The Haunted Onsen

by Phil Gabriel

  Hmmm, she only called me “boss” when she was in her bodyguard mode. She was already planning out the trip.

  “Yes,” I said, “the trail leads there. We’ll have to fly into Bangkok. From there, we can isolate the location of the rest of the armor.”

  “Let me know what I’m working with here,” said Kitty-Sue. “Is this going to be a repeat of our last trip? Are you going to need time to Zen out and suck up the local magic?”

  I looked at Akiko, who nodded in unison with me. “That’s why I was hoping the armor was still in Japan. The farther we travel from our home, the more difficult it is to use the magical forces.”

  “So, I’ll have to guard the two most powerful magicians in Asia because they can’t travel? Can’t you just tank up here? You said there’s a lot of energy in Hakone.”

  Kitty-Sue’s magic, totally different than ours, would work anywhere in the world. One of the reasons magicians did not travel much was that we needed to adapt to local magic. Until the adaptation was done, we had very little magic available. Taking a magician away from his home was one of the best ways to kill him.

  “After what we spent at the samurai’s onsen, plus what we’ve used up making the map,” I said, “it would take us about a week here to top up.”

  “And we don’t have a week,” said Akiko. She set her coffee cup down and frowned. “Although at least another day here will be necessary.”

  I took a closer look at Akiko. She was more ethereal than normal, having a harder time staying visible to us. Although ghosts don’t sleep, they still need time to rest and recover.

  “OK,” I said, “we’ll stay here at least another day. Akiko, please try to schedule a flight from Tokyo to Bangkok two days from now.” Akiko brought out her ghost iPad, the one I had given her for Christmas, and started tapping on the screen.

  Kitty-Sue looked at Akiko through slitted eyes. “Akiko-san,” she said, “when you got your pillow talk ‘language upgrade,’ did it include Thai?”

  “Chai, Ka,” replied Akiko. “Although there are some things that don’t come naturally. It’s hard to compare to English or Japanese. I’ll need to practice.”

  “So,” said Kitty-Sue, turning to me, “at least two of us speak the language. How about you? Can you speak Thai?”

  “Not really,” I said. “You know I’m not good with foreign languages.” What few phrases I did know how to say in Thai had more to do with cathouse bargaining than polite conversation.

  “OK,” said Kitty-Sue, “that’s fine. You have other talents.” She looked down for a moment, then continued. “You know I will have to tell my aunt where we are going.”

  It took a moment for me to digest this. Kitty-Sue was not a free agent. Plus, with her reputation for mayhem, traveling to another kingdom was bound to raise suspicions about the real nature of her trip. If someone important in Thailand died of “natural causes” while we were there, blame would immediately shift to Kitty-Sue.

  I nodded, then a thought hit me. “There’s no one in Thailand that your aunt would have a beef with? Right? I thought Thailand only had Thai supernaturals.”

  “There is a large Japanese community in Thailand,” said Kitty-Sue. “That includes some exiled kitsune and tanuke.” She looked at me levelly. “I have received no orders to ‘do my work’ in Thailand.”

  Her tone of voice indicated that this was a subject she couldn’t go into.

  “All right,” I said. “We have a plan. Kitty-Sue, please emphasize to your aunt that this trip needs to be only about recovering the armor. The lives of hundreds of the descendants of the ones who brought the samurai to justice depend on us getting this done. Also, if this is screwed up, she will lose a chance at being a minority owner in the onsen.”

  Kitty-Sue just looked at me. “Do you want me to talk with her?” I asked.

  “Oh, no!” she said. “I can be much more diplomatic than you.”

  She was right. My interactions with the kitsune royal family had been tense. Better to let her handle the diplomacy.

  One hour later, we were freshly scrubbed and relaxing in the suite’s onsen. Lounging naked with an anime-figured ghost magician and a lithe ninja kitsune assassin made me think about the winding road that led to this moment. Had it all really started the day I took pity on a ghost girl in the Roppongi subway? Or the date years before, when I had discovered I could see and control the flows of magic? Who could know their fate? Even the future-seeing dragon of Lake Ashi had indicated that my lifeline was too confusing to follow.

