by Helen Lacey
“Actually,” he said, cutting her off, “it was. Doug left the contents of the safety deposit box to me, and that gave me the right to do whatever I thought was best with what was inside.”
Her expression was as cold as granite. “And that makes you what? My keeper? Well, think again. I’m not some naive wallflower that you can manipulate however you see fit. Doug wrote that letter to me, and he obviously wanted me to—”
“Doug left it in that box because he knew I wouldn’t give it to you,” Tanner argued. “He wrote it for some reason of his own. But he knew me, Cassie. He knew I’d never let you be hurt like that.”
“Hurt?” She shook her head. “That doesn’t make sense. What’s in it that’s so terrible?”
“Nothing,” Tanner said quietly. “Forget I said—”
“Damn you, Tanner, what did it say?”
The pain and frustration in her voice was unbearable and Tanner fought the urge to take her in his arms. She was breathing hard and her eyes were all fire and rage. But he didn’t budge. “I can’t tell you.”
She stepped closer, toe to toe, her chest heaving. “Oh, yes, you can. And you will. I want to know. I have a right to know. I loved him. I had his child. I cried and grieved when he died. So how dare you stand there all arrogant and condescending and with the audacity to tell me that I—”
She loved Doug. That was all he heard.
“Okay,” he said, exasperated and frustrated. “Are you sure you want the truth? Because there’s no going back once you know. Do you want to know every ugly word?”
“Yes,” she said, eyes blazing and defiant.
Tanner drew in a sharp breath. “Okay, Cassie. He wasn’t coming back!”
She frowned. “I don’t—”
“Even if he’d survived that mission. He had no intention of returning. He didn’t want you,” Tanner said flatly. “He didn’t want the baby. And he wasn’t coming back to Crystal Point.”
She rocked back on her heels. “I don’t believe it,” she whispered.
“I’m not lying to you,” he said wearily.
Her head shook. “But how could it be true? He never said anything like that to me. He only said we’d talk when he got back.” She stopped and looked at him. “He was intending to come home. I know it. Perhaps you misunderstood what he—”
“I didn’t misunderstand,” Tanner said quickly. “When it came to Doug I could guess exactly how he was going to react even before he said or did anything.”
Cassie’s arms dropped to her sides. “Perhaps he was under pressure and feeling stressed when he wrote it? If he’d talked about it and discussed things...it would have been different. He would have...” She stopped speaking and met his gaze. There was pain and disbelief, and then a sharp realization in her expression. She sighed. “Oh, of course. He did talk, didn’t he? He talked to you. You’ve known all along...before you read the letter?”
“I knew,” Tanner said softly and nodded. “Doug called me one morning just after you told him you were pregnant.”
“But he didn’t want to talk to me? He didn’t want to discuss it?”
“I don’t think so.”
She sighed heavily and moved to the sofa. “He didn’t want me?” Her words were hollow. “He really didn’t want me? He didn’t want our baby?”
Tanner knew she was hurting. “I’m sorry...no.”
“Who does that?” she asked, looking broken and hopeless. “What kind of man behaves that way...”
“A selfish one,” he said and swallowed hard. “But you knew that, Cassie. You dated him for three years. You knew Doug was self-absorbed. You just chose not to see it.”
She looked down into her lap for a moment, hands twisted, heart clearly broken. Then she took a deep breath and met his gaze. “You told me the safety deposit box was empty. You lied to me. And you knew this all along and yet you didn’t tell me?”
“I couldn’t.”
She shook her head. “You knew when you arrived here weeks ago and you didn’t say anything to me. You let me think he’d had every intention of coming back and that he wanted us. You simply let me believe it and didn’t say a word. Not even after we...” Her words trailed and she blinked, batting moisture from her eyes. “We made love and you didn’t say a word. Even after that you’re still protecting him.”
Tanner’s chest heaved. She was so wrong. “No, Cassie...I was protecting you.”
