Playing Passion's Game

by Lesley Davis

  “I’m glad you did. I missed you too today.”

  With a heartfelt sigh, Juliet said softly, “So much for no strings.”

  Trent could only look at her, marveling at how beautiful Juliet was bathed in the light from the afternoon sun. She’d never experienced such yearning for a woman, and her growing need was even more unsettling. But as Juliet smiled Trent’s heart tripped over a beat. I am so lost and I really don’t care anymore. She’s kind, and I’ve never had that before in my life, not from a lover. She could kill me with kindness and I’d probably be a willing victim.

  “You are so beautiful,” Trent said.

  “And you are such a sweetheart.” Juliet started up her car, her eyes sparkling at Trent’s compliment.

  “I say what I see, and I see the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on sitting beside me. And then I see, in my mind’s eye, how you were last night naked in my arms, and you make me ache so damn much to feel you like that again.” Trent took a deep breath and blew it out shakily. “This is all new to me.”

  Juliet’s eyes shifted from the road. “But it feels good, doesn’t it?”

  “Very good,” she said, her eyes closing as she replayed what she had done to Juliet the night before. “So good and it feels so right.”

  “Why has no one snatched you up before now?” Juliet said, laying her hand on Trent’s thigh as they waited at a traffic light.

  “I didn’t want them to.” With the words out of her mouth, Trent finally realized the truth in them. She caught sight of the restaurant and was silent while Juliet pulled into the parking lot and found a free space. As Juliet turned off the engine, Trent slipped out of her seat belt and reached out for her. “I didn’t want anyone. I was perfectly content being alone. And then I met you, and you turned my safe little world upside down and inside out.”

  “I didn’t mean to,” Juliet said softly.

  “I know, but I’m getting to like the view from this new perspective.” Trent got out of the car, then walked around to open Juliet’s door gallantly. “How about we go get takeout, then you can show me where you and Monica live when you’re not hanging out in my yard digging through to China?” She took Juliet’s hand. “And maybe you can divulge how bad this banking situation really is and advise me on whether I should go remove all my savings before the banks go belly up.”

  Juliet put on her business face. “I cannot divulge company policy, but I think I can safely recommend that you keep your money in the banking institutions and not hidden instead under your mattress for safekeeping.” She paused. “At least for now.”

  Trent was impressed by Juliet’s smart reply. “Well, if we’re not going to talk business, then we have to talk personal. You know, get to know each other by trading information.” Trent was pleased to note Juliet’s intrigued look.

  “Information?”

  Holding open the door to the restaurant for Juliet to pass through, Trent continued. “Twenty questions, everything from favorite color to favorite sexual position.” She caught the startled look on the maitre d’s face as he stood waiting to direct them to a table. She pretended he hadn’t overheard her last comment and gestured that they were headed to the counter for takeaway. He nodded swiftly and turned back to the other customers baying for his attention.

  “He heard what you said.”

  Nodding, Trent just headed for the counter. “Yes, and think how disappointed he is that we’re not taking a table so he could be ever so attentive to our needs in the hope of hearing you tell me how you like your loving best.”

  Juliet leaned in close to Trent’s side to whisper. “But I haven’t tried everything with you yet, so I can’t possibly comment until then.”

  Trent feared she’d swallow her own tongue at the look Juliet flashed her before nonchalantly giving her order to the girl behind the counter. Trent managed to name something off the menu, but her head was spinning with the possibilities Juliet had hinted at. Can I finally let go with this woman? Will she be able to push through the defenses I’ve built up over the years? Can I let her take the control that I so desperately hold on to?

  “You look lost in thought.”

  Juliet’s soft voice brought Trent back to the restaurant. “Just weighing the possibilities life is offering me.”

  “You’re having an epiphany in the middle of Nando’s?”

  “It’s a today’s special, comes with a side order of fries.”

  “I love your sense of humor.”

