War Torn Love

by Londo, Jay M.

  Marym leant over and whispered, “She needed to feed straight away sweetie – gently guide her and she’ll do it instinctively” In a daze, I did, and soon she was latched on and suckling, taking the precious colstrum that all mothers produce in the first few days. It was an uncomfortable, but not unpleasant sensation – and suddenly I felt something like a little give and the milk felt like it was flowing more freely. She suckled for a few minutes before letting go, and going to sleep.

  Smiling from ear to ear, “Momma could you kindly please go get my husband, and the rest of the family. I want them all to see the new addition to our growing family. They had had to wait long enough, don’t you think!”

  Abram had obviously been on pins and needles, waiting to see his new child. I hope he was not mad at me, I had said some pretty awful things about him. He was waiting out on the bottom step, just waiting for someone, anyone to come out from the bedroom door, not getting up from that stair, he sat there for hours just waiting it out. Not thirty-seconds afterwards Momma made the big announcement to my family, Abram came running up the stairs, right pasted Momma as she spoke, and coming close to knocking her over. Then busting into the room, overtaken with excitement, he looked over at me. He was grinning from ear to ear. He glanced down at his new daughter and me. “I cannot believe it Hana my love, were now parents aren’t we? And were a family. We had a girl-oh, she is as beautiful as her Momma! Oh my gosh listen to me, are you two ok?”

  I certainly did not feel beautiful at the moment. “Yes sweetie, Doctor Gorski says she’s health as could be, look who her father is, and I am just fine, and oh boy am I sore and more exhausted than I had ever been in my life. It really took a long time, but I had never been more happy than at this moment! Abram she really is beautiful isn’t she? We really did well, we really are lucky! Abram I said some pretty awful things to you, during childbirth! Could you ever forgive me?”

  “Hana please all is forgiven. Truthfully, if I had to do what you just did, I would have yelled at me to. You had made me the happiest man in the world, more so than I could had ever imagined. Hana may I pick up and hold our daughter?’

  “Of course you could silly - you do not had to ask me for permission to hold your own daughter! You’re her father.”

  “I am aren’t I?” Nervously he suddenly turned to Marym who was standing next to him at the time, “Marym I had not held babies – could you show me the right way to pick up and hold my daughter? I do not want to hurt her.”

  “Sure thing sweetie, it’s important to remember to always support her little head like this, that’s right, now hold her in close to your chest, that’s right you got it!”

  “I just do not want to hurt her…I am so nervous, I will hurt her. Look at her she is so precious, and so tiny, look at her little hands.”

  Marym walking him through it, “Don’t worry Abram, That feeling your experiencing now will pass, you will loosen up in a couple of days of practice, but as far as being overprotective, not wanting to see them get hurt, well I think that that never really goes away, right Momma?”

  Momma answered, “That’s the absolute truth dear! She will always be your baby, even after they just given birth, and become a mother for themselves!”

  Marym said, “Abram, you could talk to her; she will recognize your voice! You’re doing a very good job with her, so do not worry.”

  He looked over at Marym, “Thank you Marym you had always been so good and sweet to me! Oh Hana she is just so beautiful, hello my girl, I am your Daddy!”

  Doctor Gorski interrupted Abram, “Well you two kids, now that you are parents, what are we going to call this lovely bundle of joy, I think she would like a name, and I certainly need a name to be put down on her birth certificate, don’t you think? I had that she was born on May 12th 1939 at 9:42 pm.”

  I smiled and looked over at Abram! Knowing we had spent nine months talking about picking out both boys and girls names. And I could tell that after seeing her little face, the name we had picked out was perfect.

  He looked at me to make sure I was good with the name, I smiled to reassure him, and he turned to the doctor “Ok Doctor, from this day forward let the world know my daughter be known as Abiela Matana Balsam.” He was beaming as he looked down as her as he was saying this, “Hello Abiela Matana Balsam.” Then my husband looked over at me. I smiled - happy with our decision! Then my husband looked at me so happy, so lovingly, he produced a look I had never seen before, “Hana I love you so much, thank you for going through all this, for Abiela and I, I am so proud of you! All the sacrifice you made to bring this baby into the world.” And for the first time, since we were the littlest of kids, Abram was crying, tears streaming down his cheeks. He was visibly moved, holding his daughter, but I knew he was crying because he was so overjoyed seeing and holding his daughter for the first time. Of course seeing this, I then too started crying, I was moved to tears. It just goes to show, ever the strongest of men, could in fact be reduced to tears seeing their babies for the very first time- it is true, an instant bond is formed. Abram did not try hiding his tears of joy from anyone…he was not a shamed in the slightest by this sudden display of emotions that exposed his tender side.

  Then the good doctor said, “all right everyone, I think our Hana needed her rest now, let us leave her, you could all visit with her later Hana. I will be back tomorrow to check on you dear, but I only want you getting up out of bed to go the bathroom, be careful of your stitches. Do you understand? You’re very weak right now!”

  “Yes Doctor Dorski - before you go I wanted to thank you for everything!”

