War Torn Love

by Londo, Jay M.

  “Well then young lady, I think you better tell us both what had happened to you last night, you’re not a drinker! So why on earth did you end up drinking, in the first-place?”

  He had a look of utter disappointment written all over his face. If he was disappointed in me now, wait until he heard the rest of the story. I looked over at Momma…her too. I had desperately had hoped she would have stepped in on my behalf - and defended me - I guess the little kid in me was not wanting to take responsibility of my actions. However, I knew that distinctive look all too well, that look that she wanted to say something - like she was holding back, but for some reason I didn’t understand - she never really got actually around to it. She never seemed to speak out of turn, especially to father, he had final word in everything. I knew when I married I wouldn’t let Abram control me like that; I was too much of an independent spirit.

  I knew I had to tell them, if I had expected them in turn to be treating me as an adult, especially after last night, that was exactly what Poppa had done, I know I let him down. I certainly didn’t feel like having them hear about my evening from anybody else, that wouldn’t be fair to either of them. Then I certainly thought this was the ideal time to act like one, and just come clean, no matter what the outcome shall be, take my chastisement if you will, I brother get it over with once and for all, get it out in the open. I took a deep breath, “Poppa, Momma could I have a word with you both?”

  Momma piped in, “Sure sweetie!”

  I took a deep breath then blurted out, “Well I ended up making a complete fool of myself at last night’s dance. I am going to be the laughing stock of the town, I am sure, when it begins to leaks out. See, they were serving beer last night, and I well the alcohol started taking hold on me.” Just then, I noticed a strange look Poppa gave Momma. “I thought it would be fun to try some; I had surely earned a little fun, well it happened so quickly, it got out of hand on me. I consumed beer – which led to several more right after. I was so drunk I cannot possibly give an explanation to either of you, at least one that would answer either of your questions you are going to be asking. That’s not the worst of it,” I paused, my eyes filled with tears, - “ See I along with several others of the girls in my class just started getting completely rowdy, we began challenging one another - sort of truth of dare…more dare really. So while Abram left to go the bathroom, to visit with his friends for a while, I did something terrible. After consuming even more beer, and shots of vodka, I went temporarily mad I was losing control of my ability to control myself, be able to act upon right from wrong. Oh, it was so horrible! I stripped down until I was completely naked.” My Dad nearly fell over in his chair. I went on before he could interrupt, “and if that was not bad enough, it got even worst that that. After yet another shot of vodka, I began foolishly dancing as if I was a ballerina on stage.”

  Poppa was turned crimson - he was clinching his fist, and breathing rather deeply. I knew he was mad, and probably I had disappointed my parents. “Would you both please excuse me?” He got up and left from the table, left the room, headed on outside, slamming the door behind him. That did not help - we could still both hear him yelling. Neither Momma nor I said a word. I trembled - I had never seen him this mad before. I was so worried. In all this, knowing that Momma just had to be extremely angry with me, she kindly reached out and held onto my hand. She wouldn’t meet my eyes though.

  Poppa still red faced walked back into the room, about five-minutes later. He sat down, took a deep breath, “Ok then young woman what of Abram - how could he have allowed such a sinful act to have taken place?”

  “No, no Poppa you’ve got it all wrong. He had absolutely nothing to do with this, and trust me when I say this, he didn’t consent to me to do any of this either, when he return, he saw what I was doing, only after returning to me. He was shocked, to say the very least – and he acted quickly. He dressed me as quickly as possible, at shuffled me off at once - out of there - and brought me home safely. He was a perfect gentleman the whole time.” Poppa was having a very hard time controlling his anger. I was real worried!

  “I just don’t understand what possessed you do that?”

  “Well that girl last night wasn’t me - she was nothing like me.”

  Poppa was calming back down, “ I understand it was more than likely the alcohol making you do this crazy thing - come to think of it, you really have never drank any measure of beer before, I guess that was my fault for not exposing you to such things before now. Hana, I’m curious how did this make you feel, after you sobered up enough to realize what you had done?”

  I started weeping, I was so ashamed, “Oh Poppa, Momma, I am so embarrassed and ashamed of myself. Then in all this mess, I thought about you, and what you were going to think of me, after you had found out. I know I disappointed you both, and I can hardly bear that. I also worried that I was going to lose Abram because of this. I was not able to walk, halfway home I was violently sick, and threw up several times. Abram took me to a restraunt, and cleaned me up, and then he bought me some coffee to be try to sober me up. That is when I told him that I had brought him shame, and that I would have to understand if he did not want to still marry me. Poppa, Momma I could not believe it, he actually told me, “Hana it’s ok what had happened, because we all make mistakes at some time or another. I loved you unconditionally, first and for most that, I would have to be pretty shallow if he didn’t marry me over this one incident, wouldn’t you say?” He told me that we would get through this mutually, that I would not have to go through this alone. Poppa, Momma, you have to know he insisted on me telling you both what had happened.”

