The Arabian Nights (New Deluxe Edition)

by Muhsin Mahdi

  But morning overtook Shahrazad, and she lapsed into silence. Then Dinarzad said to her sister, “Sister, what a strange and entertaining story!” Shahrazad replied, “What is this compared with what I shall tell you if the king spares me and lets me live!”

  THE ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTIETH NIGHT

  The following night Shahrazad said:

  It is related, O happy King, that the tailor told the king of China that the young man said to the guests:

  My relatives kept crying out, “Alas for our murdered one, alas for our murdered one,” while a crowd gathered around them, until the judge, hearing the uproar and the screaming at his door, said to one of his servants, “Go and see what is the matter.” The servant went out and came back, saying, “O my lord, there are more than ten thousand men and women at the door, crying out, ‘Alas for our murdered one,’ and pointing to our house.” When the judge heard this, he became apprehensive and worried and, opening the door, went out and saw a great crowd of people. He was amazed and said, “O people, what is the matter?” They replied, “O cursed man, O pig, you have killed our master.” He said, “What has your master done to me that I should kill him? My house is open to you.” The barber said, “You beat him with a rod and I heard him just now screaming inside the house.” The judge repeated, “What has your master done to me that I should beat him, and what brings him into my house?” The barber replied, “Don’t be perverse, vile old man. I know everything. Your daughter is in love with him and he with her, and when you found them out, you bade your servants beat him. By God, none shall judge between us and you but the caliph, unless you bring out our master to his relatives, before I go in and bring him out myself and put you to shame.” The judge stood blushing and tongue-tied before the crowd and could only mumble, “If you are speaking the truth, come in and fetch him.” The barber pushed forward and entered the house.

  When I saw the barber enter the house, I looked for an exit or a means of escape or a place to hide but saw none, save a large chest that stood in the room. I got into the chest, pulled the lid down on me, and held my breath. When the barber came into the room, he searched, looking right and left and, seeing nothing but the chest in which I was hiding, placed it on his head and left with it in a hurry. At this I lost my mind and, feeling certain that he would not let me alone, took courage and, opening the chest, threw myself to the ground and broke my leg. I opened the door and saw a great crowd of people. Now I happened to have a good sum of money hidden in my sleeve for such a day; so I took the money out and began to scatter it among the crowd, and while they were busy scrambling for it, I fled, running right and left through the alleys of Baghdad, while the cursed barber, whom nothing could divert, kept running after me from place to place.

  But morning overtook Shahrazad, and she lapsed into silence. Then Dinarzad said to her sister, “What a strange and entertaining story!” Shahrazad replied, “What is this compared with what I shall tell you tomorrow night if I stay alive!”

  THE ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY-FIRST NIGHT

  The following night Shahrazad said:

  I heard, O happy King, that the tailor told the king of China that the young man said to the guests:

  I kept running, while the barber ran and shouted after me, “They would have killed and bereft me of my benefactor and the benefactor of my family, my children, and my friends, but praise be to God who made me triumph over them and helped me deliver my lord from their hands.” Then he asked me, “My lord, where do you want to go now? If God had not sent me to you, you would not have escaped destruction at their hands, for no one else could have saved you. How long can I live to protect you? By God, you have nearly undone me by your desire and foolish decision to go alone. But I will not reproach you for your foolishness, for you are a rash and ignorant bumbler.”

  The young man continued:

  As if the barber was not satisfied with what he had inflicted on me, he kept pursuing me and shouting after me through the streets of Baghdad until I lost all patience and in my rage and fury against him took refuge in a caravansary inside the market and sought the protection of the owner, who finally drove the barber away. Then I sat in one of the shops and thought to myself, “If I return home, I will never be able to get rid of this cursed fellow, and he will be with me day and night, while I can’t stand even the look of him.” So I sent out at once for witnesses and made a will, dividing the greater part of my money among my family, and appointed a guardian over them, bidding him sell the house and be in charge of the old and the young. Then, in order to get rid of this pander, I took some money with me and set out on that very day from the caravansary until I reached this country and settled in your city, where I have been living for some time. When you favored me with your invitation and I came here, whom should I see but this cursed barber, seated in the place of honor? How can I then enjoy myself in the company of this fellow who brought all this upon me, causing me to break my leg, leave my family and my home and country, and go into exile? Now I have run into him again, here at your place.

  The young man refused to sit down and join us. When we heard what happened to the young man at the hands of the barber, we were very much amazed and entertained by the story, and we asked the barber, “Is what the young man says about you true? And why did you do it?” He raised his head and replied, “Fellows, I did it out of my wisdom, good sense, and humanity. Were it not for me, he would have perished, for none but I was responsible for his escape. It was good that he suffered in his leg and not in his life. I endured so much just to do a favor to one who does not deserve it. By God, of all my six brothers—I am the seventh—there is none less talkative, less meddlesome, or wiser than I. I will tell you now about an incident that happened to me, in order to prove to you that, unlike all my brothers, I am neither meddlesome nor talkative.”