  As far as getting some rest, I could not had agreed more with the doctor, I could barely keep my eyes open. And as far as possessing the strength to get out this bed, well that was not happening. Abram took our daughter with him - I think if anyone else desired to hold Abiela, then they, were probably going to had to pry her out of his arms. I was much too tired to safely even hold her at the moment. “Abram you had to make you self up a bed on the floor, I really need to get my sleep ok honey! Beside I am sure the baby is going to need to be fed in a while.”

  “Don’t worry your mother and I already talked about making me a bed up, she knew I wanted to be in with you and baby, she had already told me that you would need the bed tonight. Sweetie when you need to potty just let me know.”

  As they left I realized I had a wonderful family, I had a received several kisses on my check and congratulations as my many visitors piled out of the once crowded room.

  Poppa was grinning from ear to ear, as he walked out; yes, I two receive a kiss from him as well. “Hana, I had to say Abiela looks just like you at that age, so precious!”

  “Thank you Poppa!”

  Now it was just Marym and I in the room, “Marym could you get me some water to drink?”

  Marym got me some water, “Thank you, I am dying of thirst.”

  As I drank it, she said, “Hana I just wanted you to know I love you; I know how difficult childbirth could be. I just know you are going to be a magnificent mother, and let me tell you, Abiela is very pretty; she looks like you at that age, Poppa is right. I remember the night you were born, I was six, I thought that I had gotten a dolly to play with. I use to watch you sleep in your crib. Sweetie I am going to leave you…let you get some rest. Darling you could barely keep your eyes open, you had had a very long day, ease your conceince; we will take excellent care of Abiela, until she needed her mommy to be feed. You rest now - do not worry your daughter is in good hands - we will probably all be fighting over her.”

  I finished drinking my water, put the glass down on the nightstand next to the bed, I reached out for Marym’s hand and held onto it weakly, “Thanks Marym, I could not had been blessed with a better sister, and a friend than you - I would not had gotten through this without you. I am sure I am going to had a number of parenting questions for you in the day’s and months to come.”

  She was starting to cry as she was leaving my bedroom. I
shut my eyes. Then she softy said, “Thanks that goes for me too Hana, I am so happy you feel this way.”

  It did not take me long to be dead to the world, at least for the next two hours, when Abiela needed to be fed for the first time, when I woke I noticed My darling husband passed out on the floor, He did not even budge, sleeping right through it.

  “Sweetie sorry you daughter needed to be feed.”

  “Oh Marym how do I do this again?”

  “I will show you, bring her up to your nipple, support her head, and now stick it in her mouth gently, wiggle it around a little until she starts latching on and sucking. On the next feeding switch to your next breast - always rotate.”

  “Hey look at that Marym, it working, she’s latching on, I cannot believe it! Then with additional coaching, she showed me how to burp her when she was finished feeding. By then Abiela had fallen back to sleep. Then Marym took Abiela with her once more, to allow me to sleep. Of course, she was back again a couple hours later hungry once more. I could tell being a Momma I am not going to get much sleep for a while, at least not a whole nights. Of course, Abram slept through the whole thing. What is it about men, if I did not know better; I would swear they do it on purpose.

  Chapter Twelve

  “The plan”

  Dearest little Abiela, my little bundle of joy was quite something; she was now a precocious three months old, growing like a weed. Big blue eyes just like her Poppa, to fit her personality. She had a adorable birthmark on her right hip - it’s in the shape of a diminutive pair of lips, we all joke she was kissed by our good God at birth, what’s funny I had a birthmark in the exact identical spot as my own body, but mine looks more like a three leaf clover. That she gets from me. She had brown hair just like Poppa and me, but it is coming in very gradually.

  I could say she certainly keeps me quite busy at periods. I had learned to cherish her naptime each day - it is about the only time I could get anything done these days. No she is not so much crawling yet, but she is rolling over, she thinks it’s fun, she certainly wanted to crawl bad enough, it is hilarious watching her in the act of trying, she will lie on her little tummy, flailing her arms and legs back and forth. However, she does not had the strength to quite lift her little body up on all fours, so she looks like a beached whale. When my little girl is upset I calm her by rubbing her bare tummy, oh she loves that the most, usually she falls asleep through this action - she loves to coo, and then spit comes out of her mouth.

  I think summing up my first three months of motherhood; I sincerely hope I am coming into my own as a mother; at least I am getting the routine of it. If I could be half as good as my mother, then I will be a pretty-terrific mother. Funny thing happened occasionally she and I are so in tune with one another, if she started crying; one of my breasts would usually start to leak breast-milk. I honestly had to say I if truth be told I loved everything about motherhood without any hesitation, no regrets.

  Abiela’s routine had been slowly improving as she grew older - especially now, since just after her 10th, week, my little angel finally started sleeping all the way through the entire night. I think Abram was happy as I. One cannot imagine how truly blissful it was to get six to eight hours of undisturbed sleep - after three months, it felt so good. I would had by no means anticipated how much effort and attention a baby could prove to be, so small they are, yet it is one thing after another that they require to exist. Mostly, either Abiela had a dirty diaper, was hungry, or needed a burping, or being held because she wanted attention, and maybe she needed a nap…or all of the above.

