never cared about your money and it’s not because I don’t need your money, it’s because … It. Really. Doesn’t. Matter. To. Me. You’ve seen the way I live. The only part of my life that is extravagant is my sailboat, and it sure didn’t take you long to sniff out that part of my life. Speaking of that, would you like to tell me why you played twenty questions about it with me when you knew it was mine anyway?”

  He spun his chair around to look out the window so his back was to me. “It wasn’t exactly a well kept secret, and everybody talks for the right price. I just wanted you to open up to me about your past a little more. I wasn’t trying to push you, but I thought if I brought it up you’d trust me enough to share at least that much with me.”

  Rubbing my hands over my face, I tried to rationally cope with the insecurities that my past would always haunt my future. “You know my past is not an open book. I don’t know if it ever will be. When I told you about my yacht, I also told you I came from an affluent family. All that money has come into my life from tragic events. The people I’ve loved most in my life have all died and now I have more money than any one person should ever have. All because they died.”

  The burning pain seared through my body. I hated thinking about it. I hated talking about it. But I genuinely hated the fucking sympathy that came with my tragic story. My emotions were tearing through me. Anger, rage, heartache, guilt, the toxic mix was boiling over as I yelled out in broken sobs.

  “All you see is the fucking money, the bottom dollar, the yacht, the house, the car, the private jet, the fucking alligator skin crap, the social status. I don’t give a shit about any of that! Don’t you think I would give it all up and live in a box to have even just one of them back in my life? Just … one.”

  Quinn didn’t turn around. He simply stared out the window. I turned and walked out of his office with a heavy heart and tears streaming down my face. I only made it a few steps before Quinn’s arms wrapped around my waist, halting me. I squeezed my eyes shut to stop the relentless tears while I wrapped my arms around his, a tortured sob escaping my chest.

  “Shh, I’m sorry, baby,” he whispered behind my ear. “I didn’t mean to open old wounds. I hate hurting you … I’m just stupid. The money doesn’t matter. I wanted it to matter to you so I wouldn’t feel like such a materialistic fuck-up. I don’t deserve you. You are a better person than I could ever be in a thousand lifetimes. The more I love you, the more I think you deserve better.” He turned me around and kissed away my tears.

  This man had taken a piece of me that I couldn’t live without. Our love felt beautiful, vital, and sometimes toxic.

  I looked up at Quinn through my tear drenched lashes. “There is no one better. I know you don’t see it, but you are the one. If given a thousand lifetimes, I would choose you every time.”

  *

  “Mrs. Townsend, you are our most important client and if there is anything you need or changes you’d like to make with your financial portfolio please let me know.”

  “Miss Brecken.”

  “Excuse me, ma’am?”

  “Miss Brecken. My name is Miss Adler Sage Brecken.”

  “Uh … okay, yes, of course. As I was saying, let us know if you need anything. I’m sure you’re aware you will never want for anything, and you have my personal guarantee that everything that belonged to your parents will be taken care of according to their wishes.”

  “I don’t want it, any of it.”

  “Mrs. Towns—Ms. Brecken, I understand all of this is a lot to take in, and you are probably still grieving, just know that I’ll be here if or when you need anything.”

  *

  “Addy? Hello, calling Adler Brecken,” Quinn called from the other side of the table.

  I had been in New York living with Quinn for two weeks. The cold weather discouraged me from doing much exploring, so I spent most of my time cooking, reading, and looking for my “New York” calling. Just because I didn’t have to work for money didn’t mean I could hang around all day by myself waiting for Quinn to come home, even if he was completely worth the wait.

  I was finally getting to meet Quinn’s best friend Zach and his girlfriend. Quinn’s schedule had been crazy but we eventually found a night that we were all available to meet for dinner.

  “Sorry, babe, what were you saying?”

  “I was saying Zach and his girlfriend should be here soon. I think you’re going to like them a lot.”

  I laughed. “I’m sure I will but I’m curious as to
why you think so?”

  “Zach’s like me, a venture capitalist and adrenaline junkie, just not as ruggedly handsome, but Eden is a lawyer and she works under the Clinical Professor of Environmental Law at Columbia University. Another smart tree hugger.” Quinn grinned as he sipped his water.

  “It would be advantageous of you to recognize the words smart and tree hugger as synonymous.” I gave him a wink and cheeky smile.

  “Here they come.” Quinn stood as his friends approached then pulled my chair out to help me up as well.

