War Torn Love

by Londo, Jay M.

  The owner did not have the other supplies needed. He brought them over to his friend’s store, where they were able to buy clothing as well as several blankets and pots for cooking. Hand tools, shovels, axes, handsaws and hammers, canvasses, and rope. They wanted to purchase more guns, but the Germans had confiscated them a week earlier. After that, the three men got talking. Small world, turns out they knew Poppa, in fact there was his suits hanging in his store that Poppa had made. That went along ways with these two men. The man shared with him just how fair Poppa had been with him over the years.

  After packing the supplies on the horses, it was realized it would require more than one trip. Unless they secured extra help. Three men from the Mate Ciche were then hired to lend a hand by loading several more packhorses with large portion of our supplies, right under the nose of the Germans, who had shown up just after they made it safely to the cover of the forest. The storeowners made sure we made a clean getaway. They too would had been shot if it were discovered by the Germans that they had aided any fleeing Jews. So a lot was at stake for them as well.

  The plan was for each one of the shelters to have one small wood burning stove used for the dual purpose. That was to keep the shelters warm, and used for cooking.

  Short of a proper work force, we were left with no other alternative, but to commit the young children five years and older to pitch in together with the rest of us, to help erect a camp. They were taught to do things like gather firewood. Every job was important. By the time, Poppa had returned with the supplies, our camp was taking shape. Getting some meat in us, gave us a measure of energy we had not had before. Everyone worked at a feverish pitch. We managed to build several diminutive structures of small logs, earthen mud, and moss used between the logs, in an attempt to keep the warmth in. Ame furniture, tables and chairs were hastily constructed. We all slept on the floor, we used fir tree branches, leaves, and moss to pad our sleeping area.

  I would have to say the shelters were not much to look at, but they were certainly better than being fully exposed to the elements. We had to crowd in ten or more individuals to each one of the building that were roughly no more than twenty feet by twenty feet in size. We just did not have the time - or energy - to build more, before the snow started flying. The men built snowshoes and went out on one more hunting parties - two more elk and a dozen rabbit were bagged. All the animals that had been butchered, the fir and hid was used as addition blankets.

  Thankfully, during all this time we were blessed with a Rabbi amongst us, so it was nice having him there spiritually. He helped us not to forget our faith - the one thing we needed the most above all else.

  The winter was proving to be long lasting, and brutally cold. So much snow fell. In fact, the coldest winter I – was freezing, even in the daytime hours. The winter was colder for us, due to the fact we were in the heart of the mountains. The wind raced through the valley.

  We were all vigilant from the very start. From the very first day, Poppa had returned with the food supplies - which saved us all. All the meat was stored outside, and we let it freeze. But we built a protective shed, so the many wolves seen and heard in the area would not be able to get to it. One thing we did not have was blankets. There was only one blanket for every two people. If anyone passed on, then his or her blankets were given to, the oldest first. Then the children next. To keep from freezing to death. We had to sleep with our clothing on, to stay warm enough. The entire winter I was - not warm enough one night to go without wearing my clothing.

  Poppa made sure the food was rationed out. There was no favoritism shown - every adult was given the precisely same daily quantity of food. As careful as we were, we still ran extremely low on food preserves by mid-January 1940. More than a month less than Poppa had hoped our food would last. We were completely cut off by the world around us.

  It would seem the winter was not going to let up anytime soon. In fact, things were dire. Un able to mount a hunting party, or run the risk of heading into Mate Ciche, come mid-February, we did not want to had to, because they had proved so valuable to us, left with no other choice, in order to survive, we had to start consuming all the horses for their precious meat - one horse at a time. Hoping we would be able to spare some of them from slaughter, the only other food that was still left was potatoes, and wheat. We each only got one potato a day. We did our best to stretch each horse’s meat out to last for an entire week, which proved not nearly enough protein for any of us. By the time late winter rolled in every one of us was losing a great deal of weight, since we could not get a sufficient amount of food enough so just to preserve our daily activities. Sickness ran rampant through our camp. My own family was not immune to such sickness. By January, Abeila, I, and Marym all had gotten extremely sick for a couple of weeks, before the veil of sickness had passed, and began leaving our camp. Abram tended to us night and day. He was mercifully spared. We started drinking pine needle tea, which helps fight colds, the needles had vitamin c. During this time-period, I am saddened to say sickness had struck close to home, my dear Marym lost her youngest daughter who was just a year-in-a-half-old.

  Once I was back on my feet once more, I walked around - I could see the lifelessness each one of us was now exhibiting - everyone’s eyes sinking back in their eye sockets from weight loss, as well as sickness. We looked so pale, and sickly, so much despondency.

  One of the most horrible things that came to pass was the fact that, none of us could ever seem to get warm. If you could believe it, icicles had thickly formed on the ceilings of our shelters. Those little stoves just could not possibly crank out a sufficient amount of heat to clear them. At night, we would huddle together, trying to stay warm with each other’s body heat.