  My country-bred philosophy kicked in. I would do my best to get through the bad times, and enjoy the good times while I could. Hell, I had already outlived many magicians in my age group. We tended to expire early.

  After an hour in the water, I had to get out and cool off. Americans had a hard time with the temperatures that Japanese enjoyed. I rinsed off with cold water and sat on a chaise lounge.

  Outside of the pool, the swirls of magical energy were thinner, but still usable for recharging. Like a solar cell on a cloudy day, I continued to trickle charge my magical reservoirs.

  Looking at Akiko and Kitty-Sue enjoying the ambiance, I had a thought. There was someone else who could use the suite when we were not here. Nakamura-san picked up on the first ring.

  “Nakamura-san,” I said, “this is Scott. How are you, my friend?” I listened for a few minutes.

  “Sorry to hear your mother is not feeling well. Is she still wearing the amulet? Did she have a problem with the onsen therapy? Hmm, yes. I understand.”

  “Nakamura-san,” I said, “I have recently come into a free package at the Hattori Hakone Onsen. Unfortunately, I will not be able to take advantage of this prize. If you would do me the honor of accepting, I think you and your family would enjoy the stay here.”

  He objected, of course. He didn’t want charity. But by coaching it as a free prize that would go to waste otherwise, he accepted my offer of a free stay at the suite, starting two days from now.

  “Nakamura-san,” I said, “I am honored by your friendship. Just make sure your mother wears the amulet when she uses the onsen here.”

  After hanging up, I looked up to see Kitty-Sue looking at me through half-lidded eyes as she lounged in the pool. Of course, with her kitsune hearing, she had missed nothing.

  “So,” she said quietly, “Nakamura-san will be able to use this suite while we are gone? I thought your Deal with him was done. Giving him that healing amulet for his mother should have been enough.”

  “I don’t just throw people away after a Deal is done,” I said. “Nakamura-san is a friend. A friend who helped me when I needed it.”

  “A friend who helped you trick the kitsune queen with a mundane card trick,” said Kitty-Sue with a smirk. She continued, “I’m happy you remain loyal to your friends.” She closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them wide. “Wait! This also sends a message to the queen. A message that Nakamura-san and his family are still under your protection.”

  “That’s right,” I said. “Nobody fucks with the magician.” I moved my gaze to Akiko, still happily Zenned out in the water and ignoring us. “Or fucks with his friends. It’s a lesson that many have failed to heed. I’m still here, they are not.”

  “You think you could challenge a nine-tailed kitsune queen in her home?”

  “Challenge?” I said. “Hell, yes. Win? Probably not. But she would suffer greatly.”

  She looked at me with a level gaze, which I held for what seemed an eternity. She finally looked down and said, “I will do my best to make sure that day never comes.”

  “As will I,” I said. “I don’t want a fight with your queen”—or her chosen representative— “but I have vows that are unbreakable. Forcing me to choose which vow to break would cause enormous destruction.”

  She lifted her hands from the water and gestured surrender. “It’s OK, Scott,” she said, using the name she only used when we were in private. “I’m sure the queen won’t risk that type of con
flict.”

  11

  Enchanted Invitation

  We left the Hattori Hakone Onsen on Wednesday morning. A quick train ride to Tokyo brought us to home. Akiko and I prepared for the trip while Kitty-Sue informed her family of the upcoming trip.

  Thursday afternoon, we flew out of Haneda airport and arrived in Bangkok six hours later. For our stay, I had made reservations at the Grand Hyatt Erawan for a premier suite. There were nicer suites, but this was nice enough for our purposes.

  As we examined the room, I sat on the bed and patted the mattress next to me. “I think we can really enjoy this trip,” I said to Kitty-Sue, raising one eyebrow.

  Kitty-Sue crossed her arms and looked at me levelly. “Boss,” she said, “what do you need to find this armor?”

  Hmm, she was calling me “boss” and acting very businesslike. She was in bodyguard mode and wasn’t interested in playing. Probably also still resented the attention the dragon had showered on me.

  “I have what I need in my bag,” I said. “Akiko-san and I will need to ‘Zen out’ tomorrow to get used to the magic here. After that, we can use our spells to find the armor.”

