My Real

by Mallory Grant

  “Roast beef, what did you get that for?” Bailey questions me.

  “We’re going to have hot roast beef sandwiches this week. My mom used to make them all the time when we would have bad weather.”

  She wrinkles her nose, but doesn’t say anything. I know she really wants to tell me that roast beef sandwiches are not on her weekly menu, but she is doing a good job holding it in.

  “I guess that does sound good. I don’t think I’ve ever had one before,” she admits.

  “You’ll love them.”

  The rest of the shopping pretty much goes the same way. I put something in the cart, and she questions my motives. I start putting very random things in just to see the smoke come out of her ears. I add rigatoni instead of the angel hair pasta that she always uses. When we get to the toilet paper aisle, I purposely put in the wrong brand. Further down that aisle, I toss paper towels into the cart like it was a basketball net. When I make a swoosh, I raise my arms above my head and yell “Nothing but net.”

  “That’s an awfully big net you’re working with,” she answers smartly.

  “If you think you can do it, you try.” We switch places, me behind the cart and her a few feet down the aisle. She picks up a roll of paper towels and just as she jumps and lets go, I jerk the cart away from her, so her roll lands on the floor. Her jaw drops, and she runs up to grab the roll of the floor as I run around the cart to block her. I press up against her putting my best defensive moves on her, but she jukes around me, jumps up for a shot, and nails it. She dances around me in celebration.

  “That’s a technical foul for excessive celebration.” I call out as she continues to dance down the aisle pushing the cart.

  “Don’t be jealous of my moves,” she calls over her shoulder as she rounds the corner. I just shake my head at her. This woman makes grocery shopping fun.

  We finish the shopping trip with a lot more food than she has on her list, but after the mid-store basketball game, she stopped caring and even threw a few things in the cart as well. While we were in the store, it started pouring, so I went to get the car she got a couple of movies out of the RedBox.

  We spend the rest of the night enjoying our hot roast beef sandwiches, a ton of junk food, and watching another Channing Tatum movie. How many movies has this guy made?

  Emerson is in my living room, napping on the couch. I stand there watching her sleep more often than I’d like to admit. I have so much fun with this little girl. I have truly bonded with her in our short month together.

  We have made it through the month of June together, and I think it has been a huge success. I end up cooking dinner for the three of us, and we eat together before Andrew takes Emerson home. Those nights we end up talking on the phone for hours. On nights that he takes Emerson to Jessica’s house, I usually end up meeting him at his house and spending the night. Everything has been so wonderful that I can hardly believe I am this lucky to have found him. I’m packing for my grad class when Ella’s ring tone starts playing.

  Without saying hello, she says, “Let’s do lunch. I’m starving and I haven’t seen you all week.”

  “I can’t. Emerson is napping.”

  “Damn it, I forgot. I’ve hardly seen you all summer,” she whines into the phone.

  “Is it really necessary for you to swear like that?”

  “In this case, yes,” Ella whines.

  “Well, calm down, I’m free tonight. Let’s go out. We’ll be away all week next week at grad class, so I want to make sure I build my tolerance up for our crazy nights out after class.”

  “Who are you, and what have you done with my best friend?”

  “Haha, very funny. Andrew usually leaves here around 7. I’ll kick him out early tonight, pick me up at 8.”

  Bailey is washing dishes when Ella walks in the kitchen, sneaks up behind her, and slaps her on the ass.

  “I thought you were kicking Lover Boy out early,” Ella says as she leans up against the counter next to me.

  “I got a late start on dinner. I just have to go change quick and I’m ready to go,” Bailey answers as she walks out of the kitchen. Ella turns slowly and stares at me.

  “So, Lover Boy. How was your dinner?” she says with her hands on her hips and her eyebrows raised.

  “Wonderful as always.” I’m about to get the third degree from Ella. I was expecting this.

