Falcon Song: A love story

by Cross, Kristin

  At that, John looked up and met her eyes and then said sadly, “South bound romances can be hell. I learned that the hard way.” He went back to what he was doing and then asked, “Why don’t you ever go back and visit your family? You haven’t been back, have you?”

  Kate was mortified when tears filled her eyes, but she still felt like John deserved to know the truth and she turned to him and painfully told her worst secret, “I’m twenty one weeks pregnant, John. I hate to have to admit that I made some really poor decisions, but I did. I also made a decision not to tell the father because I think he’s gotten onto a slippery slope in a really bad direction and I don’t want my child to have to be dragged through the mess I think he’s headed into. That being said, he’d never walk away if he knew he had a child.” She shrugged and wiped at a stray tear. “I had to leave. I had to hide the fact that I’m expecting. And I’m going to have to keep hiding it. Otherwise this child will be forced to deal with the world at its worldliest. It may not have been very honest, but I felt like I had to leave.”

  After a long moment, he said, “Well, Kate. Sometimes it isn’t very fun, but we all have to do what we feel is best. Especially if there’s a child involved. How are you doing? Are you hanging in there?”

  She nodded and gulped back a sob. When she could speak, she said, “When I’m busy. If I get too much time to think, I’m a wreck, but working for you has helped.”

  “Good. Because I owe you big. If you need something, let me know.”

  “Thanks.”

  That’s all that was said at the time, but a couple days later, John handed her an insurance application with her name filled into the top and said, “I added health insurance to your employee benefits. You and the baby will be covered. Finish filling that in and give it to Gwen. She’ll see it gets processed.”

  Kate was surprised and didn’t know what to say so she simply said, “Thank you, John. I appreciate that.”

  “Well, you’ve earned it. And children are precious. They need to be taken good care of.” He sat back down at his big desk and muttered, “I failed miserably with my two. The least I can do is insure yours.”

  To this Kate said, “I’m sure you didn’t fail, John. As good a man as you are, I’ll bet they turned out fine.”

  John shook his head and sighed. “You’d lose Kate. A good father can’t overcome a bad mother. Not in this world. They’ve both turned out to be as shallow and selfish and lazy as… Let’s just leave it that they were never very well disciplined. I tried. But I did fail. They’re not very respectable people.”

  Kate put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, John. That had to have been hard to watch.”

  “It was hell.” He tossed his pen and leaned back in his chair. “You know, Kate. I’ve been pretty successful. In everything but my family. But you know what? I’d give it all up if I could switch that around. It’s taken me a lifetime, but I’ve finally realized that family is the most important thing.”

  “I’m only twenty, but what I’ve realized is that all we can do is our best. There are mistakes along the way.” She put a hand on her stomach. “Sometimes huge ones. But all we can do is repent and try to do a little better. Sometimes we make colossal failures, but God knows if we’re honestly giving it our all.”

  “You’re amazingly wise for a whippersnapper. I thought you said you were nineteen.”

  “I was. Now, I’m twenty. My birthday was August eighteenth.”

  John sighed and picked up his pen. “Oh, Kate. I’m sorry. We should have celebrated.”

  “My mom sent me a care package with homemade chocolate chip cookies. I was fine. When’s your birthday?”

  “Not ‘til March. I’ll be forty seven.”

  Kate smiled. “We’ll celebrate then.”

  Whether it was because John was closer, or some other reason, the two restaurants in San Antonio were well run, in Kate’s opinion. She spent two weeks at each , made minimal changes that helped the bottom line, but only marginally, and moved on to Austin, where John had another two restaurants.

  As she carried her bags into the Residence Inn there, she noticed for the first time that her burgeoning tummy was awkward and in the way and carrying her heavy bags made something low in her abdomen pull uncomfortably.

  She bought bigger clothes again. This time some of them were actual maternity clothing and she had those same mixed emotions about having a baby that she’d been having. She was beginning to truly get excited about having a baby, but there was something so sad about doing it alone.

  She made another appointment with a new OB/GYN and this time when she went in, they did an ultrasound and Kate came out of the office with an adorable photo of this tiny, tiny little boy, but nobody to show it off to. She thought about how she and Jason had planned to have a son together and name it after Kennen. Having the son, but not being able to share him with Jason felt so wrong somehow. She looked at the photo in her car in the parking lot and wished she could have sent it to Jason. He would have been so excited. Oh, Jason, why did you have to change so much? You would have loved him.

  She cried all the way back to her hotel. There, she scanned it in to her computer and e-mailed it to her mother and Kiersten. They’d have mixed emotions as well, but at least they’d be excited for him.

  Kate had gotten into the habit of changing the radio stations to classical or rock when Aerie’s songs came on and she automatically did it at the restaurant in Austin one day and one of the other waitresses, who happened to be tall and red haired turned and snarled at her, “Stop doing that Kate. I love Aerie’s music and y’all turn it off every time. How can you turn off someone as hot as Jason Falcon? Why do you like that instrument only stuff anyway? Y’all always act like you’re so much more cultured and refined than the rest of us.”