  Being that I still was a newlywed, there was one more important matter, My sex life grew extremely difficult to uphold, in these conditions. That had not to say we did not had one. Quite the contrary. We always waited until everyone was asleep. I generally had wake Abram up so we could make love. Sometimes I would had to get him in the mood prior - it did not take long for this to happen. As he made love to me. he had to go very slowly as he was inside me. I was not the only one having difficulty keeping quiet. I had to force myself not to scream out, it took every fiber of strength in me to be quiet, but if you saw what I was working with, you could see why it was difficulty. If anyone had heard us, I just know they did, thankfully no one said anything to us. It was Poppa that I would get most embarrassed about hearing me. I am not the only one guilty of making love. I heard Marym, and her husband once in a while. And another couple that was staying with us. But I think there was a mutual understanding amongst us, under such circumstances, left with no other choice. But we needed it he truly made me feel so incredibly good, turns out making love was one of the only things left in my life, other than my daughter, that still made me feel go, as well as feel like a woman, that brought me pleasure. Allowing me to forget my troubles for a short time.

  Trying to heat our drafty shelters, not to mention the deficiency in of food, and being confided in small quarters, with a lot of people, and nothing to do, start getting to us all, we were all growing restless. Sickness spread swiftly amongst us. And without access to a doctor, or medicine only compounded the predicament, - we lost more than up to ten percent of our population that we went into the winter with. We had started a small graveyard, forced to deal with so many dead was quite humbling. By the beginning of February, there were only eighty-six of us left.

  Then the astonishing news came down the line. Poppa had us all gathered to make this oh so important announcement according to Poppa, after once again traveling for two days. He gathered us all together. “Attention everyone I just finished studying the map, and according to my calculations, we are no more than about a good day’s hike from being able to sneak over the border of Slovenia. There we will finally be safe.”

  We would finally be safe. We planned to continue traveling south even after we crossed over the border. With wo
rd of this, the disposition of everyone had changed – even if it was because we were fleeing – at least we had hoped and that caused the mood to drastically improve. It was probably the happiest any of us had been in months. I actual had hope flowering inside me.

  We had managed to evade the Germans for so long. Living through all this hell. Grueling months, while everything came crashing down on all of us like a mountain falling down on us all at once, a world, as we knew it was about to alter once again, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. We had no idea what was coming. The new way of life that was everyday to us was about to cease to exist in just one mere heartbeat. The world I had thought I would be building, alongside with my husband had would continue to evaporate before my eyes. I was still trying to deal with losing my mother – my home, my life that I’d built. Therefore, to keep from going crazy over that, I had to try and just let it all go; even with prayer that had proved to be no easy task. But every day I was trying to move past it, but it had been taking a heavy toll on my beloved husband, he was such a dear to me. He had always been all I ever had dreamed of, he had sacrificed so much to achieve his dream, which has very unselfishly included me, and now his daughter. Therefore, that was what made it so tough on both of us.

  The night I shall never forget - was a wintry moonless night - a night that evil was being personally delivered to us! A scourge was racing across the land. A scourge I was afraid could not be stopped. Which it was seemed was growing more powerful by the day.

  We all were doing everything we could do to try to stay warm – it was proving to be a rather cold night. No longer did we had the shelters we spent the winter in to stay warm. We could not run the risk of building shelters, since we were all once again are on the move. We built several small manageable fires trying to keep the cold out for the duration of the night. Abram and I cuddled under a blanket, near the fire. With Abeila underneath, with us. We were attempting to keep her as warm as possible. For two days I had been concerned about Abeila, she was developing a horrible cough. I knew what it was from - and it was breaking my heart that I could not do anything for her, but make her as comfortable as possible. She really needed to see a doctor.

  As the night rolled on, everyone was once again sitting around the campfires; as we did every night desperate to stay warm. Staving off the boredom, cold, as well as the mounting hunger. To help the boredom, people were taking turns weaving stories. The Rabbi read from his copy of the Torah. Then from out of nowhere, with no sort of warning, we were ambushed. Even if we had had some advance warning, truthfully we would not have been able to fight all them off, or out run them. Suddenly about a hundred separate, well-armed German soldiers were surrounded all of us. They had managed to infiltrate our makeshift camp completely undetected by any of us. It suddenly felt that the winter had been all for nothing, freezing, half-starved, many were wounded, and or died just to end up being caught and taken prisoner later. Would we had been better off if we had just not run, let the Germans catch us, after the attack. At least there would have been more of us alive.

  The German officer yelled, "All of you lineup at once!" He had a very authoritative loud sort of voice. Not all of us knew German - the German certainly did not know Yiddish.

