Finding Carrie

by C. E. Snyder

  “Sure,” she said, standing up. Isaac put the plate in the sink and followed Carrie into the living room.

  “What do you want to watch?” Isaac asked as he showed her the movie collection.

  “I don’t know. What would you like to watch?” She crouched down by the cupboard. “There is a lot here.” Isaac laughed softly.

  “You should see the collection at the house,” Isaac said.

  “The house?” Carrie asked.

  “Yeah, you have a house in the town where you grew up,” he said, taking her hand to show her a picture of it. “You had it before we were married, so we go there every now and then to visit your family.” Carrie stared at the picture for a long moment then turned to look at Isaac.

  “Can we go there?” Carrie asked.

  “Sure, we can go Sunday. I don’t have to go to rehearsal until Wednesday. Your brother and sister-in-law can watch the girls. Maybe if you are in your own house, you might remember something,” Isaac said.

  “My brother, he lives here?” Carrie asked.

  “Yes,” Isaac said. “In Manhattan. They were going to take the girls overnight on Saturday anyway, but I’m sure they could take them for a couple of days.”

  “Oh. What movie do you want to watch?” Carrie asked, going back to the movies.

  “Pick one,” Isaac suggested.

  “How about this one?” Carrie asked, holding a movie in the air. Isaac took it out of her hand and looked at it.

  “Sure, sounds good,” Isaac said, putting it in the machine.

  While watching the movie, Carrie couldn’t help but wonder about her life with the man sitting on the other end of the couch. Could she really love him the way it showed in all the pictures, or could that be just an illusion?

  Sierra and Sabrina were in the room that they shared. Sabrina was still practicing. Sierra was reading lines from a play she was going to be in for school.

  “Sabrina, can you please stop playing that song?” Sierra asked, lying on her stomach on the bed, papers in hand, as she looked up at her sister. Sabrina stopped playing and sat next to her sister on her bed with the guitar still slug over her shoulder.

  “Do you think mom is ever going to remember us?” Sabrina asked.

  “I don’t know,” Sierra said, shifting herself up on her knees. “Maybe.”

  “I hope she will remember before my recital on Saturday,” Sabrina said sadly.

  “I’m sorry, but I don’t think she will. But she’ll be there; Isaac will make sure of that,” Sierra said, putting her arms around her sister.

  “I hope so,” Sabrina said then got back up to play again. Sierra knew how much this recital meant to her sister. Although she hated the song that she played, she wanted her sister to be happy. Getting off the bed, she left the room to talk to Isaac. She went to his room, but he wasn’t in there, so she went out to the living room. Isaac and her mom were sitting on either sides of the couch, watching TV. Normally when they watched TV, they would have their arms around one another. Secretly inside, she missed that. She went behind Isaac to whisper in his ear.

  “Isaac, Sabrina is afraid that mom won’t remember her before her recital,” Sierra whispered. Isaac looked at Carrie, who was totally involved in the movie. He turned to whisper in Sierra’s ear.

  “No, I don’t think she’s going to,” Isaac whispered.

  “I didn’t think so, but I promised her that you would make sure she’s there,” Sierra whispered, but not in his ear; she was watching her mother.

  “Absolutely, I will make sure,” Isaac reassured her. She nodded and went back to her bedroom.

  “Good night,” Isaac said as she walked away.

  “Good night,” she said over her shoulder.

  Isaac looked over at Carrie, who was now looking at him. She had her legs up and tilted to rest on the arm of the couch. She had her arm folded across her stomach. “Is she all right?” she asked with concern on her face.

  “Yes, she’s just worried about her sister, but everything is fine,” Isaac reassured her. She didn’t say anything; just looked back toward the TV. “You look tired.” Carrie tried to shift her body but winced at the pain in her side. The medicine had worn off. “You need to take your medicine,” Isaac observed.

  “I think I’ll take my meds and go to bed,” she said, trying to get up. Isaac put his hand out for her to help, and she took it.

  “Oh, don’t forget, I’m taking you to the place we met tomorrow,” Isaac reminded her. She stopped just in front of him, her hand still in his.