*
Cassie was numb all over. She couldn’t think or see anything other than Tanner’s deliberate intentions to keep the truth from her. Doug wasn’t coming back to Crystal Point. He was going to do exactly what he’d done before...bail.
It should have crushed her. But it didn’t.
Tanner’s lies did.
He might have it all tied up in some neat little package of wanting to spare her feelings, but all he’d done was prove he couldn’t be relied upon. He couldn’t be trusted.
“I don’t need protecting,” she said coldly. “All I ever wanted or needed from you was the truth.”
“I’m sorry, Cassie. I knew Doug—”
“This isn’t about Doug!” she snapped and got to her feet. “Don’t you get it? This is about you. Me. Us. This is about you making the decision to lie to me, to treat me like I’m some kind of weakling who can’t handle real life. Well, I’m not,” she said, getting madder with each passing second. “I’m not weak. I’m not emotionally frail. And I’m not a pushover. And right now all I feel like is the world’s most gullible fool for believing that you could be trusted. When clearly, you can’t.”
Every ounce of rage and disappointment in her heart rose to the surface. All her life she’d felt as if she wasn’t quite equal to the task of standing on her own two feet. After her parents died her grandfather and her friends had lovingly wrapped her in cotton wool and tried to keep her from enduring more loss and hurt. But in doing that she’d become dependent, avoided making any major decisions and constantly ducked confrontation. Through school. In work. In life. When her grandfather went into the home and the house sold she had stayed on, avoiding change and disruption, accepting the easy road. And she’d become involved with Doug for the same reason. He didn’t demand anything. He didn’t treat her like a partner. He kept her locked in her gilded cage. Just as her grandfather had. And that’s why she’d blindly accepted his continued lack of commitment to their relationship. It was easy. Uncomplicated. Safe.
When all she’d really done, over and over, was settle for the easy road.
Even when Oliver came along she hadn’t truly grown up to take responsibility for herself and her son. She’d stayed in the house, hoping and avoiding the inevitable. It was a sobering realization and not one she was proud of.
But over the past few weeks things had changed. She’d changed. Because of Tanner.
For the first time in her life someone challenged her. Defied her. Made her feel up to the task and treated her like an equal.
Except it was all a lie.
He’d done the same as everyone else. And worse. Because she’d trusted him.
“I want you to go.”
“Cassie, I think we should talk. I know—”
“No,” she said angrily. “I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear about how you didn’t tell me for my own good, or how you didn’t want me to get hurt, or how you think lying to me is acceptable. It’s not. We made love,” she said, her voice breaking. “You asked me to marry you. You said you cared about me and Oliver. Those things override anything else. And I don’t want to be with someone who thinks it’s okay to lie to me about something so important. I’ll get over Doug not wanting me or Oliver,” she said, her throat so tight it was almost closed. “But I can’t get over—”
“So, Doug gets a free pass,” he said harshly, interrupting her. “And I don’t.”
She nodded. “That’s right.”
He laughed then. Not with humor, but with a kind of weary, resigned acceptance. “Then I guess that tells me
everything I need to know.”
“I guess it does.”
He stared at her, into her, through her. “Goodbye, Cassie.”
Then he left. And she dropped onto the sofa and sobbed.
*
Cassie was thankful she had Oliver and the task of packing up her belongings to keep her mind off her troubles. She hadn’t seen or heard from Tanner in six days. She didn’t even know if he was still in town. The Realtor had brought a few prospective buyers through the house and each time she’d died a tiny death. Afterward, she’d quickly picked herself up and got back to the job of being strong and resilient and determined to stand on her own.
But she missed him. She missed him so much she ached inside.
And then she remembered that he’d lied to her and betrayed her and the anger returned. Not even Lauren and M.J. could budge her from her feelings. Both women made it clear they thought she was being unforgiving and stubborn. But she would not be swayed. It was over. And it was time she acted like a responsible thirty-one-year-old single mother and stopped whining. It was time to grow up.
