Better Than Perfect

by Kristina Mathews

  “So is everything alright at home?” Bryce unfolded his menu and scanned the options.

  “For the next six weeks, this is my home.” Johnny barely glanced at the menu. He’d order the usual. Steak. Salad. Baked potato.

  “You got some news. Something to do with Alice. Or the kid?”

  “He’s not my kid.” Johnny closed the menu and placed it on the edge of the table. “That’s the news.”

  “No way.” Bryce turned the menu to the next page. “I’m sorry, man.”

  “Yeah. Well, it’s probably for the best, right?” Johnny sipped his water and wished the waitress would return with their drinks. “I don’t know a damn thing about being a father.”

  “You can still be there for the kid.” Bryce was trying to be helpful. “You just won’t be related.”

  “No. It’s better if I step away. From both of them.” All the old emotions came flooding back. The resentment. The jealousy. Mel was Zach’s father. And in a way, it was worse after believing the kid could have been his. That Alice and Zach could’ve been the family he’d secretly longed for his whole life.

  Only to have that hope once again crushed. Like a two-out, two-strike homer in the bottom of the ninth that would have broken up his perfect game.

  Right now Johnny was too hurt to trust himself to be around them. To be able to look at Zach and not see his father’s betrayal. It was like getting the wedding announcement in the mail all over again, serving as a reminder of what he’d lost.

  “If you say so.” Bryce finally closed his menu when the waitress returned with their beers. She took their orders, and they finished the meal talking about baseball and movies and music. Anything but the subject that was so painful for Johnny.

  “Any dessert?” The waitress smiled first at Johnny, then turned her attention to Bryce when it was clear he wasn’t interested.

  “No. Just the bill. Thanks.” Bryce gave her a polite smile. Very different from his usual charming grin.

  “Look, if you’re interested, don’t let me stop you.” Johnny could care less if his friend wanted to get laid.

  “Nah. I’m a little worn out.” Bryce leaned back in his chair, a satisfied smile on his face.

  “Rachel Parker?” Johnny had a feeling there was more going on between those two than just a one-time thing.

  Bryce beamed like a love-struck teenager.

  “I wish I’d never met her.” Johnny couldn’t help but place some of the blame on her. “Wish she’d never conjured up the story that Zach might be my kid. Now every time I see her, I’ll be reminded of dragging him down to that clinic. Having a discussion on whether or not he should call me ‘Dad.’ Then going out for ice cream afterward.”

  “Oh man, I’m sorry you had to go through all that.” Bryce grabbed the bill.

  Johnny was too defeated to fight him for it.

  “Look, if you want me to stop seeing her, I will.” Bryce scrawled his signature across the credit card slip. “She’s becoming a distraction anyway, and it’s time to get my head in the game.”

  “I know what you mean. Nothing but baseball from now until October.”

  “Yeah. I need your help to stay focused.” Bryce walked with him to the elevators. “I need to be more monk-like.”

  “Maybe I should try to be more like you.” Johnny couldn’t see it. “Try and score with some of the hot babes down here.”

  Bryce chuckled and clapped him on the back.

  “I like you, Johnny. You’re a good guy. I’ve got a six-pack in my room. You want to come up and help me drink it?”

  “I’m just going to go to bed.” Johnny shook his head.

  “Will you sleep?” Bryce wasn’t going to let him off the hook so easily.

  “Probably not.”

  “Then have a beer with me. We could hang out. Watch a movie. Keep me from slipping into my old ways. That waitress was pretty fine…” He craned his neck as if he was searching for her.

  “Sure. Why not?” He wasn’t going to sleep, so he might as well keep Bryce out of trouble.

  Johnny followed Bryce to his room, which happened to be across the hall from his. He might as well get used to having Baxter around.

  * * * *

  “Hey Mom, have you heard from Johnny?” Zach kept checking his phone, but shoving it back into his pocket with a disappointed look on his face.

