Saving Scotty

by Jocoby, Annie

  I felt so impotent as I held her head against my chest and stroked the back of her head. I wanted to tell her that it wasn’t the end of the world, and that she and I would have our own baby soon. But, somehow, I knew that those were not the right words to tell her. Her feelings for the life inside of her, that was now gone, apparently had shifted dramatically since the previous night. She was obviously feeling the grief over what had happened and sorrow for losing it. And I just had to let her feel it. There was nothing else that I could have done in that situation.

  So, I just said nothing, and just held her while she cried and clutched at my shirt desperately. “My baby. Why was she taken from me? I don’t understand. Why?”

  I had no words, but I had to say something. “Scotty, honey, it wasn’t meant to be. It just wasn’t. Sometimes things happen, and there’s no good explanation, except that fate is cruel. I wish that fate wouldn’t always be so cruel to you, but I’m right here. I hope that I can make things right for you. I just want to make things better.”

  She said nothing, but just shook her head. “I’m so sad, but I’m so angry, too. So angry. That man has put me through so much, and now I have to go through this, too. Because of him. I hate him, Nick. I hate him.” She said that she hated him with such force that it seemed as if she was just now realizing how much she really did despise that man. “I hate him, and I want him to burn in hell for what he did. I do. I won’t rest until that man is behind bars, and I know that he will stay there for the rest of his life.”

  I felt encouraged to hear her talk like that. Truth be told, Jack and I had been relentlessly trying to get her to go to the authorities to turn that pervert’s ass in. But, every time, she would say that she wasn’t ready. She was afraid. She thought that nobody would believe her, just like the first time. She felt that he was too wealthy and powerful, and that she couldn’t face him in court.

  But, sometimes, she would start to talk like she wanted to turn him in. I would make an appointment with a detective on the police force, only to have her back out at the very last second.

  I had never, however, seen the look of solid determination in her eyes like I saw, right at that second. I held my breath, thinking that maybe, just maybe, this time she really would do it. She would really go to the police with the evidence that she had, and press charges against him.

  I wasn’t sure why the doctor who examined her hadn’t gone to the authorities yet. I had put in a phone call to her, several different times, and she never called me back. Which angered me, beyond belief. Scotty wasn’t strong enough, just yet, to tackle this all on her own. I didn’t know why Dr. Woods didn’t already contact the necessary people to get the ball rolling. I even went down to her office one day, without telling Scotty, to confront her. Of course, she wasn’t there. She was out of the office that day.

  So, since Dr. Woods didn’t do the right thing in going to authorities to turn in the pervert, it was all on Scotty’s shoulders. All on Scotty’s fragile shoulders. Scotty needed to get a different attitude about frying the pervert’s ass. And it sounded like she was finally getting this different attitude. I only hoped that this different attitude was one that would last long enough for her to see it through.

  And then, when Mr. Lucas finally got his comeuppance that he so richly deserved, perhaps, just perhaps, Scotty could finally sleep at night.

  At least that was my hope.

  Chapter 41

  Scotty

  When I woke up that morning, in the hospital, with Nick, I, at first, thought that everything was a horrible, horrible dream. Once I started to slowly realize that I wasn’t having a dream – that I really was impregnated by that horrible man, and I had lost the baby, or babies, I started to think about something else. And that was that I was terribly unhappy and depressed to be losing these children. I had no idea why I started to think that way, because, when I found out about it, all that I could think was that I wanted that life, or lives, out of me. Yesterday.

  I was confused by my feelings. I thought that I was coming out of the confusion of my earlier roller-coaster of emotions, and that I was emerging from the fog and depression unscathed. Now, here I was, right back on the roller coaster. Happy that I was having a miscarriage, as opposed to delivering babies who belonged to that horrible man, one moment. The next moment, feeling sad and depressed because the life that was growing inside of me, even though I had no idea, until I was having the miscarriage, that this life was even there, was snuffed out. That was my maternal instinct kicking in, I guess.

  I found that I couldn’t really talk to Nick about this, because I didn’t know how I felt, from one moment to the next. He probably would have thought that I was crazy if I really expressed my feelings to him. I loved him so much, but he was a man, and he probably wouldn’t understand ambiguity in this case. He probably would have thought that I should either be happy that I had a miscarriage, instead of having to carry the life to term, or sad about it. I didn’t think that he would understand that I was feeling both of these emotions, equally strongly.

  I didn’t want to think about it, though. All that I could concentrate on, with zero ambiguity, was my absolute hatred of that horrible man. I knew that I was going to be having some kind of procedure that day. A D&C, or something like that. I had no idea what that was, but I knew that the doctor was going to explain it to me soon enough. I also imagined that I would be going home that same day. So, I would be going home, with Nick. And I would have a talk with him about going to the authorities about Mr. Lucas, first thing Monday morning. I hoped that he would be able to go with me, if he didn’t have too much to do at work. I literally needed him to hold my hand while I went to talk to whomever it is was in charge of that particular division.

  At some point, Dr. Woods came into my room. She had a very sympathetic look on her face. “How are you doing today?” she asked me.

  “Fine,” I said, squeezing Nick’s hand. “It seems that I have stopped bleeding.”

