Falcon Song: A love story

by Cross, Kristin

  “John, fifteen or twenty million is filthy stinking rich. You really think your children are going to try to fight you?”

  “They’ve already started. I have no idea how they even found out I’m liquidating assets. They’ve never shown the slightest interest in working at one of these places. When they find out I’ll eventually be deemed mentally incompetent, they’ll come like three vultures.”

  She nudged his arm with hers. “That’s a horrible way to talk about your children. I thought you said you only had two.”

  “I do. The ex is bound to come running as well.”

  “Oh, my. So what can I do to head off the vultures, more than manage your restaurants?”

  “Uh, would you like to sit down, while I suggest this?”

  Kate looked at him and her eyes got big and she went around and sat at his kitchen desk. “Okay. I’m ready.”

  “Kate, I want you to marry me and have joint power of attorney with Mark and have you be the executor of my trust until the foundation is all locked up and untouchable. You’d also be the person over my living will so they don’t pull the plug while I’m still around or leave me plugged in past when I ought to go.” He watched her for a second and then put out a hand. “And don’t worry, I’m not asking for any kind of a marital relationship except that you see that I’m kept as comfortable as possible. It shouldn’t take long at the end. The tumor is destroying the part of my brain that controls my heart and lungs.”

  If Kate hadn’t been sitting down, she would have fainted. She sat there for a minute, her mind racing, trying to figure out exactly what he was asking. Finally, she asked, “Couldn’t you simply get an attorney to keep them from you and what’s yours until it’s irrevocable? Why would a wife be anymore in control than that?”

  “Theoretically, an attorney would be untouchable, but I don’t want to chance it. Once I am deemed mentally incompetent, I think they’d try to come in as next of kin and rearrange things.”

  “Why me? You hardly know me and I’m only twenty years old. Surely there are more mature, educated people who could do a better job.”

  “Two reasons, Kate. One is that yes, I do trust you after working with you these last months. And that working relationship will hold up in court better than if I’d just marry someone I hadn’t been around much. Especially after having been diagnosed. They still may fight you, but any lucid judge could meet you for ten minutes and realize you’re the real deal. Not some woman looking for a sugar daddy. The fact that the money won’t be coming to you will help as well.

  “And secondly, your son. He needs a name, and right now, you can never go home without running the risk of losing custody of him until he’s eighteen years old. Your parents will be old by then. Your sister and you will have grown clear apart. And he needs grandparents and cousins and the whole bit. If you get married now, for just a short time you can go home and your Jason won’t know your son isn’t mine. Your husband who passed away. You’ll still be able to remarry respectably because you will have been widowed, not divorced. It all works, Kate.”

  He went on without a pause, “And I know you’re still in love with Jason Falcon. That’s okay. If you still want to go back to him someday, you can. You can tell him we weren’t ever lovers, just good friends who helped each other when things were tough. Business partners.”

  He’d been waving his knife around while he spoke and he finally put it down and came to stand beside her. “I don’t want you to answer me right now, Kate. I want you to go back to the hotel and think about it and pray about it at least over night. If you think it works, fine, we’ll get married. If not, we’ll still be fine to finish what we’ve started with overhauling the restaurants, and we’ll go to plan B.”

  “Which is?”

  “I’ll stick with that attorney you were talking about and try to make an airtight trust my kids can’t crack. And I’ll die alone.”

  Kate continued to sit there in his kitchen chair in silence and then got up and went back to the counter and picked up her own chef’s knife. After a moment, she said, “Y’all do know how to spice up a holiday. I think I’ll take you up on thinking about this over night. Now where is that other sweet Vidalia onion?”

  ***

  Jason slept in on Thanksgiving morning and then got up and got himself a bowl of Cheerios and took it to the coffee table in front of the TV. He prayed over the cold cereal and began to eat and then decided to pray over it again. After all, it was Thanksgiving and in spite of the fact that without Kate, his life didn’t have much meaning, he had a lot to be thankful for.

