My Real

by Mallory Grant

  “What do you mean excuses?” I ask wanting to know why Dave would put her though something like this.

  “You had too many drinks tonight. You’ll be pregnant over summer vacation if we do this now. Wait until I get a promotion,” she says in a deep voice imitating Dave. “A few months of this went by, and we slowly stopped making love all together. He was tired, didn’t have time, needed to get up early,” Bailey continues to explain while we sit down at a bench near a playground for Emerson to play.

  “It really started affecting our relationship. He’d snap at me for the smallest things and it got to a point that I didn’t want to be in the same room as him anymore. I sat him down one day and talked to him about it,” she continued as she played with the flower in her hand. “He said he was stressed out and that I was putting too much pressure on him to have a baby. He said he wasn’t quite ready to have children yet.” Bailey pauses to watch Emerson play. She is pretending to be a gymnast and throws her hands in the air and takes a bow. This makes Bailey laugh for a second until she continues.

  “He wanted it to be just us for a little while longer. It really upset me, but I told him I understood. I told him I was fine with waiting as long as he felt he needed. Two days later, I walked in on him and his secretary having sex, in my bed. I found out later that she was already pregnant, by him.”

  She looks like she didn’t want to finish her story. I take ahold of her hand to help her get it all out. “They just had the baby two weeks ago. She was two months pregnant when I asked him about having a baby of our own. He’d been cheating on me with her for almost our entire marriage,” she finally sighs. That took a lot out of her emotionally. I can see it in her face and in her posture. I see a tear slip down her cheek and she wipes it away angrily. She takes a deep breath and sits up taller. She was always such a strong person in college. I know she doesn’t like anyone to see her get emotional.

  “I’m so sorry you had to go through that Bailey, and I understand why you are upset now, but we didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t cheat on Jessica. It’s a matter of a piece of paper. Jessica means nothing to me. The only good thing I got out of the relationship with Jessica is Emerson. Do you understand that Bailey? It’s you. It’s always been you. Please, just give us a chance.”

  Bailey has tears in her eyes and she chokes out a sob. My heart is racing, waiting for her answer. It feels like an eternity passes. I glance up to see Emerson stopped playing and is staring at Bailey as well. Emerson walks up to her and puts her little hand on Bailey’s arm and tugs on it. Emerson reaches up and wipes a tear off Bailey’s cheek.

  “Don’t cry. My Daddy will make you all better. He’s really good at fixing things that are broken,” Emerson says to Bailey then kisses her on the cheek, turns, and skips away.

  Bailey laughs and turns toward me and asks, “Can you fix my broken heart?”

  “Yes Bailey, I’ll fix your broken heart,” I answer as I kiss her.

  We are sitting on Andrew’s deck eating lunch after our walk. Emerson is at a little picnic table surrounded by all her stuffed animal friends and Andrew and I are sitting side by side at the adult picnic table. My heart says that everything will be okay, but my brain is telling me that I need to be cautious. This seems too good to be true.

  “What the fuck is this?” Jessica screams as she comes around the corner of the house. Andrew and I look at each other as he stands and moves between Jessica and me. Jessica walks up onto the deck and looks at Emerson.

  “Emerson honey, go inside and watch Mickey Mouse,” Andrew says quietly to Emerson.

  Jessica waits until Emerson is inside to turn to us with a snide smile on her face. “What do we have here? You whoring around with my husband Bailey? Couldn’t take it that I got him in college, could you? Going for my leftovers now?” Jessica sneers.

  “Jessica, that’s enough! You’re not going to talk to her like that,” Andrew yells back at her. I’ve never seen anyone so angry. “You have no right coming to my house and talking to Bailey like that. With all the shit that you put me through, you have no say in my life anymore.”

  “Oh yes I do! We have Emerson. And I say that there is no way in Hell Bailey is going to be in Emerson’s life. I will fight you for full custody and take her away,” Jessica threatens.

  “I’m not having this discussion with you Jessica. Leave now. I will drop Emerson off at the normal time,” Andrew answer slightly calmer.

  “Fuck you! I’m taking Emerson now.”