  6. To this day, in certain parts of the Middle East, barbers function as surgeons and dentists.

  7. Instrument used formerly by astrologers for ascertaining the positions of the heavenly bodies.

  8. Two of the compilers of the sayings of the prophet Muhammad.

  [The Barber’s Tale]

  I WAS LIVING in Baghdad, in the days of al-Mustansir Billah9 son of al-Mustazi Billah. Baghdad at that time was where the caliph resided. He loved the humble and the poor and associated with the learned and the pious. One day it happened that he was angry with a group of ten men and commanded the chief of the police of Baghdad to bring them before him on a feast day.

  But morning overtook Shahrazad, and she lapsed into silence. Then Dinarzad said to her sister, “Sister, what a strange and amazing story!” Shahrazad replied, “What is this compared with what I shall tell you tomorrow night if the king spares me and lets me live!”

  THE ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY-SECOND NIGHT

  The following night Shahrazad said:

  I heard, O happy King, that the tailor told the king of China that the barber said to the guests:

  The caliph ordered the chief of the police of Baghdad to bring before him at a feast ten men who had formed a band of robbers and made the road unsafe. The chief went out and, capturing them, embarked with them in a boat. When I saw them, I said to myself, “By God, these people have met for a party, and I think that they are going to spend the day on this boat, eating and drinking, and none shall be their companion but I.” So, fellows, out of a sense of fellowship, as well as good sense, I slipped into the boat with them. They crossed the river, and as soon as they reached the opposite bank in Baghdad, there came police officers and guards with chains, which they put around the necks of the robbers, as well as mine, but because of my courtesy and reticence, fellows, I did not choose to speak and remained silent. Then they dragged us in chains and brought us before the Commander of the Faithful, who bade the heads of the ten robbers be struck off. The executioner came forward and, making us kneel before him on the leather mat of execution, drew his sword and struck off one head after another, until all ten were beheaded and none was left but
myself. The caliph looked at me and said to the executioner, “You, you have struck off only nine heads.” The executioner replied, “O Commander of the Faithful, God forbid that I should behead only nine, when you bade me behead ten.” The caliph said, “This is the tenth, sitting before you.” The executioner replied, “How can that be, how can that be! By your bounty, my lord, I have killed ten.” So they counted the heads and found ten. Then the caliph looked at me and said, “You, what made you remain silent at such a time, and how did you come to be in the company of these murderers? You are advanced in years but retarded in understanding.” When I heard the words of the Commander of the Faithful, I said, “O Commander of the Faithful, I am the Silent One, and I have attained of science and philosophy, wisdom and refinement, eloquent speech and repartee what no one has ever attained. The gravity of my apprehension, the keenness of my comprehension, the precision of my method, the greatness of my humanity and commitment, and the extent of my taciturnity are boundless and hard to attain. Yesterday I saw these ten men heading for a boat and, thinking that they were going to have a party, joined them and embarked with them. As soon as we crossed the river and disembarked, they met their fate. All my life, I have dealt kindly with people, but they repay me in the worst way.”

  When the caliph heard my words, he laughed until he fell on his back, realizing that I was no meddler, but a man of great generosity and few words, contrary to what I have been accused of by this young man, who has repaid me so badly, after I saved him from horrors. Then the caliph asked me, “Silent One, are your six brothers like you?” I replied, “May they perish and disappear if they are like me, act like me, or look like me. Each of my six brothers, O Commander of the Faithful, is afflicted with a bodily defect. One is one-eyed, another paraplegic, a third hunchbacked, a fourth blind, a fifth cropped of the ears, and a sixth cropped of the lips. You must not think that I am a man of many words, but I would like to show you that I am a man of greater worth and fewer words than my brothers, each of whom has a tale of how he came by his defect.

  “The eldest was a tailor …”

  But morning overtook Shahrazad, and she lapsed into silence. Then Dinarzad said to her sister, “What a strange and entertaining story!” Shahrazad replied, “What is this compared with what I shall tell you tomorrow night if I stay alive!”

  THE ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY-THIRD NIGHT

  The following night Shahrazad said:

  It is related, O happy King, that the tailor told the king of China that the barber told the guests that he said to the caliph:

  9. A late Abbasid caliph who ruled from A.D. 1226 to 1242.

  [The Tale of the First Brother, the Hunchbacked Tailor]

  THE ELDEST WAS a tailor who worked in Baghdad, in a rented shop, opposite the house of a very rich man, who had a mill in the lower part of his house. One day, as my brother the hunchback sat sewing in his shop, he happened to raise his head and saw at the bay window a lady like the rising moon, looking at the people below. When he saw her, his heart was set on fire, and he kept gazing at the window all day long till evening, when he gave up and went home sadly. The following morning he came to the shop, sat in his place, and kept gazing as before. A while later she came to the window to look at the people, as usual, and when he saw her, he fell into a swoon. Then he came to himself and went home, in a sad state. On the third day, as he was sitting in his usual place, the lady noticed that his eyes were riveted on her and smiled at him, and he smiled back. Then she withdrew and sent her maid to him with a piece of fine linen wrapped in a handkerchief. The maid said to him, “My lady sends you greetings and asks you to do her a favor and cut out a blouse from this fabric and sew it for her.” He replied, “My friend, I hear and obey.” Then he cut out the cloth and finished sewing it the same day.

