Wasted (Kenshaw Ranch Book 5)

by Piper Frost

  I gasp, shaking my head. "Eric," I stammer. I do want out of the country. And...he's right. I can't afford to live on my own back home. "Eric, we haven't been dating that long."

  "We talk almost every day, Carter. And if it doesn't work out, no hard feelings. But I really like you and I don't know. Call me crazy, but I think it could be perfect."

  I nod, thinking over everything that would have to change. "Can I think about it?" I whisper.

  "Absolutely. I'll call you tomorrow and we can talk more about it, okay?"

  "Sure. Yeah. Thank you." I smile. "Seriously, thank you."

  "Don't thank me. It's purely for selfish reasons." He chuckles. "I gotta go. I'll talk to you later, sleep amazing, Carter."

  "You too." I end the call and stare at my phone.

  Move in with him. Could I?

  By the next morning I've slept a total of about three hours, worrying all night about what to tell Eric today. I'm tired as fuck and am out of coffee in my kitchen, so I trudge down the stairs, growling at the sunlight that's blaring in through the kitchen windows. Coffee. I need fucking coffee.

  A noise behind me makes the scoop of coffee I was about to put in the pot go flying all over the counter when I jump and shriek. "Shit!" I spin, my heart already beating out of my chest now mixed with a feeling in my gut I don't like. "What are you doing here?" I whisper, trying to pry my eyes off him.

  The man brings a sexual energy with him everywhere he goes and he doesn't even try. Pisses me the fuck off the way my pussy still thinks it belongs to him. No! It fucking does not!

  "Same as you." Grant gestures to me with cold pizza.

  "No. I live here. You don't live here." God, if I didn't live here I wouldn't have to put up with seeing him like this. Randomly. Looking fine as fuck and not giving a damn about the heart he shattered. I turn to finish making my coffee then silently clean up the grounds I spilled, praying he took the hint and walked away.

  Obviously he didn't.

  "You look hot." He plops into a chair, taking another bite of pizza. "I like this look. Rolled out of bed. Sexy bedhead. Shorts creepin' up your ass. Mornin' side tit. Hot." He's flailing that pizza like it's a finger pointing at me. "Wanna fuck?"

  "No I don't want to fuck!" I shriek, adjusting my clothes and smoothing my hair down. God, I hate that I care, but I do. "I didn't expect someone that doesn't live here to be in the kitchen when I came down, and I wouldn't have come down had I had coffee upstairs. But I need coffee because I haven't slept in what feels like forever and I'm out because I haven't grocery shopped in that long either." I stop and take a breath, my fists tight at my side. I glare at him with so many emotions rolling through me I want to vomit.

  "All you had to do was call. Or even text. I woulda picked you up some coffee." He stands and tosses the crust into the garbage. "Groceries too if you need some. You want to go shopping?"

  "I don't want or need anything from you," I manage to whisper.

  The sweet side of Grant must have taken over this morning when he rolled his dumb ass out of bed. This is the worst side of him, too. I can take the wolf. I fell for the wolf. It's the sweet side that's a lie, though. It makes you think he actually cares.

  But he doesn't.

  His head cocks and a smile starts to pull up his lip on the right side of his mouth. "Nothin'?" He steps toward me.

  "Nothing." I hold my ground as he takes another step closer. The coffee pot finishes and dings that it's ready and I sigh, stepping toward the fridge for the creamer. "Would you like a cup of coffee?"

  He pushes the fridge door closed before I can grab the creamer then moves close enough he's pressed against my back. His hands start to gather my hair, twisting it around his fingers. "I don't want coffee, baby. You know what I want." His breath is hot on the back of my neck.

  If he reached between my legs right now I'm sure he'd find me wet. I fucking know it, because any time this side of him comes out my body reacts the way my heart wants it to. Not my mind. But I can't play these games with him.

  "I have a boyfriend," I whisper, my body trembling. "Grant, please. Don't do this."

  He's on the other side of the kitchen like I just put a moat between us. "You labeled yourself." He laughs with a shake of his head. "See where that gets you, Carter Dawn?" His teeth scrape over his bottom lip and I don't know if that's anger on his face or restraint.

