Second Chances at the Log Fire Cabin

by Catherine Ferguson

  He gives a big sigh of regret and shrugs as if to say, It’s unfortunate but what can I do?

  ‘You’re right, Jackson. I had a big hang-up about being scarred because I thought no one would ever find me attractive again.’ I glance at him, giving him the chance to contradict me. But he just nods sadly. So I plough on. ‘But I’ve recently realised that’s not the case at all. There are men out there who will happily accept me just the way I am.’ Well, one in particular …

  He continues his empathetic nodding for a while, before suddenly catching on. ‘Er, no! I mean, yes! Absolutely! Because of course you’re attractive, Roxy!’

  ‘Thank you, Jackson,’ I reply calmly, with only a small amount of irony.

  ‘You’re very welcome, Roxy. So what I’m trying to say is that, before you can even think about being in a relationship, you really need to do the work, accepting your scars. Right? And that could take a long time.’

  I nod solemnly. Has he listened to a single word I’ve been saying?

  ‘Obviously, I’m saying all this because I’m thinking of what’s best for you.’

  ‘Of course you are. And that’s so – um – wise of you. And very considerate, too.’

  He smiles as if to say, ‘Aw shucks, it’s nothing.’

  ‘So … friends?’ I glance at him hopefully.

  ‘Friends!’ he replies heartily, pumping my hand up and down, as if a great weight has just rolled off his shoulders.

  After he’s gone, promising to keep in touch and take me out for ‘a beer’ some time, I sit back on the propped-up pillows and reflect on what is, finally, the end for me and Jackson Cooper.

  Did he ever really love me? Perhaps he did, in his own way. But I’m beginning to think that the reason he started pursuing me again when I arrived at the cabin was because he’d already grown disenchanted with Sophie and her stressed-out behaviour. So I was a better prospect for a while – until he saw my ‘disfigurement’ and realised he couldn’t cope with my imperfections. At which point it was ‘game over’.

  I’m not worried about Jackson finding love again. He’ll probably have another girlfriend by next Tuesday – possibly sooner.

  Whereas me?

  I’ll be living with my regrets over Alex far beyond next week …

  Chapter 33

  When I walk back with Jackson into the living room, where everyone’s gathered watching TV, I feel Alex’s eyes on us and my heart feels like a lead weight in my chest. I want him to know we weren’t up to anything romantic – quite the reverse, in fact – but I’m not about to announce that to everyone.

  I plonk myself down and try to concentrate on the film but, with Alex on the other end of the sofa, it’s impossible.

  I have a sudden mad idea that maybe I could try digging my car out so I could head home. I told Poppy I’d stay tonight so that we could talk about the business in the morning, but she wouldn’t mind if I left now. She knows how I feel about Alex. And I could come back tomorrow, once Alex has gone.

  I wait for a tense bit in the movie when everyone is glued, then I slip out to the hall and pull on wellies and my coat. There’s a couple of big shovels outside by the door that the guys were using earlier, but when I glance over at my car, I see that they’ve already beaten me to it. The snow around my vehicle has been shovelled away. Digging the keys out of my pocket, I get into the driver’s seat and start the car, just to see how far I can move it.

  If I can just get it up onto the road from the little parking area, I might just be able to make it. The wheels slipping and sliding on the ice, I manage to turn the car around but getting it up the slope onto the road proves to be much trickier. But my desperation to escape the increasingly impossible situation I find myself in drives me on. Revving the engine, I try again and again, sweating yet determined not to be defeated. But each time, I almost make it to the top – then slide back down again.

  After the fourth attempt, I grit my teeth, groan with frustration and thump the steering wheel. Then, exhausted emotionally and physically, I close my eyes and throw myself back against the headrest.

  Seconds later, someone taps on the window.

  It’s Alex, frowning in at me.

  I stare at him, wishing he would just go away and leave me alone. But he motions for me to wind down the window, so with a great deal of reluctance, I do.

  ‘What are you doing?’ he demands roughly. ‘You can’t possibly be thinking of driving in this! You’ll have to wait for the snow plough to shift it.’

