War Torn Love

by Londo, Jay M.

  He then said, “I thought you would bother see me tonight, as an alternative of your husband, who by the way fought horribly, the worst I had ever seen him fight, he was off, what did you say to him? He ended up costing me a whole lot of money, which you are going to pay me back in services. Your husband was knocked out in the second round. I cannot believe I thought a dim-witted Jew could have won tonight’s fight. Now I am going to have to find a completely new boxer to take your husband’s place. You know what the ramifications of him losing tonight’s fight, means for you? Well if you had not figured it out yet. I will tell you, you no longer offered any protection. You will not staying in my household – you are no good to me any longer, but before I do end up sending you back to the camp tomorrow, I am going to dam well have my way with you, you owe me bitch! I had thought about this since the first time I saw you. You turned your nose up at me - ; imagine you thought you were better than me. Now get out of that tub and come here!”

  I looked over at him, he was beginning to undress himself. I was extremely scared what the implications of this meant, I knew he was about to had his way with me, he was going to rape me, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop him, he was a very powerful man, much too big for me to physically fight off! The look in his eyes was savage, the look he was giving me, gave it all away, Either-way, I knew I would end up dying, I pleated with him, not to make me do this,

  “Please, no please don’t I am happily married women; I have never been with another man but my husband!” I begged him not to! He looked pissed, he walked over to me, and then he hit me in my gut!

  “I know, frankly I could not care less, the thought of you only being with one man is quite intriguing, besides you’re in for a real treat with me! You finally are going to be with a real man. What are you so worried about anyways, I will be the last man you ever have, so do what I am telling you, and you just might be able to enjoy yourself.”

  Then the Colonel pulled out his handgun and then forcefully held it to me head. Then he forced my mouth open with his hand, he then proceeded to stick the barrel of the gun inside my mouth. I was gagging on it, so he pushed it even deeper.

  “Just so we are both clear, you will make sure you more than satisfy me, or I promise I will blow your brains out right here and now, trust me I will not hesitate. And you will never see your girls again. I will make sure I have them personally tortured before they die, and least you can spare them both that much. By giving me what I want.”

  And with that, I gave up the fight, I surrendered to him. I went dead inside; it was the only way I would possibly be able to get through this horror. Here standing before me was a sick dirty man, who smelt of alcohol and cigars smoke. I had to think of the girl, above anything, save them with the only way I still had obtainable to me. I let him have his way with me. I did anything he asked of me. I was forced to do all sort of filthy things to him. He made me sick. He did things to me Abram and I had never attempted, I screamed out in pain, as he so forced himself inside me every way available to him. As the monster was all over me, I did my best to block him all out. I did not bother crying out very long after the first penetration! I did not give the satisfaction of moaning, I did not want to get him aroused even more. I was not remotely getting aroused from his actions. As if I would with my husband. With Abram it is impossible to stay quiet, his manhood is built rather large for my small female frame, this pig of course his manhood certainly is called into question, he was not built anything like my husband - so it was not too hard, that’s why he was forced to thrust it so much harder inside me.

  He kept saying, “Oh yes, you like that don’t you bitch, you want even more don’t you filthy Jew?”

  His hot stinking breath in my ear, as he said this to me, as if he had been expecting me to say yes to him, tell him just how much I was enjoying this, as if he was the best I had ever had. Of course, this was far from the truth. He was more violently with me than I could have ever imagined a man could be, towards a woman. He forced himself inside as hard as he could. My head smashed into the wall with each thrust. He was treating me no better than a dog. It seemed like him raping me had dragged on for hours, and hours. I was not even sure what time it was. I was exhausted. He himself was sweating like a pig, all over me, his fat slapping into me.

  Colonel Hoess finished up, pulled his pants up. He was too drunk to go on any longer; he might give himself a heart attack otherwise the way in which he was breathing. I was relieved when he ended up throwing up in the toilet; I knew he more than likely would not be able to go on any further, to that I was fortunate.

  After he was done throwing up, he then said to me, “I guess I was wrong about you! I just do not see what the big deal is about you after all, German women knows what a man wants, they certainly fell much better, you rather felt like I was inside a monkey. You are just another filthy Jew now aren’t you! Nothing special at all. Look at you, look how odd you look. The more I look at you, the more sick you make me. You are better than any of the other Jews here. My wife is much more entertaining. I wish you could have interested me, gave me an excuse to keep you around, no I do not think so. Oh well, first thing in the morning, I am having you taken back to the camp. So enjoy your last night in a regular bed.” He got dressed, cleaned himself up, he then spat on me as he was leaving!

  He left me there alone so vulnerable in the bathroom, lying nude on the cold floor. I was shaking, in shock from what had just happened to me. He had been so rough with me, he tore me on my insides; I could not physically get up, I was not feeling right. I had never felt like this after making love. Trembling I felt my hand down there; it was a mixture of him, and my blood. Realizing this I really started crying. He also penetrated me in my anus it hurt so badly. My face swollen from where he had struck me. I had a bloody nose, and a split lip, from being struck by both him as well as his wife.

