“Liv.” A knock sounds on my door. “Everything okay?” Zeke asks from the other side.
I blow out a breath and answer, “Yeah, thanks.”
Seb laughs sardonically.
“What?” I snap.
“Oh nothing, just fucking irony at its best if I’ve ever seen it.”
The door swings open, and Zeke runs his assessing eyes over me.
“Might be time for you to leave, man.” He turns to Seb.
I watch as the two men simply stare at each other.
“Fine,” Seb relents through a clenched jaw. “I’ll call you, Liv.” He walks over to me. “This isn’t over,” he whispers as he stares down into my eyes. Looking into those dark depths of sincerity, I find myself desperately wanting to believe him. I really do. But I think it might be too late. His eyes flit to each of mine before he gently grabs my face and kisses my forehead softly. My eyes shut and stay that way long after I hear the front door close.
“You okay, Liv?” Zeke asks quietly.
I nod, opening my eyes, not realizing he was still there.
“Yeah, I’m just going to lie down for a bit before Rose gets up.”
He looks at me for a second then nods, stepping back out and closing the door.
I sit back down on the bed, throwing my hands in my hair and breathing deeply in hopes that it’ll alleviate this confusion, this stabbing pain in my chest. Having your heart stomped on and crushed—well, that kind of pain lingers for a long time to come. Even when your heart’s healed, it will never be the same as it once was. You become skeptical, hesitant to trust, and unwilling to give love out as freely as you once did. I gave him the scraps of my war-torn heart and watched as he handled them with care until he was able to hold the entire thing in the palm of his hand. Wherever he went, he would take it with him. I learned to trust him with it until he did the unthinkable and almost destroyed it once more.
I love him; I love him with a burning fury that devours the heart and soul. But sometimes, love just isn’t enough.
I don’t know if I can trust him with this heart of mine anymore.
If Liv thinks I’m going to give up that easy, she has another thing coming. If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s wearing my heart on my sleeve when it comes to her. She knows how I feel and that deep down she can trust me, so I’ll let her be for a bit. I won’t be waiting too fucking long, though; I’ll give her time to calm down and think things over before trying to barge my way back in. Zeke being around doesn’t exactly help matters, but the fact that nothing else has happened with them and that she’s upset with me—well, as bad as this sounds—definitely helps. Even if I do feel like a scumbag for putting the mask of heartbreak over that beautiful face of hers all over again.
I grab my bag from my locker in the staffroom at the hospital and make my way to the cafeteria. Standing in line, I hear my name being called. I turn to see Millie. Fuck. I give her a nervous smile, hoping she’s not gonna turn into a pit bull. But all she does is simply poke me in the chest.
“You have some explaining to do, mister! Get your shit; we’re gonna talk,” she says with anger lacing her voice. Okay, here we go.
I turn back toward the counter, order my coffee, and move along to stand down by the other end to wait for it. All the while, Millie sits at a nearby table, giving me her death glare. Feeling like I’m about to walk to my execution, I rub the back of my neck as my nerves set in. I get that she’s disappointed in me; okay, maybe disappointed is the wrong word. She’s probably pissed as hell. I didn’t know this shit would happen, though. I didn’t know that Zeke would try to fuck things up as royally as he did. What I did know was that I needed time. She has to understand that, and Liv, too … I hope.
My name being called has me picking up my coffee before joining Millie at the table. I let my bag fall to the floor and place my cup on the table. Averting my eyes, I try to look at a fascinating speck of peeling paint on the wall.
She clicks her fingers right in front of my face. “Spill.”
Jesus. “Hi to you, too, Mil.”
“Seb, seriously? Okay, let’s just get straight to the point, shall we?” Her brow rises. “Tell me why the hell you up and left my girls right when they needed you the most? Right when Zeke comes back into the picture, and everyone is a mess of freaking confusion? And it’d better be good because my palm’s itching to connect with your cheek, like badly.”
Jesus Christ. My eyes widen, and I rear back in my seat a bit.
“I don’t know exactly what you’ve been told, but it’s complicated.”
