Better Than Perfect

by Kristina Mathews

  “That’s the thing about a wakeup call like this.” Frannie squeezed her hand. “It makes you realize what’s really important.”

  Alice felt incredibly small. Especially compared to the woman sitting next to her.

  * * * *

  Zach came home to an empty house. No big deal. In a way he was glad his mom wasn’t home. That meant he wouldn’t have to have the awkward conversation he knew was coming. But after an hour passed and he still hadn’t heard from her, he started to get worried. Her car was in the driveway. She hadn’t answered her cell phone. And no one answered at his grandparents’ house either.

  Something was wrong.

  He gathered his courage and picked up the phone. He went into his room, where he usually felt safe. But this time when he looked up at the poster of Johnny Scottsdale, instead of the steadying influence he normally felt, he imagined Johnny saying, “Zach. I am your father.” In a Darth Vader accent.

  Since he didn’t know where else to turn, he dialed his number.

  Johnny picked up on the first ring.

  “Hey, um, sorry to bother you.” Boy, didn’t that sound lame? “But I was wondering if my mom was with you.”

  Hoped she was, anyway.

  “Nope. Sorry. I haven’t seen her since last night.” When they were arguing over him.

  “Oh. Okay. Thanks, anyways.” Zach wasn’t sure if he should tell him that he was worried. He’d hoped they were together and had just lost track of time. Even if it meant they were, you know, together.

  “Is everything okay?” It was like Johnny could tell something was wrong. He didn’t have to say anything.

  “I don’t know.” Zach felt like he could talk to him about what was going on. “I came home from school and my mom wasn’t here. Not that she’s always here when I get home, you know. But I just get the feeling that something’s…wrong. Her car is here.”

  “Maybe she went shopping with someone and they picked her up.” Johnny was trying to sound encouraging. It wasn’t working.

  “No. She would have left a note or something.” He didn’t know how to explain it, but he had this feeling deep down. And he was scared. Really scared. Not that he’d come right out and admit it.

  “Would you like me to come over?”

  “Could you?” Okay, so that sounded kind of desperate, but Zach didn’t care. He really was worried. He’d never gone this long without hearing from his mom. And the fact that his grandparents weren’t available only made it seem weirder.

  “I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Johnny sounded like he was on his way already. Zach could almost picture him grabbing his keys and heading out to save the day. Kind of like when he headed out of the bullpen, after warming up to throw out the first pitch.

  “Thanks.” Zach felt better already. “I’m sure everything is fine, but I’m glad you’re coming over.”

  He was glad Johnny was his dad.

  Especially if something had happened to his mom. He’d been so mad at her last night. So much so, when she’d come into his room, he pretended to be asleep. He’d heard every word she’d said.

  In the end he’d almost felt bad about not saying anything. But he needed time to think. This was major stuff here. He couldn’t just forget about how she’d lied to him for basically his entire life. Even if he could kind of understand how she could think it was important to let Johnny—his dad—play baseball. To let him become the All-Star he was meant to be.

  Zach tried to work on his homework while he waited for Johnny, but couldn’t concentrate. So he gave up and paced around the living room, his worry growing with each passing minute.

  Most of the time, he thought it was lame having his mom check in with him all the time. That she was always around. He could count on her being there when he woke up in the morning. When he got home from school. When he needed her.

  So where was she now? It would be one thing if she’d been off with Johnny. Doing whatever it was that he didn’t want to think about his mother doing with any guy, not even his dad.

  It would be different, if she was more like Ty’s mom. Always looking for a guy to make her life complete. He could totally see her running off and not bothering to tell her son where she was going. The way Ty told it, she was more interested in finding a guy to take care of her than taking care of her kid. Then again, Ty had pretty much been pissed off at his parents ever since they got divorced.

  Zach wondered what it would have been like if his mom had married Johnny instead of Mel. Okay, so it was still weird to call him by his name, but calling him Dad seemed even weirder. Would she and Johnny have ended up hating each other like Ty’s parents?

