My Real

by Mallory Grant

  “We’re hoping she decides to sign the mutual consent papers, because it takes the least amount of time. She will get joint custody. He said he’ll have the fault grounds papers drawn up so that if she decides to be a pain about signing, I’ll go for full custody.”

  “You said yesterday that you thought you’d get full custody no matter what,” Bailey says as she puts bread on each of our plates.

  “I’m thinking she is going to give me full custody. She never wants to have Emerson anyway. That’s what happened yesterday morning,” I explain as I take a drink of my beer. I glance back at Bailey, and she has a worried look on her face. I continue, “It was her weekend with Emerson, but she found something more interesting to do so she dropped Em off. It happens all the time.”

  The waiter delivers our dinners. I continue to watch Bailey while we wait for the waiter to leave again.

  “That’s really sad. Does Emerson realize it yet?” Bailey asks as she starts to cut her fettuccine. I watch her.

  “No, thank goodness. It’ll work out better for Jessica if she can just schedule visits every once in a while.” I point toward her dinner plate and laugh. “You still cut your pasta? What kind of Italian are you?” I ask as I push her spoon toward her. “You’re supposed to twirl it.”

  “I’m a messy eater. If I don’t cut it, I end up wearing the sauce. This is just safer,” she answers then sticks her tongue out at me. After a second she gets serious again. “It might be better for Emerson to live in just one house. I see it all the time with kids at school. When they are shuffled from house to house, there isn’t enough stability for them to thrive. Where does Emerson go while you’re both at work?”

  “Right now she is in daycare all day, and then I generally pick her up Monday through Wednesday nights, Jessica gets her after work Thursday and Friday, then we alternate weekends. Another thing my lawyer told me to think about was to tell Jessica I wouldn’t file for child support if she gave me full custody. “

  “Do you think she’d go for something like that?”

  “It’s a possibility, but I have to figure out if I can afford it. Daycare costs an arm and a leg, and I’m not sure I can afford all of the bills on my own and full time daycare. It would get easier once school starts, because she’ll be in Kindergarten so it would just be before and after school care then. But, I have the next three months of summer to think about it.”

  “I can watch her,” Bailey offers immediately. “My only plan this summer is a one week grad class. It’ll save you a ton of money,” she pauses with a grimace and looks like she wants to take back her offer. “I don’t know if it will cause a problem between you and Jessica if I watch her though.”

  I watch her as she continues to explain the pros and cons of her watching Emerson for the summer. I think it’s a perfect situation. Emerson would have a great place to go every day with someone who really loves her. There is no doubt in my mind that she loves my little girl already. While my finances aren’t bad at all, it would be nice to save some money away for a rainy day. And the best reason of all is that I would get to see Bailey every day. Win. Win. Win.

  “I am not worried about Jessica at all. Are you sure you are interested? That is a big commitment to take on for the whole summer,” I ask hoping she won’t take her offer back.

  “Of course, I’d love to do it..”

  Her whole demeanor changes as she accepts. Something’s up.

  “Are you okay?” I ask.

  “Yes, I’m fine,” she answers quickly shaking her head. She pushes her empty plate away from her and says, “That was delicious. Thank you so much for bringing me here. I loved it.” She changed the subject awfully fast.

  That was a little too close for comfort. I need to get my emotions under check. How much further should I let this get before I tell him? Really, I should tell him now, because when he finds out, he’s not going to want to continue seeing me anyway. I shake my head.

  “So, where to now?” I ask as he finishes his last swallow of beer.

  “I was thinking we could go for a walk by the lake.”

  “That sounds good.”

  We stop at Coldstone Creamery for some ice cream and bring it to the lake. There is an easy silence in the car as we drive. When we arrive, Andrew gets a blanket out of the bed of his truck, walks around with the blanket and the bag of ice cream before opening the door for me. He grabs my hand, kisses my palm, and melts my heart right then and there. We walk down the hill holding hands. He squeezes my hand tightly three times then lets go to spread out the blanket. After we sit down, he opens my ice cream, and hands it to me.

