by Emily Ward
“I never thought I would see you again,” she cried when their embrace dissolved to holding hands and their eyes locked lovingly.
He wiped the tears from her face and gave her the smile she longed to see. “I couldn't pass up the chance to see you again, and if things go as planned, we'll never be apart again, my love.”
She tilted her head in happy confusion. “What do you mean?”
“I didn't just come here to see you once, Clarissa, I came here to make sure I could see your beautiful face every day for the rest of my life. Do you trust me?” Edward asked, caressing her cheek lovingly.
“Of course!” She blurted, without a second of hesitation, she knew it to be one-hundred percent true all the way down to her bones. He held her heart in his hands, he always had.
He smiled warmly, albeit a mischievous glint in his eyes as he winked at her and turned toward the crowd. “Can I get everyone's attention, please?!”
Clarissa watched as heads turned toward the two of them by the staircase, her cheeks tinting red as they gave Edward their attention, some of the younger women fanning themselves with their hands as they quietly fawned over him. Her eyes were scanning for her parents, hoping they were in another room and wouldn't ruin whatever Edward had planned. Luckily, she didn't see them among the people and she exhaled in relief as she turned back to him.
“I would like to start by thanking the Wakefield family for hosting a wonderful Yuletide ball, it looks amazing in here and I hope everyone is having as good 'a time as I am,” he paused to smile down at Clarissa and winked. “Tonight, I would like you to join me, as I ask a very special someone for the most precious thing a person can give; their heart. So, without anything further,”
Clarissa's heart pounded heavily again as Edward sank down to one knee, grabbing her hand in his, and pulled the most beautiful ring out of his pocket. “Clarissa Mae Wakefield, will you give me your hand in marriage?”
A hushed murmur fell over the people, some outraged by the brazen move, some thought it was romantic. But the loudest murmur of all came from across the room where a man stood, arms crossed in anger. He had ashy blonde hair and he stared right through Edward with narrowed eyes. Joined by two older people – presumably his parents – they spoke in hushed voices, the man's face quickly contorting as his anger rose to its height. Clarissa wondered who he was, and why he had the right to be angry by the proposal, but she pushed it out of her mind as she looked back to Edward.
Her eyes were tearful, the happiness swelling in her chest had never been as big and proud as it was now. It seemed like all of her dreams were coming true, and she couldn't bear the thought of something ruining it. She rushed to answer him, to solidify their marriage plans.
“Of course I'll marry you!” She shouted, sinking down to his level and into his arms.
Their happiness is short-lived when a booming voice calls from the room, shattering the dreamy mood that had Clarissa floating in a blissful haze.
“Absolutely not, Clarissa!” The words pulled everyone's attention toward her father, joined by her mother as they entered the room, bringing a dark cloud with them.
“And why not?” a second powerful male voice called, separating the crowd to reveal an older version of Edward, standing next to a beautiful woman.
Clarissa watched her father cross the room, with her mother in tow, to stand beside them. His eyes were narrowed at the man as if he hadn't known hate until that moment. She worried that things would escalate quickly between the two, and wondered if she were responsible for it.
“Her hand has already been promised to another,” he stated.
The man scoffed. “And was that the girl's choice or are you still trying to keep these two apart after all these years, Alfred?”
Nobody but Clarissa's mother had called her father by his first name, he despised it. The action had caused audible disbelief among party-goers, and Clarissa couldn't help but cling harder to Edward as she knew it may be the last time she saw him... again.
“What concerns my daughter is none of your business, I know what is best for her.”
Again, the man scoffed. “You know nothing of their love, for years I have listened to my son beg me to convince you they should wed. Do you know how many women we've gone through, trying to get his mind off of Clarissa? Hundreds. They are destined to be wed, and it's selfish of you to stop them.”
“It is my right as her father!”
The man and his parents joined the close-knit group, his face smoothed from his earlier anger to be replaced with a sort of diplomatic calm. He chuckled lightheartedly and clasped his hands together in front of him.
“Gentlemen, gentlemen. Let us calm down. I'm sure we can resolve this without all this senseless shouting, can't we?” he stated, his demeanor was graceful and proud. Clarissa immediately wondered who he was to interject in this conversation, and prayed he wasn't who she thought he was.
Her father's demeanor changed immediately. Suddenly he gave all his attention to the man, smiling kindly and that made Clarissa uneasy.
“Of course, Alexander, I was just making sure that the Grey family understood you have already graciously asked for Clarissa's hand in marriage, and it has been promised to you.”
The man named Alexander turned his head toward Clarissa, still held in Edward's arms, and smiled at her. His eyes skimmed over their embrace and settled on her face, he looked pleased with her and it sent a sour taste to her mouth. Couldn't he see that she was happy to marry another man? She turned her head and hid it in Edward's shoulder.
“Mm, well. I would like to publicly announce that Clarissa is still the woman I'd like to marry, despite this little charade of a marriage proposal. No ill will between our families, you understand that this is simply politics, dear man.” Alexander spoke to Edward's family, but somehow it still felt like a direct attack on Edward himself.