  It seemed unlikely, considering how happy she’d been just the other day. Right after she’d spent the night with Johnny. She was happier than Zach had ever seen her. And for a brief moment, he’d thought maybe there would be one of those storybook endings. Where they would end up happy together. All of them. One. Big. Happy. Family.

  Yeah. And he’d get drafted by the Goliaths right out of high school. In the first round.

  The phone rang. He walked in slow motion to pick up the receiver. He didn’t recognize the number, but it was local.

  “Hello?” He tried to sound like the man of the house.

  “Zach?” It was Mom. Like anyone else would pick up the phone. “Zach, is that you?”

  “Yeah.” He worked really hard at sounding like he wasn’t scared to death.

  “Oh, Zach. Thank God you’re okay.” She exhaled, sounding like she was the one who had no freaking idea where the other one had been all afternoon.

  “Yeah. I’m fine. Just hanging out. I was just going to start my homework.” Something he could do now he knew his mom was at least alive.

  “Zach, I have some news.” She sounded like she was afraid to tell him. “About your grandfather.”

  His heart stopped for an instant. His eyes got a little blurry and he felt moisture leaking out at the corners.

  “Grandpa Mel had a heart attack. He’s okay, but we had to take him to the hospital. I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you got home from school.”

  Seriously? She was worried about not being home when he got out of school? Like that was a real problem.

  “Are you sure he’s going to be okay?” Zach’s voice seemed like it was coming from someone else.

  “Yes. I’m sorry I didn’t call you sooner.”

  “No. It’s okay. I didn’t even notice you were gone.” He lied, but thought it would make her feel better. She sounded so worried over the phone.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  The doorbell rang. He wasn’t alone anymore.

  “Yeah. I’m fine. I gotta go.” Zach hung up the phone and had to restrain himself from running to get the door. The relief that washed over him was almost too much. First, knowing his mom was okay. And second, finding Johnny Scottsdale—his dad—at the front door.

  Oh, and he was glad that his grandpa was going to be okay.

  Even if he wasn’t really his grandpa.

  “I’m sorry I took so long to get here.” Johnny must have flown, considering he lived clear on the other side of the city.

  “It’s okay.” Zach couldn’t help it; he threw his arms around Johnny. “I’m just glad you came.”

  * * * *

  Johnny wrapped his arms around the boy. His son. Still seemed unreal to him, but as he felt Zach’s breathing slow and his body relax against him, he figured he must be doing something right. Even if it was just being there.

  “So, what do you need me to do?” Johnny wanted to take charge. Find a solution. “Where should we look for your mom?”

  “She’s at the hospital.” Zach released him and stepped back.

  Johnny clenched his jaw; he knew he needed to be strong for his son.

  “My grandpa had a heart attack.” Zach relayed the news and Johnny immediately felt relieved. He couldn’t imagine what he’d do if anything happened to Alice. Sure, he was pretty upset with
her right now, but… He loved her.

  “He’s going to be alright. At least I think he is.” Zach shoved his hands in his pockets, a move Johnny could relate to. “Sometimes my mom tries to protect me. She holds stuff back. She thinks I can’t handle things. But I can. If it’s really serious, I’d rather know, you know?”

  “I can see your mom doing that.” Johnny could see it all too clearly. She wanted to protect those she loved. Even if it meant withholding the truth. “Would you feel better if we went down there, and we could see for ourselves he’s really okay?”

  “You’d do that? You’d take me to the hospital?”

  “Sure. Let’s go.” Johnny stood in the doorway while Zach grabbed a jacket.

  “Has your grandpa had heart problems before?” Johnny had waited until they were on their way before asking.

  “I don’t think so.” Zach shook his head. “He’s pretty active for an old guy. I mean, for someone his age.”

  “That’s good.” Johnny tried to keep the conversation flowing, but it wasn’t easy. “You’re pretty close to your grandparents.”