  The girl’s attack came out of the blue and Kate, who was still masquerading as a twenty year old waitress, looked at her in shock and the girl went on, “Y’all are so high falutin’, but I don’t see no boyfriend to go with that baby you’re packin’. You wouldn’t know what to do with a hottie star like Jason Falcon if he took y’all straight to bed, so stop with the holier than thou case against Aerie just because they’re country and not some orchestra. It’s not like you own this place.”

  Kate was stunned at the confrontation and wished she could fire the girl’s butt right out of there, but she couldn’t. At least not yet. Kate tried to blow off her comments after considering the source, but she kept seeing this tall red haired girl with Jason’s arm around her and for some reason, it made her feel like she truly wouldn’t have been able to attract Jason Falcon anymore. She’d never felt so awkward and ungainly and her slender, willowy figure was indeed gone.

  She turned away from the waitress and went into the restroom and put a hand on her belly. She hadn’t meant to get pregnant. In fact, she still couldn’t remember much of that night, but she was, and it was Jason’s. Whether the rest of the world knew or not, she needed to just deal with the fact and move on. That was all there was to it. She wished she was a week or two closer to telling the staff here what she was doing.

  That evening, on her way back to the hotel, when she stopped and got gas, Jason’s photo was on the cover of another magazine in front of the C-store counter. He was standing in a tux with a curvy blonde woman, although he didn’t appear to be too cozy with her. He looked good. Wilder, with longer hair and a gold chain sporting a tiny gold Falcon on it, but good. Really, really good. She wished she could ask her mother how he was doing. She looked down at her steadily growing tummy and sighed and then took the magazine and turned it over before she paid for her gas.

  It was only a couple of days later that she got a letter from Kiersten, which was strange because she e-mailed nearly every other day. It had been sent to John’s office rather than the hotel and he gave it to her as they sat down with Mark for a meeting. Kate wondered if there was a problem, but didn’t open it right then anyway. John and Mark were waiting for her to
get started.

  At the first Austin location, Kate suspected there was a problem with comped meals again. The numbers were skewed and the electronics there were somewhat obsolete, although she suspected it wasn’t an electronics issue, but a not using the electronics issue. The kitchen staff was positively lackadaisical about enforcing that orders were run through the order register before they were prepared.

  They finished their meeting and then as John and Mark were talking, Kate opened the envelope to pull out a photograph that made her heart skip a beat. It was simply a photo of her and Jason’s lake with the sun setting across it and all the glory of God reflected in the colors of water and sky. She stared at it, and then slowly turned it over. All it said was, “Please come home, Jason”

  She must have made a sound, because she looked up to find both John and Mark staring at her. She slipped the photo back into the envelope and put it into her portfolio and began to gather up the rest of the paperwork they’d brought her. Mark went out the door with a wave and John came back to her and asked, “Are you all right, Kate? Was that letter bad news?”

  She took the photo out and handed it to him. “That was where we first talked about getting married.”

  John turned the photo over and read the back and then looked back up at Kate. “You said he wasn’t headed in a good direction but you never said you’re still in love with each other. Love can overcome a lot of stuff, Kate. Are you sure you can’t go home and tell him?”

  She thought longingly about that and then she remembered the red head and the beer. She thought back to the magazine cover those couple of days before and how wild Jason had looked and shook her head. “No, John. I love Jason, but I’m the one who’s ultimately responsible for my little son’s well being. Jason’s lifestyle wouldn’t be good for a child.”

  “It’s a boy then?”

  She nodded. “Yeah.”

  “Tell me, Kate. How did a nice girl like you get caught up with man with a bad lifestyle? I can’t picture you being that irresponsible, even as a teenager.”

  “Jason wasn’t always wild. I’ve known him since the day I was born. He was the most rock solid person on the planet for years and years and years.”

  “What happened?”

  “He became a country music super star.”

  John looked at her for a long moment and then nodded. “I ‘magine that’ll do it. Hang in there.”

  “I intend to. See you Thursday. Hopefully I’ll have some better information by then. You take care too.” He narrowed his eyes at that last and then waved to her before reaching up to rub his head between his eyes.

  Chapter 14

  Kate went to another prenatal appointment and then signed up for a childbirth class. She was the only one there alone and it was a miserable experience for her, even though some of the other couples truly seemed to be enjoying it. Sitting there planning to go through labor without Jason was the most desolate feeling she’d ever known.

  On the way home, she called her mother and talked about her maybe being able to come and be with Kate then, although Kate didn’t know for sure where she’d be in another two or two and a half months. Her mother said that of course she’d come and that she’d get Kiersten to come and stay with her dad. “How’s he doing, Mom? Really. He always says he’s fine, but that is such a non word. I only say that when I’m definitely not fine.”

  “Katie, I hate to admit it to you, but your father isn’t doing great. I’m not sure what it is, but to me, he seems like he’s fading. That’s the only way I know how to describe it.”

  “Is it me, Mom? If I come home, would that fix it? Is he just worrying?”

  “Oh, he’s worrying, Kate, but he’d still worry if you were living here and everything was fine. You do what you think is best and don’t make decisions based on your dad and me.”