  “Glad to hear it.” Because I’m falling in love with you, Trent realized as she looked at Juliet’s face alight with laughter. Completely head over heels, crazy out of my mind over you, and I wouldn’t change this feeling for the world, no matter how much it terrifies me.

  *

  Trent washed down her last mouthful of chicken with her beer and sat back contentedly. Her eyes traveled around the cozy living room Juliet and Monica shared.

  “I expected more coffins,” she said, noticing that there weren’t many Goth knickknacks around the living space.

  “Monica saves that for her bedroom and her clothing,” Juliet said as she pushed aside her own plate.

  “She does make amazing dresses. Have you reached any further decisions about joining Monica in the landscaping business?”

  “I’ve been checking into the courses and qualifications that I’d need. And I’ve already started to design the spreadsheets Monica will need for keeping a check on income and expenditures. We’ve been working out the fine print, but I think it’s safe to say I’d be balancing the books so that every penny is accounted for. If I make the move I’d be giving up too much for this to be a hobby job.”

  “What happens next?”

  “I need to see this presentation through. I’ve invested too much on it to just leave it. But I’m feeling the need to leave. I’m getting bored and frankly frustrated by all the politics that go along with rising through the ranks. I think I’ve done all I can do in this line of work that I’m capable of achieving or want to achieve, except maybe become a big boss in the city, and I really don’t want the responsibility that comes with that position.” Juliet stretched, affording Trent the sight of a strip of midriff that made Trent’s hands itch with the need to reach out and explore.

  “So.” Trent was glad her voice didn’t sound as strained as it felt as she dragged her eyes away from the tantalizing skin. “Everything hinges on your presentation being done, and then you can start getting your hands dirty in a new job.”

  “It’s a big step I’m thinking of taking. For a start it will be a huge drop in pay, but I need the change and the new challenge.”

  Trent raised her beer bottle and toasted her. “To change and challenges.”

  Juliet leaned back in her seat beside Trent, wriggling to get more comfortable. “You mentioned twenty questions, my dear Trent. How intimate can these questions be?”

  Trent swallowed hard at the husky timbre of Juliet’s voice. “How intimate do you want them to be?”

  Juliet’s hand roamed down Trent’s arm, raising the hair there, making Trent twitch. “I’ve already been naked writhing in your lap. I’d say that was pretty darn intimate already.”

  “I remember every single fantastic second of it.” Trent’s body burned as that night replayed itself in her mind’s eye. Juliet bit her lip as if holding back her questions. “You can ask me anything.”

  “I have just three questions, and I’m not sure if you’re ready to share the answers with me.”

  Trent frowned at the seriousness of Juliet’s tone. Her chest started to tighten as an all-too-familiar fear started to steal away her breath. She had a feeling she knew what was coming. Trent surrendered. “Ask.”

  “What happened to your family? What’s the real reason for all the security for your game room and home, and what’s the story behind your tattoo?” At this last question, Juliet ran her fingers along the skin of Trent’s arm, touching the artwork there.

  Trent remained silent
for a little too long as she tried to breathe around the sudden constriction in her chest. She was immediately light-headed and queasy. She was startled when Juliet put her hand to her face and kissed her softly on the forehead. “If you can’t tell me now, I understand, but I hope one day you can. I want to know you, Trent, all of you, and I can’t help but think that your being alone is a big part of you that you don’t reveal.” She traced the symbols on Trent’s arm again. “But it’s etched in you. This tattoo is more than just a favorite game. I’ve seen the symbols on your clothes, seen the game prominently placed in your room. There’s obviously more meaning to it.” Juliet stilled her touch. “Or am I just reading too much into it all?”

  “The answers to your questions are all one and the same.” Trent ran her fingers over the bold tattoo on her arm. “This game was the only thing I managed to escape with,” she said finally. “Trust you not to just ask my favorite flavor of ice cream.” She held up a hand to silence Juliet’s apology then took a deep breath. “Years ago, my father smashed all my games and my console as punishment for my disappointing him. The Space Invaders cartridge was the only thing left intact when he had finished. Everything else was smashed beyond salvage.”

