Promises to Keep

by Kathryn Shay

  She handed him both. Standing, he headed to the counter. He turned everything over to the clerk, who said, “You want those?” The guy pointed to the condoms.

  “Oh, yeah.” He seemed flustered as he dug in his pocket for more money and paid the bill.

  He returned to her and gave her the package. Taking it, she stood and, wordlessly, strode down the aisle. She was so confused, so afraid of her feelings she had to get out of there.

  Just as she stepped outside, he grabbed her. “Kelsey, wait.”

  Her voice rose. “I told you not to call me that.” Her hands trembled as she shook him off. “Don’t,” she said frantically, tears misting her eyes. “Just don’t.”

  “All right. All right. Calm down. I won’t call you that.”

  The package slipped from her hands and toppled onto the wet sidewalk. Out fell the condoms. French ticklers.

  “Fuck.” The obscenity came from Luke’s mouth as he bent down to scoop up the contents.

  And suddenly it was too much. She couldn’t breathe. She had to get away from him. Grabbing back the bag, she turned away and took off down the street.

  “Kelsey. Wait.”

  She quickened her pace. Just as she got to the end of the sidewalk, she slipped. Her feet went out from under her and she went down right on her fanny. “Oh...” She grabbed for her knee, but it twisted anyway. “Oh, shit.”

  He came up behind her; putting her head down, she battled back the tears.

  Squatting again, he tipped her chin. “Are you hurt?”

  She nodded.

  “Come on, honey, I’ll take you home.”

  “Oh, God, no.”

  Calm as a doctor in surgery, he stood and reached out his hand. “You’re overwrought. You can’t drive. I’ll take you home.”

  Again, she shook her head. She’d sunk so low, sitting there as the wet drizzle seeped into her jeans, lusting after a student.

  Luke sighed and bent over; then she felt herself being lifted, just like that night in her house. She tried not to cuddle into him, but he felt so good, and she was so upset, and she was chilled, and her knee hurt...

  Soon, she was on the front seat of his car. “What... Oh, no, Luke, I can’t.”

  In a grown man’s voice, he said, “You can’t drive. I’ll take you home.”

  “What about my car?”

  “We’ll worry about that later. I’ll take you home. I promise, that’s all.”

  He knew, of course. Felt it, too. Somewhere in her heart, she’d sensed that he reciprocated her feelings for a long time.

  The silence in the car on the way to her house was deafening, broken only by occasional nervous coughs and sniffles. Okay, she’d deal with this, she thought as they hit a bump and she jolted against the door. She’d tell Suzanna tomorrow that Luke had to be taken out of her classes. No matter what Suzanna thought of her after that, she had to protect Luke from herself. And if she didn’t have to see him, maybe she could face herself in the mirror in the morning.

  At her house, Luke exited the car and helped her up the sidewalk; she was limping again. He took the key when her hands shook too much to fit it in the lock. Without looking at him, she entered the foyer and turned to close the door.

  He blocked it.

  “Please, Luke. Just go.”

  “In a minute.” Luke stepped inside and shut the door. He couldn’t leave her like this, no matter what he’d promised. Momentarily, the man inside him eclipsed the agent. He cared for this woman and refused to leave her when she was so upset—about him and her feelings for him.

  Mechanically, she removed her coat and dropped it on the floor along with her purse. Limping, she went into the living room. She stopped at the couch. Stared at it. Seemed mesmerized by it.

  So did he. He could remember the feel of her, heavy in his hand, and his fingers flexed with the memory. He could still summon her scent. He closed his eyes to recall it more acutely. When he opened them, she was staring at him. She looked from him to the couch. Then back at him again.

  “You spent the night here that Saturday, didn’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  “I thought I was dreaming you touched me.”

  “You were dreaming.” And though God would damn him, he added, “But I touched you.” He ran frustrated fingers through his hair. “You surprised me. Pulled my hand to your...” His eyes dropped to her breasts. “I wanted to...”

