Falcon Song: A love story

by Cross, Kristin

  “Kate.” He looked out the door and all around. “Where’s Jase?”

  “He uh, he wasn’t in the mood to do anything tonight. He’s at his house. Could I talk to you for a minute? In private?”

  He looked at her and glanced to the papers in her hand and then stepped out the door of his apartment onto the step outside and closed his door. “What’s up? What’s going on?”

  “That’s what I need you to tell me, Cody. I was watching TV today as I folded my laundry. This show came on and did a blurb about Jason and some super model. I went to the show’s website and found these. Is there something I should know about Jason, Cody? Be honest.”

  He hesitated and she could practically see him squirm and it killed her. She watched for a second and figured he wasn’t going to say anything and honestly, he didn’t really need to after all. “Never mind, Cody. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot. Sorry to bother you.” She turned to go and he caught her arm.

  “No. Kate. Don’t go. Don’t assume things, Kate. Jason loves you dearly.”

  She looked up into his eyes and he met hers without hesitation. “Then what’s going on, Cody?”

  “Jason does love you, Kate. And he’s faithful to you, I swear. But he can’t avoid every girl, especially when y’all don’t ever go with us. A couple of times he’s had to take someone to dinner or something when it’s official band business, but that’s all. I swear. He doesn’t fool around. Ever.” She looked up into his eyes one more time and he continued, “I’m being honest, Kate. About the worst you have to worry about is just how Jason was at that party at my house the other day. He isn’t rude to the girls who come onto him, but he’s not a player. No way. You know him. He’s still the designated driver when we party when we’re on the road. He never gets plastered and fools around the way some of us do.”

  At that, he tried to smile at her. “He’s a hundred times more respectable than me. Maybe a thousand. I’m sure that’s why he gets so much more press. They see him as the ultimate conquest.”

  “That’s very reassuring, Cody.”

  “Anything to help. Let me see the pictures.” He thumbed through them quickly and handed her back one of Jason seated with a woman. “That one I was there for. She’s a newscaster at some TV station in San Francisco. We had lunch with them after doing a segment on their noon news. It wasn’t any kind of a date. And I believe this one is cropped from a larger photo of us and another girl band that opened for Kenny Chesney one time. I don’t recognize any of the others. Sorry. But, I’m telling you, Kate. Jason is whipped. He practically worships you. Now more than ever. He’d marry you in a minute if you’d do it. You know that. I know he’s asked you like a dozen times.”

  That was true, but it didn’t make her any more anxious to be made a fool of when Jason was away from her. She took the photos back. “Thanks, Cody. I’m sorry I bothered you, but sometimes I just need to know. To be reassured.”

  He squeezed her shoulder. “I absolutely understand. But he’s your love slave, I’m telling you. Trust him. He deserves it. He’s not perfect, but there isn’t a better man on the planet.”

  “Thanks, Cody.”

  “You’re welcome. And to tell you the truth, I wish you’d hurry and marry him so he could quit worrying about it.”

  “You are the last person to lecture me about getting married, Cody Rawlings.”

  “Man, have you got a point there. Take care, Kate.”

  “See ya.”

  Kate drove home in a quandary. Cody had tried to reassure her, and in a way he had. He’d said that Jason loved her. But then Kate knew that. What she didn’t know was how Jason was dealing with the other women he came in contact with. Cody had said the worst she needed to worry about was the way Jason had been at that party the other night. He’d meant it to make her feel better, but that party had troubled her deeply.

  She was almost more mixed up when she got home than when she’d left and she went back into her part of the house to her computer and Googled Jason Falcon and then the band Aerie. She’d been at it for more than an hour when her mom came in. “What are you up to Katie? We haven’t heard a peep out of you since dinner.” She came up behind Kate and looked at the screen over her shoulder and after a second said, “Oh my.”