  “Yeah. Is that weird?” He sounded as if he thought he should be embarrassed to like his family. “It’s not just because they buy me stuff. I mean, they treat me like I’m a real person, you know?”

  “Yeah. I know.” Johnny flipped on his blinker to turn into the hospital parking lot. “I felt the same way when I first met them. I was real nervous. I didn’t have a lot of money back then. I didn’t have any money, and they had this big fancy house in the city. But they made me feel like I was important. Even before I was.”

  “If you were their son’s friend, then you were important to them.”

  “You know, I think you’re right.” Johnny whipped his Jeep into a parking spot. “Are you ready for this?”

  “Yes.” Zach tried to sound brave. It must be hard on a kid his age to face the possibility of losing someone close to him. “Do you think he’s really okay?”

  “I hope so.” Johnny never had a grandfather to be close to. He didn’t have any family at all except for his mother.

  And now Zach.

  As he approached the front desk, Johnny wondered if coming here was the right thing to do. He’d just thought Zach must be worried, and sitting around the house all by himself only made the situation worse. So he’d jumped into action without thinking it through. Maybe visiting hours were over. Maybe they’d be in the way. But he couldn’t stand by watching his kid imagine the worst.

  They were directed to the family waiting room down the hall. Alice stood at the window, looking out.

  “Mom.” Zach ran to her and threw his arms around her waist.

  “Zach, how did you…” She looked up at Johnny and for a moment he wondered if she’d be angry with him. Then her features softened. “Thank you, Johnny. Thank you.”

  “Is Grandpa going to be okay?” It broke Johnny’s heart to hear the uncertainty in his voice.

  “I think so.” She sounded like she was trying to reassure herself as much as Zach. “They’re running some tests to see how much damage it caused and what they need to do to treat him.”

  “Did you have to do CPR?” Zach’s eyes were wide with fear.

  “No. He never lost consciousness. He was having trouble catching his breath, and that’s something you don’t take chances with.”

  “Oh, okay.” Zach seemed satisfied with her explanation. “Johnny brought me here because I was worried about Grandpa. And I didn’t want you to be alone.”

  “Thank you.” She smiled first at Zach, and then at Johnny. “Frannie is in there with him, and it is nerve wracking waiting out here all by myself.”

  She held his gaze for a moment. He couldn’t be sure if it was guilt or simple weariness in her eyes. She held herself accountable for the health and well-being of everyone she cared about.

  Frannie entered the waiting room and the three of them looked up at her expectantly.

  “He’s going to be fine.” Her eyes still showed signs of worry. “It was a heart attack, but a mild one. Nothing we can’t take care of with diet and lifestyle changes.”

  “That’s a relief.” Alice didn’t look relieved. More like someone had just handed her an arrest warrant. “I mean, that it’s not too serious. Is there medication? Or something we can do to fix this?”

  “We’ll follow up with his regular doctor.” Frannie gave her a sympathetic glance. It should have been the other way around.

  Alice nodded. She stood stiff, like she was awaiting sentence for a crime.

  “Zach, I’m so glad you’re here.” Frannie beamed at her grandson. “Thank you Johnny, for bringing him.”

  Johnny nodded, feeling like an outsider.

  “I’ll bet Grandpa would love to see you.” She put her arm around Zach’s shoulder and led him out of the room.

  “Thank you for coming.” Alice was still shaken by the day’s events. “I’m glad Zach called you.”

  “I’m glad I could be there for him.” It didn’t make up for all the times he wasn’t, but it was something.

  She leaned back against the wall. All the strength she’d been trying to display seemed to have left her.

  Johnny was at her side in a heartbeat.

  “Ali, I’m here for you, too.” He put his arms around her and she fell into his embrace.

  “It’s my fault.” Her words were barely a whisper.

  “No, it’s not.” Johnny stroked her hair, wanting more than anything to take away her worry.

  “It is. I was telling Frannie that Zach might be your son, and Mel overheard and…and he just collapsed.” She pulled away from him. “It’s all my fault.”

