by Helen Lacey
“You’re not going to slug me again, are you?” he asked, resting back on the countertop, coffee in hand.
Her eyes flashed in his direction. “You’re such a jerk.”
“And you’ve got a bad temper.”
“Around you?” she countered. “Yeah. And while we’re on the subject of my faults, I’m sorry about what the lady said in the shop. I should have corrected her.”
He straightened and placed the mug on the counter with deliberate emphasis. “Why?” he asked quietly. “Because you can’t bear the thought of Oliver being anyone else’s but Doug’s?”
He sounded offended. And mad. Cassie looked at him. “No, I just didn’t think you’d want—”
“If you must know, I wish he was mine,” he said, harsher than she’d ever heard.
Did she just hear him right? Oh, God...I wish that, too...
“You...you do?” she stammered.
He nodded and she saw the pulse in his cheek throb. “It sure would make this mess a hell of a lot less complicated.”
“Mess?” she echoed. “That’s what we are to you?”
He sighed impatiently. “Don’t play with my words. That’s not what I meant and you know it.”
Cassie flapped her hands. “I don’t know anything when it comes to you. You’re...you’re...impossible to read. Impossible to get close to.” When his brows came up she planted her hands on her hips. “And I don’t mean in bed. If communicating with you was as simple as sex, then we’d obviously be fine.”
“Then perhaps that’s what we should do?” he suggested and placed an arm either side of her as he leaned closer. “Forget the arguing. Forget the talking. Forget everything but this.”
She looked up, mesmerized by the dark passion in his eyes and the intent in his expression. And she wanted him. She wanted him so much she ached.
He kissed her, long and hard and so intense it had possession stamped all over it.
And of course she kissed him back. It was pure instinct. Pure longing. Pure, unadulterated desire for his touch that drove her beyond coherent thought. His tongue found hers as his hands roamed down her back and he lifted her up, holding her against him intimately as their mouths melded together. Cassie gripped his shoulders and wrapped her legs around his waist as he walked backward.
They made it to her bedroom in record time and their clothes came off just as quickly.
It was hot and quick and explosive. There was no finesse this time, no tender touch. Cassie came apart in his arms, begging for him to possess her and he took her on a wild, heavenly ride that she never wanted to end. She told him what she wanted and he did the same. She said words she’d never spoken to another person. She demanded. She complied. She gave herself up and offered all she could give in return. There was no going back. No way to retreat. They were in that one perfect moment, completely in tune. As the pleasure built she gripped him hard, holding on, feeling every ounce of his need for her and hers for him. Until finally they were thrown over the edge and rode the waves of an earth-shattering climax.
When it was over they both dropped back onto the bed, breathless and stunned by the intensity of what they’d just shared. She’d never behaved like that before. Never begged. Never moaned and writhed and been so completely out of control. Her entire body pulsed in the aftermath. And all she could think was how she wanted to make love with him again. And again. He was her lover. The only one who mattered. The only one she wanted.
And then Tanner said four words that brought her back to reality with a thud.
“We didn’t use protection.”
Cassie stilled. No. They hadn’t. She did the math in her head and figured there was very little risk. “I’m sure it’s fine.”
“That was irresponsible of me. I’m sorry.”
“My fault, too,” she said a little irritably, thinking he had no right to shoulder all the responsibility.
He was still breathing hard and Cassie watched his chest rise up and down. She wanted to touch him again. She wanted to feel him over her and inside her. She didn’t want to talk about what might be. Although the notion of having his baby filled her entire body with a heady warmth.
“You’d tell me, wouldn’t you?”
She ignored her breathlessness and sat up. “What?”
“If something happened...you’d tell me?”
“Do you mean would I tell you if I were pregnant?” She twisted around to face him. “Of course I would. But there’s not much chance.”
“Would you mind?” he asked. “I mean, if it did happen?”
“Would I mind having two kids under two years of age?” She laughed lightly. “Piece of cake. But since there’s little chance it will happen, I’m not going to get worked up about it.” She reached out and traced her fingertips along his rib cage and he quickly grabbed her hand. “You really do want children, though? I mean, one day?”
He entwined their fingers. “Definitely.”
“You’ll make a good dad,” she said, ignoring the twinges inside. He would make a great dad. The best. And she wished...she wished that Oliver would one day have a father like him.
I wish Oliver had Tanner for a father.
And there it was. Exactly what she wanted. She wanted Tanner. Because...because she was in love with him. Wholly and completely. He’d captured her heart with his kindness and goodness. He was what she’d secretly dreamed of all her life.
“I wish... I wish he was your son, too,” she said, so quietly she wondered if he’d heard.
Tanner didn’t move. Didn’t say anything. An uneasy silence filled the room. Something was wrong.
Finally he released her hand and sat up, swinging his legs off the bed. And still he stayed silent. He grabbed his jeans from the floor and stood as he slipped them back on. Cassie watched, fascinated and confused, motionless as he left the room without looking at her. Or saying a word.
I said the wrong thing...
She pulled her knees up and hugged them.
What do I do now?
