Better Than Perfect

by Kristina Mathews

  So much for changing the subject.

  “I guess he quit around the time of the divorce.” Zach gulped down half a glass of milk. “I think he should have kept playing. I mean, it would have taken his mind off things at home.”

  “Yeah. Keeping active is sometimes a good thing.” Ali glanced over at Johnny. She knew all about his troubles at home. And how baseball had saved him.

  “He’s kind of mad at everyone.” Zach reached for another slice of bacon. He’d already cleaned his plate. “So I guess I can’t take it personally.”

  “I’m sorry things aren’t going so well between you and Tyler. You two have been friends for a long time.” Ali sipped her coffee. “Since, what, t-ball?”

  “Yeah. But we won’t even go to the same school next year.” Zach’s tone was drifting toward sullen. “I don’t see why I have to go to private school. Again.”

  “Zach. Can we talk about this later?” She stabbed at the remains of her breakfast.

  “Maybe I should get going?” Johnny was starting to feel like he’d overstayed his welcome. At least Zach’s hostility had faded. Or rather, shifted.

  “Sure. You’re just trying to get out of doing the dishes,” Alice teased him, knowing full well, he was man enough to stick his hands in a sinkful of soapy water.

  “I’ll get the dishes, Mom,” Zach offered. He got up and carried his plate to the sink. “Johnny did most of the cooking. I was just his assistant.”

  “Thanks, Zach. I appreciate it.” Ali sounded a little choked up. Zach really was a good kid. Almost too good.

  “I need to get going.” Johnny wasn’t sure he was cut out for all this. Between the discussions about other people’s family dynamics, the understanding that long-time friendships could change, and the way Zach could be disrespectful and accusing one minute, and offering to help the next had him wondering if he was suddenly way, way out of his league.

  * * * *

  Zach was a little bummed when Johnny left. Weird. Especially since, well, the whole thing was weird. He’d come home after an uncomfortable night at his so-called best friend’s house. Only to find out his mom had spent the night with Johnny Scottsdale.

  And then Johnny got mad at him for getting mad about it.

  Well, he was upset at Zach for being disrespectful. He hadn’t meant to be; he was kind of shocked. That’s all.

  But Johnny seemed like he cared about Mom. He even made her breakfast. As far as he knew, none of Ty’s mom’s boyfriends ever made breakfast. They snuck out in the middle of the night, thinking Ty wouldn’t notice they’d even been there.

  Zach had to respect Johnny for owning up to what had happened. Even if Zach would rather pretend nothing had happened at all.

  “I can get this.” Mom started to load the dishwasher.

  “No. It’s okay.” Zach knew she’d want to talk about it. Having something to do would make it easier. Anything was better than sitting down, face to face, to have a discussion.

  “Mind if I help?”

  “Sure.”

  “So. Are you okay with all this?”

  Couldn’t she ease into it? Make small talk like everyone else?

  “Yeah. I guess.”

  “Zach. I know it’s a little uncomfortable.” She tried to make her voice sound gentle. “I would have preferred you find out about Johnny and me in a different way.”

  “Look, it’s no big deal.” Zach really didn’t want to talk about it. Not that he had a choice. “You’re both consenting adults.”

  “Where did you even hear a term like that?” She sounded shocked that he wasn’t a total baby.

  “TV. The internet. I don’t know.” Zach wished she’d let it go. Give him a chance to figure out how he felt about all this before making him talk about it.

  “Zach, I hope you know that I’d never want to hurt you.” She was killing him with the gentle voice. “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable, or worried, or—”

  “Look, Mom. I don’t really want to talk about you having a boyfriend, okay?” He squirted a big glob of dish soap into the sink and turned the hot water on high. “I don’t even want to think about it. Even if it is Johnny Scottsdale. Even if you look like you’re really, really happy. It’s just weird. Okay?”

  “Okay.” She stepped back. Like she didn’t know she was practically glowing. Eww.

