by Bea Paige
“The Harmonious bond. It isn’t just Mihr and Fern who are connected. We all are.”
“That’s impossible…”
“Not impossible, no.”
“Wait, the prophecy…” Tillan gasps.
“There isn’t any other explanation.”
“Come, tell me everything that happened,” she says, striding over to me and taking my hand. I sit down on her scatter cushions, grateful for the chance to talk with someone who is not directly involved. It will be good to get an outside opinion. I take a deep breath, then blow it out slowly. I tell Tillan everything. I tell her about Gabe’s insistence on needing to touch Fern again, despite what had happened, I explain how Mihr suddenly understood what was needed when I hadn’t. I talk about the light. How I felt when I touched Fern and the connection I feel between us now, even sitting here with this distance between us. I describe how it felt to sing with Gabe and Mihr once more, and eventually I tell her the most important part of all.
“She has wings now?” Tillan looks at me with a mixture of shock and disbelief.
“Yes, and they are different to ours.”
“Different how?”
“I don’t know whether the difference is significant or not…”
“What is it, Ether? Talk to me, explain what you mean.”
I scrape a hand over my face, trying to swipe the exhaustion away. Like Mihr and Gabe, I haven’t slept properly for days.
“They’re pale blue, Tillan. Like the sparking lights in the vortex we enter the Shadowlands through.”
“Okay,” she says, her brows pulling together. “That is interesting. Do you believe it’s significant?”
“I don’t know. She wasn’t born of the curse, but of our bond. Reborn in light, not darkness.”
“There is only one way to find out, Ether. Her touch will either bring death like ours, or it won’t.”
“No! She doesn’t leave here. Not while that creature is still out there.”
“You can’t keep her here forever.”
“No, but I will do what I can to protect her now while she’s vulnerable.”
Tillan looks at me, her eyebrows pulling together in a frown. “That’s exactly my concern. Anyone close to Fern will be in danger too. We all know what Queen Adrielle’s Dark Knights are like, using family members as leverage to get what they want. They may not track as well as the wolf-shifters, but they’re still capable of doing so. Anyone linked to Fern will be in grave danger.”
“Fuck. In all of this, I hadn’t even considered that.”
Tillan sighs heavily. “Look, you need to remain with Fern. You need to get her through these next few weeks. I will return to Earth. I will find her family and make sure they’re okay.”
“And if you find that they’re not?”
“Then I will return here, and we will act together. I’m not a fool, Ether, I know when to fight and when to run.”
“Life damn it, Tillan. What have we brought upon her? She never wanted any of this. She certainly doesn’t want to be like us, but I’m afraid she will have to be in order to survive. Yet, I hope…”
“You hope she won’t have to take life like we do?” Tillan asks, reaching out to squeeze my hand.
“Of course. I don’t wish that for anyone.”
“Who does?” Tillan says gently. “I cannot think of any clan member who wants this life.”
“But we promised her it wouldn’t come to this. How can she trust us now?”
“You said she accepted her wings, that she’s strong enough to shoulder them. You doubt her?”
I shake my head. “I don’t doubt her strength.”
“Then what is it?”
“The burden she will have to bear. I worry about that. It’s a heavy weight, Tillan. I don’t believe she has accepted her wings at all, more that she was proving a point that she can shoulder them.”
“We’ve all carried it. We still carry it. It’s part of who we are now. We adapted because we had too. We live, do we not?”
“It’s not a life any of us want.”
“No it isn’t, but we still live it. Have you not considered that this is what was supposed to happen all along?”
I laugh sharply. “I thought you were all about choices, Tillan.”
“I still am. Fern made the decision to come here with you all. She made a choice to speak with Gabe, to touch him, kiss him. She chose that path, and it led her to this point.”
“It doesn’t make this any easier. I worry for what lies ahead.”
“She has you to guide her, Ether. She has Mihr and Gabe. Together you will help her become what she needs to be in order to survive.”