  “I know he made it to Arizona. But he’s busy, you know.” She hated to see her son so dependent on just a word from Johnny. “He’s started his workouts and I’m sure there’s a lot going on. He’ll be in touch when he gets a chance.”

  “Yeah, I guess.” Zach started to pull his phone out of his pocket but then thought better of it. “I suppose I’m being a pest.”

  She wasn’t going to say anything, but she was a little frustrated with Johnny for not getting back to either of them. She also had unreturned texts. And she’d expected to get the results from the paternity test by now.

  He was probably busy with his workouts and getting to know his teammates. He was the new guy, and she had a feeling he was concerned about his age and whether or not he still had what it takes. She imagined he’d work harder and longer than the rest of the team, leaving little time for anything else.

  Still, it would be nice if he sent a text or two acknowledging his family.

  It had been over a week. And Alice was getting tired of having to distract Zach. She was tempted to take his phone, but he’d gotten a few texts from a girl at school. Just a friend, according to Zach, but the way he grinned when he heard from her meant it might not stay that way for long.

  Oh, she wasn’t ready for girls. But Zach was getting there.

  And she wished Johnny was here to help them through this stage.

  She waited until Zach was in bed before making one more phone call. This time Johnny answered.

  “Finally.” She didn’t even try to hide her exasperation. “I was starting to wonder if you’d been kidnapped by aliens.”

  “No. Just busy.” Johnny’s voice was tight. He was avoiding them.

  “Too busy to acknowledge your son.” She wanted him to know how Zach felt about being ignored.

  “He’s not my son.”

  She must have heard him wrong. His voice was barely audible.

  “I got the results last Friday. They were negative.”

  “That can’t be.” She was so sure after seeing the two of them together these last two weeks. “There must be some kind of mistake.”

  “There’s no mistake.” Johnny’s voice was completely devoid of emotion. “They took two samples from each of us. Placed them in a sealed container. Zach is not my son.”

  “Oh, Johnny. I’m so sorry.” She felt a wave of nausea and she lowered herself to a chair.

  “Yeah. Me too. He’s a great kid.” Johnny had all his defenses up. He sounded so calm. So controlled. “But I don’t think I can deal with playing dad right now. I have to go.”

  He hung up before she could say anything else. Before she could break through his monk-like trance. He was hurting. He’d wanted to be Zach’s father. Wanted it more than he’d admitted even to himself, and was devastated to find out he wasn’t.

  She waited for the nausea to pass. Now wasn’t the time to think about the fact she was two days late. Nor would the news she could be pregnant soften the blow for Johnny.

  But she did have to tell Zach. He needed to hear the truth. And maybe he would be comforted that Johnny was too upset about the knowledge to tell him.

  Yeah. Right. That would make it easier.

  She knocked on Zach’s door. He quickly shoved his phone under the covers. He’d been texting, even though it was after nine.

  “Don’t get your friend in trouble by texting her too late.” She smiled, letting him know she wasn’t mad. “I’d hate for her to have her phone taken away.”

  “Sorry. I forgot.”

  She raised an eyebrow. She wanted him to know that he couldn’t get away with excuses. “Don’t forget
again, or you’ll be the one with no phone privileges.”

  “Yeah, okay.” He sat up. “What’s going on?”

  He sensed when she had something unpleasant to say. Probably because she squirmed and made it that much harder by trying to be gentle.

  “I just spoke with Johnny.” And her heart was a little bit broken for him. For all of them. “He got the results back from the paternity test.”

  She couldn’t say it. Couldn’t shatter her little boy’s heart. Not when he’d been so happy to have Johnny in his life.

  “And?” He crossed his arms over his chest. Bracing for the bad news.

  “He’s not your dad.” She had to squeeze her eyes shut to keep the moisture at bay.

  “You’re lying.” Zach grabbed the blanket and balled it in both fists. “Of course he’s my dad. You’re just freaked out because you’re so used to having me to yourself. You don’t want to have to share my attention.”

  “Oh, Zach, I wish that were true. I really do.” She reached out to brush his hair off his forehead, but he recoiled from her touch.

