War Torn Love

by Londo, Jay M.

  The guards suddenly became alert to the defiance, to the commanders direct orders. With no warning what so ever, gunshots loudly rang out! Several poor souls dropped all at once as the many guns fired at the same time, there were further screams! At least fifteen now lay dead. This included men, women, and children!

  The commander yelled, “Now separate into your distinct lines at once! This will be your last warning!” The commander’s voice was now quite animated and showing no mercy. Imagine he appeared to be mad at us – and imagine having the power to erase whole families. We obeyed

  Abram risked it and gave me, and Abelia one last quick, one last precious hug - he was attempting his best to fight back the coming tears, both our hearts were being ripped apart right in front of my eyes, as my one and only soul mate was being taken from me. Never had the two of us been separated in such a manner.

  He was obviously trying his best to remain strong for me, and his daughter, mother and the rest of his family, he did not even had time to go hug his mother goodbye, nor did I had time to hug my Poppa. Poppa looked so sad - he was wailing as he left his two daughters. Abram helped him along.

  My darling husband looked so heartbroken, the very same look he had just yesterday, brought on with the death of his father.

  He yelled, “Honey I love you, you and Abelia!”

  I said to him” I love you, but please I beg you, you have to go at this instant, please I do not want you getting shot, I could not bear that.”,

  He said, “Remember your promise you made me sweetie! I promise I will never stop thinking of you every day you will be on my mind. I one day will find you. And we shall never be separated again, tell Abelia that I love her every day, tell her my stories when you put her down for bed, ok my love! Watch over Momma!”

  Abelia and I was both bawling, “I will my love, I will! I will never stop thinking of you!” I could barely see him any longer through the crowd of men, I was crying so hard by then, my vision danced with men being led away.

  Each one from the family yelled to each family member that we loved one another, as we forcefully were now being separated, the men were not just now separated in a isolated line, but and were now being hauled off. I took one last look at Poppa, and Abram, and my brother-in-law. “I love you all,” I was not even sure by this point that they had even heard me, through all the other voices from the many other families. I certainly would like to think that they did and, that’s what I told myself.

  Marym balling as well, grabbed my hand and tugged on me to get back in line, as I was about to run to him. “My sweetie, stay here, you know that they won’t permit it. They shoot you first.”

  Marym got my attention, “Come on sweetie, we had to go now, we will see them again you’ll see, we have to try to remain strong, for our children, they’re all we have at the moment. The Germans would not let you stay with them, it is clear we have to do whatever they ask of us if we want to survive.”

  I knew she was right, “I know but it’s so hard Sis!” She suddenly ignored me, she did not bother responding back, she was having a hard enough time on her own getting through this, and after all, I was not realizing she was going through the very same painful thing as I was, I had not even considered her.

  The men were being led away in an opposite directions away from the women, why were they being taking away? Why didn’t they let us all to continue to be together?

  We were pranced naked; we were shaking from the bitter cold, in the snow past several buildings unadorned appearing buildings. Through even thicker barbwire gates that were quickly closed behind us as the last of us had passed on through. We were then ordered once more to line up. Nothing was explained to us, other than the line that we were now in, slowly moved us inside a building thankfully, escaping the outside cold. The women and I were hoping that this was a good sign.

  There was a buzzing resonance coming from up ahead of us in line, towards the other end of this particular building. There was crying coming from more than just one woman, or even child up ahead, but we could not exactly see what was happening just yet. The anticipation was driving me utterly nuts, fearing whatever it was, it would be happening to us soon.

  Twenty or so minutes later, it was our turn; I was remorseful it was. Other prisoners from the camp began buzzing off all our long beautiful locks, the very locks I brushed out a hundred times each night - I had only had a couple of haircuts in my entire life. The buzzing continued until there was nothing more than an eighth of an inch in length. Years of growing gone just like that, in mere minutes. I held my hand out feeling my hair as it was falling to the ground, no longer part of me. When the women was done with me, I reached my hand up, rubbed my hand over my now virgin bald different feeling head. It felt so weird up there; it felt like nothing like my own head. I broke down and began crying. Then it was Abelia turn to go through this horror, she too began crying. She started crying even before the woman had started on her - she cried when she saw how her mommy now looked. As her own hair began falling from her head, just laying there motionless on the floor below, like it had never been part of our bodies, the hair was collecting into a huge piles below. We were ankle deep in hair, all the many different colors mixing in and blending. Later I found out they even used that for their ‘thing’. Her, nothing went to waste. They extracted fillings – though, for now, all I knew was my hair. Obviously, a cocktail of many different individuals, all were forced to also surrender their own hair. To a woman, her hair is so much a part of her. What on earth were they going to do with all our hair anyways? The amount of hair they had piled up could had filled truckload after truckload. I had never seen so much hair in all my life. So much so, it did not even seem possible. The woman that had shaved our head, said “sorry” to us, and asked us to forgive her for what she was doing to us.”