  “I’m going to shoot you straight. If you hurt her, I will kill you. Don’t doubt me. I’ll do anything for her,” Ella threatens.

  “Understood.”

  “That’s it. That’s all you have to say? Understood.”

  “I’m not going to hurt her, Ella,” I promise.

  “Dude, you’re still married. Bailey is watching your daughter every day and cooking you dinner every night,” she starts walking closer to me. “Do you think that she is not getting attached to you and even scarier, getting attached to your daughter? That’s scary for Emerson and Bailey.”

  “Why would getting attached to Emerson be scary for Bailey?”

  She pauses for a beat just looking at me. “Just don’t hurt her. Do you understand me?”

  I look at her for a second. I know I don’t have a lot of time before Bailey comes walking out the door, but I have to let Ella know how I really feel. “Ella, I love her. I won’t do anything to hurt her.”

  She just looks at me, for a long time. I’m getting nervous at the scowl still on her face.

  “I’m watching you,” is all she says before she walks back toward Bailey’s bedroom.

  Ella and I walk into the bar laughing and take a seat at our table. Our drinks haven’t even made it to the table yet when we hear a whiny voice that is all too familiar to me.

  “Well, well, well. What do we have here?” Jessica shrills as she sits down next to me. “BFFs out for a drink. You replaced me Bailey,” she continues putting her hand to her chest. “I’m hurt.”

  “What do you want Jessica?” I ask with attitude.

  “Just a little girl bonding time. Time to catch up with my best friend.”

  “Elphaba isn’t here, but you can join her sister under Dorothy’s house. Let’s go Bailey. We don’t need to listen to this shit,” Ella says. We start to stand up to leave when Jessica grabs my arm and pulls me back to my seat.

  “You’re not going anywhere. We need to have a chat,” Jessica hisses.

  “Like I said before, what do you want Jessica?”

  “You’re getting a little chummy with my husband and daughter, aren’t you?”

  “What’s it to you? You left him. Cheated on him from what I hear,” I snap back at her.

  “Yeah. I did. He sucked in bed and was a boring husband. But, that doesn’t mean I want you sniffing around my leftovers. I especially don’t want you playing Mommy with my daughter.”

  “When was the last time you saw Emerson, Jessica? Hmm? Seems to me that the last two times you were supposed to have her, you were conveniently busy,” I argue.

  “Listen, I’m not taking parenting advice from someone who doesn’t have any kids. You need to back the Hell off. You’re going to back off, because if you don’t, I’ll be sure to make plenty of problems for Andrew in the custody case. It would be a real shame if Andrew lost custody of Emerson because of his skanky whore of a girlfriend,” Jessica shrieks. Ella gasps but I know Jessica is bluffing. She just wants to make my life miserable.

  “You’re going to listen to my advice. It’s on you if you don’t take it. You need to spend time with that little girl. She is begging for time with you. When she is waiting for you to pick her up, she gets so excited. She can’t wait for any time or attention you give her.” I start to get angry and start pointing my finger at her. “When she comes home after a weekend with you, she is so quiet like you have sucked the life out of her. She is starving for your attention. She’s getting to the age that she understands that you’d rather be doing anything but spend time with her. She told me a few weeks ago that she was so happy because you hugg
ed her,” I start digging in my purse for my keys.

  “Fuck you,” Jessica hisses.

  “Go fuck yourself. She was happy you hugged her, Jessica. She’s your daughter. Show her you love her.”

  I drop a twenty on the table and storm out the door with Ella on my heels.

  “That was awesome. I’m proud of you girl,” Ella tells me.

  “That felt so good. I had so much more to say to her, but I could feel myself getting increasingly angry,” I reply as we get into my car.

  “Let’s go back then.”

  “No. I need a drink. Something a little stronger than a beer.”

  As we pull into a dive bar down the street, my heart is still racing. I can’t believe I just did that. Hopefully it’ll do some good. As much as I don’t want to have to deal with Jessica, Emerson needs her mom.

