War Torn Love

by Londo, Jay M.

  About a half hour later, to my complete surprise, and true delight, I noticed two nurses, one was the same nurse I had spoke with earlier, now wheeling a hospital bed towards me, could it be, I thought, oh my God it was my darling niece. She smiled immediately upon spotting me.

  I smiled back at her, “Your alive my darling, your alive my darling, thank you my God!” I shouted out. “My girl is alive!” I then began to cry, but for a change, they were tears of utter joy! I realized all the misery was finally coming to an end, that there could finally be “light at the end of the rainbow.” The two of us would somehow pull though all this. Now it was time to start our healing, more importantly, it was time to start to live, not just merely surviving, and of course, I was not sure if I knew how anymore. Time to start to exonerate those that wronged us, if that was even possible. That was the only way any of us would be able to move forward from this dark obis we find ourselves in, were humanity nearly was lost forever! Otherwise, none of us would be able to heal, and one day put this all behind us!

  Chapter Twenty-four

  “The Holocaust”

  “The holocaust was the systematic, bureaucratic, state-sponsored persecution and ultimate murder of approximately six-plus- million Jews by the Nazi regime and its collaborators. Between eighty-to-ninety percent, of pre-war Jewish populations in countries invaded by the Nazis ended up being exterminated!”

  Turns out the hospital we were presently now in, was located still in the confines of the concentration camp in part of the officer section of the camp, that being said was a considerably nicer than were they had put us up. Now seeing there was so many of us at present, and frankly, nearly all of us, but the luckiest of one’s of us. We were too weak to move. Because we were-racked with diseases, like dysentery, and we all were suffering the cruel effects of starvation, and the beating we suffered at the hands of those pigs. Some of us proved to be too far along in the process to be saved. Before we were allowed in the hospital, we were all scrubbed down, dosed with lye, our clothing were burned. And most importantly, we were shown kindness.

  I was much worse off than I could had ever imagined. I spent three-long-grueling-months in the hospital bed. After I was released by the doctors, I still was much too weak to venture off to far, and sickly where I could do much, and my niece had to spend an extra couple of additional months in the hospital recuperating, she was worrying me so. She grew extremely sick while in the hospital, it had been touch and go for about a week; she burned up with high-fevers. I came close to losing her. Many nights I would stay right in a chair next to her. Sitting with her, and watching her sleep, I was deathly worried I would lose her, I did not want her to be alone, she needed me, and the nurse was kind enough, she brought in a couple of books, that I ended up reading to Nitza. I was enjoying reading once more, something the Germans would not allow us to do. Before the war, I had a fine collection of books. I had read each of them so many times.

  Neither of us where fully healed. Nevertheless, we had put on considerable amount of weight; our hair was growing back as we were going healthier, as well as it stopped falling out. Now a couple inches long, I could not wait to be able to brush it out once more with a real brush.

  Concerning my niece, her Doctor said that she should start growing once again, since she was rather small for her age by several inches, but it would take her a while to catch up. She may never fully get to the potential height she would had grown to otherwise.

  I used some of my free time during the days to get out and walk stretch my legs, build up my strength once more, the time while Nitza my niece was still in the hospital, I had some unfinished business to tend to. I was attempting the difficult painful task to search out any news, like the possible whereabouts of my family, hoping there was going to be a chance the Soviet officers, or fellow Jews could help me with what I need. A difficult task, if you consider there were well over a million of my people killed in just Auschwitz. I walked around the different camps. Looking carefully, studying all the different Jews faces, I could possibly find. I thought there might be a possibility any of them were still alive. I realized the cards were stacked up against me. I spent hours each and every day for weeks on end searching for my answers, talking to anyone that was willing to chat with me, just hoping to find evidence that any of my family is still alive, and if so where.

  Finally, I received my answers, just not the ones I had wanted to be finding, I was stricken with sadness to come across the truth, the records from the Germans showed that they in fact were dead, and the date and manner in which they had perished. They were dead - all of them. I felt as if I had just been punched in the gut. The manner in which they were killed, they all were gassed, all within a few short months of first coming to the camp. Now as far as my sister lived on a whole year, before she too ended up dying from more than likely the ravaging effects of starvation. The only one I could not find any sort of information out on was disappointingly my beloved husband, and I may never know. I was very saddened by finding out such catastrophic news, I was devastated, imagine if you had just found out your entire family had just been killed, there isn’t any emotions that could possible describe the horror of it. I had strongly suspected this, but I was not sure. Now I could at least I could had some closer, I had already spent the last couple of years half-morning them. Because I was never quite sure. Now my niece and I could start over, nothing more to hold us back. Try to put this all behind us, and move on.

  In the time, we spent physically healing in the hospital. There was a huge celebration held when news came down that the Germany had finally surrendered, Hitler had cowardly committed suicide. He did not even had the guts to stand trial for his crimes against humanity.

  Because of the war my beloved Poland fell, first to the Germans, than to the Soviets, being run by the communist puppet government. At what price did the allied victory come at, especially my beloved country that was handed to Poland in order just to appease him?

