Uncle John's the Haunted Outhouse Bathroom Reader for Kids Only!
Page 10
BLOODY MIRACLE
Every mad scientist needs to do experiments with blood. But fake blood leads to fewer arrests. Bwa-ha-ha!
WHAT YOU NEED:
•Metal mixing bowl
•Spoon
•Water
•Red food coloring
•Heavy-duty, quart-sized ziptop bag
•Wooden or metal skewers
•The kitchen sink
WHAT TO DO:
1.First, mix up some blood. Pour a few cups of water into the bowl. Squirt in red food coloring and stir, adding more food coloring until the mix turns blood red.
2.Set the zip-top bag in the sink and fill it with water. Push out as much air as you can, and seal the bag.
3.Here’s the scary part: poke a skewer through one side of the bag, into the blood, and out the other side. Keep going to see how many skewers you can poke through without causing the bag to bleed.
DR. JOHNENSTEIN SAYS: The bloody bag doesn’t leak because the zip-top bag is made of stretchy elastic molecules that cling to the skewers and form seals at the holes. Also, pushing air out of the bag before closing it reduces air pressure inside it. If you poke a skewer into the airy part of the bag, the blood will spurt—so watch out!
HOWL AT THE MOON
And now…Uncle John will teach you how to fight off a pack of werewolves. Just kidding. We don’t have a clue how to do that. But here’s what we do know…
WEREWOLF FACT #1: There is no scientific evidence whatsoever that werewolves exist or have ever existed.
WEREWOLF FACT #2: People report werewolf sightings all over the world and have done so for hundreds of years.
RUNNING WITH THE WEREWOLVES
These days, people who claim to have seen werewolves are often laughed at (or told to buy eyeglasses). But a few hundred years ago, things were different. In France, between A.D. 1520 and 1630, records show that more than 30,000 people either claimed to be werewolves or were accused of being werewolves. Village-wide werewolf hunts were not uncommon. And they often ended violently for the alleged werewolves—much like the Salem Witch Trials of the 1690s.
But werewolf sightings in America? Linda Godfrey, author of the Real Wolfmen: True Encounters in Modern America, claims that more than 100 people sent her stories of their experiences with actual werewolves. These “werewolves” aren’t the creatures you’ve seen in movies—humans who shift into werewolf shape beneath the full moon. Godfrey doesn’t think they’re shape-shifting humans at all. Her research leads her to believe they’re “some type of wolf that has adapted to walk bipedally” (upright on two legs). If American werewolves don’t look like Jack Nicholson in Wolf or Taylor Lautner in Twilight, what do they look like? These details from actual sightings show what to watch for when you’re watching out for werewolves.
GREGGTON, TEXAS, 1958
On a hot summer night, Mrs. Delburt Gregg pushed her bed close to a bedroom window. A storm was brewing nearby, and she thought the breeze would cool her down so she could sleep. It worked. Mrs. Gregg nodded off. But something woke her up…something scratching at the window screen. Lightning flashed, revealing “a huge, shaggy, wolflike creature” with “bared white fangs.” Texas women can be tough—instead of screaming and running, Mrs. Gregg dove for a flashlight. She shone it into the yard just in time to see the creature disappear into a clump of bushes. A short time later, she saw an extremely tall man emerge from the bushes, walk across the yard to the road, and vanish into the darkness.
DELAVAN, WISCONSIN, 1989
Driving home from work late one night, Lorianne Endrizzi saw a creature kneeling by the roadside. It had a wolflike snout, fangs, claws, and pointed ears. The creature was built like “a man who had worked out a little bit.” In its paws: a road-killed animal. Endrizzi didn’t jump to conclusions. She went to the local library, where she found a drawing of a similar creature—a werewolf.
