The Haunted Onsen

by Phil Gabriel

I looked at Kitty-Sue and said, “Your turn.”

  A quick stream of Japanese cleared up the confusion in Akiko’s eyes, which was replaced by the downcast eyes and flushed cheeks of embarrassment. How a ghost could blush was a mystery for another day.

  I waved the waitress over for another round. I still felt uncomfortable with my back to the door. Magicians are not very trusting.

  Noting my discomfort, Kitty-Sue said, “Don’t worry, boss. Nobody can sneak up on us while I’m here.” Nodding at Akiko, she continued, “And we have an ever-vigilant ghost with us.”

  After the drinks had been delivered, Kitty-Sue concentrated, and a bubble of kitsune magic appeared around us. The attention of all the patrons slid off of our little group.

  “See?” she asked. “Now nobody will notice us. With us, you’re as safe as if you were at home.”

  Protected by my bodyguards and magic, we had several more drinks. The dancers’ sets lasted for about twenty-five minutes each. Between sets, they either flirted with customers or sat in a gaggle at the rear of the bar and chatted in Thai.

  “I think we should leave and continue trying to track down the samurai armor,” I said. “I’m sure it’s to the north. If we travel around, I can triangulate the location.”

  “I think it’s better to eliminate any threat on our back trail,” said Kitty-Sue. “Besides, you’re a magician. You can throw off almost any magical attack.”

  “There’s more than one way to attack a magician,” I said. “What if one of the dancers is an assassin?”

  Watching the dancers for hints of attack, Kitty-Sue narrowed her eyes and said, “You’re right. There’s something wrong with one of the dancers. That girl in the middle. She moves like Koji-san.”

  Akiko and I twisted our heads to look at the dancer. Sure enough, in the magical spectrum, she would touch the streamers of magical energy that drifted through the air. As she touched them, they would be absorbed into her body. However, the movements were not the precise, practiced moves of a Ritualist. Her dancing was more organic.

  Akiko said, “Not like Koji-san. She’s not a Ritualist. And it looks like she can’t see the magic. Some kind of low-grade talent. Not really dangerous to us.”

  “Some can feel the magic,” I said. “Like many of the weak magicians we saw in Las Vegas. They can absorb some magic, perform low-level tricks, and generate good luck for themselves.”

  After taking another sip of my whiskey, I continued, “But she has some talent. Moving from her home to Bangkok must have been a shock, but she has adapted enough to absorb the local magic.”

  “How can you tell she’s not from Bangkok?” asked Kitty-Sue.

  I raised my hands to my chest, about to explain, when I saw the flash in Kitty-Sue’s eyes. I continued raising my hands past my chest and pointed to my nose and said, “She’s probably from Northern Thailand. They have larger noses and lighter skin than those from the South. They are usually taller.”

  “Lanna Thai!” said Akiko, like someone filling in the last piece of a puzzle.

  The dancer heard us, even through Kitty-Sue’s bubble, another sign that she was talented. She waved and smiled at us, displaying perfect teeth.

  “Lanna Thai?” asked Kitty-Sue, ignoring the girl. “What’s that?”

  “That’s what they call Thais descended from the Lan Na Kingdom. It was a separate country until the seventeenth century,” I said.

  “And you can tell all that just from looking at her...” Kitty-Sue’s eyes narrowed and her lips formed a thin line before she continued, “nose?”

  I picked up my drink and finished off the last bit. “It’s a talent.” At Kitty-Sue’s disbelieving look, I said, “Let’s ask her, she’s just finishing her set.” The girls were stepping off the stage and making their bows to the Buddha statue.

  The first two dancers walked past as if we were invisible, due to Kitty-Sue’s bubble. The tall girl smiled at us and was about to go past when I said, “Sawatdee-khrap. Do you speak English, tilaq?”

  She smiled brightly and stepped closer. She made the wai gesture and responded, “Sawatdee-ka. Chai-ka, I speak English, nit-noy.”

  “Would you like to join us?” I asked, ignoring the disapproving looks of Kitty-Sue and Akiko.

  She reached to pull out the empty chair, freezing like she had seen a snake as she saw Princess. She couldn’t tell what the umbrella-shaped object was, but she could tell it was very dangerous. I picked up Princess and put her on my right side.