  Early the following day the maid came to him and said, “My lady sends you greetings and would like to know how you have passed the night, for she herself has not tasted sleep, thinking of you. Now she bids you cut and sew a pair of trousers to wear with her blouse.” He replied, “I hear and obey,” and began to cut out the trousers and sew them diligently. A while later, the lady appeared at the window, greeted him, and did not let him leave until he finished the trousers and dispatched them to her. Then he went home, confused and unable to buy supper; so he borrowed some money from a neighbor and bought some food.

  The following morning, as soon as he arrived at the shop, the maid came by and said, “My master wishes to see you.” When he heard her mention her master, he was terrified, thinking that her master had found out about him. But the maid said, “Don’t be afraid. Nothing but good will come of this. My lady would like you to get acquainted with my master.” My brother felt happy, and when he went in, he greeted the husband, and the husband returned the greeting and handed him a very large piece of Dabiqi linen,1 saying, “Make this into shirts for me.”

  But morning overtook Shahrazad, and she lapsed into silence. Then Dinarzad said, “Sister, what a strange and entertaining story!” Shahrazad replied, “What is this compared with what I shall tell you tomorrow night if the king spares me and lets me live!”

  THE ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY-FOURTH NIGHT

  The following night Shahrazad said:

  I heard, O happy King, that the tailor told the king of China that the barber told the guests that he said to the caliph:

  The husband said to my brother, “Make this into shirts for me.” My brother fell to work and cut out twenty shirts and as many trousers by nightfall, without stopping to eat. Then the husband asked my brother, “What is your fee?” My brother replied, “Twenty dirhams’ worth,” The husband yelled at the maid, saying, “Bring the scales.” At that moment the lady approached, seemingly angry at my brother for accepting the money, and he, realizing how she felt, said, “By God, I will take nothing from you,” He took his work and went out, although he was sorely in need of money, and for three days all he ate was two loaves of bread and almost died from hunger.

  Then the maid came to him and asked, “What have you done?” He replied, “They are finished,” and, carrying them, went with her to the husband, who proceeded to pay my brother his fee, but my brother, afraid of the lady, said, “I will take nothing.” Then he went home and spent the night without sleep from hunger. When he came to his shop the next morning, the maid came to him and said, “My master wishes to speak with you.” He went to the husband, who said, “I would like you to make me some robes.” So he cut out five robes and went home, feeling miserable, for he was broke and hungry. When he finished sewing the robes, he took them to the husband, who praised his work and called for a purse. My brother put out his hand to take it, but the lady signaled to him from behind her husband not to take anything. So he said to the husband, “My lord, there is no hurry; there is time.” Then he went out, sighing both for the money and the lady. He was beset by five things: love, destitution, hunger, nakedness, and toil; nonetheless, he kept up his resolve. The fact of the matter was that the lady, without letting my brother know, had told her husband about the situation and my brother’s infatuation with her, and they had agreed to take advantage of him and make him sew for them for nothing, so that whenever he brought the finished work and the husband was about to pay him, she would keep her eye on him and forbid him to take the money.

  Some time later they tricked him and married him to their maid, but when he wanted to go in to her, they said to him, “Sleep in the mill tonight, and tomorrow you will consummate your marriage.” My brother lay alone in the mill, and in the middle of the night, the miller, who had been sent by the husband, came in, saying, “What is the matter with this wretched mule? He stopped turning, and there is much wheat to be ground.” He filled the hoppers with grain, and going to my brother with a rope, tied him to the yoke.

  But morning overtook Shahrazad, and she lapsed into silence. Then Dinarzad said to her sister, “What a strange and entertaining story!” Shahrazad replied, “What is this compared with what I shall tell you to
morrow night if the king spares me and lets me live!”

  THE ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY-FIFTH NIGHT

  The following night Shahrazad said:

  I heard, O happy King, that the tailor told the king of China that the barber told the guests that he said to the caliph:

  The miller tied my brother to the yoke and kept hitting him on the legs, while my brother kept turning the mill and grinding the wheat. And whenever he wanted to rest, the miller, pretending that he did not know that he was hitting a human being, would hit him and say, “You seem to have eaten too much, you wretched mule.” At daybreak the miller went away and left my brother still tied to the yoke and almost dead. Soon the maid came to him and said, “I am sorry for what has happened to you; my lady was unable to sleep last night, worrying about you.” But he could not find the tongue to answer her because of the toil and the beating.

  Then he went home, and soon the fortuneteller who had earlier written down his horoscope came to him and greeted him, saying “May God preserve your life. I see in your looks the signs of dalliance, kisses, and bliss.” My brother replied, “May God curse you for a liar, you man with a thousand horns. By God, I did nothing all night but turn the mill, in place of the mule.” Then he told him what had happened to him, and the fortuneteller said, “Your star does not agree with hers.” Then my brother went to his shop, hoping that someone might bring him something to sew, by which he might earn his subsistence.