“Liv told me. About Zeke laying one on her? Yeah.” She nods and waves her hand for me to continue.
Well, shit.
I blow out a breath then tell her about Lorelei being born a month early and needing the space.
Feeling remorseful for my actions is something I’ve tried to deal with since being away. Mom gave me so much shit for it; I was wallowing in self-pity on a daily basis when I should’ve either been happy to see my niece or I should have just come home. Some days, I had nothing but time to keep me busy, but there were also days when Mom and Dad didn’t let me get away with being miserable. Dad even made me clean out the shed with him. He’s such a hoarder when it comes to his car shit.
“I get it, Seb, that you needed to be there for your family, and I’m glad everything is okay. But with the other shit … honestly, when Liv told me what happened, I wanted to junk punch Zeke—which I did—but then I wanted to do the same to you.” She lowers her voice. “You should know by now, with everything that she’s been through, that if that girl says she loves you, she damn well means it. Yeah, you should have stayed and heard Liv out because it wasn’t as bad as it looked. I believe her when she says that, and I think you should’ve, too,” Millie says as she looks at me apologetically.
She then smirks and scratches at her arm. “So basically, I think you’re an idiot. And I still want to slap you.”
I laugh, raising my hands in surrender. “Okay, damn. And I know … I know how she feels. My head was just clouded with doubts. When someone comes along and threatens everything that’s important to you, that shit’s gonna happen.”
She frowns. “So you just leave? Admit defeat?”
I shake my head. “No. Fuck. No way. It wasn’t like that. I was trying to hang in there, and I wasn’t going down without a fight. Seeing that, though? Well, it fucking gutted me.” I shrug and look down at my coffee.
“Okay, fair enough. But you’re back, and there is no game. She’s still yours … Are you going to do something about that or what?”
“I’m not giving up, but she said she doesn’t trust me, so I’m just gonna have to prove to her that she can.” I twirl my coffee cup in my hands, feeling a stab in my chest at the thought of her really feeling that way. “I know I fucked up, but I’m not Zeke, damn it.”
I’m nothing like him even though I did leave her. It wasn’t the same or even on the same level, but Liv’s heart can only take so much, and I get that. Just when I’d helped her overcome all the shit he did to her, I go and fuck it all up.
“Who are you trying to convince?” Millie questions.
“I honestly don’t know anymore.” Taking a gulp of my now lukewarm coffee, I get up from my chair and grab my bag.
“I’m out of here, so I’ll see you ‘round, Mil.”
She stands up across from me and studies me quietly. I pause as she huffs out a breath and opens her mouth to talk then shuts it almost immediately, obviously to stop herself from saying something she doesn’t know if she should.
My stomach churns. “What?”
“Oh, stuff it … She misses you. Just call her or go see her. I can’t deal with her miserable ass anymore. I’ve put up with it for a week and a half too long then for months after what Zeke did. I’m begging you—fix it, fix her,” Millie pleads as she holds her hands in a prayer position in front of her chest.
My shoulders shake from silent laughter. “That’s the plan, bu
t I’ll see what I can do.”
I can’t promise anything, but I can promise that I have no intentions of giving up.
“You’d better.” She looks down at her phone, and her eyes widen.
“Shit. Jenny is going to ream my ass. I’m so late for my shift. See ya.” She runs from the cafeteria and disappears down the corridor.
Pulling my bag farther up onto my shoulder, I take my coffee and head to the exit. Once inside my truck, I close the door and toss my bag across the seat then think better of it and pull it back toward me to dig my phone out of the front pocket. Looking at the screen, I see a missed call and a text from my brother.
Dan: How’s the reunion going? Had to grovel yet?
Fucking hell. Despite shit not going very well, I chuckle and shoot him back a quick text.
Me: Fuck off.
The three little dots pop up to show that Dan is replying, so I wait. He’s so damn slow, though, I could be waiting a while.
Dan: Seriously, how did it go? Sienna and Lorelei were released from the hospital a few hours ago, and all is well. Thought you’d wanna know.