  Looking at Akiko, Kitty-Sue said, “Akiko, let’s take the other bedroom and let the magician get his rest.”

  The next morning, I awoke refreshed. The room was bathed in the dawn light, filtered through heavy clouds. May in Bangkok is rainy season. The energy of millions of Bangkok residents, so very different from Tokyo or New York, flowed through the air.

  I hopped out of bed and shouted “Good morning!” to Kitty-Sue and Akiko before taking a luxurious shower. I knew as soon as we stepped outside the air-conditioned hotel, we would get another shower.

  The girls met me at the door, ready to go. Kitty-Sue was in her Japanese businesswoman form and outfit, with no sign of her ears and tails. Akiko was wearing her schoolgirl costume.

  We rode the elevator down to the restaurant where the buffet was served.

  The hotel provided an excellent breakfast buffet. We always preferred buffet style dining, as ordering for the invisible Akiko would raise eyebrows.

  After breakfast, we went to Lumpini Park to start the acclimation process. I remembered bright sunshine and bustling crowds the last time I had visited. Due to the rain today, there were fewer people in the park than normal. We walked down one of the paths and stepped off into the grassy area. Kitty-Sue set up a kitsune privacy bubble and took guard station on one knee.

  I pulled Princess and a mat from my satchel. I handed Princess to Kitty-Sue to assist in the guarding, then tossed the mat on the grass to serve as my seat. I raised an eyebrow at Akiko to ask if she wanted one, too. She shook her head and gestured to indicate she could merely let the raindrops pass through her body.

  Once she was ready, her cute schoolgirl uniform morphed into a new uniform: a brown tunic over brown pants, with soft leather boots. A part of me regretted not being able to look up her miniskirt as she got into position, even though I had had plenty of opportunity to see her naked in the onsen. She floated down to a seiza position, resting an inch above the wet grass. I joined her on the ground, only using a slightly more awkward cross-legged position. We both went into the trance magicians use to attune to a new magic area.

  The flows of magic in Thailand were different from New York. More personal, one-on-one. Instead of several powerful demigods, the Thai supernatural world had legions of minor deities. Every section of the land had a resident spirit.

  Watched over by the ever-vigilant Kitty-Sue and Princess, Akiko and I spent two hours in meditation. We finally woke and returned to the hotel. After a quick shower and change of clothes for Kitty-Sue and myself, we had a nice lunch in the hotel’s restaurant.

  I had expected Kitty-Sue, with her preternaturally sensitive nose, to want to avoid the spicy dishes. Instead she picked the spiciest dishes, indicated by five peppers on the menu. I stuck with three-pepper spiciness. Akiko took one sniff at our selections, shook her head, and picked her items from the one-pepper menu. No ghost peppers for my ghost apprentice.

  After we returned to our room in the hotel, I heard a knock at the door. Opening it, I saw the concierge, who handed me an envelope. After tipping and sending him on his way, I examined the envelope.

  It was made of high-quality linen paper. On the front, written in Spencerian script, was To the Resident of Premier Suite # 2.

  Ever practical and protective, Kitty-Sue snatched the item from my hands. She remembered the trap set for us in New York, one that only affected magicians. She sniffed the envelope and shook her head, indicating she detected no poisons.

  She raised one eyebrow and said, “No perfume. A man wrote this. A magician. I don’t recognize the scent.” She gave me a look that indicated she had been expecting a missive from a female. “Shall I open it?”

  “I can detect no magical traps in the letter, Scott-sensei,” said Akiko.

  At my nod, Kitty-Sue manifested a blade and slit the flap on the envelope open. The message, written in the same painstaking hand, was short and to the point:

  As a newcomer magician in my area, you should make your intentions known. Meet me at the below address at 4:00 p.m. today.

  Below was an address written in Thai. Akiko drifted closer and read the address. “It’s in an area called Soi Cowboy,” she said. “Isn’t that a tourist area?”

  “No signature, no trace of magic,” I said. “I can’t tell who this is from. Maybe we should just ignore it.”