  "I'm..." I shake my head. "Don't worry about me. Same as before." My shaking hands reach into the fridge for the creamer and I try my hardest not to spill the coffee as I add it to my cup. That look on his face. I don't like making him look like that, but he...he has no right to be mad or hurt about this! "Have a good day," I mutter, moving toward the stairs.

  I've made it a point over the last few weeks that any time I saw his bike in the driveway I would lock myself upstairs, not coming down for anything. I've been okay... But I can't keep running into him like this. I know what I need to tell Eric.

  When he grunts a crashing noise makes me jump and I whip around in time to see a cupboard door fall off the hinges after he just punched it. He storms out the front door that slams behind him.

  Sighing, I turn and head upstairs, ready to call Eric then start to move on with the next part of my life. However hard it may be.

  Later that night, after spending two hours on the phone with a very ecstatic Eric, I walk into Affton's office where she's got piles of fabrics lying all over the place.

  "Hey," I say, scared but trying not to show it.

  "Hey!" She turns her monitor toward me. "Look at this." She starts to laugh and I see she's laughing at a puppy video Grant posted on the tattoo parlor's social media account.

  "Nice." I giggle. "Are you busy?" Stupid question. She's always fucking busy.

  Quickly exiting out of the video, she brings up her email and starts to chuckle. "Obviously." With a cringe my way she smiles again then pats the chair next to her. "God, I just needed a short break. What's up?"

  "So..." I pick at my nail polish, guilt turning stones in my stomach. "I hate breaking promises," I blurt, then nervously huff. "But I'm..." I catch her gaze and shrug, trying to swallow back the tears because as much as I want out of here, I don't want to leave her. She's my best friend. "I gotta move, Affton," I whisper.

  "Why?" she asks like her heart just broke.

  "I'm not as strong as I thought I was." A tear slips out and I shake my head, swiping it away. "I'm sorry. I love you, and I love being so close to you and your work and..." I shoot to my feet. "I can't do it. I tried. I really tried, but every time I see him it digs the knife deeper that he'll never be it for me. That he doesn't..." I hiccup and stop pacing the room. "I'm sorry, Affton. I'm so sorry. But I'm not strong enough."

  She grabs my shoulders and pulls me into a hug and her chest starts bouncing and that's just going to make me cry harder. "Why didn't you say something sooner? I asked you a couple times if it was Grant making you seem out of it. I thought I was working you too hard. I could have flown him over the Bermuda Triangle a few weeks ago if I'd have known." She chuckles and pulls back, wiping her own tears.

  "No," I whisper, swiping at my cheeks. "I was the stupid girl that played his game and didn't follow the rules. It's on me, and I don't want you hating him for it. It's my burden and I have to learn to fix my broken heart on my own. Or at least learn how to live with it. But I can't do that if I keep running into the one person that has that much power over me." I sigh. "I really want to stay on as your assistant and I know we could work something out, but I completely understand if you need to bring someone else in. Someone closer..."

  She looks at me dully then rolls her eyes. "If you quit your job..." She huffs and stressfully slides her hands through her hair. "He drove you out of town." With a laugh she shakes her head. "Where are you going to move to?"

  "Eric's place," I whisper, knowing full well it seems like a rebound. And he may be. But all epic breakups need that rebound guy to help the girl get back on her feet. Maybe he's the
one. Maybe he's not. But he's a stepping-stone in the right direction.

  "I'll make Grant move!" she shrieks.

  "You can't do that, Affton." I shake my head, walking over to her and taking her shoulders in my grip. "I have to do this. And I'm not quitting. We'll make it work. But I can't be here much longer without wanting to jump off a cliff."

  "Lord Jesus, that man is going to get a spur in his tight ass. I swear to you." She shakes her head then blinks her gaze to mine. "Eric though?" With a small chuckle she moves away from me. "You really like him enough to move in together after only a few weeks?"

  No.

  "He's nice," I whisper, nodding. "I can't afford a place of my own. My room was taken by a roommate when I moved out of my brothers' place. So...yeah. I guess I do." Shrugging, I sigh. "It's a start."

  "Do you need a raise? I had no idea you're not making enough money! I figured you lived here, no rent. I just...I'll give you a raise." She quickly sits in her chair and turns to her computer.