  Zach was tall with short, ash blond hair, messy in the front. He was built much like Quinn, but I noticed behind his neck he had a tattoo that went down his back. His eyes were ice blue, and his smile was bright white with straight teeth on the top and slight crowding on the bottom. If I hadn’t already been sitting there with the sexiest man alive, Zach would have easily caught my eye.

  Eden looked like a model, Quinn’s type—tall, extremely thin, long straight black hair with blunt cut bangs, full glossy lips, and dark brown eyes framed in even darker eyeliner and thick mascara. Her skin was flawless and sun kissed.

  Quinn greeted Zach with a quick man-hug, a complicated handshake with a one-handed pat on the back and a shoulder-chest bump. “Hey, man, good to see you.”

  “You too. It’s been a couple of weeks. I assume this lovely lady is the reason?”

  Quinn’s smile overtook his face when he looked at me. He then placed his hand in the middle of Eden’s back and gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek. “Eden, looking lovely as always.”

  “Thank you.” She blushed.

  Hmm, this beautiful woman is very shy, or is it just in the presence of my Latin sex god?

  Quinn then wrapped his arm around me, placing his hand almost indecently low on my back. It was a very possessive gesture, but given the non-threatening company whose presence we were in, I felt flattered. “This is Adler Brecken, love of my life.”

  I glanced up at him in shock. I had wondered how he might refer to me, friend, girlfriend, significant other, sex partner, but love of his life? He was glowing and in that moment I gave him yet another piece of me I couldn’t live without.

  “Addy, this is my crazy but awesome best friend, Zach, who had better remember all the rules of guy code tonight if he doesn’t want his ass kicked later.” They exchanged playful but challenging looks.

  “And this is his girlfriend, Eden.”

  Zach gave me a friendly but awkward hug since Quinn refused to release me. “Addy, nice to meet you. Quinn has been singing your praises like a sappy, love sick, schmuck for months.”

  I laughed, the thought so endearing. I offered my hand to Eden. “Nice to meet you, Eden.”

  She nodded and smiled, dropping her gaze to the ground. The girl was stunning and yet I don’t know if she knew it. I guessed her age to be mid-twenties but I wasn’t going to ask.

  We ordered hors d’oeuvres and I indulged in a glass of wine when Zach and Eden ordered beer and wine.

  “So, Addy, Quinn tells me you have, and I quote, ‘the brains of Einstein and the wealth of Oprah.’” Zach grinned, refusing to look at Quinn, since he most likely knew Quinn would be shooting daggers at him.

  “Did he?” Glancing at Quinn I laughed, because he was giving Zach the evil eye. So much for guy code. “Well, I wouldn’t say Einstein, I’d prefer someone more intelligent but not as recognizable, such as Nikola Tesla.” Zach caught my humor and raised his glass at me.

  “You’re good, Addy. Quinn needs a quick wit like you. That is if he can get over the fact that you’re worth more than he is.”

  Quinn cleared his throat. He acted uncomfortable and irritated with the conversation. I don’t know why it hadn’t occurred to me that Quinn could feel intimidated or maybe inferior at the thought of me having more money than him. I wasn’t sure how much money Quinn had and I didn’t care. He knew that.

  “Eden, Quinn tells me you have a degree in environmental law. What’s your focus going to be?” I wasn’t going to go down the “make Quinn uncomfortable road” with Zach any longer.

  Eden sipped her wine. “Um, well, I’m not sure yet but I’m leaning toward renewable energy practice.”

  “Great area. The renewable energy policy development is constantly changing with regard to the expanding field of clean technologies,” I offered back.

  “I know my current boss thinks I’d be well suited for that type of work and the job opportunities are vast.” She finally opened up. It was as if she was waiting for the opportunity to shine.

  “Smart girls are fucking hot.” Zach raised his fist and Quinn gave him knuckles; they were both wearing shit-eating grins.

  I excused myself to use the ladies’ room. It wasn’t an original idea because there was a line backed up to the edge of the bar. I tried to look casual as I stood with my back to two guys sitting at the bar. It was my idea to pick a more casual restaurant for dinner and now I regretted it. There was never a line for the restrooms at the fancy places Quinn liked to go. A lady coming out accidentally bumped me causing me to step back into one of the guys at the bar.

  “Oh, excuse me, I’m very sorry.” I blushed, embarrassed to have almost landed in his lap.

