by Alexa Land
“Okay. Be careful.” My heart broke at seeing him so disappointed. When he was gone, I pulled out my phone and called Finn, who answered on the second ring. “Hi. I’m sorry to bother you at work,” I told him.
“It’s fine, nothing’s happening right now. We’re on patrol, Duke’s driving. What’s up?”
“I just needed to hear your voice,” I told him as I sat down on the kitchen floor and leaned against the cabinet, hugging my knees to my chest.
“What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“Are the boys okay?”
“Colt and I just had a talk. I told him about the letter.”
“How’d he take it?”
“It seems like he’s in shock. He just went for a walk to clear his head.” I switched the phone to my other ear and said, “Did I do the right thing, Finn? Maybe I should have shielded him from the truth.”
Finn said something to his partner, and then he told me, “You had to be honest with him and now that he knows, we can both help him deal with it. You went all those years wondering who your dad was and wanting to find him. There was no way you’d make Colt go through the same thing, not when you already knew the answer.”
“But when I found my dad, he turned out to be a decent guy, not a sick fuck like Aimsley. Colt actually asked me what it meant that half his DNA came from a monster.”
“Shit,” Finn muttered. “That poor kid.”
“I hated hurting him like that. I knew the news would hit him like a ton of bricks, given everything Colt knows about Aimsley. But he started talking about finding his dad, and I just couldn’t lie to him.”
“Colt is a strong kid, and he’ll deal with this. It’ll probably just take a little time to come to terms with this information.”
“You’re right,” I said. “I can’t stand seeing him hurting, though.”
“I know, baby. Me too.”
“Thanks for listening,” I said quietly.
“Always. I just wish I could make you feel better.”
“You are. Just hearing your voice is such a comfort.”
“You know, when you told me about the letter, we only thought about your brother and what this information would do to him. But what about you, Chance? It couldn’t have been easy to find out who Colt’s father was.”
“I can’t even really process it.” I heard a key in the lock and was surprised when Finn pushed open the door a moment later with the phone to his ear. I put my phone down and looked up at him as I said, “Hey. What are you doing here?”
“You sounded like you needed a hug, and we weren’t all that far away.”
I got to my feet and he took me in his arms. “Thank you,” I whispered as he rubbed my back.
“It’s going to be okay, Chance. Colt will be fine. The truth was the right choice.” I nodded as I buried my face in his chest, and he said, so softly, “Thank you, too.”
I looked up at him and asked, “For what?”
“You reached out to me when you were upset. That’s the closest you’ve ever come to asking for help.”
“You’re thanking me for that?”
He grinned a little and said, “I like feeling needed. That’s kind of a big thing with me. It’s part of the reason I became a cop, not just because that’s the default occupation for the Nolan family.”
“You’re incredibly needed,” I said. “Our family would fall apart without you. I would, too.”
“No you wouldn’t. You’re a survivor, just like your brother.”
“You’re right, I am. But that was all I was doing before you came along, just surviving. That was no kind of life. I’m worlds better now, thanks to you.”
He tilted my chin up and gave me a kiss, then said, “I’ll be back around six, I told the boys I’d take them to the warehouse. Are you working a double today?”
“No, I actually have the night off so I can join you.”
“That’s awesome.” Finn kissed me again, then led me to the door by the hand as he said, “I have to get back to work, Duke’s probably getting annoyed.” He kissed me one more time. “I need to work this into my route, a daily stop-off for a hug and kiss.”
“Your captain would love that,” I said as we stepped out onto the little landing above the alley.
He said, “I know. See you in a few hours, baby. I’m so happy that we get two nights off in a row together!” He tipped me back and kissed me passionately, like something out of a movie, then put me back on my feet and smiled at me before jogging down the stairs.
I peered over the railing at the black and white police cruiser parked below. Duke was leaning out his rolled down window with his arm resting on the doorframe, and he grinned at me and gave me a little wave. I smiled at him and raised my hand in greeting.
“I miss you already,” Finn called. He winked at me before he got in the car and they rolled down the alley. He’d come so incredibly far in the months I’d known him. The old Finn never would have yelled something corny like that in front of his partner. It was incredibly sweet, actually.
My phone vibrated as I went back inside, and I pulled it out and read a text from Jamie. It said: Someone’s here to see you. Do you need more time with Colt? We can keep your friend busy until you can come down. I sent a message back, slipped on my shoes and headed downstairs.
When I poked my head into the office opposite the kitchen, Jamie’s best friend Jessica was making funny faces at Lily and dressing her in a little black velvet coat while Dmitri chuckled. Jamie told me, “Your friend wanted to wait out there,” and tilted his head toward the dining room. I thanked him and went to see who it was.
Zachary stood uncertainly among the empty tables, fidgeting with the zipper of a black jacket, which he wore over a baggy t-shirt and jeans. I broke into a run when I saw him and almost tackled him in a hug as I exclaimed, “I missed you so fucking much! Please don’t ever disappear again!”