Clarissa was appalled by his blatant disrespect and demeaning tone, it was an ugly trait. She could never love a man who could be as such and prayed that by some miracle Edward could save her from marrying Alexander. But, after years of her dreams not coming true, Clarissa knew it wouldn't happen, it couldn't happen. Her parents had already decided for her.
“Clarissa, come meet your future husband and get away from that man,” her mother demanded, snapping her fingers and pointing to the floor next to her.
She expected Edward to hold her tighter, to fight against her leaving his arms after such a long time apart, but he did the opposite. He released his grip on her, dipping his head to her ear. “Go along with them, my love, I knew this could happen and I promise you this isn't the end,” he whispered to her, standing to his feet and taking her along.
Begrudgingly, and with a final longing glance at Edward's eyes, Clarissa joined her parents. She tried to put on her best, most polite smile as she looked at Alexander. It felt so dishonest, she couldn't help but feel disgusted by it.
“It's a pleasure to meet you, Alexander,” she lied, dipping into a curtsy, and then stood prim and proper.
“The pleasure is mine, I assure you,” Alexander told her, grabbing her hand and kissing the back of it. His hand clammy and not nearly as strong as Edward's had been, immediately she wished it had been his instead. But, she didn't dare steal a glance at him.
The older people beside Alexander stepped forward, greeting Clarissa, and she noticed that they didn't resemble him as starkly as Edward's parents resembled him. He had blonde hair and bright blue eyes, while they had brown hair and green eyes. She wondered if he was a bastard, perhaps. But, scolded herself for the thought and paid more attention to what they were saying.
“It is wonderful to meet the woman who will make an honest man out of our son,” the man praised, kissing the back of her hand.
“Yes, I'm very excited to have a daughter,” the woman said excitedly, kissing the air of both her cheeks before holding her hands tightly. Her smile was wide and it followed her face all the way to her stunning eyes.
>
Clarissa smiled back, the action was starting to make her cheeks ache. “It is a pleasure to meet you as well, Mr. and Mrs. …” she stuttered, realizing she didn't know what their surname was and hoped they hadn't said it and she'd missed it.
“...Gremory,” Alexander stepped in, beaming with pride.
Her father stepped in after that, speaking with the Gremory's, apologizing for the commotion and promising that they would make it up to them. They started making idle chitchat and she couldn't help but tune it out, giving Edward and his family longing looks as they quietly spoke. It broke her heart that she finally saw him after all those years, and it only ended with them being torn apart again. She wanted to jump into his arms again, to run away with him and start a new life, one where they could finally be happy together. Alas, that could never happen, not when her father had complete control over her, and who she would call her husband.
Clarissa's longing daydreams were cut short when her father said something that pulled her attention back to their conversation. Horror taking over her entire being at the thought that it could be true.
“... The wedding will happen in early January, let's say the sixth. Our wives can get together to discuss all the details, while you and I get more acquainted. What do you say?” her father asked, holding his hand out to Alexander's father.
“It's a deal,” he proudly agreed, shaking her father's hand.
Chapter Three
Clarissa needed some quality friend time after the Yuletide ball fiasco, and lucky for her she already had plans to have lunch with her friends. She made the trip early in the morning, traveling quite a distance to her friend Francesca's house. Once she arrived, Clarissa started feeling a hundred times better about all that was happening in her life. She didn't think about the fact that in a less than a month's time she would be marrying a man she didn't love, Alexander's first impression on her left a sour taste in her mouth, and she knew eventually she would have to be with him every day for the rest of her life.
Three soft raps on the door and her best friend opened the door. She was positively glowing, her soft chestnut hair nearly a foot longer than the last time they had seen each other, and there was a certain gleam in her hazel eyes. But, the thing that drew Clarissa's attention the most was just how pregnant she had become, her belly possibly two times as large in the month since they'd gotten together for lunch. It brought joy to Clarissa to see her friend's pregnancy so healthy.
“Clara!” Francesca cheered, hugging her tightly. Well, as tightly as an eight-month pregnant woman could with her round, swollen belly between them. “I'm so happy to see you, it has been too long!”
Clarissa laughed softly. “It is wonderful to see you as well, Franny. How are you doing?”
She beamed, rubbing her belly fondly. “I'm amazing, despite these symptoms.”
“How long until you get to meet him or her?” Clarissa asked, excited to be in the little one's life.
Francesca sighed softly. “It could be any day, or another few weeks, who knows. What I know is that Jack and I couldn't be more excited to be parents. It's all we talk about anymore, which I don't mind. We even picked out names!”
“Ooo, are you telling people or waiting until you give birth?” Clarissa asked, following her inside their quaint home.
“Jack doesn't want to tell anyone, but you're my best friend, so of course I'm going to tell you. If it's a girl we're naming her Persephone Jade and if it's a boy we're naming him Gregory John. But, you can't tell anyone, okay? Not even Heather and Mae when they get here!” Francesca told her, waddling into the kitchen to stir the dutch oven.
Clarissa crossed her fingers over her heart and smiled. “I won't tell a soul, I promise.”