  They eventually relocated all of us to what was called a “Displaced person camps.” It was not such a bad thing, to get away from all the evils. They just had nowhere else to send us. Turns out that Europe as a whole was lying in ruins, and there were a whole lot of displaced Jews that had lost absolutely everything, and nowhere to go back too. They tried to relocate us back into Poland, but there was nothing there for me there anymore. Too many painful memories, I had no desire to ever go back to the land from which I was born. I wanted to leave Poland altogether. The displacement camps were not the same as if we had been living in a house, but they certainly were a definite upgrade than where we had been staying during the war years. We were able to now sleep in fold up beds, and we were-served three hearty meals a day. We had access to doctors. Which was a good thing, Nitza was still having some problems. Warm showers, clothing, and some of the other basic things we required.

  Nitza favorite were the American heresy’s chocolate bars. Oh, the best part for me was were able to bath, and we were provided all new clothing, actual shoes once more, and finally undergarments. We had started getting some normalcy back in our lives once more; it went along ways, as much as it could be. Of course, any of us that had survived the camps was physically, and mentally traumatized for the rest of our lives. I had nearly forgotten what that was even like. We were able to once again start practicing our religion freely without persecution, we had a wonderful Rabbi who was helping us all heal, which assisted in lifting spirits. It strengthened us all on the inside, seeing so many had to die, because of our beliefs. I knew I came out of this a completely different person; I would never let anyone take advantage of me ever again. I now knew I could survive anything, because I already had survived the worst life could possibly bring. Anything from here had to be better than what I experienced during the war. I had first-handily bared witness to Satins handy work. I had become very protective of dear Nitza, knowing she was the only family member I had left in this world. I was obsessed at not letting anything happen to her
. With all we had been through, and survived mutually, we had grown as close as to family members could be, more like a mother and daughter really, rather than aunt and niece.

  I eventually had no alternative, I sat down with my niece, and broke down and told her the truth, and she had to find out some time, I think it should come from me. I had to break it to her that our family had sadly all passed on. I must say for her age, she took it remarkably well, she was not surprised by what I shared with her; I think she had already suspected this. Although she still cries every night before falling asleep, and she suffers horrible nightmares nearly every night, I must sit up with her, and comfort her. I knew she missed both her parents, I know I do, I really wish there was something I could do to ease her pain.

  It was about six months, afterwards when we had started staying at the “displacement camp,” it was such a nice day I just could not resist, I had the day off, and Nitza had no school on this day. Therefore, I decided we would take ourselves a picnic. I wanted to surprise her; she had been such a good girl lately. I was up early went into the village, obtained us some wonderful foods for the picnic, many treats I knew she should enjoy. A picnic should do us both some good, just to get away from everyone and everything for a couple of hours would be so very nice, A luxury we had not been afforded in years. Oh, the day was so pleasant, the weather could not had been better. The wildflowers were out, and the bees were buzzing, the smells in the air were looming with amazingly sweet fresh fragrances. We held hands, and talked as we went along. We diverted off the dirt road we were now on, walked through a farmers pasture and then up a tall hill. We wanted to catch us a commanding view of the valley. At the top our efforts were truly rewarded, we were-afforded a commanding view of the nearby village, as well as the surrounding valley, and it was clear enough that we could see the mountains off in the distance; and the best part there was no one else within a miles of us presently. A gentle sweet wind swept over us, like a blanket. Sweeping away some of the afternoon heat. Nitza and I were really enjoying ourselves. It turned out to be a rather enjoyable outing for the both of us. We both laughed, singing, we took in the many different colors and flowers laid out before us. We ate until our bellies were full. Still something we were getting use to, afterwards we grew sleepy, and had a lovely nap.

  Out of the blue, on our picnic, my niece caught me off guard, “Auntie I had something to ask you. I was wondering if, well you could be my new mommy now. I want to not calling you auntie anymore; I think of you as my mommy, you are so sweet to me. I think it would be what my mother would had wanted, don’t you think auntie? You had always had been like a mommy to me! And you said I was rather cute, oh I promise I will be a very good girl, if you say yes! Oh please auntie!”

  Smiling as she had asked me, she batted her eyelashes a bit. This little eight year old just had melted my heart. Such a warm feeling I had not experienced in a very long time, frankly I was not sure I still could feel like this. I was-taken a back, but she was right, and she lost her Momma, my niece and we love each other very much, I had been taken care of her ever since she was born, I was the clothes thing she had to a Mom, so what was there to hold me back from saying why not?