  Once she was seated, I was able to examine the Buddha amulet around her neck. It had that unearthly “realer-than-real” look of an enchanted object.

  “That’s a very nice Buddha,” I said, staring at her large breasts. “Where did you get it?” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kitty relax now that I was displaying more interest in magic than mammaries.

  She touched the amulet, unconsciously transferring the energy she had gathered from her dance to the object. She looked around in puzzlement. Usually, at this point in her talks with customers, a waitress would appear and offer the customer a chance to buy the dancer a drink. I tugged my ear, a signal to Kitty-Sue to drop her bubble of quiet.

  As the bubble dropped, I asked the girl, “Would you like a ladies’ drink?” She nodded enthusiastically. I waved a waitress over and got another round for all of us, including an overpriced soda for the dancer.

  Waiting for the drinks, I continued chatting with the girl. “My name’s Scott,” I said, holding out my hand.

  “My name is Daeng,” she replied, taking my hand. Her grip was strong and her hand had calluses. A magical probe showed her to be slightly talented, young—barely past nineteen—and healthy. Well, that was probably due to the amulet she wore.

  I introduced Kitty-Sue. As they shook hands, Kitty-Sue did her own version of a probe, taking a deep sniff of Daeng. Her nose could tell a lot, from species, to magical potential, to what she had had for breakfast.

  I didn’t introduce Akiko, as Daeng wasn’t gifted enough to see her. When our drinks arrived, there was an extra iced coffee for Akiko at the “empty” spot at the table. Daeng couldn’t see Akiko, but she could see the glass of iced coffee move across the table as Akiko used a spell to duplicate the drink to her ghostly plane.

  I saw goosebumps spring up on Daeng’s all-too-visible flesh. Her hand flashed to her Buddha charm and she muttered, “Phi jai-dam!”

  “She’s not an evil ghost,” I said to Daeng. “She’s my student.”

  Kitty-Sue jumped in and explained in Thai that I was a teacher and the invisible-to-her ghost was my student.

  Still, Daeng scooted her chair back as far as possible to keep distance between her and Akiko’s chair.

  To change the subject, I said, “So where are you from?”

  “Chiang Rai,” she said. “I leave farm to work Bangkok.”

  I smiled at Kitty-Sue to rub in the fact that I had correctly guessed Daeng’s origins. She ignored me, but I saw her sniff deeply. Now that she knew where Daeng was from, she was cataloging her scent. Somewhere in her brain, Kitty-Sue had cataloged that unique scent as “Daeng; female; young; Northern Thai,” and probably a dozen other categories I couldn’t understand.

  Daeng sipped at her drink, and her goosebumps subsided. Not that I was paying particular attention to her smooth flesh, not at all.

  “That’s an interesting Buddha,” I said, resisting the urge to point. “It looks very old.”

  “Chai kha,” she said. “Gift from grandmother. Very lucky.”

  Akiko drifted closer, phasing through the table to better examine the amulet. I saw the goosebumps come back on Daeng’s arms as she approached.

  “Nice design,” said Akiko. “Not quite an Artifact of Power, but an adequate Channeling device.” With a satisfied nod, she slid back into her seat. “Not as good as one of our designs, but still very nice work.”

  “It could be made much more powerful with just a few tweaks,” I said.

  “You can make my Buddha
luckier?” asked Daeng. “Like my grandmother could?”

  “Why is your English so much better now than five minutes ago?” asked the suspicious Kitty-Sue.

  “The owner sends us all to English classes,” said Daeng. “Most of the girls don’t like studying, but it helps with tourists.”

  “Then why didn’t you start out with good English?” asked Kitty-Sue.

  Nodding her head at me, Daeng said, “Men don’t like girls who are too smart.”

  Then she turned to me, “So, you said you could improve my grandmother’s Buddha?”

  “It would take a lot of work,” I said. “I don’t really have time. Although, perhaps we could make a—”

  I felt a kick from Kitty-Sue to remind me not to get sidetracked making Deals with random bar girls.

  “What Ajarn-Scott means,” said Kitty-Sue, using the Thai word for teacher, “is that you have a very nice Buddha. And”—she looked at me sharply before continuing— “you should be very happy with what you have.”