  I guess I was so upset about everything I did not both responding back. After our haircuts, I held onto my baby girl, shielding her against me. Lifting her up placing her body next to my chest, trying to comfort her, and keep her warm as our two-body heat met. Afterwards trying to calm her down, she was shaking, trembling and she had been going through much too much, and she was overwhelmed she just could not understand what was going on, frankly neither did I, but I was the adult.

  The soldier’s ordered us to continue moving on. In line were we could hear whole latitude of separate buzzing sounds. A different kind of sound was being produced. A sound we were not familiar with, but we would find out soon enough what exactly it was.

  Still all the females were very much unclothed, so exposed. We sat down at one of many table all in lines, to accommodate so many. They began tattooing us; they were giving us a tattoo on the inside of our left forearm, this was against our religion - a law set out from God, commanding us not to do so.

  This just proved to be another demonstration; they were continuing to dehumanize us as a people, to their delight. They were breaking us down, to a point in their reasoning where they would not have to think of us as human any longer, more resembling nothing more than an animal, or perhaps a pet, at least their slaves, making it easier somehow for them to validate what they were doing to all of us.

  I thought of my promise as I was receiving my tattoo. I was now more determined than ever to keep that promise. I silently prayed for forgiveness for receiving this tattoo, and for the strength, I was going to need from here on in. I had to hold my left arm out to receive my own bluish, black ink. I could tell my fellow prisoner did not like having to do what they were doing to me, barely making eye contact with me the whole time.

  Every which way I seem to turn there seem to always be guns pointed at us. The prisoner tattooed a series of ten small numbers, then a small triangle. It hurt a little; it was red around the area. Then my daughter’s turn. I had her sit in my lap. She immediately started cried, as she received hers. She held onto my hand with her right hand, she squeezed my hand hard as the pain built! “It’s ok sweetheart, you’re going to be ok, shhh!!!�
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  Then my sister turn and then so on.

  We were all freezing. Still unclothed we were asked once more to pick up and form into yet another line. A soldier spotting all this promptly began walking down the line of naked women, and children, this one began making all kinds of filthy, derogatory remarks about the different women, even being as bold as to grab at us, fondling our breasts, even raping one woman, the other nearby soldiers watched on and laughed. After he was done raping the woman, he moved on, as if nothing had happened. She lay and wept, while others clustered around, and picked her up, Women and children were being randomly separated from out of this line. We were not quite sure why. Thankfully, the women in my family were all spared of this horror.

  Marym and I held onto one another lovingly, both turning to each other for comfort through this, praying we would stay behind together, both devastated. I held onto my mother-in-laws hand who over all these months had taken on the mother roll in my life, I gently squeezed her hand, silently letting her know I loved her, that we would somehow all get through this mutually.

  She leaned over and whispered in my ear, “I love you dear, I was so proud the day you married my son, you had made him, and I so happy. Having both you and your sister had been like having two daughters that I never had. I never told you two, but I could not had any more children after Abram, there was complications when he was born.”

  We could hear more of the horrifying screams. My heart sank having to hear this, I felt like plugging my ears, trying to block the sounds of those suffering - worse was having to witness, and I began steeling myself. It was everything I could do to stay quiet.

  I gently had my hand over Abelia’s small mouth, trying to keep her silent. “Sweetie mommy needed you to not make a sound, ok?”

  She nodded her head like she understood, we could not afford to draw any unwanted attention to ourselves; she could un knowingly put our lives in peril. Once again, fear was boiling inside of me.

  Marym was as pale as a ghost. She was shaking, and talked to me quickly, speaking to me softly, after what she had seen, she now feared there was not much time left to say what she needed to say to me, sensing something was going to happen. I had never seen her act like this before, there was a look of pure terror on her face - it scared me seeing her like this, she had always been the one of the two of us that was stronger, so seeing her like this got to me as well.

  “Hana listen up, there is a good chance were going to get separated in the next few moments, if this does happen, oh please try and remember to remain strong Sis, - you’re a true fighter, you have an amazing spirit about you. You will not be on your own; all of us are in your heart, if we are divided up. Keep your faith - one day we shall all be together once more remember that. You remember I love you. You truly had been the best sister and my best friend anyone could ever had, oh shoot that soldiers almost up to us.”

  Her words where sadly interrupted before she could draw to a close with what she had desired to articulate - I had been hanging on to every word. But then shots rang out, and they were so close to us now.

  The shots had started when a woman had tried staying back after being separated from her three small children - she did not want to go. She was shot; the young soldier who did could not had been more than eighteen years old. He simply just moved on, he holstered his gun he clearly prized more than a human life, acting as if it killing the woman had never even happened. Snuffing out a life had meant absolutely zilch to him. He then urinated on her lifeless body. And he began laughing.

