Back Home at Firefly Lake

by Jen Gilroy

  Amy clomped over to her backpack, then turned her back on them and pulled a banana from her bag.

  Luc drew in a breath. “It’ll be okay. Amy’s had a rough go of it. You have, too.” He ached to take Cat in his arms to comfort her. And help her and be there for her when she needed it.

  But he couldn’t do any of that right now, and he didn’t know if he ever could. Would Amy ever accept him in her mom’s life?

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Something’s up.” From her perch on the footstool beside Cat’s chair, Georgia poked Cat in the ribs and gestured around the living room at Harbor House. “Why else would Mom invite the whole family here on a Saturday afternoon?”

  “Because you’re working tomorrow and Aunt Josette and the cousins made a surprise visit?” Cat huddled into the depths of the wing chair, sick as well as tired. Night after night, she lay awake worrying about Amy, who seemed to have regressed to a much younger child. When she wasn’t eyeing Cat with suspicion, Amy clung to her almost like she’d done as a toddler. After they’d talked at hockey practice three days earlier, Cat worried even more about Luc, too, and the mess she’d made of things with him. The only thing she wasn’t worried about was taking on the gallery partnership. Her new job had given her a fresh sense of purpose and excitement.

  “That’s another thing.” Georgia leaned closer. “Why is Mom’s family here now? I thought they were coming for Easter. It’s only a few weeks away.”

  “I don’t know.” Cat put a hand to her head.

  Mia played softly on the piano, and between the music and chatter of her assorted relatives, Cat’s head ached. Her gaze drifted to the fireplace, where flames curled upward into the chimney. Luc stood with Nick and Ward in front of the brass fire screen. Even the sight of him made her heart give an agonizing throb.

  “What’s wrong with you?” Georgia nudged Cat’s arm. “If there’s a mystery, you’re the one who always wants to figure it out, not me.”

  “Nothing. I’m fine.” Cat rubbed her temples against the swirling notes of “Rhapsody in Blue.”

  Georgia snorted. “If everything’s so fine, why are you looking at me like you did at my sixth birthday party before you were sick all over the cake?”

  “I’m…” Cat pressed a hand over her mouth, then darted to the powder room at the end of the hall and locked the door behind her.

  “Cat?” Georgia’s voice echoed through the door, followed by a sharp knock. “Let me in.”

  “No.” Cat raised her head from the toilet to study her reflection in the beveled mirror over the vanity.

  “I’m your sister.” Georgia banged on the door again.

  Cat slumped to the tiled floor. She couldn’t be. Except, all the signs were there. Signs she’d put down to worry, tiredness, stress, and being distracted.

  “If you don’t let me in, I’ll break down the door.” There was no teasing in Georgia’s voice, only worry.

  Given it was Georgia, breaking down the door wasn’t an empty threat. With numb fingers, Cat released the lock.

  “You look awful.” Georgia squeezed into the powder room beside Cat and closed the door again. “Is it the stomach flu?”

  Cat shook her head and sat on the closed toilet seat. What were the odds of having a birth control failure twice? Likely a statistical improbability, but it figured. The only subject she’d never been good at, she turned out to be an expert in the way she didn’t want. The tiredness could have been because of that cold that had hung on and on. But the nausea, dizziness, irritability, and how she cried at TV commercials with kids and animals wasn’t. Why hadn’t she put the pieces together sooner?

  “Oh.” Georgia’s tone was cautious. She grabbed a washcloth from the cupboard under the sink, wet it with cold water, and dabbed at Cat’s face. “Have you told him?”

  “No.” She didn’t need to use Luc’s name. Nobody else could be the father of this child. Cat knew it, Georgia knew it, and, in a few months, the whole town would, too. “I didn’t figure it out until now.”

  “Oh, honey.” Georgia dropped the washcloth in the sink and wrapped Cat in a hug. “I’m here for you. Like Mom and Nick will be.”

  Although, her brother would likely want to kill Luc first and ask questions later.

  Cat shuddered. “I don’t think Luc wants kids.” Even if he could commit to another woman, which was doubtful, the expression on his face when he’d told her about Maggie’s death was etched into Cat’s soul. He thought the pregnancy had killed her. No matter what Cat had said, he still blamed himself.

