Better Than Perfect

by Kristina Mathews

  “Of course it isn’t easy.” Frannie chuckled to herself. “Whatever made you think it would be?”

  “It used to be.” Alice poured herself an iced tea and approached the cashier.

  “If it was so easy, why did you let him go?”

  Okay. Good point. Especially since the difficulties had been mostly in her imagination.

  “Johnny wants to get married.” Alice waited until they sat before sharing that piece of information.

  “And you don’t?”

  “No. I mean, I do. But…”

  What did she want? Once upon a time it had all been so simple. She’d dreamed of being a teacher. A mother. A wife. Johnny’s wife. But in her vision it had been so different.

  “I guess I wanted it to be perfect.”

  “Oh honey, nothing is ever perfect.”

  “Johnny was. Once.” Alice smiled, recalling the night he pitched his perfect game.

  “Yes. But that was just a game.” Frannie touched her hand. “The rest of the time he’s just a man. A good man. But still, only a man.”

  “I know. It’s… Every time I try to do the right thing, I end up hurting him.”

  “So you’re going to let him go?” Frannie asked. “Won’t that hurt him even more?”

  “But then he can get on with his life.”

  “Honey, if he hasn’t done that by now, he never will.”

  They each took a few bites of their lunch. It actually wasn’t bad. In fact it was pretty good clam chowder. And the bread was fresh. If they hadn’t been eating off plastic trays, she’d think they were in a nice restaurant instead of a hospital cafeteria.

  “Did he actually propose?” Frannie asked.

  “Well, no. I didn’t give him a chance.” Alice had pushed him away. Again.

  “Well, a man has his pride.” Frannie smiled knowingly. Then she let out a long sigh. “Sometimes it’s a good thing. But sometimes…”

  “You’re worried about Mel.” How could she have been so selfish, coming here and whining about her problems? Problems she’d gone out of her way to create.

  “Of course, I am. He can’t keep working full time, but…” She let out a weary sigh. “I don’t know what he’s going to do next.”

  “I’m sure you’ll think of something.” Alice scooped up the last of her clam chowder. Maybe now was a good time to throw out her idea. See if it would be a hit or a miss. “I think it’s time for me to step away from the foundation.”

  “Oh, Alice, whatever will we do without you?” Frannie dropped her spoon.

  “Maybe Mel could take over.” The enthusiasm she’d felt when the idea first came to her was increasing. “We have a good team in place. The program practically runs itself. And I would feel better knowing the foundation was in the hands of someone who truly cared about it.”

  Frannie didn’t say anything for a minute. She simply nodded, thinking about Alice’s suggestion.

  “You know, I think that might be a terrific idea.” Frannie’s face lit up. “Of course, you’ll have to stay on for a little while, to oversee the transition.”

  “Of course.” It was the least she could do.

  “So, the only tricky part will be in convincing Mel that you need him to do this. That he’d be doing you the favor. Not the other way around.”

  “He would be doing me a favor,” Alice admitted. “I’ve enjoyed my work with the foundation. But it is time for me to move on. With Johnny, if he’ll have me.”

  The two women put their heads together to come up with a plan for letting Mel take over the Mel Harrison Jr. Foundation. Then Alice could focus her attention on winning Johnny’s trust.

  And maybe, just maybe have a chance at something better than perfect. The family she and Johnny should have had all along.

  * * * *

  “Hey Zach, I’m sorry I didn’t catch you at lunch.” Ashley stopped by his locker after school. He was shoving the last of his stuff into his backpack. “But my friends were… Well, I thought you said what you wanted to tell me was private.”

  “No big deal.” Zach shouldered his backpack and shrugged, tightening the strap.

  “So, do you walk home every day?” She tilted her head to the side. Just enough for her hair to swing out and brush her shoulder.

  He wondered if it was as soft as it looked. But it wasn’t like he could just reach out and touch it. “Yeah, usually.”