  “Andrew, I’ll leave,” I say as I turn to get my purse off the picnic table. “I don’t want to start a problem between you and Jessica.”

  “No, you’re staying here. She is leaving,” Andrew says calmly to me then turns toward Jessica and screams, “Now!”

  Jessica pales at Andrew’s anger toward her. She slowly shuffles backward toward the steps. “This isn’t over Andrew,” she says with little conviction as she turns and leaves the backyard.

  “She didn’t even say good bye to Emerson,” I mutter to myself. “I don’t want to cause any problems for you,” to Andrew.

  Andrew turns toward me and rubs his hands up and down my arms. “She will not be winning the Mother of the Year award any time soon. She knows that if she goes against me for custody, she will lose. She knows that it’s quite possible that she could lose all custody of Emerson. So I’m not worried at all about her taking Emerson from me.”

  Andrew pulls me into him and wraps his arms around me. He takes a deep breath with his nose buried in my hair.

  I feel at home in his arms, like nothing could ever touch me when I’m here. The world could be crumbling down around me, and it kind of is, and I wouldn’t care. How can I feel like this with Andrew so soon? Just yesterday, my divorce was finalized, and I thought that I’d never be able to trust another man, ever. Less than twenty-four hours later, I’m standing in the arms of this wonderful man, and I’m feeling hope. I have hope that I can actually feel love again. Why does the universe keep working against me?

  “You said it yourself, she didn’t even say good bye to Emerson. She won’t get Emerson. I already have my lawyer working on it. I will not lose you a second time because of Jessica.”

  “It’s not worth getting in a fight and making Emerson upset. I’m not worth it. Emerson is more important,” I say knowing that he needs to put Emerson first.

  I freeze in place. Dave really did a number on her. I take her face in my hands and look her in the eyes. It kills me that she hasn’t been treated like the amazing woman that she is.

  “Yes, you are. Don’t ever say that about yourself, again. Do you understand me?” I lean in to kiss her forehead. “You are an amazing woman. Don’t ever let anyone make you think otherwise.”

  “I’m just staying that you need to think about Emerson and what’s best for her. I don’t what to get between you and my daughter,” she explains.

  “What’s best for my daughter is a happy daddy. You make me happy,” I inform her.

  She is worried about me losing Emerson, and I’m terrified of losing her. She thinks she’s not worthy of my love. I hold her in my arms until my heart stops racing with anger. She rubs her hands up and down my back and up through my hair. She leans back a little bit to look me in the eyes. Neither of us say anything.

  We just stand here, holding each other, and stare. I can see my future in her eyes. I can see her living in this house with Emerson and me. I can see us getting married and having more babies. Emerson always wanted to be a big sister. I knew in college that Bailey would make a great wife, and I can feel in my heart that she will make a great mother to Emerson and any babies we have together. I can’t tell her this yet though. It’ll send her screaming in the other direction. I’ll just have to hold my emotions at bay a little while longer. I did it for years in college. I can do it a little longer.

  “I want to see you tonight. Will you come over for dinner?” I ask while she is still wrapped in my arms. She pauses for a second and looks up. �
�You can come over after she’s in bed for a late dinner if you want.”

  “No, it’s not that. I was a child of divorce, I was older than Emerson is, but it was still hard. When my mom started bringing boyfriends round, it got scary for me. I felt like I was being replaced. I want Emerson to feel comfortable around me if we are going to continue to see each other. I don’t want to come sneaking in and out when she’s not here or when she’s asleep,” she pauses again for a second. “Let’s take her out to dinner and a movie.”

  “You want to take Emerson on our first date together?”

  “Sure, why not?” she shrugs. “It’ll be fun.”

  I have one hell of a woman standing here in my arms.

  Andrew drops me off at my house. I head to my room to get a quick shower before he comes back to pick me up again in a few hours. I turned my phone off when Andrew and I left the bar last night. I quickly run to my purse and turn it on. I missed seventeen text messages and five calls, all from Ella. She’s going to be so mad. I call her back without even listening to the messages.

