Holding You

by Jewel E. Ann

“Dammit, Addy! You’re fucking drunk and I’m not doing this with you. Just go to sleep.” He pulled the covers over himself and shifted so his back was to me.

  “Fine then.” I pouted. “I’ll just have to please myself.” I slipped my hand inside the front of my panties and let out a soft moan.

  He sat up, grabbed his pillow, then his phone off the dresser, and left the room.

  It was hard to remember much after that. The next thing I did remember was Quinn’s stern voice. “Get up. We’re leaving in an hour.”

  I squinted my eyes as my head thumped in time with my heart.

  Brilliant, Addy. Nice hangover.

  Through my blurred morning vision I looked at the clock—6:30 a.m.—then I looked down at myself. I was lying on top of the covers in nothing but my underwear. Quinn was in the bathroom brushing his teeth. When he finished he grabbed his suit coat and packed suitcase. “I’ll be in the kitchen.” He didn’t even look at me before he walked out shutting the door behind him.

  I showered and packed my stuff before making my own personal walk of shame down the hall to the kitchen. Quinn was seated at the table sipping his coffee and looking at the newspaper. Evan had already left for work but Mac was blending something. She looked better than me. I chalked it up to her having wine daily and me having it, as of lately, rarely.

  “Detox smoothie,” she announced, setting a tall glass in front of me.

  “Thanks, Mac,” I whispered, rubbing my temples.

  Quinn ignored us and refused to even sneak a peek in my direction.

  “Quinn can I get you some toast?” Mac asked in her cheerful and most hospitable voice. “We don’t have any eggs or bacon, sorry. Although I’m sure Evan has packets of beef jerky hidden somewhere.”

  He didn’t look up from the paper when he answered, “That’d be wonderful.”

  “Anything on it?”

  “Peanut butter if you have it. Thanks.”

  “You got it. Addy, toast?”

  I took a sip of my drink and shook my head.

  After a silent breakfast I hugged Mac goodbye as Quinn and Eddie waited in the car for me.

  “What was this morning all about?” Mac asked.

  “Last night … my thinking was impaired and I somehow pissed him off.”

  “I’d say so. I came out to the kitchen around three this morning to get a drink of water and he was sprawled out on the couch in nothing but his underwear.” Mac flashed me an appreciative smile.

  “Oh God!” I groaned as memories of the night before resurfaced.

  “What?”

  I scrunched my face in embarrassment. “When he turned me down for sex I think I may have attempted to pleasure myself.”

  She screeched in laughter. “Oh my gosh, that’s hilarious, Addy!”

  “Ugh, it’s not. I’m so humiliated and he’s so pissed. This is not going to be a fun flight home.”

  “Good luck, sweetie.” She waved to me as I headed to the car.

  Eddie waited with the door open to the back. “Miss Brecken.”

  “Eddie,” was all I said.

  I scooted in beside Quinn. He was, as always, checking emails and messages on his phone.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  He didn’t pause what he was doing for even a moment. He just nodded his head in acknowledgment. I chose to leave it at that, knowing eventually we would have a more in-depth discussion when he was ready.

  *

  The flight back to New York was excruciating for me. Quinn stayed busy with his computer and business calls while I read every magazine on the plane from cover to cover.

  When we arrived at the condo he put our luggage upstairs then headed straight for his office without a word. I followed him because I wasn’t about to let the silence go on between us any longer.

  “Out with it,” I demanded as he sat at his desk flipping through some papers.

  “Out with what?” he asked in a controlled voice.

  “Out with the crap, Quinn. You’re pissed, I understand that. I said I’m sorry but you still insist on giving me the silent treatment. I’m sorry I asked you to move to Chicago, I’m sorry I drank too much, I’m sorry I propositioned you for sex, I’m sorry I …” I couldn’t finish. I don’t think the words “I’m sorry I tried to masturbate in front of you” had ever fallen from my mouth and they certainly didn’t then either.

  He finally made eye contact with me and relinquished the first smile I’d seen on his face in almost twenty-four hours. “Go on, finish.”