  “No. Alice. I’m sure it was only…” What? Bad timing? Coincidence? “I’m sure Mel’s condition had nothing to do with you. With us.”

  “No, you’re wrong. It has everything to do with it.” Alice looked down at the floor, studying the vinyl tiles, as if she was searching for solace in the random pattern.

  “Ali, you’re not responsible for him.”

  “Oh, but I am. You weren’t there.” She shook her head. “After the accident. It was awful. I wasn’t sure if he’d get through those early days. If it wasn’t for Zach...”

  She wrapped her arms around herself, holding her feelings inside.

  Johnny stepped closer. He wanted to reach out to her, but she was shutting him out. Again.

  “Zach is the light of his life.” She shook her head. “I can’t take that away from him.”

  “No one said you had to.”

  She turned toward Johnny, her face pale. Worry lined her eyes, and she shuddered with guilt. “I could have killed him.”

  She dissolved into tears, collapsing in the nearest chair.

  He sat beside her and put his arms around her. She closed her eyes and leaned against him. He held her as she sobbed. She trembled, and it was all he could do not to lift her in his arms and carry her out of there. He wanted to tell her everything was going to be alright. Even if she wasn’t ready to believe it.

  “Johnny, please…” She wriggled out of his grasp. Again. “You’re only making this harder than it already is.”

  “Making what harder?” It was just like before. When she’d told him they should start seeing other people and he’d be better off without her. He hadn’t been. He’d been alone.

  “Johnny, I’m glad you’re still here.” Frannie returned before he could say anything else. Before she could push him away even more. “They’re going to keep Mel overnight for observation. I’m staying with him.”

  “Is there anything you need?” Johnny asked.

  “Yes, would you please make sure Alice and Zach get home?”

  “Sure. No problem. Anything else?” He almost wished for another errand. He wanted to do something. Anything, to keep Alice from pushing him away.

  “No. Just knowing the two of them are taken care of is all I need.”

  “I’ll do my best.” He accepted the mission.


  “Frannie, can I get you something to eat? Some tea?” Alice jumped in, probably trying to feel useful.

  “No. I have everything I need right here.” She glanced back at the hallway, showing them Mel was all she needed. “You get some rest, okay? This has been a scare, but maybe it’s a blessing in disguise. You know how I’ve been pushing for him to retire.”

  “Yes. Yes, of course.”

  Frannie approached Johnny and stood on her tiptoes to whisper in his ear. “Take care of our girl, will you?”

  “I will.” Johnny gave her a quick hug before stepping back. “I most certainly will.”

  If she’d let him.

  14

  Alice busied herself getting Zach ready for bed. Like he was eight years old again. She knew she was fussing, she knew he was annoyed, but she couldn’t help herself. She needed to feel in control of something, and making sure he brushed his teeth was about the only thing she could control.

  Zach, bless his heart, didn’t protest like he normally did. He just went about his routine and even remembered to put his clothes in the hamper. He was either trying to impress Johnny or was as worried as she about his grandfather’s condition.

  “Goodnight, Mom.” He gave her a hug. A real hug, not the half-hearted obligatory type he’d been giving her lately. “Goodnight, Johnny. Thanks for coming to get me and everything.”

  “No problem, sport. I’m glad I could help.” Johnny seemed surprised when Zach gave him a quick hug before turning in.

  They both watched Zach head upstairs.

  “Well, I should get going.” Johnny shrugged, as if he thought he was in the way. “I hope everything turns out okay for Mel.”

  “Johnny, wait.” She’d been unfair to him. In so many ways.

  He looked tired. He couldn’t be half as worn out as she was, but a lot had happened today. Between them, around them, and because of them.

  “Alice, I think... I think we should take a step back. Not try to force this.” He was going to let her push him away again. Damn it, why didn’t he fight for them? Why hadn’t he ever fought for them?

  “No. I was wrong. About so many things.” She tugged on his arm, led him into the family room. They needed to finish this. Tonight. No matter how much they wanted to pretend the past was in the past and the future didn’t matter.