  “What the Hell Bailey? Where have you been? I thought you’d call me last night.” I hold the phone away from my ear, because she is yelling so loudly. “Then, I figured you might have stayed the night, and I thought maybe I’d get a call first thing this morning after your walk of shame. Did I get one? NO! It’s 2:00 in the afternoon, Bailey.”

  I wait until she’s was done with her rant. There’s no interrupting her once she gets started. “I just got home. The first thing I did when he dropped me off was to call you.”

  “You just got home? What have you been doing all day?” she questions.

  “Well, it’s kind of a long story, but let’s just say that there was a lot of great sex involved, a run in with Jessica, some screaming, and a four year old.” I start running a bath. I know I’m not going to get out of explaining the entire story to her before I hang up, so a shower is out of the question.

  “Jessica? A four-year-old? He has a kid. Start talking Bailey Marie. Now,” Jessia demands.

  I completely wash and shave one handed while I recap all of last night and this morning to Ella. I’m running out of time to wash my hair and get ready to go in time for Andrew and Emerson to pick me up.

  “Look Ella, I have to go. Andrew’s going to be here in a little bit, and I still have to finish getting ready. Let’s get together tomorrow and work on writing the reading curriculum and I’ll explain everything else,” I promise.

  “Wait, you’re going out with him again tonight? Like on a real date?” Her voice starts to raise again. She’s going to have a heart attack at this rate.

  “Well, as much of a real date as it can be with a four-year-old coming with us, but yes. He’s taking me out to dinner and a movie.” I didn’t tell her that it was a kid’s movie for Emerson, but it still counted.

  “Yes, lunch tomorrow. You have a lot of explaining to do. I told you to go out and have fun, not to jump into a new relationship the day you’re divorced from Dick Head. I’ll see you then.” She hangs up on me. Tomorrow is going to be tons of fun.

  I finish showering and then take Chase out for a walk. He is not happy with me for being inside for so long. After playing catch with him for a few minutes, I can tell he forgives me. Dogs are so forgiving. I give him a treat and go to get dressed.

  Last night, I had Ella’s help getting ready. It crosses my mind for a second to call her and ask her for help again, but I decide against it. I’m nervous enough as it is. I haven’t been on a date in over ten years. I don’t need her making me more nervous.

  I can’t believe what happened last night; it all seems too good to be true. I go with a maxi dress that I borrowed from Ella last summer for a wedding and never returned. After pairing it with some strappy sandals, I am ready. Now if the butterflies would just fly away, I’d be all set.

  I just finish putting my chap stick on when I hear Andrew’s truck pull up out front. I look in the mirror and shrug. Not as good as last night but not bad. Maybe I’ll have Ella take me makeup shopping. I grab my purse and head toward the door. There is a tiny knock. When I open the door, I see Emerson in a cute little yellow sundress smiling up at me. Her hair is in lopsided pigtails, one is almost completely falling out. She has a beautiful bouquet of flowers in her hands held up toward me.

  “My Daddy said theses are pretty flowers are for the pretty lady we are picking up. Is that you?” she asks in her angelic voice. I kneel down to get eye-to-eye with her.

  “It might be, but I think you’re the prettiest girl here tonight. Did your Daddy do your hair for you?” I ask with a smile.

  She huffs and rolls her little green eyes. “Yes, he’s not so good at doing my hair but he tries,” she answers as she hands me the flowers.

  “Well, let me put these in some water. Emerson, there are some coloring books over on the coffee table if you want to color while you wait.”

  Emerson’s eyes grow as she smiles up at Andrew. “Thank you. I love to color. It’s my favorite thing to do in the whole wide world.” We all walk into the living room and Emerson runs toward the coloring books and begins intently coloring a picture of a rainbow. I watch her for a second, my heart pounding out of my chest. How can I be feeling this much love for this little girl already?

  I’m in so much trouble.

  I turn toward the kitchen, flowers in hand, and pull out a vase from above the refrigerator. “Thank you for the flowers. They’re beautiful but you didn’t have to do that.” I turn my head toward Andrew as I fill the vase with water. He is just staring at me. “What?” I ask him, worried.

  “You are so good with her.”

