Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Shoots and Scores

by Bathroom Readers' Institute

  THIS TEAM STINKS!

  Tex Rickard, the legendary New York promoter behind Madison Square Garden and the NHL Rangers, sold McLaughlin on hockey as a good investment. McLaughlin bought the players, including stars Dick Irvin and Babe Dye, from the Portland Rosebuds and Vancouver Maroons of the defunct Western League for $125,000, making his Chicago club competitive quickly. Home arena for the Hawks was the 6,000 seat Chicago Coliseum that smelled of another big attraction—cattle shows. When the Norris family, an NHL ownership power for decades, applied for a second Chicago franchise, McLaughlin refused to share the market. That set off a long, bitter feud between two rich entities—the Major and the Norris clan.

  BACK AT THE RANCH

  When the $7 million Chicago Stadium was completed in 1929, James Norris founded the Chicago Shamrocks of the American Hockey Association for his new building. But when that league folded, McLaughlin moved the Black Hawks into the new house on a three-year lease. When the Stadium was deep in debt, Norris bought it plus another money-losing hockey house, the Detroit Olympia, and a big share of the Madison Square Garden Corporation. With his arch-enemy Norris owning the Stadium, McLaughlin took the Hawks back to the Coliseum to open the 1932–33 season. Despite small crowds, McLaughlin was adamant against threats from Norris that he honor his Stadium contract. Finally, the NHL ordered the Hawks to play in the Stadium.

  FOUR OUT OF FIVE NHL PRESIDENTS SAY…

  That season, Norris purchased the bankrupt Detroit Falcons, changed the name to Red Wings, and had a seat on the NHL Board of Governors. McLaughlin’s boardroom scraps with Norris were legendary, but he also found time to clash with Art Ross of the Boston Bruins, the Rangers’ Lester Patrick and Smythe of the Maple Leafs. “Instead of thinking of ways to make the league better, the governors’ meetings were mostly the rest of us trying to straighten out the latest lunatic idea from that guy in Chicago,” Smythe said years later. “He didn’t know a damned thing about hockey but still shot off his mouth.”

  A TRAIN OF COACHES

  The coaches of the team seemed among his favorite foes. In his 18 seasons as owner, McLaughlin changed coaches 18 times, involving 13 men. The Major was involved in what surely is the NHL’s most unusual coach-hiring. In 1932, he was on a train from Minneapolis to Chicago and he chatted with seat-mate Godfrey Matheson, a Winnipeg native with assorted theories on hockey. Before the train arrived, McLaughlin had hired Matheson to coach the Black Hawks.

  When the players arrived in Pittsburgh for training camp that fall, they found Matheson on the ice in his suit and tie, elbow pads over his coat, knee pads over his trousers. Instead of wearing skates, he was on all fours in the corner of the ice with a pail of pucks, sliding passes by hand for the players to shoot at the net. To keep the team’s great goalie Charlie Gardiner from any risk of injury, Matheson had a stuffed figure in full goaltending equipment stationed in front of the net.

  Matheson’s coaching stint lasted for two games (both losses), then he was replaced by Emil Iverson, another unknown, who had the job for 23 games. Veteran NHL coach Tommy Gorman finished the season as Hawk coach, then guided the team to its first Stanley Cup victory in the 1933–34 season. Of course, McLaughlin’s response was to fire Gorman.

  MAJOR FRED WANTS YOU TO JOIN THE HAWKS

  McLaughlin often sounded off about the domination of Canadian players in the NHL and wanted a full roster of U.S. talent. Late in the 1936–37 season, he added five Americans to the four already in the lineup, the team missed the playoffs, and the Major earned derision from rivals for not using the best possible talent at a time when league competition was tight. In the 1937–38 season McLaughlin had a new coach, Bill Stewart, who had been a hockey referee and a big-league baseball umpire in the offseason. The low-scoring team made the playoffs by two points, then eliminated the Montreal Canadiens, New York Americans and the Maple Leafs to win the Cup. Again extraordinary goaltending, this time by Mike Karakas, was a big factor in the victory. Not only did McLaughlin have the satisfaction of nosing out archrival Norris’s team for the last playoff spot and claiming the Cup from his strongest critic, the Leafs’ Smythe, but the winning roster also contained eight U.S. players.