  “Luc’s a good guy. He’ll do the right thing. Why would you think he wouldn’t?” Georgia’s voice was firm.

  “Of course he would, but I don’t want to be an obligation. And what about the baby? How would it feel to know your dad only stepped up because he had to?” Cat dropped her head into her hands.

  “It was different with Amy’s dad. Jared died before you could tell him, but Luc’s right here. He won’t let you down.” Georgia crouched to Cat’s level and her worried blue eyes swam before Cat’s face.

  “I’ll have to tell Luc sometime, but first, I need to think. You can’t say anything to anybody. Promise me, Georgie.”

  “Of course I won’t, but—”

  “No, not a word.” Cat gripped her sister’s hand. “I have to be able to trust you. I just started my new job, and Michael…” She tapped down the panic and swallowed another wave of nausea.

  “Michael will understand.” Georgia squeezed her hand. “I want to help.”

  “You can help me most right now by keeping your mouth shut and keeping everybody else from guessing there’s anything wrong. As well as Mom, there’s Aunt Josette. She doesn’t miss anything, either. And Mia…” Tremors racked Cat’s body.

  “I promise. I’m not good at a lot of things, but I’m good at creating distractions.” Georgia’s expression turned sad. “I wish…”

  “I wish, too.” For years, Cat had wished her dad hadn’t left. Now she wished she’d never slept with Luc, no matter how great the sex had been.

  “Georgia? Are you in there?” Nick’s voice came from outside the powder room door. “And have you seen Cat? Mom and Ward are looking for both of you.”

  “I’ll be out in a minute. Cat’s in here with me. We’re touching up our makeup.” Georgia made a face. “He’s such a guy,” she added in a stage whisper. “He won’t notice neither of us wears much makeup to touch up.”

  “Thanks, Georgie.” Cat got up from the toilet seat. Georgia was reflected next to her in the mirror. She and her sister didn’t look anything alike physically, and she’d never thought they were anything alike as people either, but maybe she’d been wrong.

  Georgia’s smile was wobbly. “You’ve never asked for my help, ever, but now… let me help you. I want to. The past couple of weeks, I didn’t think I’d stick around Firefly Lake beyond the summer, but now I will. I’ll even be your labor coach if you need one. Unlike you, I’ve never been the squeamish type.”

  Cat’s eyes smarted. “Not that your life’s a disaster like mine, but I’m here for you, too.” She’d been so focused on why she didn’t need her dad she’d forgotten who and what she did need. Starting with her sister.

  “You’re a great mom to Amy, and you’ll be a great mom to this baby.” Georgia smoothed Cat’s hair.

  Even though Amy wouldn’t pick up on anything right away, what would this news do to her? Cat bit her lip. “You don’t think anybody out there will guess? Luc?”

  “Like Nick, he’s a guy. How would he guess?” Georgia looped her arm through Cat’s.

  “I hope you’re right.” Cat studied her pale and drawn face reflected back at her in the mirror.

  “Sure I am, but if anybody asks, say you ate something that disagreed with you. I’ll back you up. I spotted Aunt Josette’s lobster bisque in the kitchen earlier and it looks as awful as ever.” Georgia’s eyes were shiny, but she gave Cat a teasing grin. “Now, let’s go out there and be fabulou
s.”

  Five minutes later, standing in front of the fireplace with her brother and sister, Cat had never felt less fabulous, but Georgia was right about one thing. Something was up, and if whatever it was didn’t happen soon, she’d be back in that bathroom even before she’d taken an obligatory taste of Josette’s infamous bisque.

  Ward cleared his throat, and Mia stopped playing the piano. “Gabrielle and I invited you here today for a special reason.” He held out his right hand and Cat’s mom took it. “You know we didn’t want a big fuss over a wedding, so we thought what better way than to invite our family and friends for a meal and add getting married to it.”

  “Mom—”

  Ward raised his free hand to silence Nick. “This is what your mother wants, and I’d do anything to make her happy. I hope you’ll be happy for us.” Ward tucked Gabrielle into the curve of his shoulder.

  Nick’s dark brows drew together. “Of course I am, but…”

  Cat bit back a smile. Her overprotective brother didn’t like surprises any more than she did.