  Poppa said, “I guess I could learn a thing or two from him, he’s wise beyond his young years.”

  “He did ask one other thing of me Poppa.”

  Curious Poppa asked, “What’s that my child?”

  “He asked me to maybe refrain from drinking alcohol in the future.”

  That’s when I got a very unexpected reaction out of Poppa -when he surprised me when he began to laugh aloud, somewhat uncontrollably and his eye’s began watering. Then Momma joined in too, soon I was not able to resist any longer, I began laughing as well it all was kind of funny thinking back, though I wouldn’t want to do it again. I have to say I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.

  Poppa said, “He’s right you know, from the sound of it, my sweet heart, you can’t hold your liquor, you’re defiantly your mothers daughter, just like your Momma, more than you’ll ever know, why on earth do you think she never has no more than a single glass of wine at one sitting.”

  Momma said, “My child, I have my own wild story - oh I put your poor Poppa through a lot of grief. Poppa’s right, I guess you get that from me alright.”

  Finally, he had stopped laughing. “Little bear, it must have taken you an awful lot of courage to have come and talked to your mother and I. Though you did something poorly behaved, the way you handled yourself afterwards surely demonstrates that you realize what you have done. It also shows me that you are acting like a woman. I think after last night, a bad woman, but also a good woman, good-versus evil. It also showed that you have a lot of strength and true character to be willing to give up the love of your life, in order to, not bring shame upon him, or his family. You gave him the choice. That was a very unselfish act. You know sweetie, there is an old saying, “’Let your love go, and if they come back to you, then they certainly love you. If they do not return to you, then they never loved you.”’ You know you did this last night - a test, and look at what happened - Abram came back to you. He has demonstrated his true love and his measure as a man. He has also shown that he would stand behind you through anything.”

  I had stopped laughing and was weeping once more.

  “Come here Hanna!” Poppa said.

  I got up out of my chair, Poppa stood up, and invited me into his open, loving arms to me - I gladly went into his arms, knowing by doing this that he was forgiving me. As hi
s powerful arms tenderly closed in softly around me. My emotions let loose - now knowing it was going to be ok. “I’m so ashamed of myself I’m so sorry to you both, I’m sorry I brought disgrace to our family. I just don’t know what I was thinking.” I felt so comfortable in Poppa’s arms. Poppa has a way of knowing how to make me feel better.

  “Little bear, remember we're family, so we shall get through this together, what comes of this, shall come, it is God’s will. The important thing to bear in mind is that you can try forgiving yourself. And please promise mother and me, for gosh sacks not to drink so much ever again.”

  “Poppa, I give you my word, if this is what alcohol does to you, makes you act all funny, and feel horrible then you must trust me, I do not want any part of this ever again. That will be a promise easy for me to keep.”

  “I love you my child, and as far as Abram is concerned in this particular matter, after what you have shared with me, I’m awfully proud of how he handled things, you have a good man there Hanna!”

  “Thank you Poppa, I do don’t I! I am so happy you adore him. He makes me so happy!”

  Momma then came over and gave me a hug. And kissed me on my forehead, “sweetie why don’t you go try lying down for a while, it will help you feel a little better to get some sleep.”

  “Thank you Poppa. Momma I love that I can come to you both, and talk to you, thanks for everything, again I’m truly sorry!”

  They both smiled at me as I left the room. I headed off upstairs, and fell asleep. My parents had the difficult task of explaining all this to Abram’s parents. Don’t worry they did not hold it against me, as far as they were concerned I’m family, and family forgives one another. Abram had told them everything.

  The next, few times I ran into certain boys on the streets -in town - I had received a few catcalls, but nothing much more, in part thanks to the simple, but true-enough fact they were afraid of what Abram would do if he was to find out. It was not long before it was all forgotten, just water under the bridge.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  “I DO”

  I did my best to move on from the graduation nightmare incident - at least to my benefit no one mentions it around me. And I wasn’t about to bring it up. All though my groom had jokingly mentioned it, “I wouldn’t mind seeing you naked once more, especially after what I saw that night, I can’t stop thinking about you.”

  “Good smart butt; don’t forget that, it won’t be much longer!”

  I talked to my Momma about it, she surprised me, when I told him, “Oh sweetheart, once were married you can see it all you want!” One thing my Momma taught me was, “never give the milk up for free. A women’s power is through sex.” I did not fully understand yet, but I would. She told me, “Once you’re married you need to hold this over your husband to get what you require. Let them think that there in charge, when in fact my dear it’s the women that end up ruling the roost. It just takes us wives a couple of years to learn this skill, refine it. See my dear, men’s ego is based on being in charge, just try and let them think that they have it. Do not try to win every argument - pick only the ones that are most important. To have a happy loving marriage, you need to remember these things - you also must remember to communicate with your husband, listen to one another, take interest in what the other is interested in. Do not keep secrets, or lie to each other. Always have each other’s back. Have a good sex life - that is just as important for the wife as it is for the husband, don’t kid yourself on that one, you will understand one day soon. My daughter, these things are important to remember for a successful, happy, loving marriage. My dear having a man at your side is such a wondrous thing. Take your father for example; my life did not truly start until he came into my life.” She trailed off with a happy smile on her face.

