Finding Carrie

by C. E. Snyder

  “You were together. I thought that you two were going to be together forever. You had been together since you were five. I thought you were just playing around, but then, when you came home and told me you were pregnant, I had to think twice,” Kate offered. “I, for one, am grateful that Isaac came into your life. He has been a great father to the twins, and you have your spirit back. We all thought you were lost forever,” Kate said, looking at Isaac. Isaac was blushing.

  “Thank you, Mom,” Isaac said, looking down at the table, trying to hide a smile that he couldn’t help.

  “Well, surely I had boyfriends. I couldn’t have been a hermit, could I?” Carrie asked, starting to get agitated.

  “Why yes, of course, but you never let them meet the girls—never. You said that no one was good enough for them, but you weren’t the same as you were before you lost Jake, not until you met Isaac. It was like you woke up after many years,” Linda, Carrie’s sister, said.

  “You didn’t let me meet them until after I asked you to marry me,” Isaac finished her thought. Carrie was getting frustrated. She just couldn’t remember. It was more frightening than anything. She had to get out of the room that was suddenly getting smaller. She got up suddenly.

  “I have to get out of here. I just don’t remember,” she said and ran out of the room. She couldn’t remember where her room was, so she just kept running until she saw an exit. Air, she thought, I need air, and she ran out the door. She stood there for a moment and looked around. She didn’t recognize anything. She saw a bench that was sitting next to a water fountain, and she walked slowly over to the bench.

  She sat down, suddenly becoming aware that she had tears streaming down her face. “Why can’t I remember anything?” she asked out loud, thinking no one was around her.

  “I don’t know,” Isaac said, startling her. He put his hand on her shoulder and sat next to her on the bench. “Does anything seem familiar at all?” She straightened up and wiped her face off so he wouldn’t see her tears.

  “No, nothing. I want to remember, Isaac. I do. I don’t like feeling this way. I don’t,” she said, pulling her hands up to her face and sobbing into them.

  “Come here,” Isaac said, pulling her into his arms. He wanted her to remember just as much as she wanted herself to remember. He didn’t have the answer, and he was desperate. Waiting until she stopped sobbing, he pulled her close so he could put his hands on her face. “Tell you what, when we get home tomorrow, we can look at some pictures and see if anything is familiar to you.”

  “And what if that doesn’t work?” she asked, wiping tears off her face.

  “Well, Thursday I have rehearsal, but after that, I will take you to the place where we met,” Isaac said, tugging on her hands to get her to stand. “We have to get up really early tomorrow to get to the airport.”

  “Rehearsal?” Carrie asked, following Isaac back to the hotel.

  “Yes, I’m an actor,” he said, crossing the parking lot with his arm around Carrie.

  “An actor,” she said, looking down at the ground, “and a writer. There has to be something to that, isn’t there?” She looked up at his face.

  “Yes, but I’ll explain later. I promised the girls I would take them to the pool,” Isaac said.

  “I’m tired, Isaac,” Carrie said, pressing her head on his arm.

  “I know, and you need to take you meds,” he said, holding the door open.

  “Yeah, and my side is starting to hurt again,” Carrie said as she stepped into the building.

  After coming back from the pool, the girls and Isaac walked into the room. Carrie was lying on the edge of the bed, just waiting to fall off. Isaac told the girls to get ready for bed. He waited until they were in the bathroom before going to Carrie’s side. He stood over her, savoring her sight. Except for the cuts on her face, she looked as if nothing had happened. He bent down to put her more on the bed. She didn’t move. He just adjusted her very softly. He sat down next to her on the bed and bent to kiss her forehead. He left a trail of kisses from her forehead to her ear, and rested there to whisper “Aishite imasu” into her ear.

  His heart was broken, not because she didn’t know the love that they had, but because someone had taken her from him. She might have been there physically but not mentally.

  After Isaac got ready for bed himself, he turned off the light. “We have to get up at two in the morning. Is everything ready?” Isaac asked to the twin girls, their eyes fixed to the TV.

  “Yes,” Sabrina said.