CEDARVILLE, ILLINOIS, 2002
As a woman and her sixteen-year-old daughter drove across a bridge just before dusk, the car’s headlights caught the attention of a creature hunched down on the side of the road. The creature looked up. Its yellow-gold eyes locked with the driver’s. “It had dark wiry fur,” she said, “and a muzzle. I don’t remember a tail.” What she did remember: It was crouched on its hind legs and turned its upper body toward the car, like a human would, not just its head, like a wolf would. “If it had stood up, it would have been slightly under six feet tall,” said the driver. Her daughter, Angel, described the creature this way: “The best thing I can think of to describe it was the werewolf in Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” Neither mother nor daughter admitted to being afraid. What Mom did admit? “We don’t go walking by ourselves anymore.”
•••
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
A Fred!
A Fred who?
Who’s a Fred of the Big Bad Wolf?
IN THE NEWS: DEAD WEIRD
More proof that truth is stranger than fiction.
IF YOU’VE EVER WATCHED the TV program, Storage Wars, you know that all kinds of strange things can be hidden in storage lockers. U-Storage Manager Kevin McKeon was about to auction the contents of a 10 by 10-foot unit. The renters had not made payments for more than a year. Before the auction, McKeon made one final call. He contacted the original renters’ granddaughter, Rebecca Ann Fancher. “You can’t sell our stuff!” Rebecca Ann said. “My mother told me on her deathbed that Grandma is in the storage unit.”
McKeon was skeptical, so he didn’t check the unit until a week later. Inside, he discovered old TVs, trashbags of stored stuff, and a hand-made blue casket that contained the remains of Ann Bunche (Grandma). After he got over the shock, he placed a call to the Clearwater, Florida, police. Further investigation revealed that Grandma had been in the unit since her death—17 years earlier. Seems her daughter, Bobbie Barnett Hancock (also deceased by the time the body was found), “just couldn’t part with her.” No charges were filed against the surviving family members.
HALLOWEENIES
These pranksters put the “weenie” into Halloween.
INDUBITABLY, WATSON
One Halloween, North London resident Richard Watson and some friends decided to host a Mad Scientist Party at their building. They dressed up in white lab coats and silly wigs. And they put on a display of showy “experiments” to entertain guests. The party was in full swing when police entered the building for a routine check. Officers took one look at the chemicals scattered around and arrested Watson under Britain’s Anti-Terrorism Act.
The entire area was evacuated, and roads were cordoned off with police tape. Watson was searched, handcuffed, and interrogated. “They told me they were arresting me on suspicion of making explosives. I laughed at first, but then I realized they were being serious.”
Once the police determined that the suspicious-looking materials were just food coloring, bicarbonate of soda, and vinegar, they released Watson without charges.
MOWED OVER
A man driving along Organ Church Road in Salisbury, North Carolina, was horrified when he spotted a blood-spattered body caught beneath a riding lawn mower. The frantic motorist called 911. “He’s laying right underneath the lawn mower,” the caller told 911. “He ain’t moving.” Emergency responders got ready to rush to the scene. But before they left, another 911 call came in: “Don’t go!” the caller said. “It’s just a Halloween display.”
Seems Salisbury teen Chris Deaton had dressed a dummy in blue jeans splattered with fake blood. He’d stuck brown work boots on its feet and work gloves on its hands. Then he put a beer can in the dummy’s hand to make the scene seem more realistic. (Drinking and lawnmowing don’t mix, kiddies!) No charges were filed against the original 911 caller or the Halloween prankster.
KNOCK YOURSELF OUT
If dressing up like a monster and then popping out at someone sounds like a good idea, think again. In 2012, two kids were working together on a prank at their school. One k
id dressed like a wolfman wearing a top hat, then he hid in a trash can beside the soda machine. Another kid stopped a boy in the hall for a chat to give the wolfman a chance to pull his prank. They should have picked a different victim. This kid had lightning-fast reflexes. When the wolfman popped out of the can, the boy smacked him in the snout and knocked him right back into the trash. Pow!
•••
Q: What time is it when King Kong sits on your hat?
A: Time to get a new hat.
CHOCOLATE-CHIP COOKIE D’OH
Itching to get back at people who gobble up the cookie dough and swear it wasn’t them? Have we got a recipe for you!