  “Cool.” Ashley smiled and it was like she hit him in the stomach. Hard enough that he couldn’t catch his breath. “Can I walk with you?”

  “Sure.” Zach tried to think of what Johnny said on the mound. Focus. Breathe. Oh, yeah, that’s what he was forgetting to do. Breathe. “Let’s go.”

  They took their time leaving the campus. Some of the kids all left in a big rush right at the bell, but Zach wanted to have Ashley to himself. Or as much to himself as possible in broad daylight on a busy city street.

  “So…” Ashley started to ask him something, but then changed her mind or something. “How did you do on Miss Rosenberg’s test?”

  “A-minus.”

  “Me too. She’s tough.”

  “Yeah.”

  They walked on, but they didn’t have too much farther to go before she would turn up the street and he would turn down.

  “So, about your dad?” She stopped, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Zach never understood why girls wore their hair long and then they were always fussing with it. But right now, he liked her long hair. And the way she was fussing with it. He was glad he could look at it and not think about what he was about to tell her. His biggest secret.

  “Yeah.” Zach almost couldn’t remember what he was going to tell her.

  “Who is he?” She tilted her head, making her hair fall forward. Making him lose concentration. No wonder Johnny needed to be like a monk. Girls were very distracting.

  “Johnny Scottsdale.” He couldn’t say the rest. It stuck in his throat. It was all he could do to say that much.

  “The baseball player?” Her eyes got all wide. And even more blue, if that was even possible.

  Zach nodded, like a dumb mute.

  “Cool.” She tucked her hair behind both ears now. “I remember when you did your biography report on him in fifth grade. And you didn’t even know he was, like, your real dad?”

  Zach shook his head. What if this was permanent? What if he’d never be able to speak again?

  “Wow. I can’t imagine.” She tilted her head, making her hair swing and Zach kind of woke up.

  “Neither could I, but I guess it’s true.” Zach looked at her shoes. They were bright pink. With purple sparkly laces. Why did girls have to sparkle so much? “And I think they might get back together, but I don’t know. It’s weird to think of them dating.”

  “Your mom and Johnny Scottsdale?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Wow.” She sighed. “I mean, your mom is cool and everything, but Johnny Scottsdale.”

  She sighed again. Like she thought he was hot or something.

  “Hey, that’s my dad you’re talking about.” Zach felt the heat rise in his cheeks.

  “Oh. Right.” She gave him a friendly little shove. “I forgot.”

  Man, girls were so weird.

  “You know, you do look a lot like him.” She smiled when she said that. “I guess I never really noticed.”

  Did that mean she was noticing him now?

  He wasn’t quite sure he wanted to know.

  “So text me later, okay?” Ashley pulled out her phone to exchange numbers.

  “Um, I don’t have a phone.” Zach felt about five years old. Why didn’t he have a phone? It wasn’t like they couldn’t afford it or anything. He’d just never asked for one. Never thought he needed one.

  “Oh, okay.” She slid her phone into her back pocket. It was pink and sparkly, too. The phone. Not her pocket. He wasn’t looking at her pockets. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  And then she was on her way home. So much for playing
it cool.

  16

  Johnny waited for Zach to get home from school. As soon as he saw him walking up the street, he got out of his Jeep. Man, the kid even had his walk. At least the walk he’d had at that age. Right down to the slumped shoulders, which only made his long arms look even longer. He hoped none of the kids teased Zach the way he’d been teased.

  “Hey, what’s up?” Zach’s smile brightened when he saw Johnny.

  “Did you have a good day at school?”

  “It was okay.” Zach shifted his backpack from one shoulder to the other.

  “So, you know I’m leaving for spring training soon.” This was the first year he wasn’t itching to get down there. Normally, he was bursting at the seams to get the season underway.

  “Yeah. Are you excited? Nervous?”

  “A little bit of both.”

  “Okay. Are you staying for dinner?” Zach asked eagerly. Right, he didn’t know that things weren’t going so well between Alice and him.

