Wasted (Kenshaw Ranch Book 5)

by Piper Frost

  "Uh...It's Sunday, Carter."

  "Oh yeah," I mumble. "Sorry." There aren't carrots. There's brownies. A few beers. Lots of meat and cheese shit, but no carrots. "You guys don't keep vegetables here?" I slam the fridge shut and head to the pantry. I'm so damn hungry.

  "Need to do some shopping," Tommy mumbles. I can feel his eyes on me as I raid his pantry.

  "Cool. Thanks." I mutter, snagging a bag of chips. Fuck it.

  "How ya been? I feel like we don't see you anymore." He leans back in the chair while I dig into this bag of chips like they're my last meal.

  "I'm fine," I say with a full mouth. "So fine. Happy. Not really healthy but whatever." I shrug, shoving another handful of chips in my mouth. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

  "I'm not looking at you like anything." He chuckles. "Just making sure you're still happy here." He knocks on the table before standing up and stretching. "Beany would be pretty down if you left and the vibe I'm getting from you lately tells me you've been up there researching apartments back home."

  "Nah, I can't afford my own apartment back home and my brothers already found another roommate." But I can't lie and say I haven't looked. It'd be so much easier not having to stay locked away in fear of running into the one man who has the power to crush me with one look.

  "Good," he says, nodding. "You got plans tonight? Maybe the three of us can hit a movie or something?"

  "I'm okay." I smile. "But thanks." I grip the bag of chips and hold them up, wiggling my eyebrows and laughing. "I got big plans." I head to the living room, ready to flip through Netflix until I'm bored enough to go upstairs and go to bed.

  "I still can't find the damn remote." Walking into the room and handing me his phone, Tommy grumbles about Grant, blaming him and my cheeks redden.

  I miss those games he used to play...

  "It's fine. I downloaded the app on my phone, I'll go grab it so you don't have to leave yours with me." I head upstairs, two at a time because if I'm going to be sitting around eating junk food I should at least get a tiny bit of exercise.

  Grabbing my phone, I glance at the screen and see a message from Eric.

  ERIC: You looked out of it earlier. You sure you're ok?

  I smile, because he really is sweet and caring. I deserve a guy that cares.

  CARTER: I'm just tired. I haven't slept good lately, that's all <3

  His reply comes immediately.

  ERIC: My mom used to give me warm milk when I was younger and couldn't sleep.

  ERIC: LOL, I'm not a child, I swear. But it used to work.

  ERIC: OMG don't make fun of me for this. I can sense you making fun of me for this.

  I let out a real laugh, shaking my head.

  CARTER: You're adorable. Thank you, I'll try it.

  I let out a long breath and grip my phone tight against my chest. He's nice and he's so fucking good to me.

  I hop on the couch when I get to the living room and pull up the app to turn on my show. I’m trying not to think about the reason we don't have a remote anymore, but it’s making my emotions go insane. The more I think about it, the more I should just order them a replacement.

  I plug my headphones into my phone because no one else in this house wants to watch this show and Affton's deep in the work zone so I don't want to bother her. I'm not sure if she ever takes a day off, but I do. Lots lately. And I go to 'work' in my pajamas. Never in my life have I considered not wearing designer clothes to work, but no one around here cares so why should I? I mean...I've been like this for a couple days and I thought it was Thursday earlier when talking to Tommy. I'm not claiming to have my shit together today. Or tomorrow even.

  Halfway through my show I have to pee and instead of going upstairs to mine, I head towards the one down the hall. When I hear his voice coming out of Affton's office I freeze. Stuck in my spot, unable to move for fear of my knees giving out.

  God, I hate that I still crave his voice.

  "Do you have me on that stupid house speaker thing?" Grant groans and my eyes fly open.

  "Yes, but no one's home. Relax. I was calling because Tommy said you're acting depressed and I noticed you seemed off the other day."

  I'm home! I'm fucking here and I don't want to be in the middle of this...but now I can't walk away. I want to hear his voice. I want to hear the pain. I want him to be more miserable than I am.

  My eyes flash to a mirror in the hallway that gives me a slight glance of Affton and I back away so she can't see me in it. Something tells me if she saw me the conversation would be over.