  The waitress delivered another ladies’ drink for Daeng, right on schedule. This waitress had the same Northern Thai features as Daeng. She and Daeng chatted for a minute in a language that sounded Thai, but I couldn’t understand a word. I saw Kitty-Sue was equally puzzled.

  Akiko looked back and forth between our puzzled faces and said, “I understand them. But I don’t think you do.”

  “It’s nice to know there are some languages you don’t understand,” I said to Kitty-Sue.

  “It’s not possible to learn them all,” she said, then looked at Akiko, “unless you cheat.” Akiko just smiled.

  My momentary triumph was quashed when Kitty-Sue continued, “It would take me several weeks to learn that language.” She turned to me with a smile and asked, “Scott-san, how long have you been studying Japanese?”

  I hated having my inadequacies pointed out to me. “Let’s just get back to our mission,” I said.

  “Yes,” said Kitty-Sue, nodding at Daeng, “let’s get back to business.”

  Kitty-Sue was right, as fascinating as the delectable Miss Daeng was, she wasn’t part of our quest. Time to move on.

  So, when the bell rang for Daeng’s group of dancers to get back on the stage, we said our goodbyes. I put Princess back in her spot, hanging on the back of the chair.

  “She drank a lot,” said Akiko. “But those drinks were just soda water. Why is that?”

  “The dancers encourage men to buy them drinks,” I said. “As long as he’s buying, the lady keeps him company.”

  “So, it’s her job?”

  “Yes, Akiko,” I said, “it’s her job. The girls also get fifty percent of the drink price.”

  At Akiko’s puzzled expression, Kitty-Sue said, “Don’t be shocked. Hostess Clubs in Japan do the same thing.” Looking at me, she added, “Just with more class.”

  Then she said, “So this is your kind of place? Sleazy and filled with hookers. Feel right at home?”

  The music shifted to an old John Denver tune, “Country Roads, Take Me Home.” I took a long drink of my whiskey, relishing the smoky taste, and nodded.

  “When you’ve lived as long as I have, you’ll find you can’t go home.”

  “Sounds sad,” said Kitty-Sue. Akiko nodded in agreement.

  “You learn to make a home wherever you are,” I said. The music changed again, to “Wherever I Lay My Hat That’s My Home.”

  “So, this is your ideal home?” scoffed Kitty-Sue. “A run-down bar?”

  I reached across the table and took her hand in my left. With the other hand, I stroked the almost intangible Akiko’s arm.

  “What?” I said. “Hell no. This is my ideal home because you and Akiko are here with me.”

  Kitty-Sue smiled, but pulled her hand away. “Boss,” she said, emphasizing we were here on business, “don’t get homesick now. We have a lot to do.”

  I sat back and took another sip of whiskey. She was right, my inclination to play around could risk our mission. I turned in my chair and watched the dancers. The delectable Ms. Daeng was dancing her heart out, following a pattern only a magician could appreciate.

  I shook my head and turned back to Kitty-Sue and Akiko. A comment made by the dragon came back and I said, “Yes, she’s not part of our mission. The dragon told me to look out for redheads. Daeng’s definitely not a redhead.”

  Kitty-Sue’s claws gripped my hand, almost piercing the skin. “What did the dragon slut say?” She squeezed even harder for emphasis. “What did she say exactly?”

  Taking a calming breath, I patted her hand. “Nothing that applies to us here. She said that ‘women in red’ would cause me some trouble.” Rethinking the dragon’s phrasing, I continued, “She had to mean a redhead. Right?”

  Kitty-Sue’s claws retracted and she pulled her hand away. She crossed her arms and her face had a thoughtful expression. She looked at Akiko. They both nodded at the same time, communicating in the almost-telepathy that all women seem to have.

  “Do you want to tell him?” said Kitty-Sue. Tell him what?

  Nodding assent, Akiko turned to me. “Scott-sensei,” she said, “the dancer’s name is Daeng.”

  “Yeah,” I said, “so what?”

  “Daeng is a common name in Thai,” she said. “Do you know what it means?”

  I shook my head, and the girls said in unison, “Red!”

  12

  Meeting the Jungle Lord

  “Nonsense,” I said. “It’s just a coincidence.” As if in argument, the bar’s sound system started playing “Superstitious.”