  “Yes,” Sierra said. Their eyes never left the screen. Isaac went around, making sure everything was ready, and then turned to look at the bed that Carrie was asleep in.

  “Do you think she would mind if I slept with her?” Isaac asked his gaze steady on Carrie. The girls both looked at him, and then they looked over to their mother. Sierra, who was next to the wall, had to sit forward to see past her sister.

  “She loves you. She wouldn’t mind,” Sabrina said.

  “How would she know?” Sierra said.

  “Well, I guess you’re right,” Isaac said, walking toward the spot on the bed next to Carrie and settled down. “Turn the TV off, girls.”

  “Oh, Isaac,” the girls said at the same time.

  “Girls, you know your mother wouldn’t want you to watch TV in bed,” Isaac said, looking at the girls in the next bed.

  “You’re right,” Sabrina said, turning off the TV and settled into bed next to her sister.

  Isaac lay on his side looking at Carrie’s face. She was facing him. He remembered everything about their life, everything from when he first saw her to the many adventures that they ever went on. He even thought of their wedding day and the last time she told him she loved him. Tears were flowing down his face. He didn’t want the girls to know that he was crying, so he wiped his face off with the blanket and turned over so he wouldn’t be able to see her.

  Chapter 10

  Isaac had barely gotten the door opened when Sabrina pushed past him, dropped her stuff just inside the door, and ran for her bedroom. Sierra dropped her stuff in the same spot then went to turn on the TV and sit on the couch. “Girls, take your stuff to your room,” Isaac said. He had never had to order the girls to do anything before—that was always Carrie’s job—but since she didn’t remember anything, he thought that he should take the role.

  Carrie walked into the apartment. Her first sight was the desk that had a computer. It was full of paper and notebooks stacked into two piles next to the monitor. Above the monitor were two shelves that were stacked with more notebooks and some poetry books. She didn’t recognize the mess on the desk, but her realization was she was really a writer, like Isaac had told her. She turned her head to search for Isaac, who was standing beside her, staring at the desk. When she found him, she looked up to his eyes. “I guess I am a writer, aren’t I?” she asked with wide eyes.

  “Yes, you are,” Isaac told her. “I’m going down to get the mail. I’ll be right back.” He walked out the door and shut the door behind him.

  Carrie looked around the room. It was a gallery of pictures. She looked down to the girl sitting on the couch. She walked over and sat next to her. Sierra looked at her mother and smiled then turned her eyes back to the TV.

  “What is your name?” Carrie asked.

  “I’m Sierra,” she told her mom.

  “Sierra,” Carrie repeated. “Are you the oldest?” she asked.

  “No, I’m younger by five minutes,” Sierra said, her eyes still fixed to the TV.

  “Isaac said you are in summer school for music or art?” Carrie asked.

  “Yes,” Sierra said, looking at her mom.

  “What do you do?” Carrie asked, but before Sierra answered, a noise came from somewhere in the apartment. Carrie turned to look in the direction of where the noise came from then turned back to Sierra for reassurance.

  “Oh, not again,” Sierra said, putting her hands up to her ears. “I’m so tired of hearing that song
. The smoke on the water has gone away now, Sabrina!” Sierra yelled at her sister, who was still in her room.

  “What is that?” Carrie asked, looking around the apartment again. Sierra lowered her hands.

  “Sabrina plays the guitar. She wants to be a rock star when she grows up. That is what she does at school, and that song, ‘Smoke on the Water,’ is her favorite song. I’m getting so tired of hearing it,” Sierra said and went back to watching the TV.

  “What do you do?” Carrie asked again.

  “I am going to school for acting,” Sierra said, shifting herself on the couch to better look at her mother. “I want to be an actor just like Isaac. He’s going to help me get into his next play,” she said, smiling.

  “She’s got a real talent for it too,” Isaac said as he walked into the apartment with a box and some mail in his hands. “You got a box, Carrie.”

  “I do?” Carrie asked, getting off the couch and walking over to the desk.