  AS AN UMPIRE YOU HAVE THE LUNGS, OF COURSE…

  Fired early the next season, Stewart had a long, distinguished career as a major league umpire. He later told of McLaughlin pressuring him to coach the Hawks from the balcony for a better view of the ice. “The Major wanted me to be like a puppet master, running the team from the balcony with strings, the way he wanted to run me as coach,” Stewart said. “It’s not that nothing the Major said was a surprise because he had so many goofy ideas.”

  When McLaughlin died in 1944, his son William, aged 16, inherited the club. The family finally sold it to the Major’s long-time enemies, the Norris and Wirtz families, in 1952.

  * * * * *

  MORE MONEY IN BASEBALL

  Tom Glavine, major league baseball pitcher. He was drafted in 1984 by the Los Angeles Kings with the 69th overall pick in the fourth round. That was 48 picks ahead of the 117th pick in the draft who turned out to be future Hall of Famer Brett Hull. It was also 102 picks ahead of another Kings draft pick that season, Luc Robitaille. The number one overall pick that season was Mario Lemieux by the Pittsburgh Penguins. Glavine was the 1995 World Series MVP with the Atlanta Braves and won the National League’s Cy Young Award in 1991 and 1998. In 2005, he was set to make over $10 million in salary.

  Kirk McCaskill, major league baseball pitcher. He was elected to the Canadian Baseball Hall of Fame in 2003. Long before that, he was drafted in 1981 by the then-Winnipeg Jets with the 64th overall pick in the fourth round. This was eight picks ahead of John Vanbiesbrouck and 43 picks before Gerard Gallant. The Jets’ first overall pick that year was franchise player Dale Hawerchuk. McCaskill was a runner-up for the Hobey Baker Award as top U.S. college hockey player in 1981.

  YOU ARE GETTING VERY, VERY SLEEPY

  In the early 1970s, the Vancouver Canucks were so desperate to win that they hired a hypnotist to break a key player out of a serious scoring slump.

  I WILL SCORE GOALS…I WILL SCORE GOALS!

  Thirty years ago, NHL general managers still understood that a little Barnum and Bailey went a long way when it came to promoting their sport. Vancouver Canucks boss Bud Poile was crazy like a fox when he commissioned “The Man They Call Reveen” to snap “Cracklin” Rosaire Paiement out of a 35-game goal-less funk. Poile invited Vancouver’s sports media to the Hotel Georgia in 1972 to watch the famed hypnotist attempt to induce the tough veteran’s “superconscious” state—whatever that is.

  Paiement had scored 34 goals in the Canucks’ inaugural NHL season but was shooting blanks in the team’s sophomore year. And Poile was willing to try anything to generate a little more offence, not to mention publicity, for his fledgling hockey team. In a scene straight out of Slap Shot, Poile called on the powers of the mysterious, bearded man who billed himself as “The Impossiblist.”

  “You know, I told Reveen, ‘I don’t believe in this stuff,’” Paiement recalled three decades later. “The funny thing is, just two games later, the puck bounces in front and I had an empty-net goal. That’s how the slump ended.”

  AND FOR MY NEXT TRICK

  But Reveen couldn’t work long-term miracles. Paiement never again reached the lofty scoring heights of the previous season and he finished with only 10 goals that winter, 24 fewer than in the 1970–71 campaign. He then skipped to the World Hockey Association where the goals came much easier, with or without his superconscious state.

  Just a suggestion: Next time, the Canucks brass might want to take a different approach and think about hypnotizing opposing goaltenders instead.

  THE VANISHED LEAF

  A goal, a Cup, a win, a loss—the story of one of the Toronto Maple Leafs most beloved players.

  THE WIN

  On April 21, 1951, the Toronto Maple Leafs were playing the Montreal Canadiens in Game 5 of the Stanley Cup Finals. T
he game was just into overtime, tied at 2–2. The Leafs were leading the series 3-to-1—so now just one goal would give them the Cup. Less than three minutes into the extra period, Toronto legend Howie Meeker got control of the puck to the right of the Montreal goal, and flipped a blind, backhand across the ice in front of the net. Leafs’ defenceman Bill Barilko, who had been hanging just behind the left-side blue line, lunged.

  Barilko was just 24 years old, had been in the league for five years—and already had three Stanley Cup wins, all of them with the powerhouse Leafs. He was a fan favorite for his overall exuberance on and off the ice, and for his hitting power—hence his nickname, “Bashin’ Bill”—but was not by any means known as a goal scorer. (He had just six goals all year, and no points at all in the Finals so far.)