  “Good,” she said. “I wanted to tell you a little bit about the procedure that we’re going to do today. A D&C means dilation and curettage. You will be under general anesthesia during the process. Your cervix will be dilated, and then I will use what is called a curette that will gently scrape the surface of your uterus. This is a necessary procedure, because there might still be matter inside of your uterus that will cause problems later on.”

  I nodded my head. “Okay, thank you for the education about that. When will this happen?”

  “I have you booked for 10 AM. It’s really a simple procedure, and you will be in recovery for a few hours, after which you may go home.”

  Nick was standing there, holding my hand, but not really saying anything. I was sure that this was not his comfort zone, and I felt badly for him.

  Dr. Woods came over and put her hand on my shoulder. “I’m very sorry about this. But you should know that this procedure, and your miscarriage, should not affect your ability to conceive in the future. I know that many women worry about that, so I wanted to ease your mind.”

  “Thank you, Dr. Woods,” I said.

  She smiled. “Okay, then, I need to take you down to get prepped for surgery.” She looked at Nick. “You may come with her to the waiting area if you like.”

  “Of course,” he said. “That goes without saying.”

  I smiled. If Nick was allowed in the room during surgery, he probably would be there. Even though I was quite sure that this procedure was distasteful for all involved.

  ∞

  The surgery seemed to go well, I guess. I really wanted to stay in that euphoric state that I was in, right before I went under. I counted back from 100, and, by the time that I said “96”, I was floating, and feeling that nothing had touched me. All of the tragedy that had happened to me in the past few weeks didn’t happen, or, at least it felt that way in that split second in time. Then, the next thing I knew, I was waking up in the recovery room. There was a blanket over me, but I was still freezing
.

  Dr. Woods came over to me, my chart in hand. “Ms. James, your surgery went well. How are you feeling?”

  I shook my head. “I’m okay, physically. Emotionally, I’m not so sure. I don’t really understand how I feel. I mean, this was the best possible scenario, under the circumstances. I couldn’t imagine bringing this life to term. That would be horrible. Beyond horrible. But, at the same time…I don’t know, that was my baby.” And then I looked at her. “Was there more than one?”

  “Yes,” Dr. Woods said with a nod of her head. “It did seem that there were two fetuses that were miscarried.”

  Somehow, knowing that made my heart hurt even more. Now I had to mourn for the loss of two lives, not just one. Two lives that I had no idea existed until I started bleeding on Nick’s bathroom floor. And now they were all that I could think about.

  “Well, thank you very much,” I said to her. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

  She squeezed my hand. “Of course,” she said. “Again, you have my condolences.”

  I had to lay in the recovery room for about another hour, before a nurse came by to let me know that I was free to go. So, I got dressed and hopped down and sat down in my wheelchair and wheeled myself out to the waiting area, where Nick was sitting. He wasn’t doing anything at all. He wasn’t watching television or reading a magazine or anything. He was just staring into nothingness, although he did seem extremely happy to see me.

  He got up and started pushing me out the hospital door. “How are you doing, my love? Is there anything that I can do for you?”

  I shook my head. I was feeling that I wasn’t able to talk without crying right at that moment, so I just didn’t talk at all. I just wanted to go home. Go home and get into bed and feel my raw emotions for a while. And then I wanted to take action. Call the sex offender division of the NYPD and get the ball rolling. Mr. Lucas was finally going to pay for what he did. I was more afraid than angry before. Now my anger had finally overtaken my fear, and I knew that Mr. Lucas was going down.

  Nick then pushed me out the door and helped me into the waiting limo. He was being so good, but he didn’t know what to say, and neither did I. So, we rode in silence to his loft.

  When we finally got into his loft, I asked to go upstairs to the bedroom. “I’m sorry, Nick, I’m just really tired. I know that you have to go to work tomorrow, and I have school, so I need to save my energy for that.”

  “Of course, honey. Whatever you need,” he said.

  “Thanks,” I said, as Nick carried me up the stairs. He gently laid me down on the bed and laid down beside me.

  “I’ll just lay here with you until you fall asleep,” he said.

  “Thank you,” I said, but I was drifting off, even as I said it. Within a few minutes, I was out like a light.

  Chapter 42

  I woke up later on that day, and called down to Nick to help me to get downstairs. I heard Jack in the living area, so I was anxious to tell him about what was going on.

  Nick came up and helped me to get downstairs. I got down there, and Jack was sitting on the couch. “Well, hello there, dollface,” he said. “What happened to you?”

  I looked at Nick, and he shrugged his shoulders. This told me that he didn’t tell Jack what had happened.

  I took a deep breath and said “Oh, where do I begin?” So, I told him about the miscarriage and how I was feeling very ambiguous about it.

  Jack sat there with his mouth open. “Oh, my god. That’s so awful. I’m so sorry. Is there anything that I can do?”

  I looked at Nick and then again at Jack and said “Yes. There is something that both of you can do for me. And that’s just to sit down and listen to me. Because I’ve made a decision. A firm decision.”

  Jack said “Okay. But I have a feeling that this is going to require a cocktail. What would you like?”