  He crunched into another bite, clicked on the remote and flipped through the channels as he ate. There was nothing that looked terribly interesting except maybe the bass fishing tournament and when he finished eating, he clicked the TV back off. His mother wasn’t going to have dinner for another four hours, but he decided to go up to their house now anyway. He could use their unconditional support and this time he wouldn’t have to find an excuse to visit.

  Pulling in, he sat and looked at the empty spot on Kate’s parents’ driveway where she used to park her car and wondered where she was today. That’s probably why he wanted to come up early. He’d been hoping Kate would come home today. Wasn’t Thanksgiving supposed to be more of a family gathering holiday than any other? Even than Christmas? But her car wasn’t there. At least not yet. Maybe she would still show up. It wasn’t even noon yet.

  He walked into his mother’s kitchen and gave her a long hug. She pulled back after a minute to look at him critically and he grinned at her. “I know, I know. Cody has already told me I look awful. That wasn’t his exact wording, but I think that’s what he meant.” He dug into a drawer and pulled out one of his grandmother’s huge, full length, flowered aprons and strapped it on while his mom still watched him. “Ok, I’m ready. Give me a job.”

  His mother handed him a pair of white surgical gloves. “Here, you’d better have these too. They’ll go perfect with the outfit. Would you mind taking everything out of that turkey and rinsing it and then putting the stuffing back in?”

  Jason dramatically snapped on the gloves. “Anything for you, Mother.”

  They talked as they cooked together side by side and though it didn’t feel like old times, it was still nice. His mother must have been thinking along the same lines he’d been, because she stared out the window blankly for a minute and said, “Do you remember that Thanksgiving before Kennen died? It was our whole family and Kate’s whole family, and we had that humongous turkey? That was a nice day. I wonder where she is today.”

  Jason looked down at the turkey he was stuffing. He tried to swallow the lump that threatened to strangle him and he didn’t answer. Eventually, his mom turned away from the window, glanced over at him and back out the window toward the Birches and said, “I hope she comes home today. This has had to have been lonely for her. She was really a home kind of a girl. Laura told me she got a job traveling and has been living out of a hotel ever since she left.”

  Still, Jason didn’t answer. He couldn’t. He didn’t know Kate had been traveling. She hated to travel. At least she hated traveling with the band. It broke his heart, but then again, it almost made him mad. Why would Kate take a job traveling? The answer hit him and he pushed more stuffing into the turkey with a sigh. For the same reason she’d left. She felt like she couldn’t come home. She’d had to go.

  At first, he’d been hurt and then mad and then rebellious, and ticked off and every other frustrating thing he could feel, but then when that all dulled and it was just him and this soul deep emptiness, he finally understood she’d left because she loved him. If that hadn’t been true, she could have stayed right here next door to his parents and gone on with her life and never had to pull up those lifelong deep roots. But she couldn’t.

  She was either afraid she would give in and come back to him, or she couldn’t face the memories and chance running in to him all the time. Or both. When he realized that, it at least g
ave him some measure of comfort. She loved him. He hoped she always would. That someday soon, she'd come back and be with him and they could get on with their lives and live happily ever after. Maybe she’d even come home today.

  He’d quit working on the bird and was just thinking about her when his mother broke into his thoughts. “Jason, can I ask you a question?”

  “Sure, go for it.”

  “I’ve never pried to find out why she left. In fact, I truly don’t want to know, but honey, have you fixed whatever it is, yet? Whatever made her give up on you. Is it resolved so she could come back if she wanted too?”

  “Mom, she left because she saw me at my hotel after a concert with a beer bottle in my hand and my arm around some girl. She just misunderstood. It wasn’t my beer, another guy had handed it to me to hold while he went to the door. And the girl meant nothing. If Kate had been reasonable enough to listen, I could have explained that. She left because she misinterpreted what she saw.”