  “Leave me alone.” Zach flopped onto the mattress and pulled the covers over his head.

  “I’m sorry. I know how much you like Johnny. How much he likes you. But…” Really, there wasn’t anything more she could say. She couldn’t just kiss it all better or slap a bandage on this kind of hurt.

  She slipped quietly out of his room, hoping the new baby wouldn’t make things worse.

  Maybe she was wrong. Maybe she wasn’t pregnant. Even though she was sure she was. She’d pick up a home pregnancy test in a couple of days. But she already knew what the results would be.

  Then again, she’d been absolutely certain what the results of the paternity test would be, but she’d been wrong.

  So wrong.

  * * * *

  No. Freaking. Way.

  Zach punched his pillow after he was sure his mom was downstairs. He couldn’t believe Johnny wasn’t his father. They had so much in common. They were so much alike. And he really, really, really wanted Johnny Scottsdale to be his dad.

  There had to be a mistake. A mix-up at the lab.

  But he’d been there. They were careful. Put everything in pre-labeled containers that were sealed before they left the room.

  So yeah. It had to be true.

  Man, this sucked. And he couldn’t even tell Ashley right now. It was late. He didn’t want to get her into trouble. But he needed someone to talk to.

  He pulled out his phone, opened the text screen and typed.

  Hey. Even if you aren’t my dad. I still think you’re cool.

  He wondered if Johnny would text him back. Or if he’d even let him keep the phone. He’d signed a two-year contract, so he couldn’t just give it back. And it wasn’t like he had another kid he could give it to.

  His phone buzzed.

  Sorry kid. I gotta get to work. Look after your mom.

  So that was it? Johnny was sorry. And he asked Zach to look after his mom. Meaning he wouldn’t be coming around anymore.

  Yeah. This sucked big time.

  At least his grandparents would be happy. They were still his grandparents.

  So life would go back to normal. He’d be busy with school. And then in a couple of weeks, he’d have baseball tryouts and even if he wasn’t Johnny Scottsdale’s son, he could remember what he’d learned. He’d do okay. He might not ever make it to the majors, but he’d at least be ready for this season.

  Zach got out of bed. He walked over to his desk and grabbed his glove. He put it on. Punched the pocket and held it up to his face. He inhaled the familiar smell of leather. Only instead of comforting him, like it usually did, it made him feel a little sick.

  Finding out Johnny wasn’t really his dad should mean that everything would be the same as it was before. But everything felt different. Wrong, even.

  For a few days anyway, he’d been somebody special. He was the son of the great Johnny Scottsdale. He’d had dreams of following in his father’s footsteps all the way to the majors. With Johnny guiding him the next few years as he played high school ball, Zach knew he’d have a better than average chance of at least getting a look from college and Major League scouts. And having his name wouldn’t have hurt. No, it would probably have given them enough reason to look a little closer and maybe give him an edge over the competition.

  Sure, he still would have had to work hard to prove himself, but at least they wouldn’t have just looked at his skinny legs or the fact that he played for a small private school instead of one of the big high schools that made the playoffs every season.

  But no. Now he had to find out he wasn’t even Johnny’s son. Not only that, but Johnny didn’t seem to want anything to do with him anymore. Or his mom.

  It made Zach wonder if everything Johnny had told him was total BS. He’d told Zach that he would be around, even if he wasn’t his dad. He’d also said he cared about Mom.

  But Johnny found out that Zach wasn’t his son and now he’d stopped texting him. Stopped talking to Mom. Like he’d been lying to them both.

  And if he was lying about caring about them, then maybe he lied about everything else, too.

  Like Zach being a good pitcher. That he had potential. That he could be really good if he worked on the things he’d taught him.

  Well, maybe he’d taught him what his friend Ty had figured out on his own. That men would say or do anything to get into a woman’s bed. And once they got there, they’d take off.

  If Johnny lied to Zach just so he could back together with his mom—or worse, so he could get back at her for marrying someone else—then maybe Zach would end up looking like a complete idiot when he showed up for baseball tryouts.