Me: That’s great. Happy for you all, send my love to the girls.
Dan: Avoidance, eh?
Whatever. He can call it what he wants. I’m keeping quiet because I don’t need Dan running back to Mom with gossip. That, I’m not ready for yet. She’ll wonder if she raised me the right way then probably steal Liv’s number from somewhere and beg her to take me back. No thanks.
After that little chat with Millie, I know that I need to speak with Liv. I already knew that, but fuck, I really wanted to give her more time. And myself more time. I’m willing to admit that I have zero ideas about how I’m going to fix this. But I fucked up; it’s that simple. I can’t excuse myself from that and call it a misunderstanding or a disagreement. Because not a hell of a lot of couples would just up and leave without so much as a text or phone call or trying to work it out.
Now, well, the only two men she’s ever loved have abandoned her in the most fucked up of ways.
Damn it. I need her to believe this will never happen again. That I will never leave her again ever. That she knows me; she can trust me.
I just need to figure out how.
Sitting on the end of my bed after a shower with my phone in hand, I play a round of Solitaire. No matter how many times I play this game now, it just reminds me of the first time I met Liv. I know I’m procrastinating, but fuck, males get just as nervous as females when they’re putting their hearts out there. Sighing, I finally exit the game and go to my text messages. I should just send her a text, see how she is, but that would garner me a one-word response. Or worse, none at all.
Yeah, no.
I scroll through to my contacts and pull up her number. I stare at it a moment then before I lose the courage, I hit call.
It goes to voicemail. Shit, just hearing her voice has my nerves standing on end and my cock twitching. Pressing end, I swallow the emotion down and flop backward onto my bed.
Stewing over it isn’t going to do me any good. I have to do something. Rising from my bed, I nab my keys from the bedside table and head for the door.
If she won’t answer my call, there’s only one other thing to do.
“Yes, he’s been great, actually,” I tell Linda.
“Good, you let me know if I need to give him a good tongue lashing,” she quips.
I laugh. “It’s okay. I’ll let you know, though.”
I reach down and pass Rose her rattle, watching as she shoves it straight into her mouth.
“So how are things going with Seb now that Zeke’s back?” Her tone is curious, which is fair enough. But I really don’t want to get into it all on the phone with her. As lovely as she is, I think it’d be a little weird to talk to her about what’s happened with Seb—being that she’s Zeke’s mother and all.
“Um, yeah. It’s fine,” I lie.
My phone beeps, and I pull it away from my ear to see who it is. It would seem I’m saved by an incoming call from Millie.
“Hey, Linda, I’ll have to catch up with you later. Got a call coming through. I’ll send some recent photos soon, though.”
I hear her shuffling things around on her end of the line. “Okay, that would be wonderful. I’m planning on coming home for a week soon. As soon as this account is settled here sometime next month. I’ll let you know anyway.”
“Okay, sounds great.”
We hang up, and I call Millie back.
“Holy hell, Liv. I honestly think your life is nearing dangerous soap opera territory.”
I fight the temptation to roll my eyes, knowing she’s got a point.
“I know. Thanks for calling me back, by the way … a whole freaking day later,” I mutter sarcastically.
She guffaws. “Girl, I had the hangover from hell yesterday. I knew those shots were a bad idea, but nooo, you wouldn’t listen, would you? I felt like roadkill that wasn’t actually dead before it got hit by the mother of all trucks and then still wasn’t quite dead.”
I burst out laughing. “Shut up! They were your idea.”
I lean forward to gently roll Rose onto her tummy and watch as she lifts her head to give me a gummy smile.
“Whatever. Anyway, I got your message. I actually bumped into Seb not long ago at work.”
My heart kickstarts and gathers speed at just the sound of his name. I still can’t believe he’s back. But I also still can’t believe he actually left. Taking off the way he did not only killed me, but it was also so unlike anything I ever thought he’d do.
“Yeah?” I ask blandly. As if I don’t care. As if the mere mention of his name doesn’t send my emotions into utter turmoil.