  "Stop." I laugh. "No, I mean…" Fuck. "That's not what I meant. I've saved a ton living here and I'm forever grateful for it, but if I got a place of my own, with the car payment and everything else? It'd be tight after a few months. This way I can at least save up a bit more. Maybe if Eric and I don't work out I'll have enough saved to buy something small. But no, I don't need a raise." I manage a laugh and shake my head at her.

  "I feel like I should pay you more for subjecting you to Grant Matthews," she grumbles, clicking a few buttons. "So you really fell hard?" Her throat clears but when she looks at me, her lip's quivering. "He's such a dick."

  "Yeah," I manage, sitting back in the chair. "It doesn't make sense to me either, trust me. But I fell, and I kept falling, and then the minute the subject of a future came up he just..." I shrug. "I never told him directly. You know...that...I love him..." I swipe a tear away. "Seemed kind of pointless to murmur those words when the man was standing with my heart in his claws, shredding it in front of me."

  She blows her nose, nodding her head in agreement. "Tommy's going to beat his ass." She chuckles and stands. Frowning, she moves toward me, wrapping her arms around me.

  "This isn't his fault," I mumble. I don't want all his friends pissed at him. "I knew what he was before I started. It's my fault for falling for him. Hell, everyone warned me. I'll get over him, I just need space."

  ***

  Days. That's how long it took to uproot everything I thought I was growing accustomed to. And now here I stand. In a room full of boxes. Some empty, some still being filled, about to move my life back to California. Probably for good.

  My brother's in town helping me pack. He'll be driving my shit back home for me since a last minute work trip to Vegas just came up late last night and I can't leave Affton hanging. That also means that Eric isn't coming to town like we originally planned but that's okay. I just want out of here. If I'm ever going to move on, I need out of here.

  I grab the tape and start to wrap up another box and as soon as I finish it off I hear screaming downstairs. What the hell? I move to the window to see if there are any clues and my eyes hit Grant's bike. Of course.

  "Shit." I shake my head, glancing around, my eyes landing on his egg I still need to return. The one lone thing sitting on my desk.

  The screaming continues and I try to ignore it until I hear stomping coming up the steps. Before I have a chance to run and lock it, my door flies open and I whip around just in time to see Grant, out of breath but still so gorgeous it makes my chest ache.

  "Grant, what are you doing?" I yell, throwing my hands to my hips.

  His eyes flick around the room. "She runs fast." He thumbs behind him and Affton rounds the corner and gives him a shove.

  "Grant Matthews. Take off the shirt, now," Affton demands.

  "I designed the fuckin' thing. You just had it made. If you don't put my name on these labels, I swear I'll sue you, Affy." He looks around again. "What're we doing?"

  My eyes flash down to the shirt they're fighting over and I gasp. Loud. Because on the fucking shirt is...

  "Me?" I blurt, rushing over to him and gripping the fabric. "That's me. My picture." My fingers swipe over the screen-printed material. It's almost badass looking...until my fingers trail over the words. "Good girl," I whisper, and my eyes hit Grant's wolfish grin. "No." My head shakes and my fingers tremble. "No," I blurt, then move behind him and let out an angry growl at the very sexy image of me on the back and the words Bad Girl screen-printed over it.

  Anyone else. Anyone else and this shirt would be kickass.

  But...

  "Me!' I scream. "You put me on a fucking shirt!" I shove him then glare at Affton. "Affton, why would you do this?"

  My brother's here. He'll be back any minute from running to the store with Tommy. He's going to see this and flip!

  "It's an idea I wanted to run by you. This idiot just has to ruin everything! It's a new line I want to launch. Good girl. Bad girl?" She shrugs meekly then starts pulling at Grant's shirt. "Take it off!" She fights with him until he lets her get him out of his shirt. His grin goes wider before he winks at me, catching me staring at his toned chest, stomach, arms... Fuck, I hate I can't look away.

  "Burn it," I manage to tear my eyes off that V that makes my brain short circuit. "I'm not a good girl. Or a bad girl." My eyes hit Grant's again. "I'm a stupid girl. Excuse me, I have to finish packing." I feel like I could be sick.

  "Grant," Affton growls his name but he's on my heels, following me.

  "Packing for what?"

  "I'm leaving." I try not to look at him or pay him any attention. Honestly I was planning on dropping his grandma's egg at the tattoo shop and not telling him goodbye. I just need out.