  “Okay,” she said. She let go of his hand then turned to walk, forgetting the glass coffee table was right next to her. She kicked it with her shin; it sent her backward. She landed in Isaac’s lap. She forgot the pain for a moment, looked up to Isaac’s face, and suddenly she became aware of her position. Isaac began to laugh softly. “I’m sorry,” she said, pushing away from him to get up.

  “Are you all right?” he asked. He stopped laughing as she ran away, disappearing into the hall. He wasn’t sure if she heard him, because she didn’t say anything. Sadness crawled up his body.

  For a brief moment, while Carrie was sitting on Isaac’s lap, she felt calm and comfortable, safe and familiar, but that went away and she became suddenly frightened. So she ran; it was the only thing she thought to do. She ran to the bathroom and to the sink. She braced her arms on the sink. She reached to turn the water on and splashed cold water on her face. She reached for her medicine and took it. Her side really hurt right now. She wished she knew why and how she had gotten so hurt. Looking at herself in the mirror, she saw a face she didn’t remember that was now scarred and itchy. “Oh, why can’t I remember?” she said out loud. She left to go to the bedroom. Isaac was leaning against the wall by the bathroom door. She almost ran into him. He looked up slowly.

  “Is your leg okay?” he asked. She looked down and lifted her pant leg up. Lifting her foot, her shin was all red, and it throbbed.

  “It’s fine,” she said as she brushed past him to the bedroom. He followed her into the bedroom and drew down the covers. Carrie whirled around, wide-eyed. “You’re not sleeping in here, are you?” she asked almost in a whisper. He stood back up, facing her with the bed between them.

  “I was. This is our bed,” he said.

  “I don’t feel comfortable with that,” she said, shaking her head wildly.

  “What? I’m not going to do anything. You’re my wife,” Isaac said, dropping his arms to his sides. “Okay. I’ll sleep on the couch for you.” He grabbed a pillow and left the room.

  Tears streamed down her face. She felt cruel and selfish. How could she kick a man out of his own bed? But she didn’t know him like he knew her. She lay down on the bed and rolled on her side that didn’t hurt. She pulled the blanket up to her throat. She cried herself to sleep, ashamed and desperate.

  Isaac stood at the door with his bags in his hands. “Isaac, please don’t leave me. I’ll try to remember, I promise,” Carrie said, begging him to stay with her. Isaac stood there shaking his head. “The girls need you, and I need you.”

  “I can’t do this anymore, Carrie. This was the last straw. You’re never going to remember me, and I can’t live with you anymore.” Isaac turned and walked out the door, slamming it behind him. Carrie fell to the floor on her knees.

  “Isaac, come back, please come back!” Carrie cried out.

  Carrie sat straight up. “Isaac,” she said out loud, tears streaming down her face. He wasn’t in the room with her. She felt bereft. She realized that it was a dream, but she took it as a warning. She jumped out of bed and ran out to the living room. Isaac was fast asleep on the couch. She ran over to him, kneeling beside him. Tears were streaming down her face. She whispered, “Don’t leave me, please. I don’t know how, and I don’t know when, but I will remember. Just please don’t leave me.” She pushed his hair out of his face. Wiping the tears off her face with her arm, she got up and ran back to the bedroom.

  Isaac stirre
d and opened his eyes. Looking around the dark room, he was sure Carrie was talking to him, but no one was there. He rolled back over and went back to sleep. Carrie appeared in the doorway with a pillow and a blanket in hand standing and stared at him for a moment. She put the pillow on the floor and laid down, covering herself with the blanket. She rolled over on the side that didn’t have that bruise on it so she was facing the couch. She let herself drift back to sleep.

  Chapter 11

  Isaac woke up to the sound of his alarm. He stretched up to turn it off, then stretched again and pushed himself up. With his eyes closed, he swung his legs out to stand up. His feet didn’t hit the floor; they stopped on something hard. He pushed slightly with his foot, and heard a scream. When he looked down with great puzzlement, he saw Carrie writhing in pain.