  The longer he looked at me the more his smile looked like a cocky smirk.

  “I am finished.” Crossing my arms over my chest, I stood my ground, refusing to let him drag any more out of me just to watch me squirm with embarrassment.

  He pushed away from his desk and leaned back in his chair. “I don’t think you are. I think you stopped just short of apologizing for touching yourself when I refused to fuck your drunk ass.”

  “Whatever, you smug bastard.” I turned, grabbed my purse, and stomped out the door. By the time the elevator reached the parking garage, Quinn was a step behind me coming down from the stairs.

  “Addy, wait!”

  I turned and pushed my finger into his chest. “No, I apologized but you weren’t going to be satisfied until you brought me to my knees. That’s not what people who love each other do.”

  I got into Karma and fastened my seat belt before jerking the gearshift into reverse and stomping on the gas. In my anger and frustrated state, I turned the wheel a fraction of a second too early and caught the rear fender of Quinn’s Lamborghini. I slammed on my brakes as my heart and stomach fought for space in my throat. Jumping out of Karma, I looked at Quinn. He was frozen and utterly speechless. He looked like someone just punched him in the stomach and he was going to double over at any moment.

  “Oh shit! Quinn I’m … I’m …” He didn’t move and the wise words of Mac took over my body. I dropped to my knees in front of him and made haste with his pants, jerking them down to his knees. He looked down at me in complete confusion, but his body and mouth were paralyzed. His length was soft, but I wasn’t surprised to find out that crashing the back side of his precious car wasn’t arousing to him. I wrapped my mouth around him anyway and sucked him like I’d imagined he’d never been sucked before. It took a few moments but his smaller brain kicked in and he expanded in my mouth. I stroked, licked, and sucked him relentlessly, grabbing his ass and pulling him into me. By the time he found his voice it was strained and raspy; he had to lean to the side just enough to rest his hand on his car to balance himself. He first let out an agonizing moan as his other hand grabbed my hair and started to pull me back, but as I sucked him deeper, he let go and squeezed his butt, gently thrusting into me.

  “Addy … ah … Jesus!” His breathing was labored and I knew he was close. The recent fight or flight reaction was still controlling my instincts, which allowed me to take him all the way.

  “Fuuuck!” he yelled, grabbing my hair again as he flooded my mouth with his warm salty release. All I could hear in my head was Mac’s words of warning as I dug down deep and … swallowed.

  *

  Without further ado I left him standing in the parking garage with his pants at his ankles while I jumped in Karma and sped away. My heart was racing and my hands were trembling. I parked in front of a local coffee shop just down the street. Quickly walking through the door, as if someone was chasing me, I ordered a soy Chai Tea Latte and a bottled water. I chugged down the water before the barista had a chance to give me my change. Then I found a table in the corner and texted Mac.

  I hit Quinn’s car.

  I waited a few minutes then she responded.

  On purpose?

  No, it was an accident. I was upset and in my rush of trying to leave I caught the back of it.

  And?

  He was speechless.

  And?

  I took your advice.

  NFW!!!

  Yes fucking way
. It was like some other force took over my body.

  And?

  And … it will never happen again!!!

  LOL! Not a fan of the spunk?

  No, but now I’m afraid to go back.

  Where are you?

  Coffee shop down the street. I didn’t even wait for him to pull his pants up B4 I bolted.

  OMG! That’s hilarious. You have to go back. I have to know how this ends. Text me later.

  We’ll see.

  Hiding out at the coffee shop for over an hour, I finally received a text from Quinn.

  Where R U?

  Coffee shop down the street.

  Come home.

  Come here, neutral ground.

  He didn’t respond but ten minutes later he walked through the door and made his way to my table in the corner.

  “This seat taken?” He smiled.

  I returned half a grin and shook my head.

  “Interesting afternoon, wouldn’t you say?” He was surprisingly calm.

  “That’s one word for it,” I mumbled, looking out the window to my side.

  “I have to know is that your usual MO for dealing with fender benders?”