  His mother didn’t answer right away and when she did, her answer was thought provoking. She went back to the pie she was making as she said, “Hmm, that doesn’t sound like Kate. To end a lifelong relationship just because of one isolated incident. Here, put that turkey inside this bag and put it in this roaster, would you?”

  “I hate it when you do that.”

  His mother turned to look at him. “I thought you liked my turkey cooked in the bag.”

  “No. I love your turkey. I hate it when you subtly and politely make me realize I’m a bone head. All this time, I’ve been trying to make myself believe she left because she misunderstood. And you gently steal my rationalization. Thanks a lot.”

  “Well, Jason, if the girl you had your arm around meant nothing, why did you have your arm around her? Is it that physical touch means nothing? Or that honoring Kate and her feelings mean nothing? I’m not sure I understand. Why would you jeopardize forever if it was for nothing? And why is there beer at your hotel at all? If the roles had been reversed Jason, you’d have walked out too. Especially if it had happened a few times before.”

  “She’d never seen me with my arm around a girl before. There you go again. And you’re right. Dang it.”

  His mother made one of those mothering noises. “Of, course she’d seen you with your arm around another girl. She’s not blind. She does have to walk through the check out at the Piggly Wiggly from time to time.”

  “You make me sound like some womanizer. I’m not that bad, am I?”

  “Of course not, Jason. But Kate was far and away above the not that bad category. She’s in the best of the best category. And she had a right to expect that of her other half.”

  Jason turned to her sadly. “You know, Mother, I was half joking about rationalizing. I do understand all of this. It’s not like I haven’t had a million hours to think about where I messed up. I’d grovel to her in a minute if she’d let me. Is there anyway we could change the subject?”

  She came and patted his cheek. “Of course honey. I just miss her so much. I simply wanted to know if she could come home if she needed to. I’m hoping you’ve quit hugging girls who mean nothing. Do we want a green bean casserole this afternoon?”

  “Not unless we’re having a lot of company. Who’s coming today?”

  “No one. It’s just you and me and Daddy today. I tried to invite Laura and Orrin and Kiersten and her family, but they worried you’d feel uncomfortable.

  He looked out the window again and paused before he said, “Maybe they were right. It would have been awkward to have to be so careful to skirt any mention of Kate. And honestly. I love them dearly. I do. But sometimes I hate them for not telling me where she is. They could have stood up for me when she made them promise. They know how much I love her. But they didn’t.”

  “Jason, you know Kate. She would have just not told them and then she’d have been entirely alone. They had to humor her.”

  “I know, Mom, but … Oh, let’s just let it go. Do you need anymore dried bread?”

  By mutual consent, they stayed off the subject of Kate after that. When dinner was over, Jason and his dad helped clean up and put everything away and then the three of them watched a football game before they all three fell asleep after all that turkey.

  In the early evening, Jason gave up all hope she’d show up. If she was going to come, she’d have been here by now. Thoroughly depressed, he kissed his mom and shook his dad’s hand and headed out. On the way to his car, he stopped in to Kate’s parents and wished them a happy Thanksgiving and then regretted it. They were obviously as sad about Kate not being there as he was.

  That night, he sat up with his guitar until early in the morning thinking about her. He’d thought she’d come. He knew he’d let her down so badly, but he never dreamed that night in Lubbock she’d just leave and stay gone. If he had, he’d have stayed in the doorway of that elevator forever. He’d have never let her leave without him

  Until tonight, he hadn’t realized how much he’d been hoping she’d come home today. He was just sure of it. Kate was a home body. Family was everything to her. Well, family and Jason. At least they had been.

  For about the millionth time, he considered hiring a private investigator. She had to be somewhere. He had the money. Someone could find her. But then something would always make him decide against it. As much as he was so empty without her, he also didn’t want to force her into anything. If he stayed faithful, someday she’d figure it out and come back to him. She had to. He’d die without her.