  “Do you want me to open it?” Isaac picked up the letter opener. The box was about a foot in size. Carrie didn’t know what it was.

  “Sure,” Carrie said. He didn’t say anything; he just cut the tape and took out what was inside. It was a book.

  “It’s your book,” he said, handing the book to Carrie.

  “My book,” Carrie said, holding the book where she could see it.

  “My Greatest Love,” Isaac read the title. “It’s going to be released in a week,” he said, sounding sad. What was going to happen when her book tour started and she didn’t have her memory back in time?

  Carrie studied the book then noticed the author’s name. “This can’t be a book I wrote. You said my name is Carrie Walsch. The name on the book is C.A. Shay,” Carrie said, pointing to the cover and showing it to Isaac.

  “That is your maiden name. Your name is Carrie Ann Walsch. You started to write before I met you. So C.A. Shay is your pen name,” Isaac explained. Carrie set the book down on the desk then wandered over to the fireplace. She stopped in front of the fireplace and looked up to the picture that was hanging just above the mantel. The picture had the four of them in it.

  Carrie saw herself holding Isaac’s tie, pulling him closer to her. She had her head turned to the side with her eyes almost closed, and Isaac was kissing her cheek. One of the girls was pretending to push him toward Carrie, and the other was leaning against her for support. Everyone was all smiles in the picture. They were all dressed up. Carrie was wearing an off-white gown with a black tie around her waist. The girls were wearing white dresses with peach-colored ties around their waist. Carrie had a black headband that was twisted up in her hair and had curls and black ribbons draping down her back. The girls’ hair was made up the same way with white ribbons. Carrie couldn’t stop looking at it. She felt Isaac standing next to her. From the corner of her eye, she saw him look up to the picture.

  “What is this?” Carrie managed to get out of the trance the picture had on her.

  “This is our wedding picture. It is your favorite and mine as well,” Isaac said, looking at the picture then looking down at her. She had her mouth hanging open and her head tilted slightly to look up.

  “Oh—we look happy,” she said, shifting her eyes to the pictures on the mantel.

  “We are,” Isaac said, watching her look at the pictures on the mantel. “This one is our first date, and it was the day we met Amy,” he said, picking up the picture and handing it to her, to look at more closely. She held the picture close to her body. It was the two of them sitting on a blanket. It looked like they were on a picnic. Carrie was sitting with her legs crossed straight in front of her, and she was leaning forward with a big smile on her face. Isaac was sitting with his back toward the camera, leaning on one elbow, one leg bent up with his arm laying on it. “Amy thought we would like a picture of the two of us. I love this picture. I love your smile. Amy thought we were so much in love. She was surprised when she came up to us and found that it was our first date.”

  “Amy? Who is that?” she asked, placing the picture back on the mantel where it had been sitting.

  “Amy is your best friend. She is also your personal photo-grapher now,” Isaac said. He took her hand and took her over to a wall of pictures. “Here she is with you at one of the balls that you had for one of your books. Does she look familiar to you at all?” Carrie stepped up to the picture to study it more closely.

  “No, I’m sorry. I don’t think I have ever seen her before,” she said, shaking her head then looking up at Isaac. Isaac looked down toward the floor.

  “It’s okay,” Isaac said. Carrie looked back up at the wall of pictures. She spotted a picture of her. It was just her head. Water was pouring on her. It appeared to her that she was washing her hair and someone had come up to her and taken her picture. She wasn’t smiling, but she was looking at the camera when it was taken.

  “What is that one?” she asked.

  “That is when we took our first trip together. We went camping in the mountains. You were standing under a waterfall, rinsing yourself off. This must have been the third day of our trip. We went caving that day, and you wanted to freshen up before we went in. I couldn’t stop looking at you. You were so beautiful, I took a picture. This trip was the first time that I told you that I loved you,” Isaac explained. He looked down and saw that Carrie was staring at him as if she was very interested in what he was saying. When he didn’t say anymore, she spoke.