  I just laid there and cried. After about an hour or so, I finally made it to my feet. I did not like the person staring back at me in the mirror, I felt so dirty. I realized that I needed to get back to the girls. I tried cleaning myself up the best I can I was slightly bleeding still. I hurt so bad, I had to be gentle with the washrag. He had hurt me so badly if I had been in the real world, I would have had to have seen a doctor. I felt so disgusted.

  I eventually made my way back the room, to the girls, I crawled into bed, and I was shaking. I began holding onto them both of them and watching them as they slept. At least I knew that the three of us had this one night together, and now there was no way I could possibly sleep, not now, not after all this. I would never be right again. As I lay there in bed, I wanted these memories to be over with; I just wanted to fail to remember it all have it all just erased from my memory, but I knew that was not humanly evening possible. I would never forget this. I wished I could kill him. I thought about not getting to my husband, now knowing he was going to be put to death, I know he would have done his best, and done anything to win that fight tonight. The guy must have been much bigger than him. Therefore, I hold no grudges, which would be completely wrong. The thought of him perishing all alone, not hearing me tell him that I love him. I also worried about what was to become of my precious girls and I after tonight, I was genially now very worried, I feel like I had failed us all. Like there was something, I could have done. I had promised my dear sister with whom I have thought about every day. I would take care of her daughter. I fear there was nothing more that I could do now. And maybe in some small way I failed her.

  This evil place was going to once again claim, and completely snuff out the entire family, including me, as if we had never even existed. The Nazis will win once more!

  At the point of my deepest amount of despair I was feeling. I chose to turn too our God I prayed all night. I came to the realization what comes of tomorrow, comes of tomorrow, I guess so I so thought!

  I had no idea just how evil of man I had been raped by

  Chapter Twenty-three

  “Concentr
ation camp- Auschwitz II”

  The three of us were unexpectedly woken from our sleep, not that I had received more than an hour’s worth of sleep. The soldiers showed up at least an hour before I normally needed to otherwise be up, then I remembered why…! Soon as I saw them, I knew exactly what this had meant. I think the girls were in shock by this, startled to see the soldiers just standing there watching us, waiting upon us! We were told to get ourselves up, the soldiers were yelling at us. They yanked us out of bed. The three of us were then asked to follow the guards now standing inside our tiny room. Like we were given any sort of choice in the manner. It was simple, we either went along, or we got shot.

  My daughter was visibly upset! I picked her up into my waiting arms in hopes of calming her. And not setting off the anger of the soldiers being dressed at us.

  I whispered in her ears, “Sweetie it’s going to be ok, you need to try and calm down. Could you do that for Momma?”

  “Yes Momma, I understand, I will be a good girl!”

  “Thank you sweetie!

  We walked right down the stairs, and without stopping inside of the house, as we began walking across the front yard - I just so happened to turn my head, and looked back for one final glance at the house, memories of this place I certainly cared to forget. There standing in the window, I noticed there was Colonel Hoess, peering through the living room window. I could never forget that cold bastard had a icy smirk on his face as he glared down on me. I nearly threw up when I spotted him. I think he thought that it was rather funny. He knew he had total power over me. If I showed him how visibly upset I was, I played in his hands. I was not going to give him the satisfaction, other than smiling. I dreaded that there was absolutely nothing at all I could do to get back at him, to somehow gain revenge on him for what he had done to me, as well destroying my family. I was still very sore from him raping my. He purposely went out of his way to hurt me last night. He was sending me away before his wife woke, so she would not find out what a monster he was. I felt so violated.

  I cannot lie, at this particular moment; my thoughts were wandering towards my husband, was he too being marched off to face a possible death sentence, all alone? At the same time, I knew that he would be worried about me.

  We were then taken to a different camp, this one was called, Auschwitz II. I had looked up and read the sign above us as we were walking through the front gates. This turns out to be the most horrible, most evil place a Jew could possibly be sent too. This was the deadliest of all the camps here. I did not know that then, I soon would.

  It was early morning so, the sun was just starting to rise up over the rooftops - the new arrival of Jewish prisoners had yet to arrive from the cattle train had just arrived, this was a load of Jews from Hungary. I looked at the masses just innocently standing there; at first glance. They still had all their hair, and clothing. I could distinguish the way that they seem to be looking at me. I think seeing me, and others like me were really starting to scare them, they were really - frightened.

  We were not being allowed to halt - we went ahead and walked right on by. I observed the poor souls as we walked by them there was no way to avoid it. Their looks penetrated me. They all looked so frightened, with the expression of complete helplessness written on their poor faces. I felt bad for all of them, for what was about to come for them, but at the moment, my own life was shattering all apart in a million different little pieces, I could not exactly worry about them. I was not even sure if the girls or I would be alive by the end of this day.