“I’m sorry. I’m a total asshole,” he muttered as he wrapped his arms around me. One of my coworkers, who’d been wiping down her tables, went back to the kitchen to give us some privacy.
“No you’re not.”
“It was shitty of me to vanish on you like that, but I needed some time to get things in perspective.”
I pulled back to look at him, holding him by his bony shoulders. He looked paler and thinner than usual, and his dark eyes were underscored with bluish shadows. He’d been growing out his hair, and it was currently black with a bright red stripe down the right side of his face. “Where have you been staying? Are you alright?”
“I’d been staying with a john. He was fucking me instead of charging rent, but then he started to get really possessive, so I had to bail. Now I’m just staying at a residence hotel.”
“Why’d you leave your apartment?”
“I needed a change. I thought I could find a new place, but I hadn’t realized what a good deal I’d been getting. When I started looking at other apartments, I almost died of sticker shock.”
I took his hand and led him to a nearby table. When he sat down, I pulled another chair around so we were knee-to-knee and asked, “Are you still at the escort service?”
“No. I decided to go freelance. I was tired of them taking such a big cut of my earnings.”
“How’s that going?”
He shrugged and turned his head. “I dunno. Not great.” After a moment, he glanced at me and said, “So, you really quit the business, just like that? Thanks for all those texts, by the way. I liked knowing what was going on with you.”
“Yeah, now I wait tables,” I said, gesturing at our surroundings. “I kind of had to quit, not only because I needed to set a good example for my kid brother and his boyfriend, but because I couldn’t do that to Finn.”
“It sounds like you’re really getting yourself together.” He pushed his chair back and stood up. “I should go.”
I got up too and said, “No, not yet! I’ve been so worried about you, Zachary. Ple
ase just stay a little longer.”
“You don’t need someone like me hanging around. You’ve got this new job and a new man and a new family, and I’m the same as ever. I’m sure you don’t want to associate with some low-class rent boy now that you got your shit figured out.”
“Oh come on! You’re my best friend, and I’m the same person I always was, too. I might have walked away from the job, but do you think I immediately forgot all about my past? I was right where you are for over a decade.”
“You got out, though. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to.” He sounded defeated when he said that.
“Come and live with Finn and me and the boys. We’re about to move into a warehouse and we’ll have plenty of room. It’ll take off the pressure of making rent every month and give you more options.”
Zachary frowned a little. “And just mooch off you? Yeah, right. As if I could do that.”
“You’re my best friend, Zachary. I’ll gladly share all I have with you.”
“And what’s your boyfriend going to say about that?”
“He’ll say welcome to the family. He has the kindest heart and the most generous nature of anyone you’ll ever meet.”
“Even after you tell him I used to have a crush on you? Wouldn’t that make things super awkward?”
“It’ll only be awkward if we let it. You’ve moved past the crush, right?” He nodded and I said, “So let’s not let something from the past get in the way of our future. Just move in so you can stop worrying about rent and figure out a new plan.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“It is! Just say yes.”
But he was shaking his head as he took a step back from me. “I can’t. No matter what you say, your boyfriend would resent me intruding on your new life together.”
“He won’t. Why don’t you stick around and meet Finn? He’ll be home in a couple hours and you’ll see for yourself the type of man he is.”
“There’s no point, it’d never work out. Look, I gotta go. I’m expected across town in twenty minutes.”
“Please at least think about it,” I said.
“I can’t. I need the money, and I won’t make nearly as much doing anything else. I doubt I’d even be able to land a regular job.”
“Sure you would. You’re a smart guy, Zachary, and you’re better than that job.”
“Nah. I’m exactly right for it. I’ve got nothing else in me, but you do. I wish you’d stop ignoring that amazing gift you have. You should be taking pictures, every single day, and you should be carrying them into every gallery in town and making them look at what you can do. If the people in the first gallery are too stupid to want to sell your work, go to another one, and another one after that. Eventually, I know you’ll find someone who doesn’t have their head up their ass and then you can finally do what you’re meant to. Do whatever it takes to make it as a photographer, Chance. For both of us, okay?”
“It’s not even sort of true that you have nothing else to offer. You just haven’t found your thing yet.”
He frowned at me and said, “Did you hear any of the rest of that?”
“Yeah, I did. Thank you for thinking that.”
His frown deepened. “I don’t just think it, I know it. Do that for yourself, Chance, just give believing in yourself a shot. You go on and on in your texts about all you want for your brother and this Elijah kid, how you want to be able to pay for their college education and help them succeed, but you never say anything about what you want for yourself. I know how much you love photography, and I remember how passionate you used to be. Every time I saw you, you’d have your camera in your hand. But in the last year, bit by bit, you’ve been letting it go, and I fucking hate that. It all started when you took that stupid photography class at the community college and the teacher gave you a B instead of the A plus you deserved. Don’t you get that that asshole was jealous of you? He only wished he had your talent! But somehow, you let some dipshit’s opinion matter that much to you! What do you think, that because he got someone to let him teach a class that he’s the fucking god of photography and only his petty, jealous opinion counts?”