  Skating like a wildman, Barilko charged toward the puck…and fell down. Well, he started to fall down. But rather than let that stop him, he turned the fall into a dive, and, his body airborne about ten feet from the goal, slashed at the passing puck…and watched it sail over the right arm of Canadiens goalie Gerry McNeil. He had scored. The Leafs had won the Cup—again. Barilko became an overnight Canadian sports sensation, and his overtime, diving, Cup-winning goal is still called one of the greatest in NHL history. It was also, unfortunately, his very last.

  THE LOSS

  Four months after the momentous win, on August 24, 1951, Barilko and friend Henry Hudson took Hudson’s single-engine plane on a fishing trip. The flight took them northeast from their hometown of Timmins, Ontario, over several hundred miles of densely covered bush to Quebec’s James Bay. When the two men failed to return three days later as planned, local pilots began making searches of the terrain northeast of Timmins. They found nothing. By the next day the story of the missing NHL star was national, front page news, and an official search had begun.

  Investigators soon determined that Barilko and Hudson had left James Bay early on August 26. Later that day they stopped near the Quebec-Ontario border to refuel. The clerk who helped them told investigators that Hudson told him he had 120 pounds of fish in the plane, and needed to get it home before it spoiled. The clerk said the plane took off struggling to make altitude.

  Royal Canadian Air Force planes searched an enormous swath of land in both Quebec and Ontario for the next 30 days, in what was then the largest search-and-rescue mission ever undertaken in Canada. No trace of Barilko, Hudson, or Hudson’s plane was found, and the search was finally called off.

  BACK TO HOCKEY

  The loss of their Stanley Cup star had an understandably negative effect on the Maple Leafs—but nobody expected just how bad the team’s fortunes would become. After four Stanley Cup wins in five years, the Leafs didn’t make it to the Finals—for the next seven years. Three of those years they didn’t even make the playoffs. Inevitable talk of a “curse” came up, with people saying the Leafs wouldn’t win another Cup until Barilko was found. Strangely enough, there turned out to be some truth in that…in reverse.

  On April 22, 1962, eleven years and one day after Barilko’s historic goal, the Maple Leafs won the Stanley Cup.

  Two months later, in June of 1962, a helicopter pilot spotted the wreckage of a plane in deep bush north of Timmins. A rescue team found the skeletal remains of two bodies still in the plane’s seats. They were identified as Barilko and Hudson. The remains of the men were taken back to Timmins and buried. And the curse of Bashin’ Bill Barilko was over.

  • The Leafs won the Cup again in 1963. And in 1964, too.

  • Barilko’s number with the Leafs—5—was officially retired in 1992. He is one of only two Leafs who have ever received the honor.

  A WOMAN’S GAME

  One of the greatest rivalries in hockey has become Canada vs. the USA in international woman’s competition. The most intense and defining showdown so far has been the 2002 Olympics.

  At the turn of the 20th century, Canada could legitimately say it had the best women’s hockey team in the world. It had won the Women’s World Championship every year it was held: 1987, 1990, 1992, 1994, and 1997. In 1999 and 2000, teams in the WWC tournament were divided into “A” and “B” sections; Canada was at the head of their respective divisions these two years as well. In the 1998 Winter Olympiad held in Nagano, Japan, Team Canada faced Team USA for the gold medal in the biggest game in women’s ice hockey played to that date. Team USA’s Karen Bye, Colleen Coyne, captain Cammi Granato, Lisa Brown-Miller and especially goalie Sarah Tueting overwhelmed Team Canada all game long. Final score: USA 3, Canada 1.

  BEHOLD THE LUCKY LOONIE

  Hell hath no fury like women scorned, and this loss to the Americans made the players for Team Canada bound and determined to win the gold medal in the 2002 Winter Olympics. The Americans would have home ice advantage, as the Olympics were held that year in Salt Lake City, Utah. This time the Canadians had a lucky talisman about which, until the end of the tournament, they never knew. The members of the ice-maintenance crew at the E-Center arena in Salt Lake City had secretly hidden a Canadian “loonie” (Canada’s one dollar coin) below the center-ice faceoff circle for good luck, for both the men’s and women’s teams.