  Juliet gasped. “What had you done to warrant such a thing?”

  Carefully placing her beer bottle down before her tightening grip smashed it, Trent stalled in replying. Did she really want Juliet to know what kind of life she’d had? She looked into Juliet’s compassionate eyes and saw her answer.

  “You don’t have to tell me,” Juliet said, stroking Trent’s hand with her own.

  “My father walked in on me and my girlfriend Corrine when I was fifteen years old,” Trent said in one breath, wanting the words out.

  “He didn’t know you were gay.”

  “No, but he got a swift introduction due to the fact that Corrine had her head between my legs and was bringing me to what would have been an earth-shattering climax just as he walked into my bedroom.” Juliet whispered a soft Oh God. Trent shook her head. “No, God wasn’t there that day. My father was a good, God-fearing man. I was brought up to believe everything was a sin, and in my family, I was the most sinful.”

  “Oh, Trent.”

  Trent laughed without humor. “Even my name was a sign of his disappointment in me. He’d fathered two daughters already, good girls, pious and pretty. On the third try I was to be the son he dreamed of. Instead, I came into the world and my mother began to bleed so badly from the birth that they had to perform a hysterectomy. His dream for a son died as I lived. So he forced my mother to give me the name he’d wanted for a boy.”

  “What a bastard. But, truthfully, the name suits you.”

  “I grew into it.” Closing her eyes, she unwittingly relived the anger visited upon her during her childhood. “You can guess the rest. I know not every family is perfect. Mine was no different to what other kids live through. When I met Elton, though, it was like he came from a totally different world. His family was nothing like mine.”

  Juliet leaned closer to Trent. “I’m glad you found him.”

  “He saved me, in so many ways. He was the one who explained to me that the feelings I had for other girls meant that I was gay. ‘Homosexuality’ was not a word used in our house in polite conversation. I was terrified. I knew my dad would kill me if he ever found out. I was pretty close to the truth on that outcome. I remember telling Elton that God would despise me for what I was. He just said, ‘Then I think you need to find a new God who practices what his son preached—love for all.’” Trent could still hear the young Elton’s voice from so many years past. A tear slipped from Trent’s eye. She brushed it away swiftly, embarrassed by it.

  “So I hid it from my family like so many other things.” Trent paused for a moment, gathering her thoughts. “Elton had a console and we would play on it for hours at his house. I begged my dad for one and he finally agreed, after a comment about the devil making use for idle hands. I had to work for it, but it was a labor of love when I was able to go buy one. I’d play when everyone else was asleep. I loved the night hours where I got to be left alone, no preaching, no beatings for something I had done, just me and the games.”

  She caught Juliet’s eye. “My being gay was going to be just another part of the long list of failings I had where my dad was concerned. I turned out to be more like the son he’d wanted than he would ever have imagined. I met Corrine at school and we’d steal kisses in the playground. Sometimes she’d take me to her home, and she was my first in everything. Until I made the stupid mistake of bringing her to my home when I thought everyone would be out.” Trent fell silent as the cold press of fear slipped through her. “I’ve never witnessed so much hatred from a man who claimed to follow a God of love. I dimly remember hearing the front door close, but I was pretty preoccupied at the time, then Dad called my name out as he barged into my room and found us on the bed.” Trent shuddered as the memories poured back. “I was trying to get my trousers pulled back up and Corrine was hastily wiping her face on her school shirt. God, we must have been a sight to behold. Corrine grabbed her clothes up and got out fast, but she wasn’t the one Dad was furious at. I got the full force of his righteous indignation.” She unconsciously rubbed at the scar in her hairline. “He was a big man and usually circumspect as to what punishments were visible. This time he just laid into me, and I think he must have knocked me off the bed because I remember blacking out for just a moment before coming to and finding him smashing my room to pieces. My console was thrown to the floor and stomped on. He did the same with my games, ripped the boxes apart and smashed the cartridges under his heel. All the time he was telling me he’d have me cleansed of my sinful soul. I knew what that meant. I’d learnt enough from the congregation he’d drag me to that people got counseled from their sinful paths. I knew the whispers. You toed the line or were physically punished. My dad would have me be humiliated rather than bring shame on the family and him. He’d make sure I saw the error of my ways, and if he had to use the strong arm of his church, then so be it.” Trent smiled a little and let out a breathy laugh. “Fuck, it all sounds so melodramatic!”