For the next half an hour, Clarissa and Francesca caught up, with each other's lives, how things have been going, what's next for them. She blanched at the topic of her upcoming marriage to Alexander, hoping that she wouldn't have to talk about it again.
“Oh, well –”
Clarissa's words were cut off by the sound of knocking on Francesca's door and sighed in relief. She had time to think about what she'd say if the topic came up again while her friend answered the door. It had crossed her mind that they might ask her, especially after word got out about the Yuletide ball 'fiasco', but she didn't know how to respond. Clarissa wanted to be honest with her friends, to tell them that she was terrified to marry a man she didn't love and to honestly say she wanted to marry Edward; who had also asked her. She yearned for someone to tell her that it was okay, the feelings she had about the man she'd marry, and the feelings she had for Edward.
But, nobody had been on her side about it. They all told her to grow up, stop daydreaming about that perfect romance, and do as she was told. Clarissa knew her heart would always belong to the one man who couldn't have it, and in accepting that truth, her heart had been broken and nearly unfeeling for years. Until she saw him again, and it started pumping – not for her life, but for the romance she desperately craved since she was a little girl.
Francesca returned with their other friends Mae and Heather. Unlike Clarissa, these women were tall, lean, and their complexions quite healthy – not a blemish to be found. Every time they got together, it reminded her that she was different her creamy skin wasn't blemish-free, little brown dots across her button nose and splashed down her shoulders. She had always been the shortest friend, barely standing above five feet. Her hair had always been the thinnest and the most brittle, lacking that certain shine that their brunette hair had. It made her envious of her genetics and she always thought it had something to do with the fact that she couldn't pick her husband as they did. Maybe I'm not pretty enough for a choice, she thought.
“Clara,” Mae greeted her, kissing the air by each cheek and smiling warmly. “How have you been? It's been ages since I last saw you.”
Clarissa smiled softly. “I have been well. How is little Annabelle doing? She must be at least a year old by now.”
“She is doing well, took her first steps last week. We were all so proud of her!” She gushed, her eyes alight with pride for her daughter.
Heather butted in, greeting Clarissa in the same polite fashion that Mae had, and smiled softly at her. “It's good to see you, Clara. How have you been after what happened last night? I'm sure it was very embarrassing for you.”
Clarissa tried to hide the hurt, faking a soft smile and clasping her hands together in front of her. “It wasn't easy, and my father didn't give me any choice in the matter. I just wish things could be different for me. My heart belongs to someone already and I'm not allowed to give myself to him, isn't that the whole purpose of marriage?”
Francesca frowned sympathetically. “For most, it isn't about love, it's all up to their fathers to decide who they can marry. I got lucky, and I hate saying that because if my father were still alive, he probably wouldn't be thrilled about my marriage.”
Clarissa nodded in understanding.
Her father's death had been hard on her, through her teenage years. Francesca went through a wild, rebellious phase. Especially because her mother had checked out emotionally after his death, leaving Francesca to fend for herself. Clarissa tried her best to be there for her friend, but with her parents' expectations and demands, she couldn't always be there for her all the time which left enough time to get into a lot of trouble.
“Let's forget about me,” She announced, hopeful for a topic change. “We haven't been together for a long time and we should make the most of it!”
*****
Clarissa had an amazing day with her friends after that and left her friend's house feeling more positive about everything. She wanted to get home, clean up, and curl up in bed with her book. Her normal routine on the days she had nothing important to do. And that is exactly what she did, the day's emotional exhaustion slowly lessening until she felt carefree. Nothing on her mind except for the book she had devoured from the second she picked it up.
She falls asl
eep suddenly, the book still clasped in her hand and dreams about Edward somehow coming to her rescue. They'd run away together and never look back as they resort to farm life in another country. She'd spend her days cooking and cleaning, taking care of the livestock with him, and chasing around their three crazy children who all had his eyes. It was the perfect little dream, she wanted it more than anything in the world.
The dream took an abrupt turn as she pictured Edward undressing her, caressing the flesh underneath her clothes, kissing every inch of her body until all that was left to feel was the sensation of his lips. She pictured how it would feel to make a baby, the mechanics behind it, how he would say she was beautiful beside the glow of a fireplace. It felt so real to be touched by him, to be kissed by him, to be completely bare with him and their love emanated from the dream; the only reality in her dream world. She yearned for him, even in her unconscious state.
Clarissa was awoken by the feeling of someone shaking her gently, the warm hand wrapped around her bare shoulder, and stirred to see who it was. At first, the man was blurry, unfocused as she tried to piece the situation together. He was tall, even as he sat at the edge of her bed. His dark hair hanging over his forehead in the dim light from a nearly burnt-out candle. She could see his eyes on her, thought the color couldn't be seen in the lighting but she thought they looked fondly at her. His strong figure shifted as she sat up, rubbing her eyes to clear the blur from them.
“Clarissa, my love, are you finally awake?” the man asked, piecing together another puzzle piece as she recognized that voice. She would recognize that voice if it whispered to her in a crowd of shouting people.