  ‘What if I don’t want to wait?’ I say truculently, knowing I’m not being logical but unable to throw off the urgency of feeling I need to escape. I rev the engine and try one more time to get it up the slope. But it rolls right back down again.

  A painful lump is wedged in my throat and I’m fighting back the tears. I want to thump the steering wheel again but I manage to resist.

  Instead, when Alex opens the car door, I get out calmly.

  He waits, presumably to make sure I’m not going to try anything stupid again. Then he follows me inside and watches while I shed my coat. One of the wellies proves impossible to remove and I dance around a bit trying to get it off.

  ‘Sit down,’ he orders, pointing at the stairs.

  ‘I’m fine,’ I say obstinately, a second before I overbalance and cannon into the wall.

  Alex sighs. ‘Will you sit down please?’

  Pursing my lips and feeling like a naughty child, I sink onto the second step from the bottom and he takes a firm hold of my foot and pulls off my stubborn footwear.

  ‘Thank you,’ I say pertly, my heart racing so fast at the nearness of him that my head swims. I turn away and hide my face in the process of lining up the wellies beside the others.

  ‘You can’t drive off on such treacherous roads,’ he murmurs.

  I slip my feet into my ballet pumps and smooth down my hair. Then I take a deep breath and say in a small, tremulous voice: ‘There’s something I need to tell you, Alex.’ I’m going to tell him the truth. That our encounter last night was far from a mistake …

  I wait a second but he doesn’t respond. And when I turn round, I realise why. He’s already gone back to join the rest. He didn’t even hear me …

  Jed comes slowly down the stairs just as I’m psyching myself up to go back in. Deep in thought, he looks surprised when he sees me.

  ‘Are you coming in?’ He nods towards the living room.

  ‘Er, yes. Yes, I was just getting something from the car.’

  ‘Snow plough should be along tomorrow morning. Hopefully before Alex needs to drive to the airport. I’d hate him to be stranded and miss his flight.’

  I force a smile. ‘Yes. That would be awful!’

  He follows me along the corridor but when I sit back down on the sofa, Jed remains standing in the middle of the room.

  ‘Sorry, do you mind if I just pause this?’ he says, and Ruby leaps up to grab the remote. ‘I need to ask Poppy something.’

  Everyone looks at Poppy and she says, ‘Oh yes, the Christmas cake! I cut it into slices and it’s in a box in the cupboard.’

  Jed doesn’t move. A smile spreads slowly across his face. ‘Actually, I wasn’t thinking about cake.’

  ‘Oh.’ Poppy looks confused. ‘So what …?’

  He grins. Then, reaching into his pocket, he draws out a small box. Clemmy, beside me, lets out a huge gasp.

  Then, in front of everyone, Jed goes down on one knee, smiles at Poppy and murmurs, ‘Poppy, will you marry me?’ He draws the ring out of its box.

  Poppy’s face is a picture of stunned bemusement changing into sheer delight as she stares from his face to the ring and back again. Through her blushes, she somehow manages to stammer ‘Yes, of course I will.’ Her fingers are trembling so much, they fumble over the ring, but once it’s on, she admires it, flashes it around in wonder for everyone to see, then throws her arms around Jed’s neck. He rises to his feet and lifts her off the ground and she loops her legs around his
waist and squeals with excitement.

  Everyone is laughing and cheering, and Ruby’s shouting, ‘Can I be bridesmaid? Please can I be bridesmaid?’

  Gloria shushes her, looking embarrassed. ‘You can’t ask to be a bridesmaid, love.’

  Ruby looks bemused. ‘Why on earth not? I won’t be offended if they say no.’

  ‘When did you buy the ring?’ Poppy asks. ‘Was it while I was in hospital?’

  Jed shakes his head. ‘I bought it months ago but I was waiting for the right time.’ He grins ruefully. ‘Actually, who am I kidding? I was terrified of proposing in case you said no.’

  With a gulp, I glance across at Jackson, who has the grace to look slightly awkward.

  ‘Why would you think I might say no?’ shrieks Poppy in amazement.

  Jed shrugs. ‘I thought my workaholic tendencies might have turned you off the idea of spending the rest of your life with me. But, with a baby on the way, I was pretty sure you’d say yes.’