  Those two syllables were all Kate needed to hear to know the pain in her heart wasn’t unfounded. There were literally hundreds of photos of Jason on the web. Most of them were just great pictures of a truly gorgeous singer. But there were some that were awful. Jason dancing like he had been on stage the other day. Or Jason posing with various people, usually lone females. There were several of him with the girls right on his lap and a lot more of him with his arm- or arms, around them. A few even had him kissing girls who were lined up to greet them along the stage or roped off walkways.

  After letting her mother see what she’d been finding, she printed a couple of the most incriminating and then got up from the desk and picked up her keys. “I’m going for a drive, Mom. I might be late, don’t wait up. I may have to drive all the way to Texas again.” She gave her mother a heartbroken smile and let herself out the back door.

  ***

  Cody sent his female friend home early. Ever since Kate had been here, his mind had been elsewhere anyway. He paced and fretted for close to an hour and then went and got into his Jeep and cruised up to Jason’s.

  Jason met him at the door in surprise. “Cody! Hey, I thought you’d be entertaining someone on this first night back in town.”

  Cody walked in the door and tossed his keys and headed for Jason’s fridge. “I was. I sent her home. Can I eat some of this pizza?”

  “Knock yourself out. What’d she do to get sent home?”

  Cody turned full to Jason and said, “Kate came over.”

  Jason was confused as Cody walked over to the microwave. “You lost me. What about Kate? Or was your girl’s name Kate? What?”

  Cody pushed start on the microwave and turned back to Jason. “My girl’s name was Meridith. No, maybe it was Meridee. Something. Anyway, that’s not the point. Your girl, Kate, came to my house while Meridith was there.”

  “Okay… What did she want? Was she ticked at me? I was a little grouchy when I got home this afternoon and she didn’t stay long.”

  “She mentioned that. Have you got a TV Guide?”

  “No. Why? Why do you need a TV Guide? Let’s get back to Kate. What did she want?”

  Cody walked to the door. “I’ll be right back. Watch my pizza.”

  “Cody!” Jason walked out on the porch.

  Cody knocked on the door of the girls who lived two doors down from Jason and they welcomed him in as they opened the door. He visited for a minute and then after having obtained the TV Guide he’d gone in search of, he came back to Jason’s. Handing it to Jason, he said, “Here, find out what celebrity show would have been playing that had a segment about you on it this afternoon. I’ve got to eat my pizza.”

  He could tell lights were starting to come on for Jason about what Kate had needed. Jason asked, “What did she see? Was it bad? It couldn’t have been too bad. I haven’t done anything. But she’s so uptight about other girls right now.”

  Around a bite, Cody said, “Just find the show. Then we need to get on their web site.

  Three minutes later, they were on the site and Cody heard Jason groan. Cody put a hand on Jason’s shoulder. “No. It’s okay, man. I talked to her about that one. She’s fine with it. When she left, I think she was okay. I told her how you were. I even encouraged her to marry you soon. You owe me. This is what’s been bothering me. Why I sent Marilyn home.” Jason turned to look at him. “Meridee, whatever. Jason, if you were having the day Kate was having, i.e. you snapping at her, finding her boyfriend in a compromising story on TV and then finding stuff like this on the web, what do you suppose would be her next move?”

  Jason groaned again as Cody said, “Maybe you’d better Google yourself.”

  Jason sat at the computer with t
he mouse and went from groaning to swearing, while Cody stood behind him noisily eating pizza. Finally, Cody went back and dug in Jason’s fridge again. He came back with a bottled water, grumbling, “In my next life, I’m going to pick a best friend who isn’t so dang healthy. Water! You’ve got nothing but bottled water in that whole blinkin’ fridge. Hell, Jase, you can get water from the sink. If you’re gonna pay for something at least make it have carbonation if you can’t hold your liquor.”

  Absent mindedly, Jason said, “I’m a singer, Cody. My lungs are my tools. Get off it. Maybe you could hit your notes from time to time if you tried the bottled water. Geez, I’ve never Googled myself before. This is awful.”

  Cody walked to the door with his water. “I gotta go, dude. I’m gonna go home and Google myself and see if I turn out looking so much nastier on-line than I am in real life like y’all do. This could be epic. I might be legendary.”