  Some of the old and injured amongst us, who it would look as if, were not able to line up fast enough, ended up irritating an already impatient German officer. One of the older gentlemen trying to get to his feet was slapped right across his face. Blood flew from his mouth after being struck with his small wooden club. He then flew to the ground. I had a sudden strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. He ordered his soldiers to randomly go pick out ten Jews out from the lineup. The ones picked out were violently grabbed and then thrown forward. Judging by whom they were picking, they were demonstrating no measurable pattern. I remained silent as I could – clinging on to Abram, who gently squeezed my hand. I held onto my daughter now thankfully that she was asleep at the moment, for the best. I prayed see did not wake up from all the commotion.

  Two soldiers walked amongst us, “You, you, you, you, and you, yes and you, and you, you, and you.” As they were being picked out of the lineup, each one was squeezed on the arm and thrown forward once they were picked.

  No sooner had these poor ten people been placed a narrow line up, directly in front of the rest of us, for all to see. I remember their cries, they were pleading for clemency to be shown. The officer slowly walked down looking at each one of the ten. He studied them carefully as he walked down the line once and the turned back around. Wasting no time started at the beginning of the line of ten, the poor souls they all began praying. I was wondering why they had been picked, and what was going to happen, deep down I think I knew, I just did not want to had to admit it such a terrible thing.

  With his pistol held in his left hand, hands covered in black leather gloves, he went one after another shooting each individual in their heads. The sickly smiling as he pulled back on the trigger each time. It appeared he actually took pleasure from each kill. Imagine the act of two fingers being pulled back, and a life was snuffed out. It was clear this officer was taking great satisfaction in what it was he was doing. The unadulterated brutality of murdering of my people. Their lifeless bodies immediately dropped falling to the ground in a sort of chaotic, unnatural way. The German office seemed to be not fulfilled with killing ten separate individuals – the hunger in his eyes pleaded for so much more. We all watched him very carefully, now knowing what he was capable of doing - I was deathly afraid.

  He began walking amongst us, and shooting any of the injured. I could not believe he was pissed when he had attempted to shoot at an old woman I did not know - in her head - and he was forced to stop and reload his gun, after so many shots before her. I thought what must had been going through her mind, with that brief break knowing she was about to die. She just stared forward. I think she was bravely accepting her fate. During this time, the officer was yelling. I did not pay too much attention to what it was he had said - I simply was petrified what he may, do. We knew he was capable of doing anything. I worried if he would kill any of my family. Luckily, my family had been completely spared thus far, but at the expense, and sacrifice of others. I was so horrified to be witnessing this amount of evil firsthand. He slowly began walking up right towards me. I had never been more scared in all my life. My legs were shaking so badly, I could barely stand. He ended up stopping at the woman standing right next to me, and then quickly shot her. Not even uttering a single word to her or the others, the whole time. Her blood hit me squarely in the head, and face. After the gunshot went off, being located so closely to me, my ears were now ringing. I did not dare move as long as the officer had been close to me. My body locked up in panic.

  I unquestionably found I was so sad, so completely numb that I could not do anything – not cry, not scream. I couldn’t even move. I peed myself, I think. I was extra afraid when the gunshots had awakened and scared Abiela. She then on cue began to crying loudly. Abram, frightened for the safety of both of us, looked over at me to try to do something. I did my best to try quelling her crying, in desperation coming just short of smothering her to try to stop her. I began to panicking when she would not stop. The only thing that had saved her was we were not that far into the war, he had not quite sunk to a level of killing children, over time he would. Nevertheless, it was not on this night.

  It would seem the bloodletting was finally finished. The German officer holstered his gun once again, took a handkerchief out, and wiped the blood from his face. Ignoring the cries of Abiela altogether, thankfully God protected us - protected her. I was very thankful. It was at that moment I understood my Momma’s own sacrifice. I realized to protect Abiela I truly would have given my own life in order to save hers. That is true unconditional love. Our God protected her.

  Then he began speaking to us, "let this be example to all you Jews. I simply will not tolerate any one of you attempting to escape - if anyone does, then they will be shot, alo
ng with ten others. At this time, you will all going to be marched over to the waiting transport trucks. Where upon I have absolutely wonderful news! To show you all, goodwill from the Germans since you have voluntarily donated you homes and business to the Nazis. We will be transporting you to Warsaw, where we are currently relocating Jews, to specially set up Ghetto’s. You will all enjoy it, all be able to live and comingle together, and govern yourselves. You will be provided everything that you will need to survive. Now as far between now and then, I do not expect to hear any of you talking to one another while we our traveling, is this agreeable?”

  We all answered, but did not like what he was saying, “Yes!”

  He smiled coldly back; with his gloves off, he slapped it in the palm of his hand, producing a snapping sound. “Very good than, let’s move out, shall we?”

  Could you imagine, after what he had just done, acting as if he suddenly was our friend, and like they were doing us some big favor? But in our tired states, we hoped that actually, this would be better.