WHAT YOU NEED:
•Colander or sieve
•Paper towels
•Food processor or blender
•Mixing bowl
•Spatula or wooden spoon
•Serving bowl and plate
•1 can chickpeas
•⅛ teaspoon salt
•⅛ teaspoon baking soda
•½ teaspoon vanilla extract
•¼ cup rolled oats
•½ cup chocolate chips
•Fruit slices or graham crackers, for serving
WHAT TO DO:
1.Pour the chickpeas into the colander or sieve. Drain and rinse them, then pat them dry with paper towels. Remove any bits of skin that you see.
2.Put the chickpeas, salt, baking soda, vanilla, and oats into a food processor or blender. Process until the ingredients form a paste about the consistency of smooth peanut butter. (Stop blending and stir the mixture once or twice, if needed.) If the “dough” seems too thin, add a spoonful of flour. If it’s too thick, add a spoonful of water.
3.Transfer the dough to a mixing bowl. Use a spatula or a wooden spoon to stir in the chocolate chips.
4.Leave the “cookie dough” out on the counter to see who bites. (And hide nearby with a camera to document the looks on their faces.)
5.If no one takes the bait, scoop a generous amount of the finished dough into a serving bowl and set the bowl on a plate. Surround it with graham crackers or fruit slices and serve it up. (Sssh! Don’t tell anyone, but this stuff actually tastes yummy!)
•••
THAT’S CRAZY!
Healthcare just isn’t what it used to be…thank goodness!
AUSTRALIA’S Beechworth Lunatic Asylum opened in 1867. It quickly developed a reputation for admitting patients against their will. All it took to have someone committed was the signature of two doctors. To get out? Eight people had to sign the release form. Once inside, patients had to endure treatments such as the “Darwin chair.” A patient would be strapped into the revolving chair. Then doctors would spin the chair so fast that the patient would bleed from the mouth, nose, and ears. The asylum closed in 1995, but not before 3,000 patients had died there.
TEAM SPIRITS
Here’s the “Who’s Boo!” in the world of sports.
SPORT: Basketball
SPIRIT: Effie the maid
STORY: In 2010, New York Knicks center Eddy Curry tossed fitfully in his room on the tenth floor of Oklahoma City’s century-old Skirvin Hotel. Visiting NBA squads often stay at the Skirvin, but it was the night before a Knicks’ game against Oklahoma City, and Curry couldn’t sleep. He was too worried about the hotel ghost—Effie the maid. Legend says that in the 1930s, the hotel’s owner, W.B. Skirvin, locked Effie in a room to stop her from creating a scandal that involved the baby locked in the room with her. When she couldn’t escape, Effie leaped out the window with the baby in her arms.
“They said it happened on the tenth floor, and I’m the only one staying on the tenth floor,” said Curry.
Other hotel guests have reported that Effie roams the halls at night, slamming doors and causing other mischief. Then there’s the wailing baby guests hear—when no baby is staying on the premises.
“The place is haunted,” said Curry’s teammate, forward Jared Jeffries. “It’s scary.” So was the Knicks loss to the Oklahoma Thunder the next day: 106–88.
SPORT: Baseball
SPIRIT: Gettysburg Eddie
STORY: Eddie Plank was the first left-handed pitcher to win 300 Major League baseball games. He retired in 1917 from the St. Louis Browns. His nickname, “Gettysburg Eddie,” came from his hometown, Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. Eddie died there on February 24, 1926.
Seventy years later—on February 24, 1996—Gettysburg College professor Peter Stitt was asleep in the house where Plank passed away. He woke to a series of strange sounds. “It was kind of a thunk sound, followed by a softer wush-type sound,” said Stitt. Like someone pitching a baseball.
Stitt peeked around the door and saw something “kind of fly across.” Then he heard that soft noise, and the thing came back. Stitt had no idea what he was seeing. “I thought I saw some light, wispy things. Very, very odd, like fabric or something, just something there, then…it’s gone.” The sounds continued for weeks. Then they ended, on March 31. Stitt thought he knew why: Baseball season traditionally begins on April 1. “Eddie was doing his spring training,” Stitt said.