  “A glass of wine would be good,” I said. “And whatever Nick wants.”

  Nick looked at Jack and said “the usual. Scotch rocks,” he said. He was looking at me expectantly. I think that he knew what I was going to say, but, at the same time, wanted me to come right out and say it.

  Jack got drinks for all of us, and sat the wine and cocktails down on Nick’s marble coffee table.

  “Okay,” Jack said, sitting down. “What decision did you make?”

  “I’ve decided that that man. That horrible man. That sick perverted man who has haunted my life. He’s going down. Yesterday.”

  Nick’s face lit up, but Jack looked skeptical. “Okay,” Jack said. “Heard it before. How do we know that you’re really going to do this now?”

  “Because I’ve reached my tipping point. Having him impregnate me, and then having that life ripped out of me, has finally made me realize how much he has taken from my very soul. How much damage he has done to me. I don’t know, when I found out about those babies, something inside of me cried out that I needed justice. I needed justice for myself, and for everybody else that he might be attacking. And for those poor innocent babies. They never were meant to be, but that doesn’t matter. They did come into existence, and they never would have if it wasn’t for that monster.” And then I paused. “And I’m going to say something that is going to sound really weird, but please bear with me.”

  Nick looked at me, compassion in his eyes. “Go on, love. Whatever you say isn’t going to be weird, or any weirder than what everybody thinks about at one point or another. So, please go on.”

  I just looked at Nick and Jack and took a deep breath. “Well, here’s the thing. Those two babies had a soul. I really believe that. And, well, I don’t know if this was their only chance to live. I’d like to think not. You know, that they’ll have another chance at life, with somebody else. But I don’t know. Anyhow, if this was their only chance, well, then, it doesn’t seem fair that Mr. Lucas would have deprived them of that. Because they never would have come into existence without his despicable actions. I know that what I’m saying doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t necessarily make a lot of sense to me, either. But I feel that I need to seek justice for them as well.”

  Jack and Nick were both looking at me like they actually understood what I was saying. Neither had a look on their face that told me that they were befuddled by my existential ramblings.

  Nick put his hand on my arm. “That makes perfect sense, Scotty. I mean, nobody really knows, for sure, about all of that. So, your theory about their souls being denied a chance to exist because of Mr. Lucas does make sense.”

  “Yes,” I said. “And so, I have finally decided, once and for all, that Mr. Lucas is going down. I won’t rest until I know that he’s behind bars for life.”

  “Okay,” Nick said. “Let’s do this. Let’s do it tomorrow. I don’t have any meetings tomorrow, so I’ll take some time off of work to take you to see the police department.”

  “Thanks, Nick,” I said. “Thank you so much for doing this for me. For standing by me. I love you so much I can’t stand it. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

  He smiled. “Love, you will never have to find out.”

  Chapter 43

  As it turned out, I wasn’t able to go and see the detectives the next day. I had to deal with the fallout of something that I had completely forgotten about, in the chaos that was my life ever since my rescue from the house of horrors on that island.

  I was not sure why it took so long, but, somehow, someway, my mother got the letter that I wrote her. And she called Jack and left several frantic messages.

  So, when I woke up on Monday, eager to get rolling, I, instead, was treated to Jack telling me about the desperate messages.

  “Scotty,” he said. “Your mother thinks that you’re dead. She said that she got a suicide note from you.”

  My mouth flew open. The letters! I had given Helen those two letters that explained why I was going to kill myself. “Oh, crap,” I said. “Crap.”

  “What?” Jack said. “I don’t understand what she’s talking abo
ut. I thought that it was the Popov talking, but is there anything to it?”

  “You…have you checked your mail lately?”

  “Not since last week,” he said. “Why is that important?”

  “Uh, well, if my mom got a letter, then you will too. I, uh, sent both of you letters when I was on the island with Mr. Lucas.”

  “What were the letters about?” Jack asked.

  “Uh,” I said, and then Nick came into the room. He was in the shower when Jack confronted me about the letters.

  “You ready, honey?” he asked me. He had a light jacket for me in his hand. “It’s going to be chilly today, so you need to wear this.”

  “I, uh, uh…you’re going to kill me,” I said. “But I can’t go today.”

  Nick’s eyes flashed anger. “I’m sorry?” he said. “What do you mean you can’t go?”

  “Well, I, uh…I, I, I need to see my mother. Today. Right now.”

  “Your mother?” he said. “I don’t understand. You promised me that you would go and see the police today. You can’t back out like that.”

  I started to feel a little bit desperate. I needed to see my mother, to let her know that I was alright. I had no idea how she was able to call Jack, because she didn’t have a cell phone or a land line anymore. I could only imagine that she found a pay phone somewhere.

  But how would I tell Nick that? I would have to admit to my suicidal ideation, which was something that I had chosen to keep from him. He would be so angry with me.

  “There’s something that she believes that isn’t true. I, I, I…”

  Nick was looking like he was losing patience with me. Finally, I thought. It was only a matter of time before he lost patience with my wavering butt.

  Jack chimed in with Nick. “Scotty, you have to go and see the sexual assault division of the NYPD today. You can’t back out.”