  “So, tell me about Andrew post-college,” I ask as I start to dig into my Peanut Butter Perfection.

  “Well, you know I got a job offer down in Georgia. Jessica and I moved down there and got married almost immediately after we graduated. The bonus was I’d get to spend time with my dad. I hadn’t seen him a lot since my parents got divorced.” Andrew starts eating his ice cream as he continues. “Jessica hated it from the second we moved and told me about it regularly. Over the next few years, she started to calm down, and she made some friends. We were happy for a while. About two months after we got pregnant with Emerson, my dad was killed in a car accident.”

  “Oh my gosh Andrew, I had no idea. I’m so sorry,” I say reaching out to touch his arm.

  He puts his ice cream down and leans back onto his elbows and seems to be thinking for a second. “The hardest part was that Jessica was no support at all. The day after the accident she had the balls to ask me if we could move back to Pennsylvania since there was nothing keeping me in Georgia anymore.”

  “Are you kidding me?” Bailey gasps, appalled.

  “Not at all. We ended up leaving Georgia anyway, because there were just too many memories there. I couldn’t find a job in Pennsylvania though. We moved up to New York when I was hired at a great lab that offered me a group leader position right off the bat. That’s when things went downhill fast.”

  Andrew sits back up and starts cleaning up the trash from our ice cream. He helps me up from the blanket and then rolls it up. We walk to the truck as he continues. “Jessica was not happy living in New York either. She complained constantly again and started to become distant. I was working out one day a few months ago, and this woman walked up to me.”

  Andrew takes my hand and kisses my palm again. I smile, encouraging him to finish his story. “She told me that Jessica had been cheating on me for a year. She knew that her husband was cheating on her and when she couldn’t catch him on her own, she hired a detective.” I stop walking and turn toward him. I can feel the pain in his words. I know how his heart hurts, because mine ached the same. He pulls me into a hug and holds me close.

  “Her excuse was that I was always working, and she was lonely. The real kicker was that I was working overtime so I could put in for a transfer to Pennsylvania for her. I got the transfer the day I found out she was cheating on me.” His voice broke on the last few words, and he lifted his head to the sky.

  “We are good people. Why did this happen to us?” I ask as I look up at him, still in his arms. He shakes his head having no answer either. “So you ended up taking the transfer?”

  “Yeah, it was a great job, and I do love this area. So we moved back here. I bought the house and got the job of my dreams but lost my wife. Jessica bought a house here with the guy she cheated with.” Andrew puts his arm around me as we continue to walk around the lake and after a minute of silence he says, “Okay, your turn. Bailey post-college.”

  “There’s really not much to tell. Right after graduation, I got an interview for a third grade position. I’ve been in the same grade since I was hired. Five years after that, Dave finally proposed. We got married and you know the rest.”

  “But who are you now?” Andrew asks.

  “That’s a good question. I’ve been trying to figure that out for a few months now,” I reply.

  “Okay, it’s Saturday morning, w
hat are you doing?”

  “Running, doing chores, school work and if I have time, reading.”

  “So you are an athlete who is dedicated to her job who enjoys literature,” Andrew replies. I start laughing.

  “What’s so funny?” he asks.

  “I’d hardly call what I read literature,” I admit.

  “What do you read then?”

  “Erotica,” I answer.

  Andrew stops dead and turns toward me. He just stands there and stares at me for a second with his arms crossed over his chest. A slow smiles slides across his face.

  “Tell me more about this Erotica,” he commands.

  I’m laughing again, and I shake my head trying to walk away. He tugs on my arm, pulling me back in front of him. He’s not going to move until I expand on that answer.

  “Mostly I read romance. I love a book where the characters live happily ever after. But about a year ago, Ella bought me an erotic novel, I’ve been reading them a lot more now.”