  “Probably not.” Johnny shoved his hands in his pockets. “I…um… Well, I have an appointment. We have an appointment to see if you’re my son.”

  “Oh. Like a blood test?”

  “No blood. But yeah, it’s a DNA test.” Johnny had never thought he’d be having a conversation like this. “That way I can add you to my insurance and stuff.”

  Sure. That was why he needed to know.

  “So does my mom need to come?”

  “Do you want her to?” He supposed that would make Zach more comfortable.

  “Not really.” Zach looked up at him with slight uncertainty in his features.

  “I can have her sign a release form. If you don’t want her to come.”

  “Yeah. Okay.” Zach squared his shoulders and Johnny followed him into the house.

  Alice signed the release and they were on their way.

  “So what’s the deal with you and my mom?” Zach was a smart kid. He’d picked up on the tension between the two of them. “Are you guys together or what?”

  “Or what.” Johnny mumbled as he slid behind the wheel of his Jeep.

  “I’m confused. You guys like each other, right?” Zach clicked his seatbelt. “Maybe even love each other.”

  “Yes.” Johnny couldn’t deny it. At least not on his part.

  “And you’re, like, sleeping with her?”

  Johnny nodded. He couldn’t admit it out loud. But he couldn’t lie to him either.

  “So, you guys should be together.” Zach offered his humble opinion.

  “I wish it were that simple.”

  “It should be. You love each other. You’re sleeping together. And we’re on our way to find out if you have a kid together.” Zach had a pretty good argument. Too bad Alice didn’t see it that way. “You should be together. Simple.”

  “Like baseball is a simple game. One guy throws the ball and another tries to hit it. Easy, right?” Johnny hoped Zach would understand.

  “Yeah. Except it isn’t all that easy to hit the ball.” Zach got it. “And even when you do hit the ball, sometimes someone catches it.”

  “I think relationships are the same. It takes a lot of hard work and a little bit of luck.”

  “So you work on it. Maybe you’ll get lucky.” Zach let out a nervous laugh. “I mean, not like that, but like, lucky to have it work out.”

  If only Johnny knew how to work on it. He didn’t have a game plan. Didn’t have a clue.

  “I used to wonder why my mom never dated anyone after my dad died—or maybe he was my stepdad—but, whatever.” Zach didn’t look at Johnny. He stared straight ahead as they drove through the city. “But now I think I understand.”

  Johnny didn’t know what to say. Instead he concentrated on navigating through the traffic to get to the clinic. To get this over with. To know one way or the other.

  “I always knew she had a crush on you.”

  Really? Hope fluttered inside him. But he cut it off, like the jerk in the SUV crossing into his lane, forcing him to slam on his brakes.

  “You okay?” Johnny turned to Zach, worried about the sudden stop.

  Zach looked at him like he was being overprotective. At least he hadn’t flung his arm across the seat, whacking Zach in the face when the seatbelt was perfectly capable of keeping the passenger from flying through the windshield.

  “I just thought it was one of those things. Like in movies and stuff. Where you were the big hot shot on campus and she was some nerdy girl who was too shy to talk to you.”

  “What makes you think your mom was ever a nerd?” Johnny couldn’t picture it. She was anything but.

  “She did get straight A’s. She dresses kind of boring. And, well, look at who she married.” Zach sounded like a typical teenager, who thought the older generation was hopelessly out of touch.

  “Your mom was not a nerd. Not at all.” She was hot. And she’d been anything but shy. At least not with him.

  “Yeah, well, how was I supposed to know that?” Zach was probably rolling his eyes. “Besides, I never knew she actually knew you. I thought maybe she worshipped you from the stands. But never had the nerve to tell you that she was totally into you.”

  Oh, she had the nerve alright. But Johnny wasn’t going to tell her son that.

  “That was a long time ago.”

  “She’s still totally into you.” Zach shifted uncomfortably in the passenger seat. “I think she never stopped.”

  “I don’t know about that.” Johnny thought about how quickly she’d retreated this morning. Sure, the physical attraction was still there. But it wasn’t enough.