“How can I ask this of her?”
“You must. For us, for you, for her. For the rest of the clans in Ever Vale. This isn’t just about surviving anymore. This is about getting back what was taken, this is about fighting. Nostra gave you the tools to find her. He has given you allies in Clan Lux, or at least some of them. There will be allies in the other clans too.”
“I don’t want her hurt. I don’t want her in danger. Abanthe is out there, waiting. We must kill him. She won’t be safe until he’s dead.”
“He’s only part of the problem, Ether. Fern won’t truly be safe until Queen Adrielle is destroyed and this curse is broken. The bond you have will be for nothing if the Queen remains alive.”
I grit my teeth and press my eyes shut. I know Tillan is right. I know that now more than anything. I haven’t been a part of her life for as long as Gabe or have that special connection she seems to share with Mihr already, but I know what she means to them. What she’s beginning to mean to me.
“You care for her?” Tillan asks me.
Opening my eyes, I look into Tillan’s turquoise ones, but I don’t answer.
“Don’t be afraid to feel, Ether. I’ve known you long enough to know your flaws. Let her in. Caring for someone, loving them, is a risk to those whose hearts fear breaking. A risk I know only too well. But I’m telling you to do it for yourself. Do you understand?”
I nod my head.
“Good, now let me put together some tonics you can take back to Fern. These will help her over the coming days. Even though it was a thousand years ago when we all changed, I remember those first couple of weeks well. It was hell. These should help to ease her transition.” Tillan stands and makes her way back to her kitchen, leaving me to mull over all we’ve discussed.
I’m grateful for Tillan’s friendship. I’ve always been in awe of her, given what she’s lost. Tillan and I may once have been lovers, but her heart belongs to Starling. They were together for five hundred years and loved each other without restraint. But the darkness had eaten away at Starling. She’d hated what she was and suffered every time she took the soul bound to her. Each time she did, it took her longer and longer to recover. Eventually, despite Tillan’s love and hope for better things to come, Starling made the decision to break the cycle. Tillan had been heartbroken, and only after two hundred years of grief had she sought comfort in my arms. It didn’t last long. We’re better friends, but those few years got both of us through tough times. I will be forever grateful for Tillan’s strength and support. She’s a good friend. A good woman.
“Here,” Tillan says, striding over to me as I stand. “There should be enough here to get Fern through the worst moments. The rest is up to you, Mihr, and Gabe. She needs all of you; give her that and she will be okay.”
I take the velvet bag filled with the vials of tonic for Fern. “Thank you, Tillan, for everything.”
“Always, Ether,” she replies gently. Her fingers linger over the back of my hand and she leans over, pressing a gentle kiss against my lips.
“Loving someone, even if you’re afraid to lose them, is still worth all the pain when you do.”
“But I’m tired, Tillan. It’s been so long now… I’m not sure I have the strength anymore,” I say, my voice heavy.
“We are all tired, Ether. These tonics I make
to ease the burden, and living here in Utero, neither are enough anymore. This is a turning point for us all. Our people are suffering. The Shadowlands is full to the brim with memories. One day soon there won’t be room for any more. We are suffocating.”
“I know.” She’s right, she’s always right. I straighten my back, lift my chin and clutch the bag of tonics in my hand tightly. There is no time for weakness, I must remain strong. “Thank you for these,” I say.
Tillan pulls me in for a hug. “Just because you’re tired, it doesn’t make you weak. There is strength in vulnerability, Ether. Don’t be afraid to show it. Fern needs your honesty as much as anything else.”
She lets me go, but not before providing me with clothes for Fern that will fit her now with newly born wings.
“Tell Fern I am thinking of her. Tell her that if she ever needs a woman to speak to, I’m always here. Being amongst all that masculinity isn’t always easy,” she says with a light laugh.
“I will. Thank you.”
