War Torn Love

by Londo, Jay M.

  I held on to my dear Poppa's arm, he did not want to leave Momma behind. I understood - I felt so bad for him; He was utterly brokenhearted. I was not certain what to say to him, when my own heart was breaking but I knew that if we stayed, we were as good as dead. He looked so distraught at the moment suddenly I was seeing him in a new light, Poppa was looking more old and fragile than he had ever appeared to me, so weak. He had always been so strong invulnerable, a pillar to look up until now. I had never seen this side of my father before; it greatly concerned me seeing him like this. I knew I had to make an effort to be there - be strong for my Poppa. It was him that was going to need to lean on me now, I owed him that much, since he had always been there for me. He was not budging; I gently tugged on his arm. And then said, “Poppa, listen to me, you have a family that stills very much needs you, and Momma would have wanted you to come with me. There is nothing that we can do for her now. She would not have wanted you remembering her like that. Please Poppa come with us; we all love you so much.”

  Poppa grudgingly stood up and came along with me.

  We had good reason to dread the Germans, as well as fearing they were following us. We were forced to leave much of everything we had brought with us in the cars. We had to leave behind most of that in the process we just could not physically carry it all. It was at that time, our lives had crossed over being more valuable, than a physical object. With the exception of our money and jewelry, we had nothing more than what we stood in, some of it bloodstained. My arm hurt, but I didn’t stop to look then. How could I? I was numb now – with an edge of fearful terror.

  Ever deeper into the thickening forest we now were finding ourselves fleeing. We could not be sure if there were any German soldiers pursuing us, but that was on all our minds. We could not take any sort of chances. We worriedly walked as quickly as we could - afraid they may catch up with us. We had to lend a hand to one another, in order to make our way, and not leave any of us behind – it was just us – and our family could not dwindle any further. Our spirits were justifiably low, lower than any of us could imagine even humanly possible. What we had just witnessed was surely pure evil.

  I think the only thing - motivation any of us through these dark times, allowing ourselves to push on - was the most fundamental instinct in all humans, wanting to stay alive. The fear of them capturing us was overwhelming – the fear of death coming from above us – more planes – almost paralyzing. Every unrecognized noise made the whole group freeze and begin to wail again. Abram rounded us all up after an hour and explained that we had to move quietly – if soldiers were following us, that we’d give our position away. We could still faintly hear gunfire off in the distance. That is why we did not bother stopping, even when we were exhausted. The gunfire was coming from somewhere behind us, but was still far off. So we moved on. In due course, after we’d travelled far enough, silence finally began enveloping all around us. The woods were soothing, and as we took a much needed break, some of our nerves began to calm somewhat. Maryam, Poppa and I began crying again, as we moved on. As we all walked, none of us talked much, there was a lot of whimpering, this silence gave me too much time to think, I could not seem to shut it down.

  We must have ended up covered miles ever deeper into the forest - the undergrowth was growing thicker, as we were now in a section of the forest that had not been logged in many years from the look of it. Finally, we halted our flight altogether and made plans to rest. The elderly, and injured amongst us needed to take a break, The elderly had needed more and more support to travel – and it meant that as a group we were exhausted – the men took turns carrying the injured, and helping the frail, but we had to acknowledge at some point that we had to stop – to rest and regroup. No one seemed to complain. Abram never took turns - he carried my grandfather the whole way. The small children were having a fractious now too – both of Maryam’s daughters were crying and fussing!

  Poppa took charge of the family - he was the oldest in our family and fortunate not to had been injured and he was known to be an excellent leader of the community. He decided that now was the time to rest – so the men scouted around and found a narrow, deep valley, with running water. The valley spotted thick in tall cedars. It was a beautiful place to stop and to rest up. A plane could never spot us here.

  Before I could think of sitting down to relax, I knew I was needed. Marym and I began nursing to the injured; they were in so much pain. It was clear they required more than we could possibly provide for them. Upon further examination, some of the wounds appeared to be so dreadful – I knew there was nothing we could do. They were mortally wounded, and would probably not make it. But, I couldn’t say it - I just could not let myself admit it at the moment - that was clearly much too painful. You have to remember that I am speaking of members of my own family, and my family is very close. People I had known all my life, people I love very much, and would do anything for.

  As I sat and tried to relax, I began finally permitting myself to lift the veil of a false-hood that I’d imposed. It became quite clear just how many of our family members had been viciously killed in the German attack. Why did they had to attack us in the first place, we were defenseless. This thought kept repeating like a loop inside my mind.

  It was a sickening sensation that came over me, as I began including in my thoughts; each lost on my fingers as a conducted a silent count, as I looked around. It was overwhelming, devastating to raise so many fingers. I thought of each of the deceased. Amongst them, my poor Momma, a great aunt, three cousins all around my age, as well as my dear grandmother, on my father side. As well as Momma's younger sister, she was always so sweet to me. Poor Poppa he lost his mother and wife in the same day. And his father was shot.