  “If I thought it would help him, I’d come.”

  “Is that what you want, Kate?”

  “Of course it’s what I want, Mother.”

  “But you still feel like you can’t?”

  “Not yet. Maybe when the baby is older.”

  “Jason still asks about you every few days, Kate.”

  “Don’t tell me things like that, Mom. It’s hard enough as it is.”

  “I know, Katie, honey. I’m sorry. I just think you need to know he still loves you. You need to forgive him someday.”

  “I forgave him long ago. I’m not holding a grudge here. Jason is simply human. It’s not a grudge. I’m just trying to make the best choices for the baby. Parties and girls won’t make for a stable upbringing.”

  “But is a stable upbringing worth not having a father?”

  “I’ve prayed about this, Mom. You know that.”

  “You’re right and I’m sorry. Let me know where I’ll need to come, and around the first week in February, right?”

  “Yes, thank you, Mom. Love you.”

  “I love you, too, Katie honey. Take care.”

  That night, Kate tried to estimate where she’d be in early February. Each restaurant had taken an average of three and a half weeks so far. And she had one more restaurant in Austin, one in Amarillo, one in California and one in Tulsa still. And about two and a half months until she was due. This was going to be nip and tuck. She needed to get this done so she could take some time off once the baby was here. Then if John was through needing her, she’d have to decide what she really wanted to do. She decided to talk to John about it in the morning.

  She phoned John at about ten and told him what she’d been thinking about and she was surprised when instead of discussing it with her, he asked her what she was going to be doing for Thanksgiving.

  “I’m going to work a long day so the others with families can have more time. Why? Do you need me to do something that day?”

  “Actually, I was going to see if you wanted to come to my house and have dinner with me? It’s just going to be me and my Brittany spaniel this year. Since you’re alone too, I thought we could celebrate together. I have some ideas I’d like to run by you. Have you already committed to working? You are the boss there now.”

  “No, I could come. Are we going to cook dinner or go out?”

  “Cook in of course. I know this is going to sound disloyal or something, but I personally think going out to eat on Thanksgiving is unAmerican.”

  “Well tell me what to bring then and I’ll go shopping today so I don’t have to fight the crowds.”

  “No, just come. I’ll have everything. Unless there’s some traditional family favorite that’s unusual.”

  “No, we’re pretty traditional kinds of folks out in Wye. What time do you want to eat?”

  “Why don’t you come by at about eleven and then we’ll eat whenever it’s ready. We’ll see if we can find anyone who knows how to cook.”

  “Yeah, good luck with that John. See you day after tomorrow.”

  Kate had assumed from his comments, that John didn’t know how to cook and that the restaurants were simply businesses, but when she got there Thanksgiving morning she found out that he was, in fact, a gourmet cook. The two of them tackled a small turkey with all the trimmings and Kate was again amazed at how comfortable she was with this wealthy business man who was nearly the same age as her father.

  They were standing side by side chopping celery and onions when John casually said, “Kate, I need to talk to you about a huge favor.”

  “Okay. Shoot.”

  “I don’t want you to think I’m crazy. But I’m afraid you might.”

  Kate laughed. “John, of all the people in this world, you are the least crazy I know. What’s your favor?”

  He stopped chopping and looked at her with an intensity that almost did make her nervous. “Kate, a few weeks ago, I was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. I’ve been given from a month, to a year or more to live.”

  Kate was thunderstruck and tears sprang to her eyes. “A brain tumor? You’re the sharpest man I’ve ever known. How can that be?�
��

  John shook his head and went back to his chef’s knife. “Who knows any of the difficult questions in this world, Kate? They have no idea what would have caused it. I’ve never smoked or done any kind of drugs or worked with chemicals. They don’t know. They just know they can’t operate and that I’ll lose it mentally before I go.”

  “So what kind of favor do you want from me?”

  “I want you to help me keep my businesses solvent and prospering until I can get them all sold. I’ve hired a realty firm, and Mark is helping me put together a scholarship foundation for the University of Texas at San Antonio, but he can’t manage the actual restaurants when I’m too far gone, and I’m worried I’m losing this battle faster than I can get everything done.”

  Kate wiped at the tears that filled her eyes. “Okay, I’ll help. But I’ll need you to make a concise plan now so I’ll always be doing exactly what you had in mind.”

  “That attitude is exactly why I’m asking you to do this. I’ve known from that very first letter that you were completely honest. But Kate, there’s more. The brain tumor isn’t the tricky part.”

  She turned to him. “There’s something worse than an inoperable brain tumor? Is that possible?”

  He sighed and dumped his celery into the buttery sauté pan. “Oh, yeah. Money grubbing children.”

  “What?”

  “Kate, I’m a relatively wealthy man. Not filthy stinking rich, but fifteen or twenty million. Only with money comes responsibility. I pay a generous alimony and I supported my children and offered to pay for most of their college, but I think if my kids got hold of it all, it would be spent on exotic race cars and gambling. I have generous life insurance that will go to my ex wife and kids, but there are better things to be done with the rest. What do you think my kids are going to do when they find out I’m brain dead and leaving my wealth to a foundation instead of to them?”