  “And no, I don’t want to go on a special outing or anything like that to make up for it.” He plunged the frying pans into the sudsy water. He scraped the plates, rinsed them and put them in the dishwasher. Like she’d been showing him how to do for years. “I just want…”

  Hell. He didn’t know what he wanted.

  Yeah, it’d be nice if his mom was happy. And if Johnny kept coming around.

  He tried not to think about the two of them doing…well, doing what he couldn’t stop thinking about the two of them doing. He knew it was normal. And natural. And all that stuff.

  But she was his mother.

  “Do you want me to stop seeing Johnny?” Her voice got all gentle, like it did when she was trying to make things easier on him.

  “No!” He slammed the last dish into the dishwasher. That would be stupid. “I like Johnny. He’s great. And I think he really likes you.”

  Well, duh.

  “I know this is a new situation for all of us.”

  “Can we not talk about this to death?” Because he wasn’t sure if he wanted the answer to the question that had been bothering him ever since he found out that the two of them used to date.

  “Okay. We’ll talk about something else.” She sounded part relieved, part disappointed. “Thank you for helping with the dishes.”

  “And breakfast. I helped with breakfast, too.”

  “It was wonderful.” She had that thing in her voice again. Like she couldn’t have been prouder of him. Or maybe she was just happy. “Everything was wonderful.”

  Man, he hoped things worked out between her and Johnny. Then she’d be happy. And Johnny would be around all the time. Well, all the time when he wasn’t on the road. But still. Zach liked hanging out with Johnny. Even making breakfast together was cool. It felt like they were a family already.

  So, maybe they were.

  If Johnny had left because he didn’t want kids, he seemed to have changed his mind. At least, he seemed to like hanging out with him.

  But then, maybe Ty was right. Maybe now that Johnny had—okay, he had to stop thinking about what Johnny and his mom had done. At least until he was sure Johnny wasn’t going to walk out on them.

  “So are you going to see him again?” Zach had to make sure Johnny didn’t forget about her. Forget about them. “Before he leaves for Arizona?”

  “I hope so.”

  “But you don’t have any plans?” Zach was growing concerned. “Not even an I’ll call you?”

  “Well, Zach.” She laughed. Like this was amusing. “We didn’t exactly have a chance to make plans. You came home, and I seem to recall you weren’t exactly happy about finding Johnny here.”

  “I was just…surprised. That’s all.” He’d already apologized for his reaction. “But it’s totally okay. I mean, I think you guys should, like, be together.”

  “Well, that’s a relief. I’d hate to have to ship you off to boarding school.” She ruffled his hair, as if he couldn’t tell already she was joking. “But don’t get too excited yet. Things may or may not work out between us.”

  “I know. I just wanted you to know that I’m cool with it working out.”

  Totally cool with it.

  11

  Five days, seventeen hours and twenty-six minutes. Johnny didn’t need the sports talk radio host to tell him how much time he had before he would report to spring training. The clock was ticking. Time to get his head back in the game. He couldn’t sit around sipping coffee, eating French Toast and reading the Sunday paper. He had too much to prove. No matter what happened, he would hang up his cleats at the end of the season. If he was lucky, it would b
e at the end of a championship season.

  After changing into his workout clothes, he went for a run through the hills of San Francisco and ended up at the training facilities at the ballpark. A good workout always seemed to make him feel better. But for the first time in a long time, he felt pretty good already. Sure, he knew he had a long way to go in making a relationship with Ali work, but he was ready to commit to the job.

  He’d just have to focus, breathe and let go of the past. He’d started by tearing up the announcement from Mel and Alice’s wedding. He’d carried that damn thing around to every clubhouse he’d ever been in. Tacked it up in his locker as a motivation. Well, he didn’t need it anymore. It was nothing more than a magic feather, anyway. He didn’t pitch better because of it; he just believed he pitched better. Well, he’d have to convince himself that he was successful because he’d trained and practiced and worked at it.

  Time to work at making sure his shoulder was in perfect shape. He hit the weight room, grateful to have the place to himself. Not that he minded getting to know some of the other guys, but he was secretly glad Bryce Baxter wasn’t there. Bryce would ask questions, wanting to know what was going on with him and Alice, and he wasn’t ready to talk about it.