“Oh, and Ether, you look like shit. Fern will be sleeping for a good day. You need to take time to sleep too. You won’t be any good to her weak. Go home, rest. Then be the leader you’ve always been.”
“And what about you, Tillan? You’re my friend, I need you to be safe.”
“I will be. The first sign of that creature, I’ll return home. I will leave shortly, but first I need to know where Fern lived. From there I can track her movements. It may take me longer than the vampires and wolves, but I’ve learnt a lot over the years. Besides, we have time on our side, only a few hours have passed on Earth. Even if Abanthe has found someone close to Fern, it’s unlikely he would’ve caused them harm… yet.”
I nod my head. She’s right of course, there is that. In this instance, time is on our side.
“Here,” Tillan says, passing me a sheet of parchment and a pencil. I draw a map quickly, explaining the route back to Fern’s home, then pull her in for another hug.
“Be safe, Tillan.”
“Always. Now go rest so you’re strong enough for Fern. She needs you far more than I do,” Tillan responds with a half-smile.
Before returning to the temple, I stop off at my own home. It takes me a little while to collect all the supplies that I need. Fern needs privacy from the main city and other clan members for as long as possible and I don’t want to run out of supplies. It’s not that I don’t trust my people, it’s because I want Fern to have peace and quiet whilst recuperating. There’s no doubt that her appearance will bring concern, and her wings questions. She will need to be at full strength to deal with them. Gathering the last blanket from my bedroom, I roll it up and attach it to my bag. It will probably take a couple of trips to gather what I need but for now I have enough. On my bedside cabinet is my leather necklace that I’d removed the last time I was in Utero. I lean over to pick it up, only to find my head swimming. Black spots dance in front of my eyes, whilst a sudden, all-consuming exhaustion takes over my body. Tillan’s parting words resound in my head as I fall to the mattress and succumb to the heavy pull of sleep.
Chapter Four
Fern
I’m standing in the middle of a room next to a stone dais, a strange symbol carved into its surface. My fingers trail over the grooves that form the shape of a pentagon, the same shape of the room I am standing in now. Within the centre of the pentagon is a large central circle, and there are five more circles carved into the lines leading into it. My fingers hover over one circle in particular and when I press my fingertip into the groove it zings with electricity. I snap my hand back, the remnants of that electric shock shooting up my arm.
Stepping away from the dais, I look about the room. Everything is made of stone; stone floor, stone walls, stone ceiling, except the five wooden doors that sit within each stone wall. Carved into the surface of each door is a different flower. A rose decorates the first, ivy is scored into the surface of the next, then a dahlia, followed by a sunflower. All are extremely detailed and almost lifelike. On the final door, a single bluebell is carved. It’s the same bluebell etched into Gabe’s chest and the same flower replicated over and over again in the field of bluebells on Ether’s.
Goosebumps erupt over my skin.
Feeling a sudden need to touch the intricate carving, I reach out and press my fingers against the warm wood. The moment I do, I feel a pleasant tingling sensation spread up from my lower back and along my spine. Even the sensation is familiar; a warmth, followed by ice-cold, followed by blazing heat trails across my skin. It takes a few minutes for the sensation to fade away, and when it does I gingerly press my fingers against the skin affected. I’m not sure what I expected, but it feels no different. The surface of the skin on my back is still smooth and flat, I can still feel my wings though I’m not troubled by the weight of them here, in this place that seems both real and dreamlike.
It’s cold in the room, the flames from the torches hanging on the walls do nothing to warm it.
Even though I know I must be dreaming, that my subconscious mind is telling me a story whilst I sleep, there is something incredibly important about this room.
Powerful.
Real.
I have a sudden urge to face the door with the dahlia upon it and I want to turn to face it, but the sound of footsteps has my eyes rolling back in my head, and my body feeling weightless. Then I am falling.
Falling.