  "Mmm," Grant's lackluster response is no surprise. It's not like the man cares about much in his life.

  Fuck, I know that's a lie. I know he fucking cared about me. You don't look that defeated when you break up with someone if you didn't care for them.

  "Mmm what? What's wrong with you? Did something happen?" Affton's multi-tasking but keeps looking toward the speakers.

  "Yeah. Carter Dawn happened. She's a goddamn nightmare."

  Oh fuck you, Grant Matthews! I'm glitter shits and sunshine compared to your dumb ass.

  "Grant Matthews!" Affton squawks. "I knew it! I knew you pissed her off more than she keeps letting on. What the hell did you do? Grant, she's my best friend! What the hell's wrong with you? You're a grown man, can't you act like it and just ignore the girl if you don't like her? Also, what the fuck is wrong with you! You were sleeping with her!"

  "Calm down, Betty. I—"

  "Who's Betty?" she snaps and I try not to grin because she's as exasperated as I am with him which tells me I'm not the only one around here that saw those feelings he swears he never felt for me.

  "I don't know. Probably some uppity chick that would lose her shit for no reason like you are. Anyway! I do like her. And...yeah."

  "And yeah? Hang on, Tommy's texting me." Affton leans into the computer screen. "Oh...oh, Grant." She sighs after reading Tommy's text. "I told Tommy I would call you and he just told me what's going on."

  "What's going on?" he snaps.

  "You're upset she moved on."

  I close my eyes, shaking my head. I didn't have a choice. It was try to move on or continue to have my heart crushed!

  "False. I'm upset she won't sleep with me anymore," he counters and I roll my eyes, not allowing myself the tears that threaten when he gets this way. This is why I'm ignoring him. This is why I don't reply to his messages. Because he has too much power over me and the man doesn't even recognize it.

  "Grant." Affton groans. The man's exhausting. I know how she feels. "I don't understand what the big deal is? Why can't you just commit? You haven't slept with anyone since her. I don't count. And that's huge! Monumental! You've had one steady partner for a few months. When's the last time you did that?"

  "Seventh grade when me and my hand were kind of close. I cheated."

  "Grant, you're insane. I have no idea what she even saw in you."

  "Yeah. Me either. Why do women always want to complicate shit with love and labels? I'm Grant Matthews. I don't need to put a fucking label on the chick I'm fucking other than my whore."

  "Grant," she growls and he chuckles.

  "I'm kidding. I liked her, Affy, but she went and ruined it by needing to call us boyfriend and girlfriend."

  "You were. You screwed her exclusively. You took her out on dates. You even bought her meals and stuff." She taps her nails on the desk, sounding as annoyed with him as I am.

  "Yeah, and? Why do we have to throw away our future happiness by saying we're exclusive. If opportunity presented itself that some chick wanted to bang me, I couldn't do that if I was in an exclusive relationship."

  "That opportunity has presented itself and you didn't take them up on it. So...I don't get it."

  "I'm not into girlfriends. She'll want to move in together. She'll call me lame ass names like sweetie. She'll ask me to take the trash out. She'll call to say she's running late from work but really she's with her coworker at Willies blowing him behin
d the dumpster and forget to pick up her kid from school and he'll walk home and get bit by a rattlesnake and almost die before Mr. Kenshaw finds him and then she won't show up at the hospital and it'll just be the kid and Mr. Barns. And then Mr. Barns will try to move the kid into his house but then she'll throw a huge fucking fit and act like she's a fit mother and ain't no one takin' her babies!" He mocks a female southern twang. "Then she'll forget the kid even exists a week later again and he'll be back at Mr. Barns sneaking food 'cause he's starving."

  My non-existent heart breaks somehow at the mention of his past. I knew it was rough...but I never knew it was that rough. And as much as it doesn't make sense, it somehow makes sense that Grant has all these hang-ups because of the way he grew up.

  "You want to have kids with Carter?" she blurts loudly and my stomach sinks.

  "What?"

  "What?" she repeats him. I can see in the mirror her eyes are bugging out of her head and I'm sure my facial expression mimics it.