But he came by early on Monday morning. She was in the front room and she saw his car pull up outside. She watched as he got out and walked across the lawn. He looked so good. Her heart raced at the sight of him. And then broke just a little bit more. He wore jeans, a dark shirt and leather jacket. He looked handsome and familiar and the memory of every kiss, every touch, came rushing back. He stood at the edge of the garden for a moment and stared out along the street before he pulled the for-sale sign out of the ground. She knew immediately what it meant.
It’s done... It’s sold...
It’s over...
He laid the sign flat in the garden bed and then walked up the path. Cassie pushed some blood into her legs and met him at the front door. She didn’t say a word. Neither did he. She headed back into the lounge and waited.
He looked tired. He looked as if he’d been through hell and back. She fought every impulse she possessed to keep herself from rushing into his arms. Too much had been said. There was too much regret and recrimination. He’d go back to South Dakota and forget all about her. And she’d forget him. Someday.
“You sold the house?”
“Not in the way you might think. I have something for you,” he said as he pulled an envelope from his jacket pocket and dropped it onto the coffee table. It was a large manila envelope that looked official and had Oliver’s name on the front.
“What is it?”
He didn’t move. “As it turns out there was some money from Doug’s estate. More than we’d first thought. From a new insurance policy Doug had taken out just before he was killed,” he said. “Once all the debtors had been paid there was enough left.”
Cassie frowned. “Enough for what?”
He waved a hand vaguely. “Enough for this. The deeds for the house are in there, put in trust for Oliver until he’s twenty-one. As his mother and legal guardian you now decide what is to be done with the house. So you can stay, or sell...or do whatever you want to.”
Cassie’s legs were numb. He had to be joking. “I don’t understand. How can that be? There was nothing left. Doug hadn’t—”
“It was a new policy,” he replied flatly. “Like I said. The lawyers missed it at first because it wasn’t in the original will. Anyway, it means you can stay here. You can raise Oliver in this house. Which is what you wanted, right?”
The old Cassie had wanted that. But now she couldn’t be certain of anything. It was tempting, that’s for sure. The house had been her home for such a long time and was filled with memories. It was a safe harbor. Like an old glove that fit her hand perfectly. But she’d also promised herself she’d stand on her own feet.
It was too much to take in and she sat down heavily. “I never thought something like this would happen.”
“A lot of things happen we don’t expect,” he said, still not flinching.
The meaning of his words burned through her entire body. She hadn’t expected to fall in love with Tanner McCord. But she had. She hadn’t expected to become his lover and long for him in ways she’d never wanted anyone before. But it was for nothing. They were a pipe dream. There were too many obstacles. She knew that Tanner would always feel Doug between them. He’d drawn the line in the sand when he’d decided to deceive her. There was no going back from that.
“I think I’m in shock,” she said softly. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy that my son will be looked after. And I guess this means that if it was a new policy, then maybe Doug did plan to...” She stopped and shrugged. “I don’t know what it means or why he did it, but perhaps he wasn’t only always thinking of himself. Maybe he did think about us and the baby I was carrying.”
“That’s probably it,” Tanner said and shrugged. “Anyway, I just wanted to let you know.”
She tried to smile and failed. Her bottom lip trembled. “So...what now?”
He shrugged again. “I’m flying out on Wednesday.”
He was leaving. Going home. Ending things in the most final way possible.
“I see. Well, have a safe trip.”
He nodded fractionally. “I’d like to say goodbye to Oliver.”
“Sure.”
Once he’d left the room Cassie let out a long breath. Her hands shook and she clutched them tightly together. Nothing had ever hurt so much.
Several minutes later he reappeared in the doorway. His back was straight. His face a stony mask. There was such finality in his demeanor. She knew they were over.
“Goodbye, Cassandra.”
She didn’t move. “Goodbye, Tanner.”
And then he was gone. Out of her house. Out of her life. For good.