  “We’re all happy for you.” Mia moved to Nick’s side and took her husband’s arm in a firm grip. “I think it’s a wonderful idea. If it hadn’t been for the girls, I remember you said before our wedding that you wanted to elope and go straight to the honeymoon.”

  Nick gave his wife a grudging smile as laughter rippled around the room.

  Gabrielle reached for Nick, then turned to Cat and Georgia. “All of you, come here and stand beside me.”

  “Like my family will stand with me.” Ward gestured toward the stairs. “I kept them out of sight until now, but I had to let them in on the secret so they could fly in from Seattle.”

  A tall and slender woman with a visible pregnancy bump descended the stairs, followed by a broad-shouldered man who kept his hand at the small of her back and looked like the Navy pilot he was. A fair-haired toddler clutched the man’s other hand and, when she caught sight of the onlookers, buried her chubby face against her dad’s pant leg. Ward’s daughter, Erica, and her husband and little girl.

  Cat’s heart was like lead in her chest. What would it be like to be part of that kind of family unit? To be loved and adored in the way Erica’s husband adored her? Or cherished in the way he cherished his little girl and would cherish the new baby, too?

  “Great surprise, huh?” Luc’s deep voice came from Nick’s other side. “They even kept the minister hidden away until the last minute.” Luc waved toward Reverend Arthur, who’d come down the stairs behind Ward’s daughter and her family.

  Cat’s stomach heaved as the sharp scent of Luc’s aftershave mixed with smoke from the fireplace. She was happy for her mom, but the surprise was also a reminder of what Cat didn’t and wouldn’t ever have.

  “Mom.” Amy pulled on Cat’s arm. “See the dress Grandma gave me? When she asked me to change into it, she said it was because of a secret. What do you think? I don’t usually like dresses, but this one’s pretty.” Amy gave a little twirl and the dress’s filmy purple skirt floated around her slim figure like the petals of a flower.

  “You look beautiful, sweetie.”

  “Ward says that if I want to, I can call him Grandpa Ward. I think I’d like that.” Amy twirled again, and Luc nudged her shoulder to ease her away from the fireplace screen.

  “If you keep that up, you’ll make your mom dizzy. She’s already swaying a bit.” He took Cat’s elbow to steady her.

  It wasn’t Amy making her dizzy. It was Luc’s baby. Although he or she was still only the size of a peanut, they were already making their presence known.

  Mia launched into an impromptu wedding march, and there was laughter, good wishes, and the high-pitched voice of Aunt Josette organizing everyone in a mixture of English and French.

  And then there was silence, and only Reverend Arthur’s voice saying the solemn words of the marriage ceremony. Her mom’s voice quavered as she said her vows, but as she looked at Ward, her eyes were filled with love. There was an answering roughness in Ward’s voice as he promised to love and cherish Gabrielle all the days of his life, and then only tenderness as he slipped the diamond-studded platinum wedding band on her mom’s ring finger.

  Baby Lexie gurgled, and Cat glanced across the living room. Until now, she hadn’t spotted Charlie and Sean here, but it was fine. Everything was fine except for the Stanley Cup final going on in her stomach. She teetered again, and Georgia touched her waist.

  And then Gabrielle Brassard was Ward Aldrich’s wife. Above her elegant, silver-gray dress, Gabrielle’s face glowed, and Ward beamed back at her.

  There was hugging, kissing, and more organizing from Aunt Josette, who herded everyone into the dining room to eat. People took pictures, and Cat smiled like she was expected to and hugged everyone who hugged her, even Luc. Someone had tied a white bow to Pixie’s collar, and the little dog scampered underfoot and barked.

  It was everything a wedding should be. Everything Cat had once wanted her wedding to be, back when she’d thought she’d wear her mémère’s dress, a frothy confection of white lace and tulle, and float down the stairs at Harbor House into a happy ever after.

  Getting pregnant once by accident was bad luck. Twice was something else. As Cat looked at her mom and Ward together, a piece of her heart froze. She’d given up on the romantic fantasy a long time ago, but deep inside, in a part of herself she’d never truly acknowledged, she still hankered after that white dress. Yet, even though it was packed away in a trunk in Harbor House’s attic, the dress was as dead as the dream it had once represented.