  Then he drew his attentions upon my family, he had a cocky smile. Oh my God! He grabbed hold of my cousin, as well as her young children. They were all screaming and finally no God no not my Marym!

  She screamed out to me and her daughter! “No, no please don’t!”

  The soldier completely ignored her, taking great pleasure in his duties, as he had forcefully grabbed my defiant sister. He was not going to have any of that; he slapped her extremely hard, directly across her face. She ended up flying to the ground. Her lip was split open. I did not know what to do, I felt so utterly helpless. I was extremely afraid.

  Marym got back up to on her feet; she appeared to be a bit dazed. Having never been hit that hard before. Snapping out of it, realizing she could no longer put up a fight, it would be a battle she would surely lose if she were to attempt it. Obviously trying to remain strong for me, and her little girl, who were looking on she did not want her daughter having to witness anything else happen to her mother and upset her some more.

  I could only imagine what this must be like for her. But she pulled herself together. She calmly said, “Hana I love you, you remain positive for me, you give me your word to take good care of my baby, you swear, come on!”

  “I will, I promise you, as if she was my own daughter, I love you Sis!” I knew this was to be our goodbye.

  We both then started crying. I think we both knew that this very easily could be the very last time we ever see each other, I cannot even begin to describe to you what this was like. We now knew that the Germans were going more and more serious about getting rid of all the Jews.

  She then said to her daughter, “Listen to me sweetie, Aunties going to take care of you for a while, my love, I need you to mind her. I love you very, very much my baby, one day we will once again be together! And mommy will give you a great big hug. I will tell you what, every night before you close your eyes before you go to sleep, you think of mommy, and mommy shall think of you. And Auntie will kiss you for me.”

  My niece screamed out for her Momma, it was everything I could try to do to hold her physically back, she may be small, but she was quite powerful. She wanted to go to her mother; I could not blame her at all. Truth was I wanted to let her go to her, but I had a strong feeling she would be much better off here with me. I knew somehow of the two lines to had to be placed in. We would be better off here. She was screaming, hitting and scratching me frustrating trying to get me to let her go so she could go to her Momma!

  My cousin screamed as she too was being led away, “I love you all!” As they were starting to move on.

  I screamed back, “I love you too Sis, take care everyone!”

  Marym turned around facing away from the three of us, not capable to look back at us any longer, I guess it proved much too painful to glance back at us, and have to face what she was being forced to leave behind, because she did not want us to be a bystander to her completely breaking down. I knew that she would wait until we were out of sight before she entirely lost it.

  I watched the remainder of my family become escorted away right in front of me. I watched to see the family as long as I could. Until I just could not physically distinguish their presence any longer, they blended into the masses, mere blurs.

  I held onto both girls, one girl now on each hand, they both were looking up at me, expecting me to make this all better. Trouble was there was nothing I could do, but pour all the love I had on these girls, do whatever it took to keep them alive. They were both quite upset; my niece was blaming me for this.

  “SHH, shh!! Babies it will be ok, you both hear me. I love you both very much.” I bent down, kissed, and hugged them both. They both wrapped their arms around me. Their little hearts had gotten to me. Thawing some of the ice that had been developing around my beating heart. The two of them were honestly the only thing keeping me going at the moment.

  After the officer was done unraveling, completely destroying so many families in one fell swoop? He then spoke up, “Ladies, quiet down at once, if you’re now standing here in this line, then that means you have been selected to go to the work-camp, you should all be happy about this! Think of this as a reward.”

  This was supposed to be a reward. I thought. Suddenly it dawned on me, if we were going to the work-camp, why was I then being allowed to keep two small children with me, was he expecting them to work as well, they were both much too young to be working?

  One woman amongst us spoke
up and daringly asked the Nazi Officer a question we were all wondering, but to afraid to ask, or smart enough not to.

  “Excuse me officer if we are being taken to the work-camp, then where are the other women being taken too?”

  “Good question, I like you, you have spunk,” he said, “Well I’ll tell you they are first being treated to a nice warm shower, and then they will be taken to our concentration camp just over there.” He had point; He smiled as he said this! With a bit of a smirk, and arrogance!

  The women knew not to enquire anymore at this time, as a different soldier looked very perturbed, came over to her, “Shut up you filthy Jew!” Then he struck her. She cried, but did not talk any further.

  I knew that if they were being taken to the concentration camp that meant only one possible outcome, that I did not want to be forced to face, the truth was too painful. That being true than I would never see my beloved sister again. I knew what they did there. Noticing the soldier never revealed to any of us what the concentration camp was to any of us, which would be for a different day I am afraid.