Falling…
Chapter Five
I awake to find myself encased between two warm bodies. One is distinctly cooler than the other. Without even having to look, I know who is lying either side of me: Gabe and Mihr. Exhaustion has them in a deep sleep and I am okay with that, they need the rest. It has been a hellish few days for all of us, it would seem. My own dream fades the more awake I feel, the lingering memory of it dissolving as my conscious mind wakes up, pulling me back into the present moment.
A sharp ache in my shoulders is mixed with a dull ache in my lower back, both vying for my attention. Ignoring the increasing pain, I turn my head to the left. Gabe is sleeping peacefully, his full mouth popped open slightly. He looks more relaxed and at ease than I’ve ever seen him. A tiny scar sits just below his bottom lip that I hadn’t noticed before now. I have the sudden, overwhelming urge to kiss it, but I don’t want to wake him. Instead I reach inside, searching for the connection we share, and give it a gentle pull. Gabe stirs, a smile lifting his lips before his face slackens again and he falls deeper asleep.
I don’t think I have ever seen anyone more beautiful.
Turning to my right, I look at Mihr. Purple shadows pull at his eyes and a light stubble adorns his face. His hay-blonde hair falls in gentle waves across his cheek, a few strands lifting as he breathes softly. I remember our kiss. I remember the way he held me against his body and the light touch of his lips against my own. The two men either side of me are so very different but each of them makes me feel safe, as though I belong. Mihr’s mouth parts and he lets out a long sigh, his warm breath tickling my skin. Something flutters against my cheek, the softest of touches scattering goosebumps across my skin.
A feather.
Like a blanket, I am ensconced in their wings. I reach up to touch them, my hands running beneath the underside. Mihr groans in his sleep, rolling closer to me. The sound has my senses tingling. A strong arm wraps around my waist, as warm fingers find bare skin where my top has slid up in my sleep. That simple touch has my body liquifying. Mihr snuggles closer, his forehead pressing against my cheek. For a moment I allow myself to enjoy his hug. Despite everything that’s happened and the absolute fear I am currently keeping at bay, I must allow myself the moment to revel in their closeness. I don’t doubt that once they are awake this moment of peace will be gone, filled instead with the reality of my situation. But for now, I will lie here between my angels.
Gabe shudders in his sleep and I slide my hand over, reaching for him. My fingers graze against more feathers, and this time it is Gabe who groans. The deep rum
ble reverberates up his chest as my fingers press against his skin. They are both still deep asleep, but despite that, the connection I feel for both of them zings in my chest. One warm, the other ice-cold, but both equally alluring. As much as I want to continue to touch them, I know if I carry on both will wake up, and they need sleep more than I need to feel their feather touch slide across my skin.
I settle between them both, trying to ignore the growing pain in my back, and concentrate on their warm bodies beside me. The velvety darkness of their wings reminds me of what lies in my future.
I’m an angel now.
I move my shoulders a little, testing whether my back does indeed still have wings attached. A sharp tug tells me I do. My shoulder blades pull together as my brain tries to instruct my newly formed body part to move. The pain is still there, very much so, but somehow it isn’t enough to make me pass out. It’s how I imagine phantom limb syndrome to be like. Except where someone suffering from it has lost a limb, the opposite is true for me. I feel sensation in my wings because they are real, they aren’t a phantom.
Wings.
I can’t quite believe what’s happened. That this is what I am now. Does this mean, like the rest of Clan Vitae, that I will have to take a baby’s life to save my own?
I can’t do that.
I press my eyes shut on the tears that have formed there. This isn’t a time for tears.
No.
I.
Must.
Be.
Strong.
If I concentrate beyond the pain, and the fear, I find that there is something else lingering in my consciousness. Something strangely unsettling.
Lust.
The moment I acknowledge it, my body reacts. The pain is forced to the background by this new sensation that warms me from the inside out. My toes curl as my stomach muscles clench and I find my breathing coming fast. Beside me, Mihr begins to stir. He groans in his sleep, sounding beyond exhausted. His arm pulls me closer, his fingers moving against my skin.