  LES FEMMES

  From the beginning of the 2002 Olympic tournament, it was clear that Team Canada head coach Danièle Sauvageau had the club thoroughly prepared. In the first two games, “Les Femmes” trounced Kazakhstan and Russia in 7–0 wins for Canada. The Canada-Russia rivalry in men’s hockey does not extend to the women’s game, which is far more advanced in Canada. Team Canada out-shot Russia by an incredible 60–6. Building on their momentum, Canada next beat Sweden 11–0, then prevailed over the tough Finnish team 7–3. This game was actually closer than the final score indicated. At the end of two periods, Finland was winning by a score of 3–2 on incredible goaltending from Finland’s Tuula Puputti. But Canada exploded in period three on goals by Hayley Wickenheiser, Jayna Hefford, Vicky Sunohara, Cassie Campbell, and Therese Brisson.

  Meanwhile, Team USA was pulverizing their opposition. They beat Germany 10–0, China 12–1, Finland 5–0, and Sweden 4–0 to set up an Olympic gold medal rematch, between America and Canada.

  GOLD MEDAL GAMERS

  From the opening faceoff, it was obvious that Team Canada had to face another obstacle in the game—whistle-happy referee Stacey Livingston. In the first period, four penalties were called against Canada and two against the U.S.; by the time the game was over, Team Canada had 13 penalties and Team USA had six. Killing off penalties for much of the first, Canada still managed to get out ahead on an early goal by Caroline Ouellette. Early in the second, Katie King tipped in a shot to even the score, 1–1. Wickenheiser pushed Canada ahead again before Hefford knocked in her own rebound on a breakaway to make the score 3–1. Team USA pressured hard in the third—with Karen Bye bringing them within one on a hard slapshot from the point—but Canada’s defence held out for a final score of Canada 3, USA 2.

  O CANADA

  Many fans at the E-Center were Canadians and proudly cheered as the country’s national anthem was played during the gold medal ceremony. Wickenheiser was named most valuable player of the tournament. Mario Lemieux, Theo Fleury, and other Canadian men’s players were in the stands for the game; three days later, it was Canada’s female players in the E-Center, cheering the men on to their own gold-medal victory over the U.S., 5–2. Yes, the secret loonie did bring luck. It is now in the Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto.

  AND THE AWARD GOES TO…

  The NHL’s trophy collection, covering a wide selection of categories, is the most impressive in professional sport.

  Each June, the NHL hands out an array of beautiful trophies to its best. No other professional sports league has as impressive a group of silverware as hockey’s big league. In addition, several team trophies, headed by the Stanley Cup, are awarded on the ice at conclusions of games in which they are earned. The donors of the original trophies range from Canada’s Governors General to fabled hockey executives and players, and many
individual laurels carry a cash prize. Most individual awards are selected by members of the Professional Hockey Writers Association.

  THE TEAM HONORS

  The Stanley Cup: The oldest trophy contested by North American professional athletes was donated in 1893 by Frederick Arthur, Lord Stanley of Preston, the Governor General of Canada. The trophy, purchased for ten guineas ($50 then) was to be presented to the amateur champions of Canada. Since the National Hockey Association, forerunner of the NHL, took control of the trophy in 1910, it has indicated supremacy in professional hockey. Only NHL teams have competed for it since the 1926–27 season.

  Presidents’ Trophy: Awarded annually to the club with the best overall record during the regular season, the trophy was presented to the NHL by the Board of Governors for the 1985–86 season. The first team to win it? The Edmonton Oilers.

  Prince of Wales Trophy: His Royal Highness The Prince of Wales presented the trophy in 1924 and it is now awarded to the playoff champion in the NHL’s Eastern Conference.

  Clarence S. Campbell Bowl: NHL teams placed the award in competition in 1968 to honor Campbell, president of the league from 1946 to 1977, and it now goes to the playoff champions in the Western Conference.

  INDIVIDUAL AWARDS

  Hart Memorial Trophy: Awarded to “the player adjudged to be the most valuable to his team,” the trophy was donated to the NHL in 1923 by Dr. Dave A. Hart in honor of his father Cecil Hart, manager-coach of the Montreal Canadiens. The original trophy was retired to the Hockey Hall of Fame in 1960.

  Conn Smythe Trophy: The trophy to “the most valuable player in the playoffs” was presented to the NHL by Maple Leaf Gardens Ltd. in 1964 in memory of the late Conn Smythe, the founder of the Toronto Maple Leafs, builder of the Gardens, manager, coach, and owner-governor of the team at various times.