  “Oh my God,” Isaac said. He swung his feet under him and reached down to pick her up to cradle her in his arms. She was holding her side and moaning in pain. Isaac brought her head up to his chin and swallowed hard before he spoke. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were there,” Isaac said, suddenly aware that she was in the living room with him after she didn’t want him in the bed with her. “Sweetheart, why were you on the floor?” Isaac asked. She was making an attempt to speak. She took two big deep breaths.

  “I had a dream that you were going to leave me,” she said, shuddering from the pain.

  “I’m not going anywhere, I promise you,” he said. He bent down to kiss her forehead. “Not ever, and certainly not because you can’t remember who I am. I’m going to fight that much harder for you,” Isaac said, studying the tears on her face.

  Carrie took her hand off her side and put it on Isaac’s cheek. “I don’t know why I feel the way I do, but I promise you that I will do everything I can to remember. I don’t know how or when, but don’t leave me, please,” Carrie said.

  “Never,” Isaac said as she dropped her hand to her side again.

  “Why does it hurt so badly?” Carrie asked.

  “You have two broken ribs trying to heal. I might have pushed them out of place,” Isaac said as the girls ran out to the living room to see what was going on.

  “Is Mom okay?” Sabrina asked.

  “Yes, she’s okay. Go get dressed, you two,” Isaac said. They did as he said, and they disappeared into their room.

  Isaac picked Carrie up and swung his legs out so he could get up. All the while, she moaned and winced from the pain. He carried her into the bathroom and set her down on the sink.

  “Here, take your medicine,” he said, handing her a small white pill. He then filled a small cup with water. She took the water and swallowed the pill. He took a tube of BENGAY from the medicine cabinet. “Lift up your shirt,” he told her.

  “What is that?” Carrie asked. The bruise was still very nasty. It was shades of black, purple, and blue, and it covered her whole side.

  “BENGAY. It should help with the pain,” he said as he gently smoothed it on her skin.

  “Ow,” she said with her eyes closed. Her breath came out like a hiss though her teeth.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, replacing the cap and washing his hands. He turned to face her. Leaning on the sink with both hands propped on both sides of her legs, he kissed her on the forehead then leaned back to gaze into the blue eyes that he loved so much. “I love you,” he said in English. He mostly said it in Japanese, but he knew she wouldn’t know what he said, and he wanted her to know what he said just in case she forgot. She didn’t say anything; she just looked at him in the face. He watched the worry lines etching themselves onto her forehead.

  “Isaac, Mom, I’ve got to go,” Sierra said, almost doing a jig in the hall. They both looked at her and her dancing. She was stomping her foot up and down. She had her arms straight as if she was holding on to something. Humor crept up between the two of them. They looked at one another and smiled, trying not to laugh at her. Isaac helped Carrie off the sink and led the way out of the bathroom. Before they could look back, the door slammed, the wind pushing past Carrie’s face.

  They both went to the bedroom. Carrie went to the window and looked out. It was a sunny day, and many people were walking around down on the sidewalks. Carrie turned around and saw Isaac undressing in front of her. She went to say something but remembered her dream and didn’t want to push him to that event, so she stopped herself and sat down on the bed, facing the window.

  Isaac pulled up his blue jeans and pulled on a t-shirt.

  “What are you doing today?” Carrie asked. She wanted to watch him dress for some reason. She was attracted to him but didn’t know why.

  “I’m dropping the girls off at school, and I’m going to rehearsal. Today is half dress rehearsal,” he told her, walking around the bed to sit next to her. She looked up at him when she saw him in the corner of her eyes.

  “What is a half dress rehearsal?” she asked, looking back out the window.

  “We are going to rehearse in our costumes, but with no makeup,” he told her, leaning back on his arms. It wasn’t what he wanted to do; he wanted to sweep the hair off her neck and kiss it. He had been longing to do that ever since they got home. When they were alone, they usually seized the opportunity to show love to one another, but because she didn’t remember, he refrained from doing so.

  “Oh, what are you?” she asked, looking back at him.

  “I’m a cat in the new animal show,” he said. Before he could stop himself, he pushed the hair off her shoulder. He knew he shouldn’t have done that but waited for her reaction.