I knit my brows and said, “How did we get on this subject? We were talking about you making changes, not me. I’ve already made plenty.” I gestured at the restaurant again.
“Yeah, but this new job is bullshit. No offense. You’re busting your ass and working a million fucking hours and are so tired at the end of the day that you can barely raise your arms.”
“I never said any of that.”
“You didn’t have to. I worked the same job in high school, and during the summers I was always pulling double shifts just like you do,” Zachary said.
“I didn’t know you waited tables.”
“That’s not the point. Someone who can do what you can with a camera has no business waiting tables. You have no business doing any job other than photography, not with that insane amount of God-given talent. And here you are, worried about everybody else, me included, when you don’t even give yourself a moment’s consideration!”
“You’re doing the same thing!” I exclaimed. “We were talking about you, and you completely made it about me!”
“This is different. I’m not the one with all that talent,” he said, raising his voice.
“So, does that mean you can just make excuses and give up on yourself? I’m right here, Zachary, offering you a way out of prostitution and into a better life, and I’m doing that because I love you and care about you so fucking much! Just let me help you. Please?”
“You know it’s not that easy. When have you ever accepted help?”
“I’m trying to learn to do that. I was exactly like you, unwilling to rely on anyone but myself. I was so used to other people letting me down that I stopped giving anyone the chance to do it again. My own mother didn’t believe me when I told her I was sexually molested. You think I didn’t end up with trust issues after something like that?”
Zachary’s eyes went wide, and he said, “Shit, Chance. I’m so sorry.”
“Thanks, but the point of that wasn’t to dredge up my shitty childhood, it was to let you know I understand. You don’t want to have to rely on anyone other than yourself. But I promise you, Zachary, I won’t let you down. You know me, we’ve been friends for a long time. Please have some faith in me.”
“I do. That’s not the issue,” he said. “You need to forget about me and focus on your photography career and your boyfriend and those two boys you’re trying to look after. You already have a hell of a lot on your plate, and the last thing you need is me and my problems adding to it all.”
“Do you really think I’m enough of an asshole to forget about my best friend and just go on merrily with my life?”
“I didn’t mean it like that! I just mean you need to quit worrying about me. I’ll get my shit together on my own.”
“At least think about my offer.”
“What if I keep turning tricks?” he asked. “Would you want a hooker living with your kid brother? I wouldn’t exactly be a good role model. And you said you’ve been trying to get custody of those boys, you and Finn both. I can’t imagine child welfare would be too thrilled that you took in a prostitute.”
“You wouldn’t have to keep hooking. You probably feel trapped, like I used to. But I’m opening a door for you, Zachary. All you have to do is walk through it.”
“But your offer is contingent on me no longer being a sex worker.”
“No, it isn’t, actually,” I said. “I can’t force you to quit. All I can do is make it so you don’t need that job. Without the financial pressure of keeping a roof over your head, you could look at alternatives.”
He was quiet for a long moment before saying, “I’ll think about it, that’s all I can promise right now. I have to go, but I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”
“Don’t disappear again, Zachary. Please?”
“I won’t.” He started to leave, but he turned bac
k before reaching the door and said, “Do something for me, Chance.”
“Anything.”
“Don’t ever let anyone tell you you’re not good enough. Not even you.”
I gave him a half-smile and said, “I’m working on that.”
“Good.”
“I’ll text you tomorrow.”
Zachary grinned just a little and said, “I know,” before he walked out the door.
*****
When Colt got back from his walk, he went straight to his room and closed the door. I was worried about him, but gave him some space. As soon as Elijah walked in the door a few hours later with Finn right behind him, Colt flung the bedroom door open and ran to his boyfriend. Elijah grabbed him in a hug and the teens held each other tightly.
Apparently my brother had already texted him with the news, because Elijah said, “Who and what he was doesn’t have a thing to do with you, Colt. Just look at me and my old man. He’s a mean drunk and a racist and a homophobe, but none of that changed who I am, and I actually grew up with him.”
Colt nodded in agreement and said softly, “Okay. You’re right.” The young couple went to their room, Elijah’s arm around Colt’s shoulders as he continued to reassure him.
I told Finn, “I said the exact same thing to Colt, almost word for word. I can tell it meant a lot more coming from his boyfriend, though.”
Finn grinned as he dropped onto the couch and pulled me onto his lap. “Of course it did. That’s Teenager 101 right there. Boyfriends and peers always take precedence over parents.”
“Parents?”
“Let’s face it, you’re his father figure and the closest thing Colt will ever have to a Dad.”
“No pressure,” I said as I settled in and put my head on Finn’s shoulder.
“You’re doing great with him. It’s so obvious that he loves you and looks up to you.”
“Thank you for saying that.” I picked up his hand and kissed it before hugging it to my chest.
“So, I called the bank today and got the ball rolling on the escrow process. It looks like it’ll go smoothly. I also added your name to my checking and savings accounts, and before you protest, just hear me out. If anything ever happened to me, you’d need access to that money. You have our family to look after.”