Chapter Thirteen
Cassie fell back into a post-Tanner rhythm way too easily. But she knew she was behaving like a complete fraud. Of course, she wasn’t about to admit it to anyone. Not even her friends. They seemed to believe her happy smiles well enough and no one appeared to guess that she was broken inside.
The house deeds still remained on the coffee table, where Tanner had left them. The soft cotton T-shirt he’d left by the bed was unmoved. Oliver seemed a little quieter than usual and even Mouse acted as though he missed him.
She was, in a word, miserable.
He’d breezed into her life, made her fall in love with him and then breezed out again.
If she wasn’t so brokenhearted she’d be madder than hell at him.
Then she got her period and discovering she wasn’t pregnant had her crying for two days. It was silly. She’d never believed she might be. But still...the idea of having Tanner’s baby made her remember what she’d had at her fingertips and then lost.
M.J. had unexpectedly gone north to help a friend who needed a hand running her boutique for a few weeks, but Lauren came and went at regular intervals, checking up, making sure she wasn’t becoming a boring recluse with only her baby for company. She assured her friend she wasn’t, but doubted Lauren believed her. She should have been happy. She had her son and her home. She had what she thought she wanted. But she was unhappier than she’d ever been in her life. The house gave her no comfort. Of course she was happy that Oliver had his legacy and his future was secure. But it was a hollow victory.
Lauren and Gabe helped celebrate her birthday and she put on her bravest face, even though her heart was broken.
And then five weeks after he left Crystal Point she had an unexpected visitor.
Ruthie Nevelson.
“We need to talk” was all she said, and Cassie quickly ushered her inside.
Once they reached the living room Ruthie spoke again.
“This is a nice home,” she said and crossed her thin arms. “I can see why it means so much to you.”
“It used to belong to my grandfather,” she explained, feeling the other woman’s scrutiny down to her toes. “When he was ailing we had to sell it so that he could afford full-time care.”
“And that’s when Doug bough
t the place, isn’t it?”
She nodded. “That’s right.”
“I’m not sure why he wanted to do that,” Ruthie said and shrugged. “It’s not like he ever wanted to put down roots. Maybe it was guilt. Maybe it was a way to stay connected to this town. I guess we’ll never know.”
Cassie tried to be casual, tried not to let Ruthie see that she was so wound up she could barely string words together. The older woman was Tanner’s greatest ally and she had come for a reason. Only, Cassie had no idea what that was. But she got the sense she was about to find out.
“Ruthie, is there something that—”
“I have something for you,” she said and pulled a narrow envelope from her small handbag. “Actually, it’s for your son. It’s a letter from Tanner.”
Cassie took the envelope with shaking fingers. “What does it say?”
Ruthie shrugged. “I don’t know. But knowing Tanner, I would guess that it’s from the heart.”
Cassie swallowed hard. “What should I do with it?”
“Read it yourself. Or give it to him when he’s old enough to understand,” Ruthie said and paced the room. When she reached the mantel she looked at the photographs. Then she turned and made an impatient sound. “I encouraged Tanner to go home, you know. I saw how deeply he was getting involved with you and tried to stay impartial. But I couldn’t. And I can’t understand why you would want to waste time hanging on to the ghost of a man who wasn’t worthy of either of you.”
Cassie’s shoulders dropped. “It isn’t about Doug.”
“Of course it is,” Ruthie said and tutted. “You and Tanner have been on a collision course since the day his brother bought this house.”
“What did Tanner tell you?”
“Enough,” she replied. “That he asked you to marry him. That you turned him down.”
“I didn’t,” Cassie said quickly. “I mean, not exactly. We had an argument and in the heat of everything that was said it was all kind of forgotten.”
“Well, I’m pretty sure he didn’t do any forgetting,” Ruthie said and frowned. “Do you have any idea of what that boy has done for you? What he’s sacrificed so that you and your son can have a safe home?”