  Juliet hugged her tightly. “No, it sounds terrifying. I can’t begin to imagine what you went through.”

  “Once he’d mentioned the council of elders, I knew I had to run. Screaming at me that I had sinned for the last time, Dad locked me in my room and went back to work. Wouldn’t it just figure that the day I choose to take my girlfriend home for a quickie was the day he passed by on his lunch break and needed to pick up some papers he’d left that morning?” She shook her head. “I immediately scrambled into some clothing, stuffed what other clothes I could grab into my school bag, and grabbed anything else that wasn’t wrecked. Unbeknown to my dad, I had a bank book hidden under the floorboards. My uncle Stan had given it to me, told me to hide it and never mention it to my family. ‘You’re going to need to be away from them one day,’ he’d told me. ‘I’m making sure you’ll have the means to do so.’ I found out he’d had a savings account set up for me. He never gave a penny to my sisters and he left me everything when he died. I swear he knew what was going to happen and gave me a way to never have to ask them for anything again. His doing that was a bone of contention between me and my sisters once the will was read, but I didn’t care.”

  “He sounds like a sweet man.”

  “He was the best, and thanks to him I had a very handsome deposit for my house when I bought it and a little to set aside for emergencies.” Trent took comfort from the feel of Juliet holding her close and was able to continue. “I got my bank book, then spotted a box half-hidden under my bed. The one game Dad had missed destroying. That in hand, I opened my bedroom window and climbed out. I hurt my shoulder jumping to the ground, but I just ran as fast as I could. I must have looked a right sight. My face was covered in blood and my eye was closing up, but somehow I got to Elton’s house. Mama Simons took one look at me and gathered me inside. She cleaned me up, took
me in, and made sure I never had to see my family again.”

  “What about your mother? Didn’t she have anything to say?”

  “She’d never stood up for me a day in her life. She wasn’t about to start now over something as controversial as me being gay. My sisters turned their backs too. It would be safe to say I never saw eye to eye with my siblings.” Trent laid her cheek on Juliet’s head. “I had one last conversation with my dad over the phone where he informed me that I had lost all rights to ever having a family, seeing as I had chosen a vile and disgusting road to travel. He told me he’d known all along that I would bring shame to his name and that he was disowning me.”

  “You got a better family given to you, one that truly cares for you.”

  “I got a great adopted family of Simonses that keeps growing with nieces and nephews for me to love. But deep down I know they’re not truly mine.”

  “Family comes in all manner of ways, Trent, adopted or otherwise. You make your own family with the people you love and who love you.” Juliet leaned up to kiss her gently. “No wonder you have such a marvelous game room that you fight to keep safe.”

  “Those games kept me sane while I lived under my father’s roof. With them I was able to escape the world around me and just be in the game. It was safer in there.”

  “I understand.” Juliet touched the tattoo again. “This is a badge of survival, isn’t it? A lasting reminder that some things remain untouched no matter what hell they have come through.”

  Trent stared at Juliet in amazement. She understands. “I wasn’t as untouched, though.” I lost everything that day, my family, even my girlfriend. Corrine was never the same. She still cornered me for sex, but it was in secret places. Quick and uncaring fucks that she felt I owed her. It became the only way I thought I could be with women. Until you. And you, Juliet, scare me like no one else ever has. You make me feel and you make me want to be much more. I don’t know if I can give you what you deserve.