  My sorrow was not just for the loss of my own family members. However, when I glanced around and realized sadly the absence of three entire families taken in by my own family. They were completely snuffed out in the attack. The families that we had all taken in an endeavored to help them rebuild their lives after they fled from the German’s - coming to us for help, when they themselves had lost everything. We had no choice according to our God to show them kindness - but rather I afraid to say we failed them, and our God miserably. All we had managed to do for them was get them all slaughtered - I was sickened most of the families were consisted of young children, so precious, everyone of them. Their dear faces shall haunt me for the rest of my life.

  The filthy Germans were persecuting us for being nothing else then being Jewish, and had exterminated twenty of us, guilty of no crime, other than being in the wrong place. Ten more of my own family members ended up being wounded - some of those wounded were seriously injured – some mortally. Of course, I knew as the plane had attacked- it could not discern whether or not we were Jewish or not, however they did know we were Polish. That seemed to be good enough for them.

  Marym came over to me; she was white as a ghost. “Hana I need a word with you,” Talking real softy so no one else would hear the conversation, “I am not so sure our cousin Abraham, our second cousin Joseph and Grandfather Paul will pull through the night. They are in so much pain; bleeding so badly, and we have nothing for them, to relieve them of their pain. Before talking with you, I spoke to Poppa I had to let him know. I just cannot believe all this; I do not think I can take much more. Hana I miss Momma so, but I am really worried about Poppa!”

  Marym began to cry - I gave her a hug, and did my best to comfort my dear sister, I had not stop to realize that she was hurting just as bad as me.

  Because of the age of some, and injuries racked up in our family, the circumstances severely limited how swiftly, and just far, we could ask them to travel in during the day. Dawn came soon after – it had been four am when we’d left the farm – a lifetime ago. Before our family set out, and leaving the creek behind, one more of us. During that pre morning time, a second cousin I was apprehensive we would lose passed on. Without shovels, we buried him by placing rocks over his lifeless b
ody. Poppa said a prayer.

  Three of the older and injured, asked to then privately meet up with my Poppa, and my father-in-law. I was down at the creek at the time, washing up, scrubbing my face when I out of the corner of my eye, happened to notice Poppa. I stopped what I was then doing, looked over trying to figure out what it was that was being said; curiosity has always been my downfall, gotten me in quite a bit of trouble many times. Poppa - with the weight of the world already on his shoulders, trying to save his entire family, and dealing with his painful loss of his dear mother, and beloved wife seemed even more distraught during that conversation. He looked so heartbroken as his father talked tenderly into Poppa’s ear, I saw Poppa raising his hands up like he was perhaps arguing, shuddering his shoulders, and hanging his head low, then he bent down and kissed his father’s cheek, they gave one another a hug. If there was one thing I could say about Poppa, that was he highly respected his own father. I knew he would do anything for him, so I knew that whatever it was, it was not Poppa’s idea - I also knew he would do what was being asked..

  Shortly after his convention, Poppa got back up to his feet, walked away from all of us into the woods. It was a good hour before he had returned once more - we had all been quite worried about him. When one of us hurt, we all hurt.

  When he returned, silence fell. He stood in an elevated spot that would allow us all to see him. He spoke up so we would all be able to hear him - still slightly choked up he called everyone together, “Please everyone I would appreciate if I could have a word or two with you all. Now I know what we have all been through has been utterly horrific - I just met with my dear sweet father. If we are going to survive, it means that we have to all be willing to make certain sacrifices whether we want to or not. I need you all to understand the true severity of the situation we all find ourselves in, and I require you to respect and honor our loved one’s request. Please - the remainder of us with the strength still able to travel, need to leave those of us that are much too injured or physically incapable as traveling on with us. They have talked it over and come to the painful conclusion, after lots of prayer; they will not be going on any further with us. Those that think they can handle continuing on, I say we help them, if they need assistance." There was a silence as we looked at one another, shock washing over us. We did not want this to happen but we also knew there was no other logical choice.

  Poppa implicitly understood that. Looking back, I realize that he considered it necessary to do something, take charge, for the devastated family he saw standing before him, that we now needed his strong, and loving leadership. He was shining once more - a bit like his old self if that was even possible any longer. None of us would be the same again. I was not sure if this brave front was nothing more than a smoke screen put on - on our behalf or not, but I was proud of him. I thought if he could be this strong after all that he had been through, then maybe I should do the same. I could not let Poppa do this all alone.

  Poppa continued, "Everyone please, I have not taken this conclusion lightly. It pains me significantly to suggest this. We made this decision after talking with those involved, and God. The family members not able to continue on with us, know that having them continue on with the rest of us, could end up endangering the remainder of the our family - after talking it over with each of them, and they did not wish that. However, they want to make sure that we all stick together as one family, together we will be strong. The way God would expect. Everyone, they do want their last request to be honored by each of us. Their love for each of us gives them the strength to carry through with this. They have asked to be able to go on their own terms - still free, and in their beloved country. They do not expect us to be brokenhearted for their outcome, rather they want us to continue to carry on, live our lives to the absolute fullest. Please! Let us appreciate this unselfish act of benevolence, a gift their God gave them the faith to make. They in their own way our bestowing on each and every one of us.” He paused, looking down before raising his chin defiantly, looking at the lightening sky, “What do you say we take some time as a family and all say our goodbyes for now, and then afterwards we will congregate around and we shall pray?”