  When he was so tired he couldn’t see straight, he put his guitar back on its stand, went in to his bed and knelt to ask God to keep her safe and bring her home soon. They were the only things that kept him sane. God and his guitar.

  Chapter 15

  She’d known when he talked about plan B and dying alone that she would agree to John’s proposal, but felt like praying about it over night had been a wise idea. It was strange how marriage had gone from her greatest dream in life, to something that didn’t really matter, either way. Although she’d come to like and respect John, marriage had been boiled down to a business arrangement. She already knew she’d probably never marry someone other than Jason, because it would be wrong when she was in love still. But John’s arguments held a lot of water. She could help him and help her son at the same time.

  When that feeling hadn’t changed in the morning, she drove back to John’s house and knocked on the door. He met her with a smile and welcomed her in and they discussed the details and arranged to go to the county courthouse the next day and get it taken care of. With the arrangements made, she got back into her car and went back to the hotel to get ready to go to work.

  When an Aerie song came on as she drove, she reached to turn the radio off, wiped the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand and resolutely sat up straighter as she drove. So it wasn’t what she’d always dreamed of. Under the circumstances, she should be grateful she was warm, and safe and watched over. And if John was as ill as he believed himself to be, the only thing in her life that would be different in a short while would be that she’d have a different last name and hopefully enough of a marriage behind her that someday Jason and his parents wouldn’t compute that Kate’s child was Jason’s.

  That night, she told her family about her impending marriage. Her mother cried on the phone and her dad was closed mouthed, but Kiersten raised enough of a ruckus for both of them. She was completely outraged and kept reminding Kate that she was in love with Jason and that it would be wrong to marry another man. She was only slightly mollified when she heard the whole story and insisted she do a background check on John as she and Kate were talking.

  Kate wasn’t sure what she found, but whatever it was seemed to sooth her worries a bit, because she’d mellowed considerably by the time they hung up, although the last thing she said was, “Kate, Jason still asks about you every few days. Please don’t mess up your life with this guy. I always hope and pray that someday y’all and Jason c
an figure things out. You were so good for each other. And were the best friends I’ve ever seen. Don’t give up forever.”

  Kate got off the phone and lay awake for hours, trying not to think about the things Kiersten had said. Crying herself to sleep always gave her a headache.

  She kept trying to remind herself that she hadn’t gone because Jason didn’t love her. She’d known all along he loved her. It was just that he didn’t love only her and had slowly changed so much from the man she’d known who shared her values.

  Mark and his wife came by to witness their marriage and then John helped her bring her things from the hotel and put them in one of his guest suites and gave her a set of keys and a garage door opener. Then John had to go back to San Antonio to some meetings and Kate went back to the restaurant in Austin. She was all but finished with this one and put in an application at the other one, to be getting started while she finished up.

  That first night at John’s house, he met her in the back entry as she came through from the garage and they small talked for a few minutes and then Kate went off to bed and John went back to the basketball game he’d been watching on TV. Her wedding night was as simple as that and for some reason that was incredibly troubling. She fell asleep that night trying not to be emotional about her marriage being so opposite of what she’d always dreamed. She tried to remind herself she should just be glad she was safe and comfortable. A lot of girls in her situation were struggling just for the basics.

  The next morning they met in the home office with Mark again and began to plan the details of what Kate’s responsibilities would be with the restaurants and John’s trust as time went on and then John caught a plane to Tulsa while Kate went in for her last day at the restaurant she had been tuning up. That night, John was still gone and Kate set up a small office of her own in another spare bedroom and went to her weekly prenatal class again.

  She was hired within two days at the second Austin restaurant and at that one she was able to get into the business office again to work on the books part of the time, although in the kitchen she was being asked to begin as a busser. It didn’t take long to discover there was a problem with the numbers again and Kate wondered why even though the two restaurants were mere blocks from each other, they used different suppliers and one’s costs far out weighed the other.