  I am just sitting down to relax and watch the Phillies game when I hear a car door slam outside.

  Bailey’s out with Ella, and I just got off the phone with Jake so I don’t know who it could be.

  I ease off the couch at the first knock, then I hear her annoying voice.

  “Andrew,” Jessica yells. I sigh. I don’t have the energy to deal with her tonight.

  “Hello Jessica,” I try my damnedest to leave the emotion out of my voice as I lean against the door jam behind the closed screen.

  “Aren’t you going to invite me inside?” she asks in her sickening sweet voice.

  “No.”

  She huffs. “Fine, I’ll be damned if I’m going to let Bailey watch Emerson during day.”

  “Just figured that out did ya,” I sigh. I figured she’d put up a fight about this but I didn’t think it would take this long to happen. “Weren’t you the one who told me to pick the daycare, because you didn’t have time to look for one.”

  She shifted on her feet feeling uncomfortable. “Yeah, but …”

  “And weren’t you the one who told me to pick somewhere cheap because you didn’t want to pay extra money for a babysitter.” I continue calmly.

  “Yes, but …” her shoulder slumps.

  “I’ll tell you what, you start paying me child support to pay for daycare, and I’ll let you help make the decisions about where Emerson goes during the day.”

  “Andrew,” she whines, “I’ll take you to court over this. I don’t want her watching Emerson.”

  “And I’m sure that the judge would be surprised to know that you could be watching her all summer, but you don’t want to.”

  Jessica huffs. She turns on her heel and stomps off.

  “This isn’t over Andrew,” she yells over her shoulder.

  I shake my head and go back to my Phillies game.

  I start to drive to Bailey’s house after dropping Emerson off at my mom’s. It’s early but she’s probably out running. I want to make her breakfast for when she comes back. Jessica called and texted me all night complaining about her run in with Bailey after she left my house. I turned my phone off after the third call and when I turned it on this morning, I saw she had left me several long messages. I didn’t realize she had gotten to Bailey before she came to my house. Poor Bailey. I can’t imagine what she went through last night.

  I walk into the house and see right away that Bailey is not out running. She is laying on the recliner, one foot over the arm rest and twisted like a pretzel. She is in the same outfit she left the house in last night. Her hair is plastered to the side of her head and her mascara has left her looking like a raccoon.

  “Holy shit.” I walk to the bathroom and to get some pain killers for her. She’s going to need them. After getting a glass of orange juice, I walk back to the living room and hear Chase whining in his crate, so I let him out. By the time I get back, Bailey is sitting up drinking her orange juice.

  “Thank you for this,” says said holding up the juice glass.

  “Rough night?”

  “You have no idea.” She lays her head back and puts both arms over her head.

  “I think the fact that Jessica paid me a visit and then was blowing up my phone all night gives me a pretty good idea.” I pull one hand down and apply pressure to the spot between her thumb and pointer finger trying to relieve the pain that is so visible on her face.

  “She came to your house? I’m so sorry. Can she really cause problems?”

  “You have nothing to be sorry about. What happened? I only got Jessica’s version which I know from experience is far from the truth.”

  “She came in and sat at our table. She told me in not such a nice way that I needed to stop seeing you and Emerson or she was going to cause problems with the custody case. I told her to stay out of it and reminded her that she is a mother and should start acting that way.”

  “You told her to stay out of it. Were those your exact words?” I ask trying to hide my smile.

  “Well. No.” She pulls her hand away to hide her face again.

  “So that part was true. You told her to fuck herself. I would have loved to hear that.” I can no longer control the laughter.

  “I was really angry. She’s not going to tell me who I can and can’t see.”

  “I can’t believe you swore in public. Hell, I can’t believe you swore at all. Three years in college we tried to get to you say one bad word and you never did.”

  “Eating soap in the third grade was a lesson enough for me thank you,” she declares.