  He’d just finished his reps on one of his favorite machines when the door opened. But it wasn’t Bryce.

  “I had a feeling I’d find you here.” Rachel Parker marched right up to him like she belonged here. In his space.

  “I wanted to follow up on our conversation from last night. Did you have a good time with your date?” Rachel smiled her camera-ready smile, even though her cameraman was nowhere to be seen. “She’s lovely. I can see why you wouldn’t be interested in anyone else.”

  “I’m sorry, but I didn’t think my personal life was all that interesting.” He wondered if she’d followed the limo. Had she camped outside his apartment, waiting to catch Alice leaving in last night’s dress?

  “You’d be surprised at the kind of details your fans would find fascinating.” She sounded almost ashamed of the fact. Almost. “There’s more to your story, and I just couldn’t let it go.”

  “I’d appreciate it if you would.” Johnny knew he had to tread carefully. Getting a bad rep with the press was never a smart career move. Even if he was nearing the end of his career.

  She hooked her thumb under her chin, and tapped her finger along her jaw. “There was something nagging me after that first interview. I knew there was a secret behind ‘The Monk’ but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.”

  “I’d appreciate it if you kept your fingers and everything else out of my business.” Johnny reached for a towel to wipe the sweat off his brow. It seemed she hadn’t noticed he was busy working out.

  “My gut told me I needed to dig a little deeper.” She paced up and down between the rows of machines. “I thought maybe there was something about your interaction with the boy. You were spending a lot of extra time with him. Unsupervised. It struck me as odd.”

  “What are you suggesting?” Johnny didn’t like the direction this conversation was heading. Didn’t like it one bit. “Do you think I’d have an inappropriate relationship with the boy?”

  And here he was worried about getting caught sneaking the widow of his best friend out of his apartment that morning. Forget that she’d been Johnny’s lover first. Or he’d been afraid someone would find out about his past. Or rather, his mother’s past. It had nothing to do with him. Other than that was how she’d kept him fed and clothed and housed.

  “That was one explanation. You spent the last few years of high school living with your baseball coach.” She wasn’t telling him anything he didn’t already know. “So I thought there was the possibility you’d been abused, yourself.”

  “Don’t you dare suggest that Coach Ryan could even consider such a thing.” Johnny twisted the towel in his hands. “He’s a good man.”

  “I’m glad.” She kept pacing. Like the detective in an old movie who was about to reveal the mystery. “Don’t worry. I’ve come to the conclusion that you’re not a pedophile. You have no history of working with kids. Not even when you were a kid. Unfortunately, predators tend to start young. And seek out volunteer work in order to find the intended victims.”

  Bile rose in his throat. How could anyone be so perverted? And how could she think he could be like that? Just because he didn’t sleep around, there must be something wrong with him.

  “You’re right. This is the first time I’ve worked with kids.” And if he’d known it was going to give people the wrong idea about him…well…he still didn’t regret the week he’d spent coaching those boys.

  “And from what I saw, you did a fantastic job.” She stopped long enough to give him a smile. “You should consider coaching as the next phase of your career.”

  “Not if it makes people think I’m some kind of sicko.” Johnny assumed his background would make people nervous about having him around kids. It had when he was young. The birthday party invitations that were rescinded at the last minute. The homecoming date who “forgot” she’d already agreed to go with someone else. The mothers who scooted down the bleachers when Johnny’s mom sat next to them. As if being a prostitute was somehow contagious.

  But this? This was a whole other level of social stigma. A grown man who didn’t have sex with tons of women must be some kind of deviant. Rachel Parker probably wasn’t the first person to wonder about him. She’d simply been the first to confront him with it.

  “See, that’s the thing. You’re not. So there had to be some other explanation. Some other connection between you and Zach Harrison.” She turned toward him, with a knowing look on her face.

  “I told you, his father was my roommate in college.” Why was that such a big deal? But if she’d seen him with Ali the night before, maybe she’d think that was a big deal.