  I grew extremely embarrassed hearing about my parent’s sex life – even the hint of it made me cringe.

  She finished up, “These things I just told you, my own mother passed onto me just before my own wedding.”

  “Thank you Momma! I’ll try and remember what you have shared with me.”

  The whole family united in preparing for my wedding we began the daunting task of planning for the big day. My sister, Momma, and Abram’s mother, I think sometimes were more excited than even I was, if that was even humanly possible.

  One day, Momma had me follow her up to the attic. She knelt down before a lovingly bound chest, with a brass and copper panel which said ‘keepsakes’ in flowing copperplate - she never let my sister or I open. This is where she stored grandma’s wedding dress. She first showed me pictures I had never seen before. She showed me a whole stack of love-letters my father had written to her, before they were married. She had them tied together with a pink ribbon, she untied it and handed me the stack.

  “Go ahead sweetie I want you to read!”

  I was flattered when she let me read through a few of her personal letters. They were so romantically written. It was hard to believe that it was my Momma and Poppa in the letters.

  Momma’s wedding had one differences from mine, hers and Poppa’s were prearranged, and they did not actually meet each other until right before their wedding.

  “My daughter your father just wasn’t going to have this. He desperately wanted to know the woman he would be marrying. So after getting permission first, father had started corresponding with me for about a year before our wedding, so that we could get to know each other. We sent pictures of one another.

  Momma said that, “through our correspondences, we ended up falling-in-love through the words, and pictures we sent to one another.”

  “That’s so romantic Momma, I hope I have as happy as marriage as you and Poppa have.”

  “My daughter, I want you to know that you will have your up and downs in your marriage - it’s something that you both need to remember that you have to both work at it every day, never take your marriage for granted.”

  I could see Momma had been trying to pass down some of her wisdom to me, before I went off and got marry.

  We spent a good hour or so, going threw her possessions. We both had some good laughs, and cries. Once Momma brought out the wedding dress out, she showed it to me, but before I was to try fitting it, she delicately cleaned and ironed it. It had been in storage for so long. When I tried it on, we realized we had to make some alterations, especially in my chest; I must have larger breasts then grandma. If we didn’t, I couldn’t breathe – and could possibly blaspheme in the eyes of the whole congregation, simply by taking a deep breath. I didn’t want to split the fine dress, and there just wasn’t enough time to sew a whole new dress, not in the short amount of time we had until the big day I really wanted to wear the dress - I could tell how much it meant to Momma, maybe my own daughter would also wear this dress. Truthfully, I was worried we were not going to be able to make the changes, without ruining the dress. Momma and I worked on it for three days, but finally it fit perfectly, as if it was tailored just for me in the first place - you could not even tell that we had altered the dress in any way.

  All of Momma’s flowers throughout the yard were pretty much in full bloom - I could tell how excited this made Momma since she had promised her flowers for my wedding, to add as much color to the proceedings as she could.

  A day before the big day, Sissy, Momma, and I were busy making up flower arrangements. Abram’s mother was busy baking a three-layered wedding cake. The men were not off the hook -my father, Abram, and his father, and brother-in-law went and set up the “chupa”, table, and chairs they borrowed from the congregation.

  Abram had also been extremely busy doing his own bit of preparation, not per say so much focused on our actual wedding - he showed no real interest in that part, but rather he was busy arrangement for our life that was to take place afterward the wedding. He was the very practical sort.

  Besides the poor dear did not have the time for it. He was very serious about our prospects for our future. A couple of weeks ago, Poppa and him went up to
get a firsthand look at the property he wanted to buy. Abram wanted to show him what he was planning. It was at that time, Abram had talked it over with Poppa, and with Poppa’s blessing, it was decided that Abram and I after the wedding would be living in Momma and Poppa’s house together as man and wife, staying in my room. Therefore, we could then be able to save our money up.

  Last week Abram signed the papers, and officially made the final payment, he bought us a charming forty acres of land, to start our future together as farmers. When he made that payment he had me come – to me - he wanted to share in the excitement, since it also involved me, I have only seen him that excited once, that was when I said yes to his proposal. I made us all a nice dinner to celebrate.

  Oh, you should have seen it was fabulous, with amazing, breathtaking views. The farm was so quaint and quite, a quarter mile off the nearby road. Only just about a mile from there, there was a year round creek, even a small pond feed by the creek, which meant good fishing. The only setback with the property was there was no house situated on the property, and we did not have the money to build one. Fortunately, for us, there was already a lovely barn, and the entire property was already fenced off. Abram had just enough money left over after buying our farm, to get a small start on some livestock. What is a farm without any farm animals, right?