  Poppy’s smile is so wide and dazzling, it could light up a room.

  She shoots a quick glance in my direction and I know exactly what she’s thinking. Far from feeling trapped, Jed had clearly been planning the proposal for ages, and he’d even had doubts she’d say yes!

  ‘Right, champagne for everyone?’ She leaps up but Jed gently pushes her back down on the sofa and says he’ll do it.

  ‘Got to look after you now, wife- and mother-to-be,’ he says with a broad grin. Ruby pretends to throw up, which makes everyone laugh.

  I’m so delighted for Poppy, I feel myself being swept along on the tide of happiness. Then I catch Alex’s eye. He’s smiling, but he’s looking directly at me and my heart lurches in my chest.

  All of a sudden, I can’t bear it. I need to be somewhere else, where people aren’t being so bloody unbearably joyous!

  When Jed pours the champagne, I take a few sips from the glass he hands me and toast the happy couple.

  Then quietly, I slip out of the room, leaving them all to it.

  Up in my room, I glance at the bedside clock. It’s nearly ten. A perfectly legitimate time to retire for the night. I’m sure it will be fine if I don’t go down to say goodnight. They’re all having such a lovely time, I’m sure no one will even notice I’m gone.

  Except maybe Alex.

  I’ve sensed his eyes on me many times today but it’s just added to the misery I feel, remembering the other night but knowing there’s no future for us.

  I undress slowly and take a long shower, the water flowing with my tears and washing my face clean. Then I get into my night things and slip into bed.

  I’ll never sleep. Not with the level of chatter and laughter rising up to distract me. But maybe I’ll just sink my head into the pillow and relax.

  Within seconds, exhausted from the last few days’ tumultuous happenings, I fall off the cliff into a deep sleep …

  Chapter 34

  I wake with a start. It’s still dark in the room but my door is being pushed open, making a shushing noise across the thick cream carpet.

  ‘Are you awake?’ whispers a voice.

  I struggle to a sitting position, as a shaft of light from the corridor beyond illuminates my visitor.

  ‘Ruby? What time is it?’

  ‘Nearly eight. Everyone else is still conked out. A lot of champagne was drunk last night – except by poor Poppy, who was on the non-alcoholic wine.’

  ‘I don’t suppose she minded too much. Not after Jed’s lovely proposal.’ I rub my bleary eyes, amazed I slept so long. ‘Did … everyone walk back to the hotel?’

  She nods. ‘It was really late and they were pretty drunk.’ She snaps on the bedside light, snatching away the comforting half-darkness and leaving me feeling horribly exposed. ‘What’s wrong with you, then?’ She peers at me. ‘You can’t have a hangover. You only had half a glass of champagne before you snuck away.’

  I laugh. ‘I didn’t sneak.’

  ‘Well, it looked like that.’

  ‘Have you been keeping tabs on me, then?’

  ‘No, I just notice what’s going on, that’s all.’

  ‘You do, don’t you? You’re very sharp and extremely observant.’ I grin at her. ‘You could be a detective. The next Miss Marple.’

  She shakes her head firmly. ‘No, I’m still keen on being a stunt woman. But failing that, I’ll settle for becoming an actor.’

  I laugh. ‘Wow, and you’re only seventeen. I wish I’d known so clearly at that age what I wanted to be when I grew up!’

  She frowns. ‘When you were my age, you were only two years away from having your accident, so things probably wouldn’t have worked out how you wanted them to, anyway.’

  ‘That’s true.’

  ‘I know you asked Jackson to marry you on that dating programme,’ she says suddenly.

  ‘Oh, do you, now?’ I laugh, amazed to find that mention of that horrible night no longer has the power to hurt or make me cringe. ‘Who told you?’

  ‘No one. I saw the programme and I recognised you both as soon as I got here.’

  ‘But you didn’t say anything to anyone?’

  She shakes her head. ‘Well, I told my friend, Chloe. But it was obvious no one else was talking about it here, so I assumed you and Jackson wanted to keep it quiet. So I didn’t say anything.’