  Each and every one of us went and said our proper goodbyes to each of the family members that were staying behind. Then we made them as comfortable as we could. We collected them some water, a little food, built them a nice warm fire, gathered some firewood up, and left them behind, since there was nothing more we could do other than pray for them. We tried our best to remain strong in front of them, giving them what they requested. For my own part, I was having a extremely difficult time excepting this inhuman act - I would come to understand this more clearly later, when my mind was not so clouded with emotions, when I could see the light. I guess at the time, I was too distracted with grief - to see what was right in front of me. They were in fact sacrificing themselves, in order to save us.

  I just could not allow myself to turn back around and then get one last fleeting look in their direction, as we left them behind, since the tears were already starting to flow -I wanted to do my best not to remember them like this. On this day - thanks to my entire family, I had experienced such unselfishness, generosity, and sacrifice, than I had ever knowingly experienced over the course of my entire life. I would never forget this day as long as I lived. From that day forward, I knew my shrinking family would never been the same - forever tainted with the memory of these events. However, those of us that did survive would perhaps come out of all this stronger.

  Our getaway proved more complicated - the deeper into the forest we seem to be traveling, the more lost we felt. I was constantly looking over my shoulder, to determine if we were being followed. The terrain proved merciless - quite unforgiving, especially when one is assisting another, or carrying a baby. Nevertheless, we were not going into the forest completely blind. Poppa certainly knew this section of the woods well he hunted in them many times throughout the years; usually it was this time of year. That was a world away, but I knew that he knew some of the huntsman’s trails.

  A large brown bear was spotted wandering near us, thankfully for all of us, the bear paid us no mind. If there had been a gun between us, then quite possibly, the bear would have become our next meal. I had eaten bear on a few occasions; I rather liked its taste. I really would not have minded some right about now.

  There was so much sorrow in the air - so much disbelief that this even could have happened to us. The prospect of there being a possibly of no home, nothing to go back to once this was all over, the thought that we lost all our personal possessions, pictures…everything only sickened me more. I think I cried until I finally ran out of tears to continue. Searching for any salvation in this, I prayed. I stared into my young daughter's face. I was trying to be strong for Poppa. At some point in the day I must admit that I was in fact questioning my own faith in our God, my rationalization in this was, how could a God so mighty as my God permit this to be happening to his children of Israel? I said to myself, my God why are you doing this to us. Why does our faith as a people have to be tested like this?

  When we had stopped to rest, Poppa came over to my sister and I. She said, “Girls before we left your mother behind. I retrieved something’s she intended on the two of you having. She made me promise years ago to make sure you received these things, if something was to happen to her. So please accept these gifts, and one day you pass them on as she had to you. Marym here is your mother’s wedding ring, given to her by her grandmother.” Marym received the ring because she was oldest, “And to you Hana this is, well was her favorite necklace. I gave it to her at our wedding day.”

  I always admired it. I always dreamed of wearing it, just not in this way. The locket was heart shaped, encrusted with small emeralds. Inside the locket, there was a picture of Momma and Poppa on their wedding night, and a picture of her as a small child. We both thanked Poppa, told him how much we both loved him.

  The group ended up stopping several time
s, throughout the day to rest up. Without having eaten much of anything, we were all dragging due to sheer lack of energy. Poppa and my father-in-law deciding it would be prudent for all our well-being if we stopped for the night, seeing how tired we all were. I know I was completely rundown. The two of them held it together under some pretty extraordinarily circumstances. I see the worry written in both their faces, I recognized the look in Abram’s father - Abram got the same sort of look. They knew it was absolutely - vital that we all hold it together and stay together as a family. Stay focused on the task at hand. This was not the time for grieving for our loved ones, or feel sorry for ourselves. There hopefully would be time for all that in due course, God permitting. We would pray and do everything that was required of us in order to continue to exist in this unforgiving world we had been thrust into.

  Abram and Hensz the strongest men still left in the bunch amongst us - bless their hearts - went ahead, and out and gathered firewood; they were both working so hard. And then got a fire started to all our relief. Because it was still warm this time of the year, we were ok, but that did not mean it was a fringe of coldness presented after the sun set. We decided to keep the fire small so that passing airplanes could not spot us from overhead. With the help of the fire, we avoided complete darkness, and keep the animals at a bay. We could hear wolves off in the far - distance. The sound of wolves scared me, making the hair on the back of my neck stick up. I was not much of a camper, so any animal noises tended to frighten me!