  After experiencing this, I had to give my Momma and sister a lot more credit they both had two children at once to care for. Now that I am a mother of just one, I do not know just how they achieved this. Do not get me wrong, I certainly am not complaining - in fact, every day I gave thanks to our God. Being married and being a mother was everything I had ever dreamed of since I was a little girl - other than when I was in my awkward tomboy stage. By the time she was three months old, I was already considering a playmate for her. Idly at first, but as time wore on, that changed.

  I cannot believe that Abram and I had already had celebrated our one-year anniversary. On the evening of our anniversary, his mother kindly acted as our babysitter for the two of us - she insisted on us going out, getting some alone time. Taking her up on her offer, we went out to dinner, and caught a picture show - it felt good just being with him, around other adults for a couple hours. I guess that is one thing I did end up missing. Well two because I missed my baby, at one point I began crying. It took loving from Abram to snap me out of it.

  I experienced what must women generally do after pregnancy, frantic about all the excess weight I had managed to accumulate during pregnancy - I was eating for two for nine ‘months. I remember finally losing the excess weight, at a snail’s pace. The side effects of this proved not all bad on me, there is one lovely exception, and my breasts had plumped up, grown much larger - so supple and so large. I must admit I like my new size. My husband had taken a great interest in my new enhanced supple breasts. Of course, since I am breastfeeding Abiela I do not want my aroused husband anywhere near them – they did not feel anything like a sexual object, at least until I had stopped breastfeeding. That did not stop him from constantly gazing at them. Momma and I got talking, Momma say’s sometimes a woman’s breasts could stay bigger, even after you had completely stopped breastfeeding. She told me that after I had stopped breastfeeding hers stayed larger. And certainly my sisters Marym had.

  It was such a pleasant day out, spring was now going strong, life had returned to all the plants, flowers and tree’s. It was late morning, and it was already getting warm out, so Abiela and I decided to take advantage of this and meander on up to the farm, her in her little stroller, I pushing her. We thought it would be fun to go see and surprise her hard working Daddy - it would be nice to had an opportunity to visit Abiela’s Poppa in daylight hours, which in those days was becoming quite rare. He had been away working during the day, usually during the whole time span the sun was providing any measure of light. Once winter lost its grip, he was away longer and longer each day. By the time I’d given birth he was already away for more than 10 hours – now it was more than 14 most day.

  So for our little surprise visit, we were also going to meet Mr. Cinak and the other man we just hired yesterday, who I had not yet had the satisfaction of meeting. We thought we would bring the three of them a nice freshly made lunch, let them sample some of my fine cooking. They had been working so hard, I was certain they would enjoy it. I remember that I spent the whole morning cooking, and baking up a storm. And I made a lot of food.

  In 1939, our crops consisted of corn, wheat, potatoes, and for the first time, we added barely and the house was now taking shape, nearly completed. She was done on the outside. The yard might had to wait until next year which was no big deal, we had cleared so much that year. The best part, Abram thought we would be able to move in to the house in just a couple more weeks’ time. However, there was not going to be too much furniture we would be moving. We would buy a few pieces, and in the winter, months Abram said he would hand make us a dining room table, some end tables and dresser. Oh, how we’d laughed and joyously planned all of this.

  My husband was now very time constrained. He needed to train more, so he had to devote more of his days now to preparing for his next fight, This one was held in Budapest – and this time, I could not go and watch. Secretly, I thought we were both glad. And I thought I would be a distraction. Luckily, he did not had to go alone. I really wanted someone there to support him. Therefore, his father agreed to go with him.

  Beforehand, so he could train, and not worry so much about the farm. I had finally convinced him to hire help for the house another carpenter, and also a young kid from town, to help on the farm, for the more mundane task. With the help of another carpenter, Cinak could more had more free time to work on the house. Let me tell you it was not easy convincing of
this, he could be quite stubborn at times. I understood he wanted to do it all himself, but I finally convinced him that that would not be humanly possible.

  Abiela and I had not yet been up to see the evolution on the house, or seen the rest of the farm for that matter, for a while - perhaps a couple of weeks. But that day was so lovely it would be a crime to stay inside, it was just such a nice day for the two of us to go out, I wanted to walk, smell the flowers. I thought Abiela could stand to use some fresh air - get some color on her cheeks. Before heading on up to the farm, we stopped by and saw Marym and asked if her and her daughters were interested in joining us. I walked up to her house, and knocked on the screen door, “Hello, Marym, you in here?”

  “Ya Sis in the kitchen come on in!”

  With Abiala in my arms, I strolled on into her kitchen.

  “So what’s up what are you two doing here?”

  “If you’re not busy, would you guys like to go on a little adventure, and walk up with us to the farm. We are planning on having a picnic lunch, I made plenty of food to go around - and then maybe since its getting so warm, that maybe afterward I don’t know maybe we could cool off in the pond - it will be quite warm by this afternoon, especially without a breeze.” Just then, I saw a little girl hiding behind her mother, cute as a button, her little smiling freckly face, sneakily poking around her mother’s dress. “Hey I know a little girl who might like helping her auntie give food to her cows, sheep. And the chickens!” We were both smiling! “Say Sis do you know any little girls that would like to feed animals?”