  I couldn’t believe he asked me that. I wanted to be pissed at him, but I couldn’t because it was quite funny.

  “It’s actually a sliding scale based on the value of the car. Most of my other mishaps only required a hand job but Lamborghini owners require … more.” I laughed as I met his eyes.

  He tried to hold in his amusement to my comment but failed. We both laughed until the tension completely faded between us.

  “I’m sorry, Quinn.”

  “Hell, I’m not, in fact, I plan on parking much closer to Karma next time.” He smirked and reached for my hand.

  “Not funny.” I smacked his hand away.

  “It’s a little funny.” He reached for my hand again and interlaced our fingers. “I can’t believe you weren’t concerned that someone would drive by us or come down the elevator.”

  “That’s just it. I wasn’t thinking. I would have been horrified if someone would have seen us.”

  He grinned like the devil.

  “What?” I questioned.

  He shook his head. “Nothing.”

  “Don’t try and feed me that. What are you grinning about?” I demanded.

  “Let’s just say you’ll likely be getting an extra enthusiastic greeting from Tom the next time you see him.”

  “Tom? Tom at the front desk?”

  He nodded.

  “Why would that be?”

  “Tom is the one who reviews the security tapes … from the parking garage.” He bit his lip and waited for my reaction.”

  “Oh my God! Are you serious?” I shrieked. “There are security cameras in the parking garage?”

  He laughed. “Uh, yes. Hence the title: secured parking garage.”

  “I am such a ditz sometimes. I can’t believe that never even occurred to me. God, I’m mortified. There’s no way I’ll be entering or exiting through the lobby ever again.”

  “Oh, it’s not that bad. You don’t have to avoid Tom. I’m sure he’s seen a lot of interesting stuff on the security tapes. It’s his job to be professional and discreet.”

  “Easy for you to say. I surely just fulfilled a fantasy off your bucket list.”

  “You think being given head was on my bucket list?”

  “No, I think being sucked off in public while being taped is on your bucket list.”

  Quinn rolled his eyes to the side and puckered his lips in thought. “Hmm, it wasn’t on my list, but it probably should have been. I have never, and I mean ever, had a blow job as good as you gave me.”

  “Enough, let’s go home.” I stood and he followed.

  I made us an early dinner. Then we hung out on the couch together and watched a movie. When the movie was over Quinn grabbed my foot and started massaging it. It had become a regular ritual with us.

  “I can’t say for sure when, but I’m going to do my best to get us moved to Chicago.”

  My heart skipped a beat at his words. An endearing smile graced my face as I looked into the eyes of the man I loved. “I know you will, and I’m truly sorry for not considering everything that will entail. One of the many things I love about you is your concern for your employees.”

  “Coming from such a philanthropist, I will take that as a compliment.” He winked at me.

  My smile faded. “I’m sincerely sorry for getting drunk and coming at you in bed. I know drinking is a sensitive issue.”

  He laughed. “Coming at me in bed?”

  I pushed the foot that he was rubbing into his gut. “You know what I mean.”

  “I know, I’m sorry. I was just frustrated after dinner, and then I waited up for you but you didn’t come to bed until after midnight. I was acting like an immature adolescent pouting when he didn’t get what he wanted, when he wanted it. Then when you came in drunk it just pissed me off even more.”

  “I can’t believe I acted that way with you. I didn’t even remember you leaving to sleep on the couch until Mac told me in the morning that she saw you when she went out to get some water.”

  He grinned. “Well, there was no way I was going to just lie next to you in bed while you touched yourself.”

  I grimaced. “Not one of my finer moments.”

  “Not one of my finer moments when I detoured to the bathroom and jacked off before hitting the couch. You had me so fucking worked up there was no way I was going to get to sleep thinking about you down the hall touching yourself.”

  “You didn’t!” I gasped.

  “Did.” He nodded.

  “We’re quite the pair aren’t we?”

  He adjusted himself. “Yes we are, now all this talk has me thinking we should go upstairs and make up properly.”

  “Mmm, I think you may be right.”