  "Leaving? Where?" He gently grabs my arm as I shove a shirt into a box. "Carter Dawn? Leaving where?"

  "Leaving here!" I shout. "I'm moving, Grant. You're dumb, but you're not that dumb. I'm going back to California." It's so hard to get those words out that by the time I do I feel completely done. I shrug and turn, yanking out of his grasp and continue shoving shit in boxes. I had a system. Now I just want it done so I can get out of here and try to start healing.

  "Cool." He chuckles. "Does this mean I get the loft?" he asks Affton.

  Letting out a growl, I squeeze my eyes closed, his comment and complete disregard for this situation just pushing home the fact that this move is the best thing for me. Grant Matthews will never care for anyone but himself. I may love him, but I deserve someone that loves me back. He'll never be able to be that guy.

  "You are way worse than any name she's ever called you," Affton says. "I'll go get Tommy to get him out of here." She jogs down the stairs and I want to tell her to leave the shirt so the idiot can cover all that up.

  "What the fuck are you doing?" he snarls at me and I'm suddenly being held against his body while his fingers wrap in my hair. "Look at me!" he screams. "What the fuck are you doing?" His eyes are burning red but the worry line between his eyebrows throws me off.

  "I'm leaving!" I try to shove him off me but he's got a good grip. "I'm doing what you said, right?" My eyes burn with unshed tears. "I'm moving on!"

  "I tried playing this stupid game your way." He moves closer to my face and I flinch back, thinking he's going to kiss me. He sighs and his forehead pushes to mine. "What the fuck are you doing, good girl?" he asks like I'm causing him pain.

  "Exactly what I deserve," I whisper, the fight gone and all that's left is a roaring pain in my chest where he continuously tears my heart out.

  There's only one way to describe the man you love...the man you'll never be able to have...pressed against you like you're his last breath.

  Mother fucking torture.

  I've got what she fucking deserves. She thinks leaving the fucking state will make her forget about me? She's fucking branded with me! She'll never forget what I can do to her.

  Hearing footsteps coming up the stairs, I slowly unravel my fingers from her hair. I glance
back expecting to see Tommy but it's some giant ass pretty boy with blonde hair and a better tan than any chick I've ever seen.

  I look at her with my brows high, almost shocked this is the bitch she's in a relationship with. She went from a real man to a fucking...surfer.

  "Hey, man," he says, walking over to me with his hand out. "Parker, nice to meet you." He smiles, bright white teeth shining while he flips his hair out of his face.

  "Parker, this is Grant. Grant, my brother Parker." Carter shoves me toward the steps, her cheeks burning pink. "Grant was just leaving."

  "I was?" I ask, sidestepping her pushing hands. "How's it going? You here to help with this shit?" I look around her packed loft.

  "Yeah. Big sis can't decide where she wants to live, apparently." He nudges her. "Either that or she missed me too much." He laughs when she punches his arm.

  "Yeah, probably that. I'm pretty sure she wants to stay here. She's just a little confused. Home sick." I look at Carter who glares at me before walking away. "Shit looks pretty taken care of here. You here a couple days? I'd like to take you for a drink, Parker." I slide my arm over his shoulders and notice Carter whip back around. I smile wide, looking like a shirtless fuck, but I don't give a shit. Her little brother's here. I won her over. I can win the surfer over. "You good here? Got this under control? I'd like to take Parker sightseeing country style. Don't look like he's ever stepped out of California." I grin over at him.

  "Because he hasn't," she growls. "I need you here, Parker. We have to get the truck packed tomorrow and this shit isn't going to box itself." Her hands are on her hips and she's pouty as hell.

  "A few hours won't be so bad." He smiles. "I'll be back later, Cart."

  She lets out an annoyed growl that somehow sounds hot.

  "Just a few hours, big sis." I move toward her and she starts to back up like a little lamb. "I'll even help when we get back." Grabbing the back of her head, I plant a loud kiss on her lips, almost lingering. Those devil lips could make me do the worst shit in the world. No time to linger. I need to get the little brother out of here before she gets all her shit packed and is gone before morning. The look on her face is priceless and I'd like to take out my phone to capture it, but I don't. I turn to her brother. "You old enough to drink?" I ask, walking him to the stairs. Looking back, she's frozen, completely dumbfounded and I almost feel bad, but I keep going.