  “We’re here.” Johnny pulled into the parking lot of the clinic. “Are you ready for this?”

  “Are you?”

  “Yeah. Look. If you are my son, no matter what happens with your mom and me, I want to be a part of your life.”

  “And what if I’m not?”

  “Well, then you’ll have to decide if you want me around. As a friend. A coach or mentor or something like that.” Johnny didn’t like the thought of not being there for Zach. Of not being there for Alice either.

  “Okay. Let’s go find out if I’m your kid.” Zach tried to play it off like it was as simple as consulting the Magic 8 Ball. Like they could ask it a question and if the answer wasn’t what they wanted, they could shake it again until it read Without A Doubt.

  Johnny held open the door to the clinic. He’d never been more nervous in his life. Not when he made his Major League debut. Not his first All-Star appearance or his first post-season game. Hell, not even the first time he was interviewed live on national TV.

  He filled out the forms, and picked up a magazine to thumb through.

  “Hey, look.” Zach held up an old issue of Sports Illustrated. “It’s you.”

  Sure enough, it was the cover of his perfect game. It showed his stoic face after he’d recorded the final out. The article made him look like a man who just quietly went about his business, throwing perfect strikes and buckling the knees of the most confident hitters. The sportswriter portrayed a man so in control, so sure of himself, he didn’t need words to add to the statement he’d made on the field.

  What the article didn’t show was how alone Johnny had felt at that moment. How what should have been one of the best days of his life had been one of the worst. He’d celebrated by having a beer with the grounds crew after they dug up the pitching rubber to send to Cooperstown. He hadn’t had anyone else to celebrate with. And he certainly hadn’t wanted to go home. Alone.

  “Mr. Scottsdale?” The nurse called him and Zach back to the exam room. She waited until they were seated before briefly explaining how the test would work. She swiped a cotton swab in Johnny’s mouth and placed it in a sealed container, following with a second swab and then repeating the process with Zach.

  Simple. Painless. And over very quickly.

  The hard part was coming up. Waiting for the results.

  On their way out, the nurse stopped Johnny. He moti
oned for Zach to meet him in the lobby.

  “I just wanted to let you know I’m a huge fan of yours.” She gave him a giddy smile. “Huge. Oh-my-God, I can’t believe you’re here, in my lab, on my shift. And you’re just as good-looking in real life. No, you’re perfect. I will remember this day. For the rest of my life.”

  She placed her hand over her heart and looked up at him, eyes glistening with tears of admiration.

  “Thank you.” Johnny felt more than uncomfortable. Especially considering the time and place. If she asked for his autograph, he was going to lose it.

  She didn’t. Instead she promised to take extra care with his sample. She continued to gush over him as he made his way back to the lobby.

  “So, do I call you ‘Dad’? If, you know, you are?” Zach had waited until they’d left the building before asking that question.

  “If you want to.” Johnny felt a little dizzy at the thought. But he’d rather think about that than think about what he’d do if the results were negative.

  “What about my name?” Zach stopped in front of the Jeep. “Would you want me to change it? Would it be okay if I went by Zach Scottsdale?”

  He had to admit, he liked the sound of it. A legacy. Something he never thought he’d have outside baseball.

  He’d always wondered where his name had come from. He’d overheard his mother describing her dream of living someplace warm. She wasn’t sure where she’d come from, but he thought it might be Idaho or Utah or maybe she was from Canada, here illegally. She’d left home at the age of sixteen, thinking Scottsdale, Arizona would be a nice place to live.

  She never made it past Reno. Or the neighboring county, where prostitution was legal. So Johnny always wondered if the only thing left of her dream was the name. She called herself Destiny Rose Scottsdale. He had a strong feeling she’d made it up and just passed the last name along when she had to put something on his birth certificate.

  “Do you want to change your name?” Johnny asked.

  “I don’t know. Maybe.” Zach opened the Jeep’s door. “Is it hard being famous?”