  She whipped around. Her face was ravaged, her eyes haunted. She’d come face-to-face with what she saw as a complete breach of ethics in herself. Still, she lifted her chin. “You need to leave here now. You have to be taken out of my classes. Maybe I’ll quit Fairholm. Quit high school teaching. Go to Yale like my—”

  “No.” He couldn’t allow this. “No, you won’t. You don’t understand.”

  “I understand only too well.” And then she started to cry. She buried her face in her hands and wept for the person she thought she was.

  Without conscious thought, he crossed to her. “Kelsey, this whole situation isn’t what you think.”

  She looked up at him. “Please just leave.”

  “You don’t understand.”

  She shook her head.

  And he couldn’t take it anymore. He pulled her close. She resisted. With force, he held her next to his heart. She tried to pull away again. Finally, when she couldn’t, she let go, clutched his shirt, and sobbed into his chest. “I’m so awful,” she said. “So awful.”

  He kissed her hair.

  “Nooo...” She cried harder.

  She stayed in his arms until she calmed. Then, she pulled away. “Please, just go.”

  Sanity returned for him. He stepped back.

  She swallowed hard. “Luke, if you have any feelings for me at all, you’ll leave here right now.”

  He watched her.

  “Please.”

  “All right. I’ll leave. For now.”

  But he’d be back. And soon. Something had to be done. He wasn’t going to let this go any further. At the door, he glanced over his shoulder. She’d dropped down on the couch and was crying again into her hands.

  “No further.” He mumbled the promise to her and to himself, then strode out of her home.

  o0o

  He was the epitome of sexiness, lazing back in the six-foot-long Jacuzzi that Suzanna had installed when she remodeled her bedroom suite. The scent of the tropics was in the air and steam rose off the water. As the jets swirled around them, her blood began to heat.

  Again.

  What had happened to her in the last few days? She was like another woman—another creature. Sensuous. Sexual. Very sexual. And it was because of Joe.

  He was as he’d been in Connecticut. Relaxed. Happy. And now, of course, well-satisfied. Her leg bumped his, and she felt his corded muscles slide against her.

  “What’s that grin for?” he asked huskily.

  That voice: Turn a little to the right, sweetheart. That’s it. Now ease up so I can get my hand under...

  “I was just thinking how satisfied you look.”

  “Ah.” Reaching out, he grasped her foot. His thumb kneaded the instep.

  “Mmm.

  A foot massage is better than sex, she’d told him in bed last night.

  I’ll have to do something about that, he’d retorted, turning her over. Taking his sweet old time, he showed her that nothing on earth was better than sex with him.

  “That’s because I am satisfied.” He kissed her toes. “Because of you, cara.”

  She laughed at his use of Italian, which he spoke fluently. For three days he’d been thanking the mother country for taking Josh away so they could have this stolen time together.

  “Can you stay again tonight?”

  The agent’s scowl came back. “Luke’s already suspicious.”

  “Didn’t believe you needed to sleep on the couch in the den to protect me since Josh is gone, did he?”

  “Not a word.”

  “Do you care?”


  Joe’s brow formed a vee. “If it wasn’t for all that stuff about Kelsey—about their feelings for each other—I wouldn’t.”

  The snake in the Garden of Eden.

  “I don’t want to think about that now.” She closed her eyes, lay back against the tub. “I don’t want to think at all.”

  His hand slid down and cupped her. “That I can take care of.”

  “J-o-e.” His name was one long moan,

  After they came together, swiftly and without gentleness—she loved it—she offered to go get them some wine. The vision of him in the fiberglass tub kept her smiling all the way down the stairs.

  The doorbell was chiming. They must not have heard it with the jets on in the tub. Then she realized Joe’s phone, which he’d left on the foyer table, was also ringing. Before she could react, there was hammering on the door.

  She peeked out the side window.

  Luke paced the front porch, a phone at his ear and punching the bell. She tightened the sash on her white terry robe and opened the door. At the murderous look in his eye, her heart began to pound. She stepped aside and he strode into the foyer.

  “Where the fuck is he? He’s not supposed to be incommunicado.”

  Suzanna’s eyes widened at Luke’s language. Not once in the months she’d known him had he been anything but a courtly knight around her.