  "I don't know...ain't that what you're supposed to do when you get into a relationship?" Grant mumbles and the dull pain that planted in my chest when he left roars back to life. I let myself stand here and picture what a house full of tiny Grants running around would be like and a tear slips down my cheek, because I know I'll never have it.

  "Okay...I'm pretty sure that was what your mom did with every man she was in a relationship with. I'm ninety nine point nine, nine percent certain your mom and Carter have nothing in common. And I'm ninety nine point nine, nine percent certain you're scared." Her voice softens. "The things your mom did, Grant, that does not usually happen. You can't be afraid of being loved because your mom..." She sighs. "Because your mom was never really capable of loving someone. Including you. God, no offense, but your mom sucked. Carter does not suck."

  He giggles. Of course he'd take those words out of context. I even find myself grinning at the stupid words and roll my eyes.

  "Stop. Can't you stay on track?"

  "I'm on track. The single track. I want to stay single and get my dick sucked occasionally. I'm not trying to change my routine up, Affy. I'm sorry."

  "I think you'll be sorry. I am in no position to give anyone advice except when it comes to love. I followed my heart and it was terrifying. You know how scared I was, but I was in love and I trusted that love. And I trusted Tommy. I have never been happier in my life."

  "You're rich," he mumbles.

  "You are too now that you have your job back. Rich, single, sad, and soon to catch an STD."

  "I've managed okay this far." He snickers.

  "What about—"

  "Bye, Affton." The speaker clicks off and I blink past the tears and anger.

  I want to talk to Affton. I want to cry to her how much it hurts that he can't see what we had was perfect. But I don't. I don't, because I was the stupid girl that fell in love with a wolf. He warned me. I just refused to listen.

  With my phone clutched in my hands, I trudge back upstairs and pray tomorrow comes soon. Every day here that I'm not crying is another day closer to being over Grant Matthews. Curling under the covers, I close my eyes, praying for the day it doesn't hurt this much to hear the man's voice.

  I wake up the next day to my phone buzzing on my nightstand. Blindly reaching for it, I answer the call and roll over.

  "Hello?" God, I probably sound horrible right now!

  "Carter? Are you sick?" Eric's voice comes softly through the phone and I manage to shift up to glance at the clock. Noon? It's Noon?

  "Fuck," I groan. "No, I overslept." I rub my eyes. I should be rushing to get downstairs. Affton had a call this morning that she wanted me to take notes and I've already missed that. Why the hell didn't she wake me up?

  "I was just calling to see how you were doing. I guess you finally caught up on your sleep." He sounds like he's smiling so big and I can't help but break out a small grin.

  Eric doesn't know what I'm going through. I figured since he has to deal with Grant every time he flies here that I shouldn't bother him with those details. No need for me to make everyone else around me feel as awkward as I do every time I step foot on his plane.

  "Yeah, I did." I sigh and stretch, walking to the window to see the animals in the backyard playing.

  "Did you do the milk trick?" Eric's voice sounds so hopeful that once I remember what he's talking about, I don't have the heart to tell him that no, I didn't.

  "Yeah, thank you." I head for the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror, cringing. Hot. Fucking. Mess.

  "Good, that's awesome. I'm glad it worked." I can hear that smile still in his voice and wonder if he ever stops smiling. "Hey, can we video?"

  "Sure thing." I click the video button and prop my phone on the counter then go to pull my hair back and try to make myself presentable for the day.

  "Hey there," He croons and I shake my head.

  "I look scary as hell." I laugh. "I need a shower but I'm already late."

  "You look fine." He sighs. "Hey, Carter?"

  "Yeah?" I pause and look down at him for the first time since we started this call. He's in his business attire. His hair fixed. Not looking one bit like he just rolled out of bed. Because he's responsible and I'm pulling the pieces of my broken heart back together.

  I truly hope Eric can help me...

  "Tell me about that tattoo."

  I glance down at my forearm and my heart rate picks up.

  "What about it?" I blurt, my fingers going into defense mode as they cover it.

  "Why's Grant's name on your arm?" He pauses then shakes his head and chuckles. "I'm sorry. I just...I really like you, Carter. And my girlfriend having another guy's name on her arm is kind of unnerving. Is there something I should know?"