  Kitty-Sue snorted. “When has ignoring danger ever helped?” Kitty-Sue preferred to face danger head-on, blades in hand. I preferred to run from danger. Still, she had a point. Having an unknown agent behind us, especially one who had tracked us down so soon after arrival, was a danger we couldn’t dismiss.

  “OK,” I said. “But we’re not going at 4:00 p.m. We’re going to get there at least two hours early.”

  Kitty-Sue, Akiko, Princess, and I soon left the hotel and climbed into one of the three-wheeled taxis, called tuk-tuks, that are common in Bangkok. Princess, in deference to the rain, morphed into her umbrella shape. Kitty-Sue sat next to me, and Akiko hovered alongside the vehicle as we zigzagged through the traffic.

  We arrived at the address located on Soi Cowboy, and I paid the driver. As I was a Westerner, he cheated me, of course, doubling the price. I could have argued but settled for cursing him with a flat tire.

  At the entrance, I sniffed and said, “It’s just a bar. No wards. Let’s check it out.”

  The bar wasn’t as impressive as the locales that flanked it. In fact, it looked run down. We entered after paying the cover charge. At least they didn’t charge me for Kitty-Sue’s entry. The invisible Akiko glided past the door-girl without even stopping.

  Looking around at the club showed a run-down area populated by tiny tables, most of which were empty. I hoped for the owner’s sake that business would pick up later. On the left side of the room was a small stage where three young Thai girls were dancing. They had classical Thai features, slim bodies, and long black hair. Each wore a bikini of a different color. Two of the three had tattoos, something that had been unheard of when I last visited. The third girl was much taller than the other two, with lighter skin and much larger breasts. On the breast of each girl’s bikini was a small tag with a number embossed on it. A sound system played the latest dance music.

  Heading towards the rear of the bar, Kitty-Sue beat me to the chair facing the door. Akiko slid into the chair next to her, leaving me with my back to the entrance. I hung Princess over the back of a chair to my left and sat opposite Akiko, giving Kitty-Sue a clear view of the entrance.

  A waitress came over and took our order. She was dressed in the same bikini and number tag outfit the dancers wore. The waitress made that graceful clasped hands and short bow gesture called a wai and asked us what we wanted. She was surprised when Kitty-Sue answered in perfect Thai. A Johnnie Walker Black Label for me (of course), a cup of coffee yang for the invisible Akiko, and nam
soda for herself.

  “Your Thai is much better than I thought,” I said to Kitty-Sue. She could have helped with the tuk-tuk driver.

  “Kitsune are very good with languages,” she replied. With a quick glance at Akiko, she continued, “And we don’t have to sleep with demigods to get that talent.”

  Instead of getting angry, Akiko smiled and said, “Jealous of wisp? We could always go back and visit Elvis and see if he is interested in you.”

  The dancer’s set finished, and the girls walked off the stage, each making a wai to the Buddha statue that sat on a shelf near the stage. The oncoming dance crew performed the same gesture before walking up the stairs to the stage.

  The waitress came back and dropped off our drinks. I was surprised to find my Johnnie Walker Black was the real thing, not the watered-down crap that other bars tried to serve. Maybe this place was better than I’d thought.

  I mused on how nice it would be to have a bar. I could stock only top-shelf liquors, control who entered, and ensure employee honesty by cursing thieves. My thoughts were interrupted by Akiko.

  “I understand the language,” said Akiko, “but I don’t know why the dancers and waitresses wear those numbers.”

  Kitty-Sue and I shared a glance. Who should break the news to Akiko? Despite her encyclopedic knowledge of the language, she was still innocent.

  At a tiny nod from Kitty-Sue, I said to Akiko, “All the dancers and waitresses are ‘for hire.’ Thais consider it very impolite to point at a person, so they wear the badges with numbers. If a customer fancies a lady, instead of pointing, he gives the number of his intended to the mama-san and arrangements are made.”

  “Thank you for explaining, Scott-sensei.”

  “Yes,” teased Kitty-Sue, “your extensive knowledge of hookers and bars is impressive.”

  Akiko looked at the male bartenders and nodded her head at them. “But why are the men also wearing numbers?”