  At their smug looks, I explained, “I hate prophecies. If you start trying to wrap your life around the mutterings of demigods, you’ll end up stuck in their games. I have no intention of following prophecies.”

  Kitty-Sue took a sip of her fizzy water. “Boss,” she said, “fate is fate. Don’t all those stories about trying to evade fate say it’s impossible?”

  “Not with magic,” I said. At her disbelieving look, I continued, “A greater power”—well, it had been Elvis— “told me that magicians are like pieces on a chessboard that move by themselves. With magic, we can redirect fate.” Actually, he had used a checkerboard as his example, but the principle was the same.

  The girls exchanged another of those thought-sharing glances.

  “Boss,” said Kitty-Sue gently, “didn’t it occur to you that this ‘greater power’ only told you that so you’d do the opposite of what you were inclined to do?”

  “Don’t try to tangle me with paradoxes,” I said. “Anyway, this has nothing to do with our mission.”

  Looking over at the dancing Daeng, Kitty-Sue said, “Yes, let’s concentrate on the mission.”

  We spent the next hour listening to music and watching the dancers. I avoided any more chats with Daeng, determined to avoid tempting fate.

  Four p.m. came and went with no appearance by our message sender. I was getting increasingly nervous. I fingered the pocket that held the letter from the man who had issued the invitation.

  Seeing my nervousness, Kitty-Sue said, “Looks like our host is a no-show.”

  “So, you’re suggesting we continue the mission without talking with this magician?” I said.

  “Hell, no!” she said. “I think we should hunt him down and teach him a lesson. We can’t afford to have enemies on our backtrail.”

  “Hunt him down,” I said. “How could we do that?”

  “From the scent on that letter,” she said, “I could track him down.”

  “Then, where is he?” I asked.

  “His scent is all over this bar,” she said. “He must be a regular.”

  All this talk about hunting and tracking brought back a memory. Taking out the envelope, I examined the handwriting. Who did I know that wrote in eighteenth century script? “I’m beginning to think the note was from a colleague of mine,” I said, putting the envelope away.

  “Colleague? Another knight?” guessed Akiko. Kitty-Sue’s eyes brightened at
the question. Her attraction to royals was a sore point. I didn’t know if she was truly excited about royals, or if it was an act to tease me, but any mention of the royal family piqued her interest.

  “A bit higher up than a knight,” I muttered.

  “Really!” said Akiko.

  “How much higher?” asked Kitty-Sue. There was even a thrum of interest from Princess. Was my entire team turning into royal groupies?

  “He’s a viscount—” I was interrupted as Euterpe weighed in and the sound system changed songs to the old Gene Chandler classic, “Duke of Earl.” The dancers looked confused at this change in the playlist.

  “So, what do you call your friend?” asked Akiko.

  “He’s not a friend,” I said. “As a matter of fact, he’s promised to kill me on sight.”

  Kitty-Sue looked at me through narrowed eyes. “What did you do to piss him off?” As if I had to be the problem.

  “I saved his wife’s life after a mugging,” I said. The old song finished and a new oldie started, the theme song to an old cartoon about George of the Jungle. The bartender was pushing buttons on the sound system frantically.

  “Why does he hate you for that?” asked Akiko.

  “Remember how intimate healing is? How I had to touch Monica in Las Vegas to cure her? How much she enjoyed the process?” Akiko nodded and Kitty-Sue’s face soured. I continued, “In those days, my control wasn’t as good. I needed to get even closer to work.”

  “By closer, you mean...” asked Kitty-Sue.

  “It was the only way I knew how to do the spells,” I said. Taking a large gulp from my drink, I continued, “He’s never forgiven me. But I couldn’t let her die, as long as it was within my power to save her.”

  “She called your name in her dreams for months,” whispered the voice of the most dangerous man I had ever met. The cold chill of a steel blade touched my throat. I froze in place, then raised my hands slowly, fingers spread to show I wasn’t about to cast a spell. A subsonic thrum came from my magic sword disguised as an umbrella, and my palm tingled; I knew that Princess could flash to my hand in an instant. I also knew that my assailant didn’t need more than an instant to decapitate me. At the upward pressure of his blade, I slowly got to my feet.