  He ran a hand through his hair, much as Joe often did out of frustration. “I’m sorry. I’m upset.”

  She drew him inside. “Is something wrong?” Again the panicky tattoo of her heart. “Is someone hurt?”

  “Not like you mean. Everybody’s physically safe.” He glanced to the back of the house. “Is Joe in the den? I have to talk to him.”

  “Um...let me take your coat.”

  “I don’t want you to take my coat. I want to talk to Joe. Now.” Brushing past her, he strode down the corridor to the den where Joe had told Luke he was bunking. Not sure of what to do, Suzanna followed. “He’s not back there,” she finally said.

  Inside the empty room, Luke looked around. “He’s here, isn’t he?”

  “Yes.”

  Luke faced her. Seemed, for the first time, to take in how she was dressed in the middle of the day. “Suzanna, what’s going on?”

  “I...let me go get Joe.”

  It wasn’t necessary. Whistling preceded him down the hall, then, “Hey, woman, don’t you know enough not to keep your man—” He appeared in the doorway, wearing only sweat pants and a mischievous expression on his face.

  Simultaneously, he and Luke froze. Suzanna stilled, off to the side, waiting to take her cue from Joe.

  After a moment, Luke’s gaze whipped from Joe to her and back again to his boss. Then he rolled his eyes. “Oh, great, this is just great.”

  Suzanna was pretty sure that up until now, Luke, too, had thought hers and Joe’s relationship was only a ruse.

  Joe eased away from the doorway and over to Suzanna. He placed himself between her and Luke. “Has something happened?”

  Luke was all adult now. “Yes.” His face darkened. “We have to tell Kelsey right away that I’m not really one of her students.”

  Shoulders relaxing, Joe sighed. “We’ve already been through this, Luke. I’m sorry, she can never know.”

  “Yeah, well, that was before she started to think she was a pervert.” His voice was full of outrage.

  Suzanna stepped out from behind Joe. “What happened?”

  His hazel eyes were full of remorse. “I did something stupid.”

  “What?”

  Luke looked to Joe, and once again Suzanna was reminded of a son seeking approval from his father. She was stunned by the intensity of Luke’s expression. “I...something personal happened between us.”

  Joe’s face went blank. “What?”

  “I can’t go into it.”

  “We talked about this. Suzanna told you how Kelsey felt about you. You promised to stay away from her.”

  “I did stay away from her. This was the before that conversation—the night I stayed over. She remembered it and...” He reddened. “Look, it’s too private to go into.” Stepping closer to Suzanna, he swallowed hard. “We’ve got to go over there. I’ve never seen her so upset. She’s calling herself all sorts of names. I’m afraid she’d going to leave Fairholm, Suzanna.”

  Turning to Joe, Suzanna said, “We have to tell her.”

  “No.” Again the cold stoniness. “I made this decision once, and nothing’s changed.” Gone was the tender lover of a few moments ago. In his place was the agent, stiff, formal, and uncompromising.

  Suzanna crossed her arms over her chest. “That was before she thought she was some kind a deviant. I know Kelsey. She won’t be able to live with herself if she thinks she’s done something unethical. She’ll quit teaching altogether.”

  “Oh, God.” Luke groaned.

  “She’ll get over it.” Joe’s tone was implacable.

  “Not Kelsey. She’s a perfectionist. An overachiever. She’ll berate herself in the worst way. Just being attracted to Luke brought her down. Knowing she did something with him she thinks is unethical will destroy her self-confidence and self-esteem.”

  “She’ll get over it,” he repeated.

  “No, Joe, she won’t. It’ll alter her decisions for the rest of her life.” Suzanna’s voice quavered. “I should have pushed harder for this before. I shouldn’t have betrayed her trust and let it get this far.”

  Still, Joe didn’t budge.

  Luke stepped forward. “You can have my badge. I’ll leave town right away, and you won’t have to worry about how she treats me in school. And I’ll never see her again. But you can’t allow her to think of herself like this. I won’t let you.” In a gesture more reminiscent of affection than pique, he grasped Joe’s arm. “I can guess what’s happened between you and Suzanna. What if she was in Kelsey’s place? What would you do?”