  She looked at him with wide eyes. Her body tingled to his touch. She wanted to tell him not to touch her, but when she looked at his face, he had love in his eyes. She didn’t want her dream to come true, so she pushed the thought out of her head and all she did was smile.

  When he saw her smile, his heart melted as it always did. Not wanting to push any more buttons, he decided to change the mood. “I have to make the girls breakfast before I take them to school,” he said. He got off the bed. He went out to the kitchen.

  She sat there and watched as he left the room. Why can’t I remember and why can’t I recognize these feelings I have for him, she thought. She wanted her life back—or the life everyone said she had. She felt like an empty shell. It was all too difficult.

  Sitting around the table, watching Isaac teasing the girls, she realized that she had a smile on her face and was laughing with them. “Stop, Isaac,” Sabrina said as he ruffled her hair. She was trying not to laugh, but she couldn’t help herself and busted out laughing.

  “Ow,” Sierra said, laughing as Isaac pretended to stab her with his fork. She was laughing so much that food was coming out of her mouth. “Look what you made me do, Isaac.”

  “Did I do that?” Isaac asked, laughing at her. She was trying to put the food back in her mouth. He glanced up at the clock. “Oh, it’s almost to time for school. Put your plates in the sink.” They all got up, including Carrie. She set her plate in the sink. She swung around and leaned back on the sink. She looked at the family and thought, I’m pretty lucky.

  “You two look exactly alike to me, how do I tell you two apart?” Carrie asked, realizing she should know but she just couldn’t remember. They all stopped and looked at her with great puzzlement. “Hey, I have amnesia, and it just plain sucks.” They all turned, looked at each other, and busted out laughing.

  “You’re getting your sense of humor back, I see,” Isaac said with a huge smile on his face. “Well, girls, stand in front of her, and we will tell her.” They stood in front of her, Sabrina to her left and Sierra on her right. She looked in each of their faces to see something different but couldn’t, so she looked up at Isaac, who was standing behind them. “Well, they are monozygotic twins, which means that they are mirror images of each other. Sabrina is the older one and she is right handed. Sierra is, what, five minutes younger?” She nodded. “She is left handed.” Carrie looked at the girls again and smiled.

  “Okay, but how do you
tell them apart?” she asked.

  “It is very subtle. If you weren’t studying their faces, you would miss it. Along with Sabrina being right handed, she also has two dark moles on her right cheek, and Sierra has the same moles on her left cheek,” Isaac explained. Carrie bent down to look at each girl in the face with great concentration.

  “Oh yeah, I see that now. So Sabrina’s are on her right, and Sierra’s are on her left,” Carrie said as she straightened up to look at Isaac for reassurance.

  “That’s right,” he said, smiling.

  “Well, I can’t forget that,” Carrie said laughing. They all laughed and walked into the living room to leave. Sabrina grabbed her guitar and slung the strap over her shoulder then turned to say good-bye to her mother.

  “Bye, Mom. Let’s go, Chichi,” she said, heading out the door.

  “Bye, Mom,” Sierra said, following her sister. Isaac walked up to Carrie as he always did when he left her, but instead of kissing her on her lips, he kissed her cheek. She didn’t flinch. That meant that she was starting to feel comfortable with him. Carrie just looked at him.

  “What did she just call you?” she asked.

  “Father, she called me Father,” he told her.

  “Oh,” she replied.

  “Oh, and I had asked Amy to drop by today. She should be here soon. She is going to take you to lunch,” he said, heading for the door.

  “Who is Amy?” she asked, recognizing the name but not remembering why.

  “Amy is your best friend and your personal photographer,” he explained.

  “Oh, the one who took our picture at the park?” she asked as she pointed to the mantel where the picture was.

  “Yes, I’ll be back after I pick the girls up from school. That will be around three. Aishi…” He broke off. “See you when I get back.”

  He closed the door behind him and went to catch up with the girls, who were already on the stairs. “Hey, girls, wait up,” he said, racing down the stairs after them. He heard the girls’ snickers as they went out the door to the lobby. He knew they would wait for him there, so he wasn’t worried. When he reached the door, it swung open with such force that it hit his hand hard. He flinched and shook his hand to shake off the pain. “Ow.”