War Torn Love

by Londo, Jay M.

  The people’s eyes sunk back deep back in their heads. They were so pale, so sickly looking, so much anguish, and so much hopelessness. They all looked liked they had given up. But they first had traveled a long road to get to this heartbreaking point.

  I come to find out I was expected to divide-up one potato and a bowl of broth it was boiled in, and two cups of water to drink amongst the girls and myself. That is all we were-supplied to eat for the day. We ourselves are drastically skinny, so this in all reality was not going to assist curing our hunger.

  The sleeping situation sadly was even more deplorable than it was back in the work camp. A coffin would had been larger, and more comfortable, at this point in time, I think I would gladly trade.

  I felt fortunate when I was told if you are assigned a job, then they are planning to keep you alive for a while, work you until you end up dying, their ultimate goal, of course if you could even call this living. But without people like us, the camp simply could not operate. That’s why they keep some of us alive.

  It was early June of 1943 when the Colonel Hoess punished us, by sending us here. He raped me, then because he did. He felt I should be punished even further.

  The first night here, while I was attempting to go to sleep. The promise I made to two very special people in my life…. Promising to not give up! Popped up in my mind, only after I had been laying there, feeling hard for myself. This promise was going to haunt me, certainly was going to be hard to live up to, but I would endeavor.

  They had us packed in so tightly. The rows of beds were stacked four high. However, it was the amount of people they expected to get in these spaces. There was so many of us, that we were packed together so close, that it was nearly impossible just to even roll over as we all attempted to slept, without having to climb on top of someone.

  It was not just the fact that everyone around us was currently starving, but many were also deathly sick, suffering from many different elements. The amount of coughing taking place all around seemed was non-stop.

  As far as the girls - I had the girls sleeping both on my right side. They were both so tired; the workload was proving too much on either of them, they had fallen asleep only just after I had put them both down. Shortly after eating, they did not even make it for their nightly story time, which they never wanted to miss. I was so worried about them both, I watched them sleep, and they were both snoring. Why were they being forced to work I thought, when they were both so young, much too young for this line of work. Why on earth would the Nazis be making a four and a six-year-old perform manual labor? It had not taken me much longer after myself to get to sleep. I too was exhausted. There was one advantage with being exhausted. This was being too tired to think about things that make you miserable, and sad.

  I got the benefit of the true horrors of this place. Try if you will, to imagine in your mind the very worst, and you would not even be close, such evil, and disregard. When I woke up in the morning, I was stiff and sore. The young woman lying next to me had passed on. I was surprised to find out her cold arm lying across my chest. I was freaked out when I realized this! I tried my best to remain as calm as I can, I did not want to upset the girls.

  Turns out, she was not the only one had died in the night. I looked around - I noticed people of all ages had died, maybe ten. And yes the girls had asked me about it.

  Every morning we were put through this, the same routine, seven days a week, we were forced to report to work at seven, and worked to usually around seven each night.

  A month after coming here the worst thing happened; I had become pregnant with that pig's baby. How could I possible want to bring such a piece of evil into this world? I never bothered telling anyone. I prayed for God to take this seed away from me. I guess being starved; there just was enough nourishment in me to allow it to develop on any further. I had miscarried a month later. Imagine I was actually happy about this. I knew if this baby had come to full term, I would have never been able to love the child the way he, or she would have needed.

  It was around the end of April 1944, when I was beginning to grow gravely concerned when Abiela, who by now was getting quite sick. She was barely able to hold down the food we did get for her. She was so fragile at this point. With no access to a doctor, medicine, or any real amount of food. I knew there was absolutely nothing I could do for her to improve her health, so I turned to the only tool I had left. I prayed day and night for my baby girl. I would never let her give up, I made her fight on, and I became very blinded by this.

  If one from the outside of these camps was to ever had a chance and glance at the likes of the three of us, we knew there would be a good possibility we would eventually become just like them. Surely, we were unrecognizable. I knew there was not anything I could do for her failing health, and the guards still made her work. I think deep down I knew she was dying, but it was too painful to admit it. I think that was why I pushed her so hard not to give up. And that little girl never did. I knew she was hanging on for me. What parent could honestly sit back and just watch their own child die just a little more each day, I just could not.

  My niece concerned for her cousins well-being, was trying to be a second mother to her little cousin, she would help her out as much as she could get away with, pulling a bit extra weight, taking some of the pressure off her, she could also see the signs, it was hard not to. I think she knew it was coming.

  It was because she was my daughter, and was the youngest of us, that it was so hard on her little underdeveloped body. Coming here, she had all but stopped growing. A couple of weeks after coming down with her sickness, which involved coughing, the run’s, fevers, loss of appetite, her fail body just could not take it any longer. It was failing on her, it was lucky if she had weighed fifty pounds. I know I would do anything if I could if it had meant I was going to be saved.