  I shrug my shoulders. “I’m a teacher. It’s kinda my job to be good with kids. I noticed all her coloring books and crayons at your house. I figured she must like to color. I had some books in my things from school. It’s not that big of a deal. I just want to make sure she feels comfortable around me.”

  Andrew walks up to me, takes the flowers out of my hands, sets them on the counter, and takes me in his arms. “You are an amazing woman,” he whispers in my ear then leans in and kisses me. The kiss becomes heated to the point I’m panting when I hear the pitter patter of little feet coming around to the kitchen. I jump back, smooth out my hair, and go back to putting the flowers in water.

  “Emerson, would you like it if I fixed your hair for you?” I ask. Emerson starts jumping up and down.

  “Yes please. Can you do a braid, or a French braid?” Emerson asks with growing excitement.

  “Anything you want. Let’s go to the bathroom and see what color rubber bands I have to match your dress,” I reply taking Emerson’s hand and lead her toward the bathroom. A few minutes later we walk back out, rocking two french braids wrapped around her head like a princess crown.

  “We’re all ready to leave. Bailey made my hair look pretty,” Emerson says.

  “Yes, she did honey. You look beautiful.” Andrew smiles at me and ushers us out the door.

  As soon as we walk into the restaurant, Emerson informs me, “Daddy, I have to go potty.”

  “Come on Em. I’ll take you.” I reply taking her hand.

  She stands rooted in place. “I don’t want to go to the boys’ bathroom Daddy.”

  “I can take her if you want me to,” Bailey offers. I nod gratefully.

  “I wouldn’t want to go into the boys’ room either,” Bailey says to Emerson. “Boys are stinky.” This makes Emerson giggle.

  I can hear Emerson’s response as they walk away. “You should smell my Daddy’s farts. Smelly city.”

  I can’t think of a time in the recent past that Jessica made Emerson giggle like that. I can’t think of a time when Jessica ever went out of her way to make sure Emerson was happy. She isn’t a bad mother; it’s just obvious she doesn’t put Emerson first. It always seems like she rushes though things with Emerson to get to her more exciting life. Even now that Jessica has more free time because we’re sharing custody of Emerson; she
still doesn’t do things with her. Emerson spends more time with me when she’s supposed to be with Jessica. This is the main reason I’m not worried about Jessica taking full custody. She doesn’t want full custody any more than I want to give it to her. I wouldn’t put it past her to give up all her rights. That’s just the kind of selfish woman Jessica is.

  I can hear laughter coming from the girls as they come out of the bathroom. My girls. I like the sound of that. The sound of that laughter warms the empty spaces in my broken heart. I’ll do everything in my power to make Bailey mine.

  “Knock knock.” Bailey starts yet another joke as we wait for our dinner to come. They’ve been at this for at least ten minutes now. I’ve never known anyone who knew more knock knock jokes than these two girls.

  “Who’s there?” Emerson replies.

  “Doris”

  “Doris who?”

  “Doris locked. That’s why I’m knocking!”

  Emerson starts laughing so hard, milk comes out her nose which in turn gets Bailey snorting and tears are running down my face. The waitress comes up with our dinner and just stands there staring at us while we all laugh at the stupid knock knock joke.

  “Tell another one Bailey. That one was great,” Emerson pleads as I lean over to wipe the milk off of her dress.

  “I’ll tell you what, if you eat all your dinner, I’ll tell more in the car on the way to the movie. Is that a deal?” Bailey bargains.

  “Deal!” Emerson exclaims and starts eating her chicken nuggets and coloring her placemat at the same time.

  “I’m sorry this isn’t the most ideal situation for a first date, Bailey,” I say quietly as to not disturb Emerson.

  “It’s fine, really. I’m having a great time. She’s a great little girl Andrew,” Bailey replies.

  I may be the luckiest man alive. I’ve reconnected with a woman who I held deep feelings for that exploded into action the second I saw her again. And not only is she perfect for me but she is also caring and accepting of Emerson. My biggest worry when I found out about Jessica cheating on me was finding someone who would love Emerson as much as I do. I’m sure I’ve done just that.