  Joe stared at Luke, then transferred his gaze to Suzanna. There was deep conflict in his eyes, and Suzanna’s heart ached for him.

  To help Kelsey, yes, but to help him, too, she said softly, “I know the man you really are, Joe. I know you won’t let her suffer. Not a girl who’s like my daughter.”

  Filled with angst, Joe closed his eyes, and the man battled with the agent. Please, God, don’t let the agent win. Suzanna knew in her heart this was the right thing to do. Joe didn’t realize it, but they could trust Kelsey.

  What would she do if Joe refused, like the last time? Whose side would she choose?

  He opened his eyes. “All right. Let’s get dressed. We’ll go tell her.”

  o0o

  Kelsey drew the paper out of her printer. As her father had taught her, she scanned it for errors. The simply stated words cut like glass slivers into the skin.

  Dear Dr Maloney,

  It is with great regret that I must resign from my teaching position at Fairholm High School, effective immediately. Given the events of the recent weeks, I no longer feel capable of performing my duties as a teacher

  Sincerely,

  Kelsey L. Cunningham

  Picking up a pen, she signed two copies—one for the district and one for Suzanna.

  Suzanna, who’d done nothing but be there for Kelsey her whole life, always with her best interest at heart. Suzanna, who would be so disappointed in her.

  It’s okay to have those feelings, sweetie. Just so you don’t act on them. He’s a virile young man...you can’t control your reactions...you can control what you do about them...my money’s on you.

  Yeah, well, Suzanna, you lost your bet. Big-time. “I blew it right out of the water,” she said aloud. Sinking back into the desk chair, she scanned the room. It was a mistake. The wall facing her was full of accolades. Hours before, she’d been proud of the Teacher of the Year Award given by the Honor Society, the Social Studies Teacher of Excellence recognition she’d received from the state. There were pictures of her track teams. Her gaze fell on the bookshelf. She stood. Her leg
ached, but she limped over, scooped up the scrapbook full of memories, and sat down on the floor.

  Methodically she opened it, turned the pages, and came face-to-face with all she’d lost. Her first year of teaching she’d taken pictures of her classes so she’d remember them. She’d saved letters from kids she’d helped, reviews from the administrators she’d worked under, a certificate from the first track meet her team had won.

  Tears streamed down her cheeks, and she swiped impatiently at them. She’d broken the implicit promise every teacher makes to her students—to behave ethically, to put their welfare above her own. So much had been lost. So much tainted.

  You deserve to feel bad. You let a student touch you intimately.

  She went through the entire scrapbook, the emotional self-flagellation well deserved, necessary to drive home what she’d given up by letting herself care for one of her students as a man.

  Her mind wandered to him; he’d been stricken by what had happened between them. What psychological damage might she have done to him? Had she scarred him permanently? What did it do to know your teacher wanted to fuck you?

  Oh, God.

  Needing to talk to Suzanna about this, she crossed to the desk and reached for the phone. But stopped herself. She couldn’t face Suzanna’s disappointment right now. She couldn’t tell the woman she loved like a mother that she hadn’t been honest with herself or with Suzanna. Tomorrow morning, Kelsey would find her and confess what happened. Then she’d clean out her desk at school over vacation, so she’d have no contact with kids ever again. She picked up the resignation and stared at it.

  Clutching the paper in shaky hands, she put her head down on the desk.

  Eventually, she became aware of a ringing. And pounding. Oh, God, no, please don’t let Luke have come back. He’d been muttering something like No more or No further as he stalked out. She didn’t know what he meant, what he was going to do.

  He was a kid, for God’s sake. Hot-tempered. Volatile. He could do anything.

  No, in her heart, she knew Luke wouldn’t hurt her intentionally. That was something, at least.

  The pounding got louder. She remembered the cops coming here that night Luke had watched her through the window. Shakily she stood and limped to the door. Through the peephole she could see Suzanna and Joe on the porch.