  I had just returned, after waiting in the long line for our dinner, I was remotely cheered up being able to get us something to eat. I was afraid to be separated from my daughter. Abelia was too weak to get up having had arrived back, my niece stayed with her the whole time, never leaving her side. When I returned back to them, once I had managed to secure the food,

  I glanced over at my niece, then back to my daughter. I spoke softly to her, “Sweetie look what Momma brought for you back, look sweetie it’s something to eat!” I lifted her head up gently with my hand, so I could try feeding her something to eat; she was just so frail at this point. “They gave us a bit extra tonight!” I was lying of course, but I wanted her to eat, rather than myself.

  “You should eat something; it will help you fell better!” I had said.

  There was a moment of clarity about her; she was not speaking to me as a young child would, “No Momma why don’t you go ahead and eat, you both will need your strength to get through all this, you will Momma, you will get through this.” Then she said, “I am not scared anymore!”

  I was shocked by what she just had said to me, I was curious, I had to ask her, “What are you not scared of sweetie?”

  Barely able to answer me back, she looked me directly in my eyes, “Momma you must live! Its time, I love you mamma…” Her hand that she had placed on my cheek during this time to comfort me.

  Then just like that, she closed her little eyes, her little body went limp, her hand that was placed on my cheek, lifelessly fell back to the bed below, and with nothing to no longer hold it up. In an instant, I saw the life in her tiny body leave this earth. I felt like my heart was just ripped right out of my chest, as painful as it was to lose my sister, and parents, and especially my husband, but nothing compared to my daughter -it was ten-times worse. I thought it was not possible to have it hurt so badly, but it was. Both my niece and I began crying out. I lifted my baby up into my arms. I kissed her forehead, “I love you my baby, no more suffering, I am so, so sorry. I am sorry I had asked you not to give up on me, you are, were such a good kid. I realize now it was I and your cousin was the reason you held on as l
ong as you had. I thought I was doing you good. I am sorry I had asked so much of you, even when I knew you did not have it in you, now my baby goes in peace my love!”

  I began to cry, I was conversely quite relieved that she would not have to suffer any longer. it was quite odd that at this moment, the moment that I just lost my only child, that suddenly, I felt a sudden strength dwelling from deep inside of me, I had not had just before her death. Deep down I think I understood the message that she was trying to tell me. Imagine, even in her young age, that she somehow was trying to tell me I must in not to give up, and to live. It’s funny somehow my husband, and sister and now my daughter all could foresee something I was not able to, even when they knew they would not make it themselves. Abelia was saying I had to do more than just try to survive. I knew somehow this was truly a divine moment. My own daughter was a true angel! I would not be surprised if my God had just talked to me though her. She somehow was always able to see the good in people.

  This place is filled with so much evil, as I looked down into her little face, she suffered so much through her life right up to her death, but strangely, she processed a look of utter peace and tranquility finally.

  The thought of her ever-knowing life without war, what a true shame that is. She was not able to have witness firsthand the time when there was goodness still present in the world.

  My niece was extremely saddened, she had already lost so many dear to her, but her and her cousin had become like one. They were both best of friends, as well as in their eyes, as well as mine been sisters. I was suddenly torn to, I went to her. She was curled up in a ball crying hard trying to console her, or do I stay with my daughter as long as I could, before her body was taken away from me. I think I made the correct choice, decided I needed to remain strong, and be there for the still living, my niece whom now would need me more than ever. I would had to mourn her loss in my own way.

  I stood up, and picked her up in my arms. I wrapped my arms around her tightly, as much as I was trying to comfort her I was searching for comfort from her as well, since I to had no one else to turn to. She with her tear soaked red-eyes looked up at me. She realized that it was just her and I now. She also realized that she did have me, so she was not completely alone.

  I had to speak up, “Baby look at me, it just was her time to go is all, there was nothing we could have done for her, in some ways sweetie she’s now much better off. Hey look at me; we still have each other, don’t we? I will make you this promise here and now. I promise you that I am not going anywhere; you need someone around to tell you your stories. And you know you love my stories. I need to have someone to give my love too!”

  Eyes full of tears, “Yes auntie, I love you so much!” Then she wiped the tears away.

  She proceeded to wrap her arms around me. My own eyes now welled up with huge tears, “I love you to sweetheart!” Deep-down, if I had not had my niece in my life at this very moment, I think I would not want to go on any longer. I would have had nothing to live for. I would have simply given up.

  The next morning my heart was ripped out, right out of my chest, as some men came in the barracks to collect the dead, they without any care, or sensitivity came in and just took Abelia’s body, before I had said my goodbyes! But she was not allowed a proper burial. Nevertheless, I was far from ok with this, but I knew I could not let this place get me too! I sadly witnessed her dead body being flung up on top of a cart, on top of many other bodies, lying on that cart of death. This made me scream out in pain!