  Jason sighed tiredly. “Yeah, good luck with that.”

  “I want to give your eulogy.”

  “What?”

  “Kate’s gonna kill you. She’s got actual photos of you kissing other girls. Several of them. She’s gonna kill you. I just wanna give your eulogy so I can defend your character after the fact.”

  Jason looked at him without smiling and shook his head. “No, she won’t kill me. Violence isn’t her style. She’ll just be incredibly hurt and take a drive to Texas to talk to God and then she’ll have that haunted look and no smile the next time I see her.”

  Cody walked back over to Jason and put a hand on his shoulder. “Geez, man. I didn’t even know God lived in Texas. No wonder those Texans are such pathetic braggarts. Good luck, dude. I’m gonna live on the edge and pray for y’all again. You’ll know if you hear a news story about God having a heart attack in Texas that I shocked Him into it.”

  “Thanks Cody. Actually, God having a heart attack would be about the only thing insane enough to get Kate not to be heart broken about me tonight. I’m going to need those prayers. Go ahead and live on the edge.”

  “That is my specialty! See ya, man.”

  ***

  Kate found Jason asleep on the porch swing again. Her drive had left her drained, without answers and somewhat resigned. As she looked down at him sleeping, still, the only thing she really knew was that she loved him. Loved him dearly. In spite of everything.

  When it came right down to it, that was what made her happy. She wished there was a way to separate this crushing heartache from the sweet peace she felt when she was with him. Who knows, maybe she could get really good at ignoring the parts of his life she didn’t understand. She sat down on the edge of the swing and touched his beautiful hair.

  His eyes opened slowly and this time there wasn’t a smile, but there was a sweet, sincere tenderness as he quietly watched her for a few seconds. She stroked his cheek and then ran a finger over his sensuous bottom lip. Even if he wasn’t perfectly trustworthy, he was definitely beautiful. She kissed the tip of her finger and put it back there on his lip and said softly, “Wake up, sleepy head. You’re gonna get a million ‘squito bites out here.”

  He sat up and reached out to touch her cheek. “I’ll live. How was Texas?”

  She sat down beside him. “Still big.”

  He smiled sadly, “I told Cody you’d driven to Texas to talk to God. He said he didn’t even realize God lived there. He’s decided that’s why Texans are egotistical.”

  She laughed. “That’s exactly what I needed just now. Laughing feels good. I thought I didn’t get to see you until tomorrow? What brings you tonight?”

  He groaned and made a sound of disgust. “Ah, I Googled myself. It was awful.”

  She pushed the porch swing with her foot. “I know.”

  “I’m not really as bad as it looks. I swear.”

  “I know.”

  They rocked in silence for a while until, finally, he asked, “So, what are you at me?”

  She thought about that at length and then answered, “That, I don’t know.”

  “Why are you not afraid of me?”

  She laid her head against his shoulder. “Oh, Jason. You’re my knight in shining armor. You always have been, you always will be. Googling you isn’t going to change that.”

  He turned to look into her eyes and she looked right back. Somehow, knowing she was carrying his child put some things into perspective. After her drive tonight, she still knew she couldn’t settle for less than knowing he only loved the flavor of Kate. Not in marriage. She could never do that. But they were best friends. And they now had the embryo of a child together. That was enough to circumvent the bitterness her first gut reaction wanted to feel toward him. The time was past for that. He wasn’t trying to hurt her. She knew that. He was simply human. That was his flaw.

  At length, he asked her one question, “What do you want from me, Kate? Really?”

  She smiled sleepily and quietly answered, “I only want it all from you, Jason.” She leaned back against his shoulder again. “Incredibly selfish, aren’t I?”

  After rocking a few more minutes, he asked, “Kate, do you know I’m doing the best I can to make you happy?”

  She reached to take his hand. “Yeah.”

  Turning back to her, he asked, “Is it good enough? My best?”

  “It has been so far.”