  "No," I blurt too fast and his eyebrows raise. "I mean, it was a drunken night. Affton and Tommy have one too." I chuckle nervously. I'm not lying.

  "Maybe you should get it filled in? Yeah?"

  Filled in? Like...erase Grant?

  "Oh...um..." If I ever want to truly try and move on from the man, maybe he's right. "I mean, yeah. Sure."

  "I'm just saying, if we're going to get serious I don't want my girlfriend walking around with another guy's name on her. That's all."

  My fingers trace Grant's name and I nod slowly. "Yeah. You're right," I whisper. "I'll make the appointment," I mutter. I don't want to do it but he's got a very valid point. Wearing the name of the guy that crushed you is kind of like begging for more heartache.

  "Good. I mean, I think I like the man. He's..." He laughs. "Something. He's something else." He shakes his head. "I can't tell if he loves or hates me."

  "He doesn't love anyone, don't take it personally." I puff out a breath and stare at myself in the mirror.

  I need out of the fucking country.

  "Hey, I'm going to head out maybe get some work done. Call later?" I furrow my brows as I look at myself in the mirror. Who the hell is this girl?

  "I wanted to talk to you about something so don't forget, okay?"

  "Yeah, awesome." I smile at him. "Have a great day!" I chirp, not like myself but I feel suddenly guilty about the tattoo and he's right. It's weird.

  I end the call and pull up Chase's phone number.

  "Disposable Ink, Chase here."

  "Chase. Do you have an opening today?" My heart's hammering and screaming at me that this is a terrible idea, but I let my heart lead once before and it got ruined. This time it's time to use my brain.

  "Who is this?"

  "Carter Dawn." I roll my eyes.

  "Ah, should have known. Not many country girls around here have that valley girl tone." He chuckles. "What can I do for ya?"

  "I need a fill in. Solid black."

  "Oh yeah?" He pauses and lets the line fall silent. "What are we filling in?"

  "An airplane." I close my eyes, shaking my head because my chest aches and my fingers must be on the same page because as I sit here they cover the plane and Grant's name like they can protec
t it.

  "Ah. I remember..." He sighs heavy. "Looks like I don't have an appointment until next week. Monday at two. That okay?"

  "Yeah. Put me in. Thanks so much, Chase."

  "I'll see you next week." He hangs up and I sigh, falling to my bed. If I'm going to move on, I need to erase the man completely from my life.

  It took me another hour of debating on whether or not I was working today, but once I walked into Affton's office, all self-pity was gone. She had fabric everywhere and the decision making began. I was thrown into work mode and spent eight hours not worrying about how to move on.

  Maybe this is what I need. More work. More to do. Less time to think. So that's what I do. I spend the next four days working my ass off for Affton and in the meantime searching apartments in the neighborhood my dad lives in. I don't want to leave Affton, and I hope she still lets me be her assistant when I'm long distance working for her. It's doable. I don't need to live here to work for her. But I need out.

  My phone rings before I'm dropping into bed for the night and I groan. Me and Eric have talked on and off the past few days, but I haven't had a decent conversation with him in awhile.

  "Hey," I answer, grinning. "Hiiiii...."

  "I was starting to think you were ignoring me." He sounds sad. I don't like making him sad!

  "I'm sorry. We got so busy I've barely slept. We're eating and breathing all things Beany designs. It's been so insane."

  "I know." He chuckles. "I've been seeing some of the prototypes coming out of Affton the last couple days and I figured you two were swamped. When she gets into the zone there's no stopping her."

  "It's amazing watching her work," I agree. "I'm really sorry I haven't had much time for us, Eric."

  "You can make it up to me. I'll be in town in a couple days."

  "Yay!" I chirp. "God, that'll be nice."

  "Yeah it will." He clears his throat. "Listen, I don't have long but I wanted to run something by you."

  "Okay," I say, shifting in bed.

  "Do you um..." He chuckles. "I mean, you've said a few times how you don't really like it in the south." He nervously laughs and my grip on the phone tightens because I think I know where he's going. "I was thinking maybe if you think it's too expensive moving back to Cali...well...maybe you could just move in with me?"