  It was abundantly clear we now were not in good graces with the higher ups responsible for our safety and well-being. We were being taken to a location were the Jews that had just arrived were having their personal belongings being taken away from them, more directly robbed. I thought back when my own family went through this exact same sort of thing. I will never forget how bad I had felt, and how quickly afterwards my family was completely destroyed. When one person was deciding the fate of thousands of Jews, playing God at our expense with one man’s decision.

  I was in shock when I found out the girls this time were being forced to work, or they would be shot!

  The girls and I immediately had to start working. Our new job was the daunting task of gather up these poor people’s personal belonging, with such items being gathered as suitcases, clothing, shoes, jewelry, money, and children’s toys, everything was fair game in our collections. Then after we gathered their things up into cart, we pulled along with us. We then manually rolled the cart through the mud into a warehouse were we brought the many different items we managed to collect, and then we began sorting out the different possessions into distinct piles, which depended on the items that was collected, that I would shockingly see towered so high. Imagine a pile of eyeglasses at least fifteen feet high and at least thirty feet wide. You do the math, just how many people could that take to create such a pile. I knew everyone of these people were now, or soon would be dead. I began crying when I first saw just how large the different piles were for the first time, it was eerily weird to say the last. Then I had discovered the pile I was informed was only a week’s worth of gathering. After that, I numbed myself to the thought, it was a survival mechanism. The largest piles were that of all the many different assorted pairs of shoes.

  It was not just clothing being gathered by the Nazis as spoils of war. We also gathered many pairs of eyeglasses, and usually the Jews coming from all over Europe were each carrying with them, such as a suitcase packed with the last of their personal belongings left in the world, having already left everything else behind. And now even these last few things were being robbed from them, so that they were being stripped of all fundamentals. There was even a couple of Jews carrying set of pliers. What they would do is had the waiting Jews standing in line. As the Jews, carrying the pliers ordered them to open their mouths wide, so they could inspect their mouths. They used the pliers to grab hold, and rip out any gold filling. With no concern if it would hurt them. They were also inspected for any jewelry, which to was taken from them - wedding rings, necklaces, earrings, and bracelets.

  The people in their worst hour began to cry, both the men and women, and many children, all so scared, and upset after all that had been happening to them. If they got to out of hand, the Nazi soldiers would severely beat them, some were even killed, mainly just to make a point, set an example.

  I was having a rather thorny time looking at these Jews and seeing them for what they truly are. I almost had to black out all their faces, their voices altogether, so I did not had to see or experience all the pain. There was so much, it was thick like oxygen. One had to be careful not to be intoxicated by it. Or you would be done for.

  As sick as this all sounded, I know I am ashamed, but to keep from completely losing it, letting this place get the best of me, I had to act like the Nazis, not see any of my own people as people, God forgive me for this, but if I did not, there would be no way I could possibly get through any of this. How could I face them otherwise, when I knew the actual truth of what was going to happen? I knew the secrets of this place. The secrets the Nazis hoped to keep under wraps from the Jews that were being held here. I toyed with myself on whether or not it was fair to warn any of them, or not warn them. I guess deep down, in the end it would not make any sort of difference. The result was going to be the same - I guess if I had to do it all over again, I would had preferred not knowing, at least then I could had kept a small measure of hope alive.

  So many of these lovely people that surely were guilty of no crime whatsoever, tugging on my arm, all begging me to tell them what was going on at this place, they had no idea. I was always being watched like a hawk with at least one gun pointed at me so if I attempted to do anything stupid, I was warned I would be shot, or if I was to tell them the truth, they would shoot me. The Nazis wanted desperately to keep the secrets of this place, a secret, so I just smiled. So I said absolutely nothing, it pained me dearly to remain silent on this manner. />
  We were forced to work until darkness had arrived, with no breaks. This camp was being run on a twenty-four hour a day scheduled, they had so many Jews being shipped here, in order to keep up with the sheer volume, and they were killing us Jews constantly. Everyday a train had arrived; sometimes there was even more than one train. The added amount of cars they were adding behind the locomotive.

  The girls ended up nearly collapsing under sheer exhaustion, the extraordinary demands of this job, made worse by both their very young ages, and the fact that they were already so underweight for their ages. Half the stuff they were to small and weak to even physically be able to pick up alone, they had to work together as a team in order to lift the items.

  At the end of the day, the guards led us, and the rest of the Jews, on our particular shift back to the barracks we were to be staying each night.

  Food was already being served, and to my consternation, there was a rather lengthy line up. There were hundreds of people all waiting for their own share.

  As we made our way down the line. I began studying the people. The people in this camp were so much thinner than I humanly thought could even be possible. I knew we too had grown extremely thin over the last couple of years, but these people looked like the walking dead, quite frankly I did not even know what was even holding them up still, driving them. How were they able to manage? They looked like skeletons, many of their bones shapes could be made out, like many of their ribs, with skin loosely draped a frail frame; they had so much extra skin, since they lost so much of their body mass, so fast. The women were hard to distinguish from the men, since the women had lost their hair, and most of the mass in their breasts.