  “But I haven’t given you it all.”

  “We’re working on that, Jase. And you’ve given me more than you know.”

  He leaned back against the swing again and tipped his head back to look up at the stars. “I’m going to do better, Kate.”

  “Me too.”

  He wrapped an arm around her and cuddled her against his chest, and she knew she needed to tell him. As much as she hated to shatter this peace, he needed to know. He had to leave town again for Lubbock day after tomorrow.

  She basked in his arms for another couple of minutes, dreading having to rock his world with the news that had rocked hers. Finally, she took a deep breath and said, “Jason, I need to tell you something.”

  He tensed against her and it made her instantly depressed. At first he didn’t answer her and then asked, “Is it going to make us sad, Kate? Whatever you have to tell me?” She nodded without saying anything, tears welling into her eyes. After a short pause, he said, “Then don’t tell me, Kate. Not tonight. Let’s put it off. Sad things can wait.”

  She nodded again and struggled to swallow her tears so he wouldn’t hear them in her voice. “All right.”

  He pulled her close again and whispered in her ear, “I love you, Kate.”

  He did love her. She knew that. She never doubted it. But she’d been serious when she said she only wanted it all. She turned her cheek against his chest. “I love you, too, Jason.”

  Chapter 9

  Monday morning seemed to come on with a vengeance and it was definitely Monday all day. He’d had to get Kate out of bed when he called her to let her know he was cancelling on their morning for the time being and said he’d call her as soon as he could. And then she’d had to go in to work early and they never even got together at all.

  They’d known when they fired, Ryan that they’d have to come up with an incredibly good pianist and fast to make their concert in Lubbock. They’d had Scotty, the manager Kate had hired, go over there on Sunday and start looking, and he’d found a handful of possibles, but now he wanted Jason and Cody to make the final decision.

  Jason spent most of the morning and early afternoon on the phone and then he and Cody decided to head on to Lubbock to try to get things ready for their concerts the next day. They were going to be playing there two days in a row and several things needed to be solidified.

  On their way out of town, he stopped at the restaurant to tell her their plans and the way her face fell fairly ripped his heart out of his chest. Lubbock was only a six hour drive away, but from the way she looked it could have been the moon. She’d gazed up at him with that shadow so deep in her eyes that it literally changed t
he color to indigo.

  Still, she hadn’t complained. Just nodded and asked if he needed any help making arrangements. Sometimes he couldn’t even believe how mentally tough such a sweet, soft girl could be.

  Kissing her goodbye was the worst. They didn’t have much time and even if they had, he wasn’t sure he could have healed the worry she tried to keep hidden from him. In the end, he’d just had to kiss her once, hard, promise her he’d come back to her and go.

  ***

  Watching Jason and Cody pull away that day made Kate feel unbelievable guilty. It had been nine days since she’d found out she was pregnant and she still hadn’t told Jason. Now it would be at least a couple more and probably several depending on how they decided to finalize their travel arrangements. She was nearly six weeks along and she needed to clue him in to what was going on. Not only did he need to know he was a father, but she could really use some of his rock solid wisdom in knowing how to deal with everything emotionally. She watched until Cody’s Jeep turned out of sight and then she went back to her office to see if she could figure out what to do about this new development.

  It didn’t take her long to decide that she had to go talk to him in Lubbock. After his second concert, but before he left for California the next day. That was what she would do. She mentally went over how to go about this and what she was going to say to him when she got there as she worked on her afternoon’s tasks. She wouldn’t tell him she was coming. It might throw him off of his game and mess up the concert. It would have to be late after the second concert in case they caught a red eye that night or an early flight the next morning. Just the thought of facing him made her knees weak and the morning sickness choose that moment to appear again.

  She didn’t go to a lot of their concerts. It was hard to explain why. At first, it had just been that she couldn’t get in because she was simply too young, but since then other factors had come into play. Lately, she so struggled with watching such a large number of women be attracted to the man she had long ago come to think of as hers. It sounded silly, but it bugged the wadden out of her.