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  “When your mother asks, “Do you want a piece of advice?” it’s a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”

  ~Erma Bombeck

  QUINN’S BIRTHDAY WAS in April. We had unofficially been together for almost a year. By some miracle we had successfully managed to live in the present and grow new roots together without digging up the past and all its dirty mess. I wanted to do something grand for Quinn’s birthday. I was very content living a simple life, but Quinn loved grand gestures, so grand he got. We left the day before his birthday for three weeks in Spain. I paid for everything and to my surprise he didn’t argue … much.

  Our first stop was Valencia to visit his family. After the awkward first encounter with them at Christmas, we made an effort to video chat with them every couple of weeks so by April they felt like my own family. I often persuaded Quinn to fly commercial, first class of course. He wasn’t always happy about my environmental consciousness, but he usually was accommodating. Since this trip was all about Quinn, we took his private jet—the one exception to my footing the bill for the trip.

  We planned to fly out early in the morning, so with the time difference we would be at his mom’s in time for a late dinner.

  I nestled into my large captain’s chair and unfastened my seat belt after we were safely in the air. Quinn was messing with his phone.

  “I hope your mom doesn’t go to too much trouble for dinner. In fact, we should pick something up on the way.”

  He grinned but didn’t take his eyes off his phone. “My mother will no doubt be knocking herself out; I have no doubt she’s spent the last week researching and planning vegan meals to impress you.”

  I was flattered. The thought of Quinn’s mom trying to impress me was crazy, but it warmed my heart. It made me think of my own mother; I wondered what she would think of the path my life had taken. Would she be proud of me? What would she think of Quinn? Undoubtedly, she and my dad would be proud of Quinn’s financial accomplishments, but he was Malcolm’s polar opposite in so many other ways and they adored
Malcolm. He’d kept me focused, which my parents loved. He’d pushed me through college and was such a cheerleader for my accomplishments, just like Mac. Malcolm was two inches taller than me with short, wavy, copper-blond hair and green eyes. He had a nice smile with cute dimples. His body was lean, but not overly muscular, and his stomach was flat, but not toned like mine and not even close to Quinn’s.

  Malcolm was my first love and everyone thought of him as a “cute and nice guy.” He had all the sexual temptations of a young man in his early twenties, but his strict religious upbringing was a halo of guilt over his head whenever we were together. In the early stages of our relationship, our sex life was quick, like if we hurried God might have his head turned and not see us sinning. I longed for sensual, erotic intimacy, the kind I read about in my romance novels … the kind of passion I had with Quinn. I loved Malcolm and I knew he loved me. I think I was the love of his life, even though he never actually said it. I wanted him to be the love of my life, but I never entirely felt it. He gave me the greatest love ever and for that I would always love him. He also took it from me the day our house burned down, and for that, there would always be a sharp pain of resentment.

  “Penny for your thoughts?” Quinn’s voice brought me back from memory lane.

  “Hmm, rich guy owns his own private jet. I think my thoughts should be worth more than a penny to him.”

  He sat opposite me so I slipped off my wedges and moved my foot in between his legs, biting the corner of my bottom lip and looking up at him from beneath my long eyelashes.

  He tossed his phone aside and scooted forward in his chair, pushing my foot harder into his bulge. My toes, with French pedicured nails, curled over the top of his erection, and he hissed as he sucked in a breath of air through his teeth. I heard the cabin door open behind me and I tried to pull my foot back but Quinn held it soundly in place as he looked at the flight attendant and shook his head. The door immediately closed again. He was used to getting what he wanted and having his way with me, anytime and anywhere. This was no exception.

  *

  He had his way with me three times over our seven plus hour flight. By the time we landed in Valencia, his brother Chase was waiting for us. Chase was twenty-eight and looked like Quinn, but a few inches shorter and slightly stalkier. His hair was cut shorter than Quinn’s, but his smile was all bad boy. They embraced, not a man-hug but a genuine embrace. It was my turn next, and Chase lifted me off my feet and twirled me around, taking me by surprise.