She scoffs. “Don’t ‘yeah’ me. You might be able to fool yourself, but you can’t fool me, chickadee.” Her voice turns softer. “What are you doing? I thought this was what you wanted … For him to come home?”
“It was, is … Ugh, it’s complicated, okay?” I sigh.
“So un-complicate it. I don’t know what all happened on account of being eighty-nine thousand shades of fucked up yesterday. But lemme just say that the man I saw today looked like someone not only pissed in his Cheerios but was slowly digging a knife into that sexy ass chest of his at the same time.”
My eyes well up with tears. Not knowing what to say, I don’t bother saying anything.
“Liv,” she continues softly, “I know. I get it, okay? Taking off the way he did has probably fucked with your head. But you don’t wanna throw away what you guys have because of it. That’s dumb, and something you might always regret.”
I take a deep breath. “I don’t know if I can trust him, Mil,” I whisper then lean forward again to gather Rose in my arms, placing her in my lap.
Millie’s quiet for a beat until I hear her sigh. “I don’t think he’d do something like this again, Liv. I really don’t. It’s different; what he did was so different than what Zeke did to you. I don’t think you should even compare the two.”
Anger bubbles to a steady simmer in my gut. I’m about to answer her when my phone beeps once again.
“Christ, what is this shit?” I mutter as I pull my phone away from my ear to see who it is. My eyes widen a fraction when I see Seb’s name flashing back at me.
“Liv?” I hear Millie call.
I put the phone back to my ear. “Sorry, Seb’s trying to call.”
She hums. “Then you should answer it. I gotta go anyway, being that I’m technically on a bathroom break. Call ya later, mama.”
“Bye.” I put the phone down on the coffee table and look at the missed call notification for God knows how long. I can’t bring myself to call him back, and I can’t tear my eyes away from it either. I don’t even know what I’d say to him. I think, even in my awful state yesterday morning, I pretty much said all I could right now.
I turn Rose around and lift her to my hip as I stand. Walking to the nursery, I change her and kiss her tiny head as I put her in the c
rib while I go prepare her bottle.
Walking back into her room, I pick her up and go sit in the living room. I’m staring vacantly at the blank TV screen while Rose guzzles her milk when a knock sounds on the door. Putting the bottle down, I lift her to my shoulder and stand, patting her back gently on the way to the door.
I open it just after she lets out a burp to find Seb on the other side. His jaw set yet his eyes soft as they land on me and then Rose. His tense stance seems to deflate as his eyes remain on her, and I can’t help but sympathize with that look of longing on his face. It was his choice to leave town, but even if it was only for a couple weeks, he’s bound to have missed her.
He clears his throat. “Hey, uh, you didn’t answer my call.”
I avert my gaze to the floor. “Yeah, I was on the phone with Millie.” I kind of lie. I was, but I could’ve called him back. And he knows it, too.
He nods as I meet his eyes, his dark eyes surrounded by those long lashes I’m obsessed with. The urge to keep staring at them is almost overwhelming, but I adjust Rose in my arm and look at his red t-shirt covered chest instead.
“Gonna let me in?” he asks.
“Um, yeah. Come in,” I mumble. Not sure why I’m letting him in at the same time I’m wondering why I wouldn’t. I’m so fucking confused.
He shuts the door behind him, and after standing there awkwardly for a moment, I start moving back toward the living room.
He follows, and Rose starts fussing as I take a seat again.
“Can I?” He stands in front of me and gestures to her. I hate that he feels like he has to ask, but after how we left things, I’m not really sure what to say or how to act. I guess he feels the same.
I hand her over, and he instantly cradles her to his chest and kisses her head. Her fussing stops as she rests her head on him and sucks on her little hand, her eyes slowly fluttering closed.
I hear him murmur what sounds like, “Missed you, my sweet girl,” against her head as he wanders around the living room and rubs her back. I remain sitting here, not knowing what to do with myself, and stare blankly at the coffee table. A whole rainbow of emotions takes hold as I watch them leave the room out of my peripheral vision.
Erase (The Expiration Duet Book 2) Page 14