  He’s still standing in front of me not budging an inch. I can tell the wheels are turning. “So you admitted that Dave never gave you an orgasm, and I assume you’ve never given yourself one, because you said that I gave you your first.”

  “Yeah …” I hedge waiting for him to continue.

  “And you’ve been reading porn for a year now.”

  “What’s your point?” I ask cautiously, getting nervous about his devilish smile.

  “So have you never masterbated to the porn? Why have you never had an orgasm before this week?”

  Man, how do I answer this question.

  “I tried a few times when Dave stopped sleeping with me, but I apparently never did it correctly. When I wasn’t feeling anything, I’d get frustrated and just stop.”

  “Hmm,” he hums with a smile.

  “What’s that mean?” I ask.

  He pulls me in, kisses me on the forehead, and shakes his head laughing. “Nothing.” I just shake my head at him and laugh. I have a feeling I’m going to learn the meaning behind that ‘Mmmm’ at some point.

  We walk around that lake for a while, sometimes talking, mostly silent. Holding hands and hugging, I also steal an occasional kiss. We both had our hearts broken by people who were not right for us. We both had to live through marriages that were not real.

  “Do you think you ever want to get married again?” Andrew asks.

  “I don’t know. I’d like to think I would. I really don’t want to live my whole life alone. I don’t do alone very well,” I answer. “What about you? Do you think you’ll get married again?”

  “Absolutely,” Andrew answers without hesitation.

  When it starts getting cold, Andrew takes his sweater off and pulls it over my head. He pulls me in close to his side. My stomach flips at the gesture.

  The night had to come to an end, because I needed to pick Emerson up at my mom’s house before her bed time. Bailey declined coming to my house again when I invited her to stay the night with me. I tried to find out why she didn’t want to be at the house when Emerson was there but she wouldn’t elaborate. I’ll talk to her more about that later. I get to my mom’s house and see that Emerson is already asleep curled up on the couch. I knew then that I was in for a talk with mom.

  “Hey Mom. Thanks for watching Emerson.”

  “Child, you know I love watching this little girl. I hardly saw her when she was a baby, because you lived so far away. I will take any second with her I can get,” Mom says, ironing her work shirts for the week. She pauses to hang up a shirt then goes to the kitchen. I can hear her pouring water into the tea pot.

  Oh shit, she’s making tea. I’m in for a lecture. Anytime I was in trouble when I was younger, she would start filling her tea pot with water as she told me to sit down. I would sit at this same kitchen table while she would wait patiently until I confessed my sin. She never yelled, but she was very good at making me feel remorseful just by looking at me with disappointment in her eyes. I follow her into the kitchen, grab a soda from the fridge, and take a seat in the small eat-in kitchen.

  “So, Emerson was telling me that she has a new best friend named Bailey. She said that Bailey did her hair and told the best jokes ever.” She takes out a tea cup and fills the tea ball with dried tea from her garden. “I found it a little odd though that when I asked where she met her new friend she told me she met her in your bed. Care to explain?” She ends calmly as she takes a seat across from me. My mom is only 5’1” which is tiny, considering my size. She had me later in life so her hair is already completely gray. She always has a smile on her face, especially when she’s about to let you have it.

  “You know Bailey mom. You met her when you visited me in college.”

  “I thought that might be who it was. Don’t you think you should maybe get divorced before you start bedding Jessica’s friends?”

  I pull my hands through my hair. That’s my mom, straight to the point. “Mom, it’s not like that at all.”

  “Care to explain how it is then?” She crosses her hands in front of her waiting for my reply. It didn’t matter that I was grown man. She still scolds me when I do something wrong. I stand when the tea pot starts to whistle. Bringing it over to the table, I try to redeem myself by pouring the hot water into her tea cup. She stirs while I continue.

  “First of all, Jessica and Bailey are no longer friends. You know that. I knew Bailey all through college. It’s not like I just met her last night. She just got a divorce from her husband and when I saw her at the bar the other night we started talking.” After I made out with her.