SPORT: Football
SPIRIT: Gipp
STORY: Notre Dame football star George Gipp died of pneumonia soon after his final game in 1920. The legend is that he stayed out late one night, and his dormitory was locked when he returned. He fell asleep on the steps of Washington Hall on the university campus, became sick soon after, and then died. Notre Dame students have claimed to see Gipp’s ghost in and near Washington Hall over the years. For some reason, he’s sometimes riding a white horse.
SPORT: Hockey
SPIRIT: Dorothy Mae
STORY: The Hockey Hall of Fame building in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, used to be a branch office of the Bank of Montreal. One day in 1953, a bank teller named Dorothy Mae Elliott shot herself to death there. She may have been caught stealing money. Or she may have been upset because her boyfriend left her—no one knows for sure. But after Dorothy’s death, the building developed some weird ticks that still torment the hockey museum today. Lights flick on and off. Doors and windows open for no reason, and moans and screams are sometimes heard. Some employees report phantom hands touching their shoulders when they work alone at night.
Former Hockey Hall employee Rob Hynes told about a strange feeling that drew him to a dark conference room early one morning. “One of the chairs was turning as if a breeze was in there,” Hynes said. “It actually moved right into my hand. I’m rather skeptical about ghosts, but I just freaked out and ran out of there.”
A young boy visiting the Hall saw something, too. “Don’t you see her, don’t you see her?” he yelled. Seems he saw a woman with long black hair “going in and out of the walls.”
LOCKED IN
Sure, you can get in the can—but can you get back out?
THE CAPTAIN OF A CHAUTAUQUA Airlines flight from North Carolina to New York City decided to take a bathroom break before landing. But when he tried to get out of the restroom, the door jammed, trapping him inside. The pilot pounded on the door until he got the attention of a passenger, and asked him to alert the crew. Bad idea. Why? Because the passenger had what sounded like a Middle Eastern accent.
When the passenger tried to explain through the cockpit door that the captain was locked in the john, the copilot thought he might be a terrorist. He radioed this message to the tower: “The captain disappeared in the back, and, uh, I have someone with a thick foreign accent trying to access the cockpit.”
Air-traffic controllers advised the flight crew to make an emergency landing. Fighter jets scrambled just before the captain fought his way out of the bathroom. “There is no threat!” he radioed the tower. The FBI showed up anyway. So did Port Authority cops. In the end, authorities agreed that the incident was a really weird series of events.
FEAR FACTOR: Delta Airlines allows antlers to be carried on board, as long as they don’t have any flesh still attached. (Eeuw!)
HANAKO, THE TOILET GHOST
On
the third floor…in the third stall…she is waiting.
BOO!
In primary schools in Japan, there’s a scary legend told in hushed voices: The spirit of a little girl lives in the girls’ bathroom on the third floor. The schoolkids call her Toire no Hanako-san. In English, that translates to “Hanako of the Toilet.” She has pale skin, dark eyes, red lips, and wears a red dress. She looks kind of sweet with her bobbed hair. But don’t let that fool you. Hanako-san has a mean streak!
FLUSH OUT THE GHOST
If you’re brave, and you want her to appear, you must follow these instructions:
•Go into the third-floor bathroom…alone.
•Slowly walk up to the third stall.
•Knock three times on the stall door: Knock, knock, knock.
•Ask out loud, “Are you there, Hanako-san?”
•If she is in the stall, she will reply, “Yes, I am here.”
•DO NOT open the door. Just run away. Otherwise, Hanako-san will pull you in and stuff you down the toilet!
WHO WAS SHE?
Kids in Japan have been telling Hanako-san ghost stories since the 1950s. Some believe that she was once a real girl. One day, during World War II, Hanako-san stayed after school and played a game of hide-and-seek with her friends. She decided to hide in the third stall in the third-floor bathroom. While she was alone in there, there was a surprise attack from enemy war planes. A bomb exploded in the bathroom where Hanako-san was hiding. Her body was no more…but some say that her tormented spirit remained.