  My niece and I have managed by the grace of God to survive through all this, only just barely. We had grown extremely weak, but I would not permit either of us to give up. We were so frail. Neither of got up anymore. I think we would have died already if it was not for the fact that we could eat Abiela’s small share of food otherwise. We also learned if someone just passed on, act quickly then get your hands on their bowl and get your hands on their shares. Those of us that survived had to stoop to such disgraceful tactics just to stay alive here.

  Then a true miracle had come to happen for those that our just trying to hold on for hopes, for deliverance, after all these years in this horrible place. In January of 1945, the tide of the war had been turning. Fighting was growing extremely close to here. We could now hear the fighting going on between the Germans, and the Soviet armies, nearly every day now, each day it was growing louder, and more of it. You could now see the worry in the Germans at the camp, as they too could hear the fighting, normally stoic, confident faces now held seedling of doubt. These particular Nazis had even more to worry about here, once the outside world finds out the true crimes of humanity going on here; they would all be in real trouble if they were caught. I think now that the Germans our losing, they were all starting to figure this out.

  Then one day as the shelling was hitting near the camp, a warning signal went off in the middle of the day, all the guards just up and left us all behind, with absolutely no concern to what was to become of all the prisoners. We just wondered around, since they cruelly locked us all in as they fled, the cowards! Feeble-minded, starving to death, truthfully, there should be no reason at all we should even still be still alive. “Only by the grace of God!” We might have been better off if they would had up and shot us all. Put us out of our misery. Truthfully, most were so far gone, both our health, and mentally we were so far gone, forever scared; there would be no guarantee that any of us could be saved, if everyone in the camp was to be rescued and been treated by doctors.

  Nevertheless, just as in the time of “Moses,” we were now being liberated from the Nazis once and for all, the world could find out what had been happening to the Jewish people throughout Europe. The true scope of the crimes.

  On the 27th of January 1945, Auschwitz was liberated by our savories, the 60th army of the 1st Ukrainian front. My niece and I were just days off, at most, away from death. When what I perceived to be angels, coming into the camp, and rescuing us from terror. The soldiers where mortified by what they were finding. Never expecting to find what they had. It was so bad, that the soldiers themselves, who were battled hardened, were having a difficult time.

  For the first time in years, we were being treated with dignity and respect, and humanity. We were being seen as people once more. We were both gently picked up. By the incoming Soviet soldiers that liberate the camp. I guess for me, knowing we were finally being saved; I would no longer have to keep my strength up in order to get through the hell the new day would surely be bringing. I briefly looked over to my niece, making sure she was in good - hands. When I noticed she was in safe hands, I looked up into the blue sky; the sun beat down on me. The next thing I knew I passed out. Everything finally caught up with me. I did not have the strength in me to fight anymore.

  When I did finally wake some days later, I was lying in a bed, situated in an army hospital. When I opened my eyes, I had no idea where exactly I was; frankly, I was even surprised I was still breathing. It took awhile for my brain to wrap around everything that was going on.

  A couple hours after waking, I had overheard soldiers loudly talking with one of their friends who had been injured, lying in a few beds down, and across the way. They were sharing with him, how the Nazis were still steadily being beaten back, by the allied forces on all fronts, now all the way back within the confines of the borders of German itself, they all cheered. They were debating whether it would be the Soviets, Brits, or Americans that gets to Hitler first; they of course felt it would be the Soviets. They say it is only a matter of days, and they will capture Hitler and this war will finally be over. Nevertheless, with all the noise they were shoed out!

  I took it upon myself to ask, when I spotted the nurse shoeing the soldiers out, “Excuse me nurse!”

  “Yes what can I do for you?”

  “It’s my niece Ms, is she ok? Oh, you have to understand she came here the same time as me. She is all I have left in this world. Oh, I need to see her; I wish she could be here with me! By my
side!” Then I began to cry! I think she understood me, she could see the pain in my face.

  She smiled; she had a very kind face, “I would be glad to go check on her for you, I will see if I can locate her! We had had so many suffering Jews showing up every day, but I might know where she would be placed if she is in fact here.”

  I could see the worry written on her face, worried that she might not had made it as she was leaving. As she was walking away, I spoke up, “Thank you miss!” she waved in response.

  Just by the way, I was feeling I knew it would be a while before I was going to be out of here. I looked around the room, there was so many of us, bed after bed, all in the same condition as I. I was so weak. I could not even lift my head up more than an inch off the pillow. I had a tube hooked up to my left arm, but I had to be quite thankful to the good God that I was alive. It appeared that I was finally receiving the medical care I needed. Just being here, I knew I was going to pull through all this. I did not doubt that at all, not for a minute, not after what I had already survived.