  “So how exactly did Emerson end up meeting her? In your bed.”

  I knew what she was getting at, but I refused to answer her. I am thirty-three years old damn it. I don’t need to hear the birds and bees speech from my mother. She’d flip her lid if she knew we didn’t use a condom.

  “I just hope you wore protection,” she said shaking her head. How does she know these things?

  “Jessica came by to drop Emerson off, two days early I might add. When I went downstairs to tell Jessica to leave, Emerson slipped into my room where Bailey was.”

  “Do you really think that Emerson needs to see your lady friends in your bed?” she scowls.

  I feel like banging my head against the wall.

  “If I would have known Jessica was going to make a surprise visit, I wouldn’t have brought Bailey home with me.” I have to tell her everything. I want Bailey in my life for the long haul. There is no doubt about it. I may as well prepare my mom now. “Mom, I love her. I’ve loved her a long time.” She stares at me for a minute then smiles. She reaches over and grabs both of my hangs in her tiny hands.

  “I thought so,” she said patting my hand.

  “What do you mean ‘you thought so?’ You knew I loved Bailey?”

  “Yes dear, I’m your mother. I know everything. I knew when you were in college that it was Bailey you were in love with, not Jessica. Bailey’s a nice girl. Don’t mess things up with her.”

  I shake my head at her. I think she does know everything. She warned me before I got married that she didn’t think Jessica was the woman for me. But did I listen? No. Not that I’ll ever tell her that. I’d never hear the end of it.

  “I won’t Mom. She’s amazing. She loves Emerson so much already. I can tell by just watching her.”

  “You deserve some good in your life.” She smiles at me still holding my hands.

  “She offered to watch Emerson during the day to save me money on daycare. Do you think you can watch her for a week when Bailey has a grad class?”

  “Of course I’ll watch her,” she answers as she stands and washes out her tea cup.

  We walk out to the living room, and I start picking up Emerson’s things and packing them up to go.

  “Why don’t you let her sleep here? I’ll bring her to church with me then bring her to your house after we go out for breakfast. Go have some fun.” She raises her eyebrows at me. The little devil.<
br />
  “Are you sure?” I ask.

  “I’m sure, I’ll see you tomorrow,” she says as she pushes me out the door. I have my phone out and am texting Bailey before I even get to my car.

  Andrew: You still up beautiful?

  Bailey: Yeppers.

  Andrew: So, I just went to pick up Emerson, and my mom won’t release her. I’m free for the night.

  Bailey: Is that so?

  Andrew: Can I persuade you to come out with me again tonight?

  Bailey: Awe, I’m already in my pj’s.

  Andrew: That is perfect attire for what I have planned.

  Bailey: Planned?

  Andrew: Redbox and popcorn. I’ll be there in ten minutes.

  Ten minutes is not much time. I run to my bedroom as I strip off my Chase Utley t-shirt and running shorts. Chase, named after the hunky second baser, is at my heels. I dig to the back of my underwear drawer to find the cotton tank and matching shorts that my mom got for me three years ago for Christmas.

  “Chase, I really need to do some shopping. This is just ridiculous.”

  As I jump into them, I stumble to the bathroom after falling into the wall to wash off the green mud mask and pull a brush though my hair. Just as I finish drying my face the door bell rings. I look down at Chase and give him a smile.

  I open the door to find Andrew standing there with a pile of Redbox movies and a plastic bag with a smile on his face.

  “Well, hello there,” I say with a smile happy to see him.

  “I come bearing chocolate.”

  I gasp. “You brought me chocolate?” I ask as I step backwards from the door letting him in. “Then you may enter,” I say as Chase runs up and slides into Andrew’s legs. “This is Chase. He thinks he loves chocolate as much as I do. But since he can’t eat it I get his share, don’t I Chase?” I ask Chase rubbing behind his ears.

  Andrew bends down and rubs Chase’s back and is rewarded with a big doggy kiss. Andrew then stands holding up the bags he came with.