  ‘Wow, Ruby, that’s very mature and considerate of you.’

  ‘Did you think he was The One?’

  I nod. ‘I did but I was wrong.’

  ‘So is there someone else?’

  I gulp and look away with a shake of the head.

  ‘Ooh, Roxy, there is, isn’t there! You’ve gone bright red. You can tell me if you like. I won’t tell anyone else.’

  I grin at her. ‘No point telling you because it’s completely hopeless.’

  ‘But you don’t know that. Have you told him you like him?’

  ‘No, because it couldn’t go anywhere. This is not the Cinderella film set, you know. Not all potential romances have happy endings!’

  I’m trying to make a joke of it but it’s hard to keep my tone light, as if I’m really not that bothered one way or the other.

  ‘Why couldn’t it work?’ she wants to know.

  I sigh. ‘Well, geography.’

  ‘What do you mean by geography?’

  ‘We – er – don’t live in the same place so it would be impossible to see each other.’

  She frowns. ‘Long-distance relationships can work, though. My Auntie Paula married a man from Oregano in America and she’d only visited him twice. What are you laughing at? It’s true.’

  ‘I’m sure it is and congratulations to Auntie Paula. But I think you mean the state of Oregon?’

  ‘That’s what I said, didn’t I?’ She stares at me, puzzled. ‘So where does your man live? He can’t be further away than America.’

  ‘He can, actually.’

  She gapes at me. ‘Really? Fuck, that is hopeless! Oops, sorry.’ She grimaces at the swear word. ‘You don’t mean he’s from somewhere like Australia, do you?’

  I shrug, trying to keep my face as bland as possible, but Ruby is too sharp.

  ‘Australia?’ She stares into the distance. Then, to my dismay, I see the light bulb go on above her head. ‘Oh my God, it’s Alex! Of course! Why didn’t I guess? You’re always joking with each other. You’ve got great banter.’

  ‘Do we?’ I stare at her in confusion.

  ‘Yes, you know, in a cute way.’

  I smile. ‘He does make me laugh.’

  ‘And you fancy him, right? I mean, he’s definitely fit. For an oldie.’

  I ignore her question by laughing at Alex, aged thirty, being described by Ruby as an oldie.

  ‘So?’

  ‘So what?’

  ‘Are you really into him? In which case, what the hell are you doing here, talking to me, when you could be over at the hotel banging on his door?’

  ‘Banging on his door? I’d never do that!’ I gasp, colouring
slightly as I recall doing exactly that just two nights ago – and the mind-blowing passion that followed.

  ‘Why not?’ She folds her arms and gives me an old-fashioned look. ‘You never told him you liked him, did you?!’ It’s more an accusation than a question.

  ‘Well, no, not exactly.’ But sometimes actions can speak louder than words!

  ‘And I bet he still thinks you’re into Jackson.’

  I shrug. ‘I don’t think he does. But I might have given him the impression I wasn’t interested in him.’

  ‘But why? This is your life – your future – we’re talking about here. What if he’s The One and you let him fly back to Australia without ever trying to find out exactly how he feels about you?’

  I raise my eyebrows slightly, thinking about this.

  ‘How sad would it be if you missed your opportunity? I mean, there’s a chance he doesn’t feel as strongly as you do but I think you need to find out, don’t you?’ She shrugs. ‘You might make a massive tit of yourself, but at least you’d know.’

  ‘Gee thanks, Ruby, that’s very reassuring.’

  ‘So get going!’

  ‘Where?’

  ‘To the hotel! Honestly, for an intelligent human being, you can be a bit thick at times, Roxy.’

  I burst out laughing, which is more from the butterflies within that have just started frantically partying than anything else. Ruby’s right. I should stop being such a coward and tell Alex exactly how I feel. Because, actually, I’ve been using Australia as an excuse to say nothing – out of the usual terror of being rejected.

  But something deep inside is telling me that Alex wouldn’t reject me and I should just go for it, like Ruby says. Alex has seen my imperfect skin and run his hands all over my body.

  He wasn’t revolted, like Billy.

  He didn’t start talking about plastic surgeons, like Jackson did …