  “Your roommate married your college sweetheart.” She was practically twitching with excitement. “Not long after you left for the minor leagues.”

  “How did you find out all this?” But he knew. There was only one person he’d told.

  “I have my sources.” She looked away, trying to hide the slight blush that colored her cheeks.

  “Bryce Baxter?” He was going to have a little conversation with his new shortstop, and then stop talking to him. Bryce had been at the fundraiser. They’d said a few polite words to each other, but Johnny had been too focused on Ali. Bryce must have found Rachel more than willing to entertain him.

  “No. Leave him out of this.” She sounded a little too defensive. Did that mean she felt bad for using the information, or for using him? “He may have led me in the right direction, but it wasn’t on purpose. He likes you. Respects you a great deal.”

  How well did she know Bryce? Not that it was any of his business.

  “Still, I decided I needed to do a little research on Mrs. Harrison.” She resumed pacing. Maybe it was her way of making sure he didn’t grab her and escort her firmly out of the building. “She married your roommate only three months after you left for spring training.”

  “Yeah. I know.” He had the announcement to prove it. Or used to. It was crumpled in the garbage can in the locker room. Had she dug through his trash?

  “Three months after you left, but only six months before her son was born.” Her last words were completely without emotion. She could have been reciting his pitching line from an exhibition game.

  “Six?” It didn’t add up.

  “Is Zach Harrison your son?”

  The question slammed down on him like the stack of weights on the machine he’d been working on. Johnny couldn’t breathe.

  “He couldn’t be.” He said it with less conviction than he would have liked. If only he had the wedding announcement. And maybe Zach’s birth certificate. “No. She wouldn’t have…”

  “You had no idea?” Rachel’s jaw dropped open. “I thought maybe you’d run out on her. I mean, you wouldn’t be the first guy to freak out over an un
planned pregnancy. But you didn’t know. Oh, I’m so sorry.”

  She sat on the bench next to him, looking a little deflated. Maybe her big scoop wasn’t as satisfying as she’d thought it would be.

  “I think you should leave.” Johnny was about three seconds from losing his cool. “I think you should leave. Now.”

  Make that one and a half.

  “Johnny, I’m truly sorry. I had no idea you didn’t know.” She stood up, and backed out of the weight room. “Oh, wow. I guess I should have talked to her first. I really thought you knew. Like maybe that’s why you were so careful. Why you stayed away from casual encounters. You didn’t want to get burned with another paternity case. That quip about the lawyers.”

  She wouldn’t stop talking.

  “Leave. Don’t come back.” Johnny couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t focus. And he sure as hell couldn’t let this go.

  * * * *

  Every other Sunday, Alice and Zach would have dinner with the Harrisons. On the weeks they didn’t go over there, they would order a pizza and watch movies. Tonight was a pizza night. It would have been easy to invite Johnny to join them, but Alice needed to spend some quality time with her son.

  She also needed to spend some time away from Johnny. Being with him again—being intimate with him again—had short-circuited her system. She needed some time to think. To plan the best approach for bringing up the subject of Zach’s paternal uncertainty.

  “Can we make popcorn?” Zach asked while she was putting the leftover pizza in the refrigerator. There wasn’t much left over; he’d eaten four slices. Now he wanted popcorn. But it would give her an excuse to sit next to him on the couch.

  They made a big bowl of popcorn and settled in front of the TV to pick a movie. They had their favorites. Usually this time of year, with spring training right around the corner, they’d load up on baseball movies. But Alice didn’t think she’d be able to watch Kevin Costner “have a catch” with his dad. And, well, she wouldn’t allow Zach to watch Bull Durham until he was married, despite the volumes of baseball wisdom it contained.

  When Zach suggested they watch Star Wars, she didn’t protest. They’d enjoyed the movie together many times. Part of her even hoped he’d jump up off the couch to grab his toy light saber, to act out the battle scenes, but the toy had long ago broken. Only a few Lego space ships remained from his childhood. She shuddered to think about having to pack those away to make room for an electric razor and body spray.