Hadn’t she just bared herself to him? Didn’t he know what her words meant?
She shimmied off the bed and looked for her clothes. She found some gray sweats in a pile of freshly washed and folded clothes she’d laid on the chair in the corner and snatched them up quickly. Once she was dressed she walked down the hallway. She checked on Oliver and then headed for the living room.
Tanner was standing by the window, his jeans low on his hips, his chest bare. Looking at him made her breath catch in her throat and he turned at the sound.
“Are you okay?”
He nodded, but he looked tense, as if he had a heavy weight pressing down on his shoulders.
“I’m sorry if I said something I shouldn’t have,” she said and stepped into the room. “I’m so confused at the moment all I can do is—”
“I could be.”
Cassie stilled as the air caught in her lungs. “What?”
“I could be Oliver’s father.”
She shuddered. What was he saying? “I don’t understand what you mean.”
But with his next words she understood. And it rocked her to the core.
“Marry me.”
Chapter Twelve
She looked stunned. And she looked as though she thought he’d lost his mind. Which, considering he’d just proposed marriage to the woman who had loved his brother and probably still did, he clearly had.
“You’re not serious?”
“Perfectly.”
“But we hardly...” Her words trailed off. “That’s crazy.”
“Not really,” he said and sat down on the sofa. “Oliver needs a father. He’s my nephew and I love him. And you and I are... We’re good together.”
“Good in bed, you mean?”
“I mean good together,” he said again. “We work. We have a lot in common. We get along. And yeah, we’re great in bed together. It’s a starting point, Cassie. And more than what some people ever get.”
And I love
you...
But he didn’t say it. The words stuck on the edge of his tongue and if he thought he had a hope that she loved him, too, he would have said them. Maybe over time. Maybe once they were married and had more children together. Maybe she’d forget she’d loved Doug before him.
She moved farther into the room and sank into a chair. “But marriage? I mean, there’s so much to consider. For starters, where would we live?”
“South Dakota.”
Her eyes grew wide. “You’re asking me to move to South Dakota? With Oliver? Just like that?”
“What’s keeping you here?” he asked. “This house? It’s being sold. Family? Oliver is your family. There’s nothing really keeping you here now, is there? Your grandfather’s gone. Doug’s gone. And I don’t mean to hurt you by saying that.”
“But I have friends who—”
“I’m your friend, Cassie,” he said quietly. “And I’m asking you to be more than that. I’m asking to be your husband.”
She was visibly shaking. Shocked. Maybe appalled. He couldn’t tell. He wanted to rush over and take her in his arms and tell her everything would be okay. He wanted to assure her that he’d care for her and Oliver forever. That she could rely on him. Trust him.
He waited, hoping she’d come to see it was the most sensible option. The best thing for Oliver. And them. But she didn’t say a word. She stared into her lap, hands linked.
“Cassie?”
She took a breath and looked up. The emotion in her eyes couldn’t be disguised. “I don’t know... I feel a little overwhelmed by this. It’s all happened so fast.”
“And you need time to think it over?” he suggested.
She nodded. “Yes. For Oliver’s sake.”
“Then I’ll stay as long as you need.” He came across the room and sat beside her, taking her hands gently within his. “I know you’re scared, Cassie. I know this might seem like it’s come way out of left field. But think about it sensibly... We both want what’s best for Oliver. And I...” He stopped, squeezing her hands. “I care about you both. And I want him to know family and to have what we both missed out on. And we can give him that...you and me. We can make the kind of life together that was taken from us when we were kids.”
Tears glittered in her blue eyes. “But if we got married you’d be stuck with us and—”
“That’s the whole point, Cassie,” he said and drew her hands toward his chest. “I want to be stuck with you. To you. I want to be the person you rely on. I want to be there for you, Cassie. I know this is the right thing to do,” he said and tapped his chest with their linked hands. “I feel it in here.”
She shuddered and exhaled heavily. “I need... I need some time to think about it.”
“Of course,” he said and stroked her hair. “I’ll give you all the time you need.”
She met his gaze and smiled tremulously. “The thing is...I don’t want to take advantage of you. I couldn’t live with myself if I thought I was doing that. I know you’re doing this for Oliver and—”
“I’m doing this for me,” he assured her and smiled. “Selfishly, I might add.”
She shook her head. “You’re the most unselfish person I’ve ever met, Tanner. And I know logic is on your side and I’m probably being typically overcautious and afraid...but this is a huge step and one neither of us can take lightly.”
“We won’t,” he said firmly. “Take some time to think it over. Take a few days. I’ll still be here. Call me when you’ve made a decision.” He dropped her hands and got to his feet. “This is the right thing to do, Cassie. For all of us.”
He stared down at her, hating to leave, but knowing she needed some time alone.
And then he left.
*
“Are you considering it?”
Cassie looked across the table at her friends. Lauren and M.J. had arrived an hour earlier for an emergency Monday-night meeting. She’d had thirty-six hours to think about Tanner’s proposal and was as confused as ever.