  “Tell me more,” she said, looking back up at the pictures. She noticed a picture next to the one of her. This one looked like rock climbers hanging next to each other with all the ropes and equipment in the picture. “Is that us?” She was standing on her toes, pointing to the picture.

  “Yes, that was the same trip. We were climbing up the side of the mountain, to the entrance of a cave.”

  “Were we hanging off it?” she asked, settling back on her heels.

  “We were about fifty yards up,” Isaac said.

  “Wow,” she said, wide-eyed. She looked up to Isaac’s face. “Tell me about the first time you told me you loved me.”

  “Well, we were lying in the tent and we were talking about things like what we wanted to do and things we were afraid off. I turned, and I whispered ‘Aishite imasu’ into your ear. You turned your head to me and asked me what I had just said. I told you that it was ‘I love you’ in Japanese. You wanted to know if I meant it, and I said ‘I do very much,’ and I do love you with everything that I am,” Isaac said, stroking his finger down her cheek. Her hand came up, and her fingers traced the line his just made. She looked down. That was when she noticed a scar on the back of her hand that went down past her wrist. She brought it up to study it.

  “How did I get this?” she asked, running her finger across the scar. Isaac took her arm to look at it.

  “You got that on our wedding day. You scraped it on a nail. It’s on the wedding video, if you want to watch it—oh wait.” He stopped and took her hands to lead her back to the picture that hung above the fireplace. “Look, you have it in the picture,” he said, showing the red line down her arm in the picture.

  “Oh, I didn’t notice that before,” Carrie said, looking back down at her scar. Just then, Sierra stood up.

  “I’m hungry,” she announced.

  “Oh, we haven’t eaten since lunch, and it is nearly eight. Go get your sister, and we will decide what to get,” Isaac said to Sierra. “What do you want to eat?” he asked, turning to Carrie.

  “I don’t know. I’m not quite sure I’m hungry.” Just as she said that, her stomach made a grumble.

  “Yes, you are,” Isaac said, laughing. Carrie looked up at him. The girls returned to the living room. Isaac put his hands of the back of the couch. “What do you girls want to eat?” They both looked at one another.

  “Pizza,” they said at the same time.

  “From Nick’s, with pepperoni,” Sabrina said.

  “And mushrooms,” Sierra added.

  “Yuck, I
don’t like mushrooms,” Sabrina said with a disgusted look on her face.

  “Oh, Isaac, can we get mushrooms?” Sierra begged, following Isaac into the kitchen.

  “How about two pizzas, pepperoni on one and mushrooms on the other?” Isaac asked, dialing the phone.

  “That sounds good. I don’t want any mushrooms on my pizza. That’s gross,” Sabrina said, teasing her sister. Sierra didn’t say a word; she just gave her sister a mean look.

  Carrie stayed behind in the living room, watching the commotion in the kitchen. Isaac was talking on the phone. She turned to look at the pictures all around the living room gallery. There were so many pictures: some of the girls, some with Isaac in costumes, and a lot of the two of them, Isaac and Carrie. In the pictures, they were always kissing or touching one another, looking into one another’s eyes, laughing and holding one another. “This man loves me,” she said under her breath. Looking around the room, it was obvious that they were in love, and now, more than anything, she wanted to remember.

  “If you’re done eating, please put your dishes in the sink,” Isaac said to the girls when they finished eating. Sabrina picked up her plate, put it in the sink, and disappeared down the hall. Before anyone knew it, music was coming from the bedroom again.

  “Ugh, doesn’t she know any other song? I hate it,” Sierra said, putting her plate in the sink and her hands on her ears.

  “Sierra, you know she needs to practice. She’s going to play that song on Saturday,” Isaac told her. He put his dish in the sink and picked up a towel to wipe off the table.

  “I know, Isaac, but I can’t stand it anymore,” Sierra said, disappearing down the hall.

  “Are you done?” Isaac asked Carrie, who was sitting quietly staring out the window. She turned her head up to look at Isaac in the face.

  “Oh, yes,” she said, handing him the plate.

  “Would you like to watch a movie with me?” Isaac asked, holding the plate just above Carrie’s head.