  He grabbed my waist to steady me but then didn’t let go. “Well, well, what do we have here? If you wanted my attention all you had to do was ask.”

  The putrid odor of beer and cigarettes that wafted from the man’s mouth turned my stomach. Everything about him was repulsive: a large protruding gut, dirty brown hair pulled back into a pony tail, and a greasy face riddled with acne scars. He moved one of his hands lower and grabbed my ass as his friend laughed.

  I jumped struggling to get away. “Let go of me, asshole!” I said with a raised voice just short of a yell. It was enough to get the bartender’s attention.

  “Hands off or you’re out of here,” the bartender warned with a deep voice. His large tattooed body, shaved head, and pierced lip were enough to intimidate anyone.

  He removed his hands and held them in the air. “Hey, sorry, she was the one who was coming on to me.”

  I stepped away as he dragged his eyes up and down my body. A creepy shiver raced through me. I opted to hold my bladder and just head back to the table.

  When I arrived Quinn gave me a questioning look. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

  I forced a smile just as Zach and Eden turned in shared concern. “Nothing, just a couple of drunks at the bar trying to razz the ladies waiting in the bathroom line. The bartender took care of them. No need to worry.”

  Quinn’s jaw clenched and I could see his muscles twitching. “Are you sure?”

  “I’m sure.” I looked down at my veggie penne that the waiter placed in front of me.

  “Is there anything else I can get anyone?” the waiter asked.

  Quinn looked around then answered, “We’re fine, thank you.”

  We all fell into a more relaxed mood over the next hour. Quinn and Zach talked business for a while but then started in on stories of snowboarding, climbing, skydiving, race cars, and other extreme sports. Eden asked me about my past, college, jobs, and my vegan lifestyle. I had developed a routine response over the years to those questions and nobody had ever thought much of my vague answers. Deception had started to feel like reality some days as I made my past sound as normal as most people my age. I went to college, had a job, enjoyed various hobbies, and had certain things I was very passionate about. I never freely offered information about my family, but if asked I went right for the immediate silencer, which was, “I’m an only child and my parents are dead.” It was the guaranteed end to any conversation.

  “Are we ready to go?” I tried to lighten the mood and get the hell out of there at the same time.

  Quinn helped me with my coat and pulled me into his side as we left the restaurant. Eden and I waited on the sidewalk while Quinn and Zach went to get the cars. Zach arrived first and I said my goodbyes to them. As they drove off I hugged my arms aroun
d myself to keep warm, but then I felt another set of arms pulling me backwards.

  “Hey, you little tease, want a ride.” It was the drunk from the bar.

  I twisted from side to side, “Let. Me. GO!” I yelled, this time attracting attention but oddly enough no one was jumping to my rescue. Adrenaline coursing through my body as I planned my next move, but before I had a chance to react I was freed and the drunk asshole was lying flat on the ground with a bloody face and his body curled into a ball. Quinn stood over him with clenched fists and a heaving chest.

  He spoke with an unrecognizable menacing voice. “You’re lucky we have an audience because if we didn’t, I’d beat you within a breath of your miserable fucking life.”

  Quinn pulled me to him and helped me into the Range Rover. He cupped my face in his hands. “Are you okay?” His voice was still strained but I knew his anger wasn’t at me.

  Still shaking, I nodded. “I’m f—f—f—fine.”

  He shut my door and I tried not to stare at the group of people gawking between me and the drunk on the ground. We didn’t say much on the way home. Quinn drove home with white knuckles, clenched teeth, and a heaving chest.

  What frightened me the most was my reaction to the situation. After fate stepped in years ago and shattered my heart, soul, and whole existence, I gladly welcomed death. I’d never had the mentality to consider suicide, but had someone tried to take me before I met Quinn, then I would have surrendered and accepted my fate. The beating of my heart was a constant reminder of death, not life. But when that asshole grabbed me outside the restaurant I was frightened because for the first time in a long time, I wanted to live. I wanted to live for Quinn.

  The quiet ride home lulled me into a peaceful sleep. The next thing I knew I was enveloped in Quinn’s arms. He carried me to the bedroom, laid me down on the bed, and eased his body next to mine. I turned to face him and ran my palms over his beautiful, stubbled chin and cheeks.

  “My hero.”

  He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. “It hurts to love you so fucking much. If I would have shown up a few seconds later—”