  Screw that. He wasn’t going to try out. He didn’t want to play baseball anymore. It would only remind him of Johnny Scottsdale. The guy who used to be his hero. The guy who’d almost been his dad.

  20

  Johnny sat on the bench for the first game of spring training. He wasn’t scheduled to pitch, so he kicked back in the dugout, eating sunflower seeds and watching his teammates get action on the field. The Goliaths’ ace, Mark Carson, had a solid three-inning performance. Then the number two starter came in for two innings before the relievers got their shot.

  Johnny hoped to get into a game tomorrow or the next day at the latest. He was in no hurry. In fact, he didn’t really care if he played. He’d talked to Alice last night. After avoiding her for days, he’d finally broken down and told her the news. He’d tried to explain why he couldn’t be with her—and Zach—at least not right now.

  Zach had texted him. Told Johnny he didn’t care that he wasn’t his son. But he couldn’t keep stringing the kid along. It would be better in the long run if he cut his ties sooner, before either of them got too attached.

  Only problem was, Johnny was already attached.

  He missed the kid. But he didn’t want to ever make him feel like there was something wrong with him. Johnny knew that someday his feelings for Mel would show through. Like an old grass stain that couldn’t be bleached away.

  The game ended with a 7-6 Goliaths’ victory. Bryce had a pretty good game. And he worked the crowd. Waving to fans and tipping his hat. He’d been more than happy to sign baseballs, posters and anything the fans put in front of him before the game. Especially t-shirts. While the women were still wearing them.

  Johnny had a feeling he would be having dinner alone tonight. There were at least a half-dozen single women lined up for Bryce’s attention. He’d made it ten days or so without hooking up with anyone. Johnny doubted he’d hold out much longer.

  “What do you think? Italian or Tex-Mex for dinner tonight?” Bryce had stopped by Johnny’s locker after his shower. “I’m starving, so either sounds good to me.”

  “Are you sure? You didn’t get a better offer?”

  “Several. But I’m not interested. I had a good game. Need to keep my focus on that.”

  “Yeah. Sure.” Jo
hnny laced up his shoes and told Bryce he’d meet him back at the hotel. He wasn’t quite ready to leave the sanctuary of the ballpark. He hadn’t kept his mind entirely on the game, but it was worse when he was alone in his hotel room. He missed Alice. Ached for her in a way that was a whole lot worse than the first time around.

  “Oh. My. God.” A female voice pierced the quiet of the clubhouse. “I can’t believe I’m really here. In the locker room. It’s just like I imagined. Only better. Because you’re here. The Johnny Scottsdale.”

  “I’m sorry, but you’re not supposed to be here.” There was something vaguely familiar about the woman who’d snuck past security. “You could get into trouble.”

  “It’s worth it.” She was giddy. And a little scary. “You’re worth it. I just had to see you. To be alone with you and tell you how amazing you are. How…how perfect…”

  “Excuse me, I’m on my way out.” He had no idea what she wanted from him. Oh, he had a little bit of an idea, but in case she was after something more than his body, he headed toward the exit.

  “Aren’t you going to thank me?” She stepped between him and the door and looked up at him expectantly, like a dog who’d performed a trick and was waiting for a pat on the head.

  “For what?” The hair on the back of his neck prickled.

  “For making sure that gold-digging bitch doesn’t ruin your reputation and take you for every penny you’re worth.” Her expression went cold, calculating. She rested her hands on her hips and leaned forward. Probably hoping to entice him with her low-cut tank top. She reminded him of one of those women on those talk shows that seemed to be on late at night when he couldn’t sleep. The ones where everyone screamed at each other and every other word had to be bleeped out.

  “I’m sorry. I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Johnny tried to keep his voice calm in case this woman overran fanatic and rounded the bases toward crazy.

  “The paternity test.” She stepped toward him, a calculating smile plastered on her face. The pieces started to fall into place. “Of course that boy’s mother is only after your money. But I saved you from her.”