  I started bawling I was so happy with this dissection; I opened my arms up, and wrapped her up in them. Without even having to think it through, “Honey I would be honored to say, and be your mommy. It would be good to be called mommy once more, I guess deep-down I had thought of you, and took on the responsibility of treating you as my daughter ever since they took your poor Momma, my only sister was taken away from us, but just had not said it allowed to you child, I am sorry for that. I guess I had been afraid to. I had been so worried what you may think if I had mentioned it. I never told you this, but the very last thing your Momma had said to me was to raise you as if you were my own daughter, and that she loved us both. She made me promise I would, she really did love you my child, more than anything! I am glad that she wanted me to be your mommy; maybe I had not said anything earlier than now. I had been holding out hope she had survived, so I did not want to say anything to early, before I in fact knew.” I smiled, and then said, “You know she gave us both a wonderful gift, she gave her blessing to move on. But Nitza I do not want you thinking I want to replace your mommy, or to even make you forget her, she loved you very much, neither of us will forget that. Nitza the day you were born, I had never seen her so happy! Honey, you look and sound so much like her you know that. She was the best big sister I could had ever had. If you ever wanted to know anything about her promise me please do not be afraid to come to me and ask. It means the world to me that you care to think of me as your mommy! Now I want to be a good mommy to you! I will too; tell you what, I will find us a judge that could make it official; I want you to be my daughter in every way, including name! Would that be agreeable to you sweetheart? ”

  She suddenly held tightly on to me, “Oh yes thank you, you gave me the greatest gift, I love you mommy! Oh could I start calling you that now, or do I had to wait?”

  “I love you too my child! Of course, you could start calling me mommy. Remember no matter what from here on, we will always had one another, right!” By then we were both balling, they were tears of absolute joy. We sprawled out there comfortably on the blanket, and took a nap holding one another’s hand, both with a smile on our faces. The sun’s rays, along with shade danced down on us, the birds chirped loudly calling out loudly to their mates. But before I fell asleep I thought about my sister, she was right, she saw the truth in things, just because I was not Nitza’s birth Momma, why could not I become this child’s mommy.

  I decided that very day on the picnic that we would not try going back to Poland. It much nicer here in France, I was not sure just yet where exactly where we would go to live from here, but I knew that we both needed a fresh start were ever we go. We eventually left the camp, and then migrated our way to Britain on June 24th 1946, on my anniversary, and just a year after the end of the war had officially ended.

  With the assistance of the Red Cross, A simple loving, very giving established Jewish family living in the suburbs of London, took us both in open-heartedly, they just wanted to help out. With this family’s help, we started learning English. They were such a kind family, with two lovely daughters six and ten years old, Nitza loved being able to play like a normal child, it is somewhat foreign to her. They all quickly became good friend. The two us communally shared a beautiful room, but it was so much larger, much nicer than we possibly needed, and the window not only opened up, but there were no bars, and had a lovely view of the back yard. We could actually come and go as we pleased. Freedom was absolutely - divine. And I enrolled Nitza in a Jewish school. It had been nice to see her finally getting some normality in her life, she seem a bit happier. Although she hated being separated from me.

  Meanwhile I got employment during the day in a nearby car factory, while Nitza was in school. I was making a good wage. I saved up as much of my wage as I could, But on Saturday we took Sabbath, and on Sunday we spent the whole day together, doing something fun. Touring the city, going to the zoo, or the picture show, which was our favorite thing to do, we always got candy.

  The Jewish family we were staying with did not want anything in return for their kindness; they would not accept any rent when I tried paying. Nevertheless, I bought us each a couple new dresses, and pairs of shoes. A couple of toys for Nitza. After wearing what we were forced to for so long, it was so nice to finally have nice material against my skin, feel like a woman once more. My hair was finally long again, I brushed it and Nitza’s out every night before going to bed. The nights were still quite lonely, I think for me the night was when I got the loneliest.

  There has been emotional and physical scars left over by the war. We both suffer from nightmares. Such matters that are extremely difficult on me, the things we saw no one should ever have to had to experience. That was just how much I miss Abiela, and Abram, I end up crying everyday for them, usually when Nitza�
��s fast asleep.

  Now that I am dressing properly, my hair had grown back, and I am back to my normal weight. I kept getting men asking me out, I was still young, and possessed some of my prior looks. I am very flattered of course. However, I am always turning them down. I am not prepared to be romantically involved with another man, maybe I never will. I think I have too much baggage. I am still very much mourning. Abram was my one true love, how could I even think or for that matter try to replace him. I know Nitza needs a father in her life, but I just cannot resort to doing such a thing, was I being selfish, I am not quite sure. I would feel like I would be betraying my husband somehow. He was my one true love maybe the time I had with him; I had more love than some people experience in a lifetime.

  By 1949, Nitza was growing transforming like a butterfly into a beautiful girl! When I got news of a Jewish state being set up in the holy lands once more in Palestine of all places, I was quite intrigued by this idea, I was positively delighted. I wanted to be part of this, a part of history. The Germans had tried to exterminate our people. So finally, our people would be living in the holy land once more. For the first time in nearly two-thousand years, our people would be living in the Promised Land. This new country was-being called Israel. If only my Poppa would had survived to see this, he surely would have wanted to migrate to Israel himself, he was always talking of the holy land. After getting a chance to talk with her, together Nitza and I had decided we too would immigrate to this new country, a place to call home, exclusively for a Jewish population. There had been Jews settling there for the last couple of years, since the end of the war, but now The British and Americans, and the new formed U.N. were backing this idea, and helping. We were-approved to enter the country of Israel January 1950, and were issued our citizenship papers allowing us to travel from England. We had grand plans what we would do once there. We were going to start a small farm.