Lauren’s question hung in the air. Was she? She said yes a hundred times in her mind. Until a tiny voice of reason had talked her out of it again and again.
“I don’t know.”
M.J. got more to the point. “But you’re sleeping with him, right?”
“Well...we’ve been together...yes.”
“And you’re in love with him?”
Her skin heated. “I...I think so...”
M.J.’s dramatic brows came up high. “So, you’re lovers and you think you love him and he’s great with Oliver and he wants to marry you and take you to live on his ranch in South Dakota. What’s the problem?”
“Me,” she replied with a sob. “I’m the problem.”
“Is this about Doug?” Lauren asked gently.
Doug? Had she spared the other man a thought for the past two days? Not exactly. His memory had faded in and out. Her head was filled with Tanner and little else. But maybe, in her deepest heart, it was about Doug. Maybe all her reluctance stemmed from the man she’d once thought she’d loved.
“I’m not sure,” she said and sighed as she pointed to her temple. “I know in here that marrying Tanner makes perfect sense. But in my heart I feel as though I’m cheating. I know Tanner adores Oliver and wants to do what’s best for him. And what he said about us both losing our families when we were young and how now we can make sure that doesn’t happen to my son...that makes sense, too. But, is it selfish of me to take that dream? Being with Tanner is easy. Oh, don’t get me wrong, he makes me mad and drives me crazy at times...but we have this incredible connection that I’ve never felt before. But I know Tanner’s feelings aren’t the same. He loves Oliver and for the moment he wants me...because I’m here and I’m Oliver’s mother and it’s logical for him to take us both. But he also wants to find that one great love and I know that couldn’t possibly be me...not with our history...not with Doug’s memory in the background. So I’m scared. I’m scared of letting him go and not ever feeling this again. I’m also scared that one day in the future Tanner will wake up and realize he’s made a huge mistake.”
“I get what you’re saying,” M.J. offered a little more gently than usual. “But I don’t think it’s up to you to stop Tanner from making a mistake.”
Her friend was right and Cassie knew one thing. She had a decision to make.
And fast.
On Tuesday morning Cassie was getting Oliver dressed when her phone rang. It was Doug’s lawyer. She’d spoken to him a couple of times over the past few months when she’d made tentative inquiries about Doug’s estate. But this was the first time he’d called her. She gripped the handset, took a breath and listened to the deep voice on the other end of the phone.
And by the time the call ended Cassie felt as if her heart was suddenly wrapped in stone.
*
She’d called. And Tanner was foolishly hopeful she’d come to a decision. He hadn’t seen Cassie or Oliver for days and he was eager to spend time with them both. He pulled the car into her driveway around seven, got out and walked to her porch.
She met him at the door and opened the screen. She looked tired, he noticed, and a little pale. And then he figured she’d probably gotten as much sleep as he had during the past few days. He moved to kiss her but she ducked away and headed for the living room.
Okay...not exactly the greeting he’d hoped for. He’d been walking around on autopilot for days, wondering, hoping...but never letting himself get accustomed to the idea that she would accept his marriage proposal.
“Is Oliver asleep?” he asked when they reached the front room.
She was by the window, arms crossed and her expression distant. “Yes.”
“I’ve missed him,” he said and smiled. “I’ve missed you.”
“Really?”
Tanner stepped around the sofa. Something was wrong. “Cassie, I—”
“Where’s my letter?”
He came to an abrupt halt about five feet from her. “What?�
��
“My letter,” she said again, unmoving. “From Doug.”
Tanner’s blood ran cold. “How did you—”
“The lawyer rang me today. I guess he wanted to dot the i’s and cross the t’s before the file is closed. And he asked if I’d received the letter from Doug. The one that was in the safety deposit box. The safety deposit box you said was empty. You know, my letter.”
“Cassie,” he said quietly. “I can explain.”
“Explain?” she echoed. “Are you serious? I don’t want an explanation, Tanner. I just want the letter.”
His chest tightened. “No, you don’t.’
She crossed the floor in a couple of strides and stood in front of him. “I want it. I want to read it. I want to know what’s in it. I want to know what Doug had to say to me before he headed into some covert, secret military operation that ended up killing him. I want to know what his last thoughts to me were.”
“No,” he said again, firmer this time. “You don’t.”
Her eyes were huge in her face. “Why are you being like this? You’ve obviously read it... What’s in it that makes you think I wouldn’t want to read it, too?”
“You need to trust me.”
She shook her head. “I don’t need to do any such thing. And right in this moment, trusting you is the last thing on my mind.”
He didn’t move. “This is for the best, Cassie.”
She glared at him. “You arrogant jerk! You had no right to keep something like this from me.”
“I know you’re upset,” he said, refusing to comply. “But I did it for you, Cassie...not to distress you.”
“I don’t care,” she said angrily. “You don’t get to decide what’s best for me.” She sucked in a long breath. “Where is it?” she demanded.
“I destroyed it.”
She shuddered visibly. “How could you do that? You had no right.”
Tanner braced his hands on his hips and exhaled heavily. “I did what I had to do.”
“It wasn’t your decision to—”