  The noise of Gabrielle and Ward’s wedding party still hummed one floor down, but soon after Cat had left with Amy, Luc made his excuses to the bride and groom and slipped upstairs to his room.

  He sat on the edge of the queen-size bed and stared at the blank, pale gray walls. Cat hadn’t lived in this room for a long time, and it had been painted before he’d moved in late last summer, back when his house had only been a folder with an architect’s drawings and a newly poured foundation. Now that house was almost finished, and it was everything he’d imagined it would be, but without the woman he’d counted on to make it a home. However, as Gabrielle and Ward had exchanged their vows, it had hit him—a truth so obvious he should have thought of it before. But before he talked to Cat, there was something he needed to do first.

  He got up from the bed and went to the closet on the far side of the room, his footfalls heavy on the carpet. At the very back, on the top shelf behind a neat stack of sweatshirts, he found the wooden box he hadn’t been able to make himself open since Maggie’s funeral. The one he’d made for her twenty-first birthday, using the woodworking skills his dad had taught him. The one she kept her most treasured possessions in.

  Luc took a deep breath and set the box on the bed. Even though his chest ached, he lifted the lid and took things out one by one.

  First were the cards he’d given Maggie for each birthday and Valentine’s Day from when they’d met as college freshmen until her death. His touch lingered on a wedding picture of the two of them looking like the kids they were. Beneath it was the blue velvet box that held her engagement ring, with the small diamond cluster, the best he’d been able to afford back then, and she’d never wanted him to replace it. Then flowers she’d pressed from her wedding bouquet and the charm bracelet he’d given her for college graduation.

  His vision misted as he fingered the tiny charms, each a symbol of their life together. As he lingered on the silver baby rattle, his throat closed. What would their baby have been like? He’d never know, and the more he thought about it, the more he tortured himself.

  At the bottom of the box, beneath more pictures, were the diaries Maggie had kept from junior high on. Maybe he should have burned them, but he couldn’t because they were part of her, a last tangible link to her life. He sat cross-legged on the bed and flipped through pages at random.

  The doctor says lots of women have a miscarriage, and there’s no reason I can�
��t have a healthy baby. When I’m ready, Luc and I will try again.

  He glanced at the date, his lungs burning. They’d been married almost two years then, and the time had seemed right to try for the child they both wanted. They’d graduated from college, and he was in his second season with the NHL. The money was rolling in, and life was good. He swallowed and Maggie’s beloved handwriting blurred. That first miscarriage was supposed to have been a blip, but then it was followed by another and another.

  His hands trembled as he opened a book with balloons on the cover.

  The doctors can’t find anything wrong with me, or Luc either. Luc says it’s bad luck, but I can’t help thinking it’s somehow my fault. He’s always away. I know the team needs him, but I need him, too.

  Even though guilt rose up to suffocate him, Luc kept reading.

  I have a good feeling about this pregnancy. After all, I’ve made it to twelve weeks this time, the longest yet. I’ll never forget my lost babies, but this time everything will be okay. I’m sure of it. Luc gave me a charm for my bracelet to celebrate. The doctor says I can help coach as long as I don’t skate. As if! I’m too scared to wear heels, let alone my skates. But even from behind the bench, it’ll be a reminder of what I love best. Apart from Luc and our baby, of course!

  Underneath, she’d drawn two big hearts and one smaller one. The rest of the book was blank.

  Luc traced the curve of Maggie’s handwriting, as familiar to him as his own. His eyes stung as he piled things back into the box and lingered again on the wedding picture. He stared into Maggie’s dear brown eyes, looking for an answer to the question he could never ask. Would she have blamed him for wanting to try for a baby one last time? He didn’t think so, but he’d never know for sure. Maybe it wasn’t a matter of blame, though, but forgiveness. Maggie would have forgiven him, no question, and she’d have wanted him to forgive himself.

  Luc tucked the photo on top of the box and closed the lid with a soft click. He leaned forward and gently laid his head on it. The pine was smooth beneath his cheek, except for the bumps where he’d carved her initials. Maggie was a gift, and he’d always cherish the time he’d had with her, but Cat was another gift and he was a different man now. One who was finally ready to put the past where it belonged and make a life with Cat and Amy.