  “That’s just one of the things that makes you so wonderful,” I say as I kiss her forehead. “I was going to make you breakfast while you were out on your run, but seeing as you are in no condition to run right now, can I take you out for breakfast? Some grease will help that hangover.”

  “That sounds great. I’m going to get in the shower quick. I’ll be down in a minute.”

  “Bring a bathing suit. We are finally going swimming after lunch. Summer is almost half over and we haven’t been swimming once.” She goes upstairs and I make some sandwiches to bring to the pool with us. It isn’t very warm outside but I’ve been dying to see her in a bathing suit.

  “So, where to for breakfast?” she asks when she reenters the kitchen a few minutes later.

  “Dunkin Donuts then to the museum to feed the ducks. Romantic, right?”

  “So romantic,” she says as she grabs my hand. I squeeze it three times as she leans up to kiss my cheek.

  “Let’s go. You’re going to tell me all about the naughty things you did last night while we drive to get breakfast,” I tell her.

  She is shaking her head at me, wincing at the pain, as I pull her toward my car and open the door for her. As I walk around the car, it hits me how different my life has been this past month since reconnecting with Bailey. We haven’t fought once. We’ve had our disagreements, but we have been able to talk about them and come to a consensus or to agree to disagree. In my first month of marriage to Jessica, we had more knock down, drag out fights than I care to count. I am standing behind the car as Bailey opens the door and stands.

  “Are you ok?”

  “Yes. Just thinking about how lucky I am,” I admit.

  She just looks at me as I smile at her and climb in the car. It’s quiet the rest of the way to Dunkin Donuts, then again to the museum down the road. I open the door for her and take her hand to kiss her palm. She purrs.

  “I love when you do that.”

  “Do what?”

  “Kiss my palm. It’s such a sweet and gentle gesture.”

  We walk to the nearest bench, take a seat, and start eating our egg and bacon bagels. As we sit quietly enjoying the park, a boy runs by with his little brother chasing him. When they get to the end of the path the big brother turns around, lets himself get caught and yells, “You better run, I’m going to get you now,” letting his little brother get a head start.

  “I can’t wait until Emerson gets to be a big sister. She’s always wanted a little baby brother.” I say as I watch the two boys chase each other. I look over at Bailey and smile. Then I notice that she has
a frown on her face. “What’s wrong?” I ask as I scoot closer and put my arm around her.

  “Emerson would make a great big sister. She’s so caring.”

  “Bailey?” I question. Something’s wrong.

  “Have you always wanted more kids?”

  “Yes, I’ve always wanted two kids. I was an only child growing up. I don’t want that for Emerson. It’s so sad growing up with no one to play with, no one to share your toys. She won’t even have any cousins to play with.” The tears are now rolling down Bailey’s face.

  “I didn’t know you wanted more children,” she says trying to dry her face. “Andrew, there is something I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while, but I never knew how to bring it up. Now I have the chance, and I don’t want to tell you.”

  “Bailey, what is it? It can’t be that bad. Just tell me.”

  “In the few months that I was trying to convince David that I wanted to get pregnant, I had my yearly appointment. I mentioned to the doctor that I was having major pains in my abdomen but I didn’t know what the problem was. She ran a few tests, and found that I have Endometriosis,” she sobs. I can barely understand her.

  “I don’t understand Bailey.”

  “It means that I can’t have children. I can’t get pregnant. I could never give you a child.” She cries though her tears. She gets up from the bench and starts running down the path. I’m running after her right away. When she hears me behind her, she starts running faster. I keep running until I can’t breathe anymore and just like that, she is gone. My heart is racing and not just because I was running. She is running away, and she has my heart with her.

  “Ella, do you think we can leave today for Penn State?” I ask though the sobs over the phone as I finish packing up some last minute items. I have to get out of this house. I don’t know which would be worse, Andrew coming to find me, or not.

  “Bailey, what’s wrong?” Ella asks.