Promises to Keep

by Kathryn Shay

  Joe.

  Luke’s uncle.

  Had he told his uncle? No, he wouldn’t.

  Oh, my God, Luke was upset. He’d torn out of the driveway like a maniac. What if something happened to him? No, no, please...

  She whipped open the door. “Suzanna, what’s—”

  Then she saw him, standing there behind Joe. Oh, God, he must have told Joe. And Joe told Suzanna. Kelsey’s hand clapped over her mouth. She thought she might be ill. Her vision blurred.

  Joe reached out to grasp her arms. “Steady, there. It’s all right.”

  All right? Nothing would ever be all right again. Not when she was the kind of person, the kind of woman, she despised.

  They were all inside now, and Luke shut the door. When he turned around, she caught his gaze. He looked sad, but not...but something...

  Suzanna said, “Come in here, Kel. We need to talk to you.”

  Well, nothing she didn’t deserve. But why wasn’t Suzanna angry, or at least disappointed? She looked...guilty.

  Confused, Kelsey allowed herself to be led to the couch. Suzanna pulled off her coat, Joe shed his, but Luke kept his jacket on. Like Jesse James, ready for a fast getaway.

  Kelsey dropped onto the couch. Suzanna sat next to her. Pointing to her hand, Suzanna asked, “What are you holding, sweetie?”

  She still held the resignation. Wordlessly she handed it to Suzanna.

  Suzanna scanned it, said, “Oh, Kel,” and gave it to Joe. He read it. Passed it to Luke.

  After glancing at it, Luke said, “Son of a bitch.”

  Automatically, Kelsey opened her mouth to tell him not to swear. Then shook her head. What was she thinking?

  Joe said, “Kelsey, we have to tell you something.”

  Kelsey shook her head. What could they say to her that she hadn’t already said to herself? She began to tremble. Suzanna’s arm slid around her. And Kelsey began to cry again.

  “Oh, sweetie.” Suzanna pulled her into a deep embrace. Kelsey burrowed into her, thinking this might be the last time Suzanna would hold her like this, remembering the other times this woman had given her solace: when her father disapproved of her choices, when he wanted to move to New Haven, when he refused to pay her college tuition, and a thousand other times when she needed an adult to depend on. After more than fifteen years of having Suzanna as a surrogate mother, she was going to lose her. The knowledge made Kelsey cry harder.

  A hand smoothed her hair. “Shh, Kelsey, stop crying,” Suzanna crooned. “You need to know some things.”

  Finally she drew back. Joe had come closer and was holding out a handkerchief to her. As she took it and mopped her face, she saw Luke had turned away, staring out the window with his hands jammed in his jeans back pockets. It was as if he couldn’t stand looking at her.

  “Sorry. Say what you have to say. You deserve to.”

  Seeming upset, Joe shook his head. “Kelsey, Luke isn’t eighteen.”

  Oh my God, he was under eighteen? Could she get arrested for... “He...he said he was nineteen.”

  “No, he’s not. He’s twenty-six.”

  “Twenty-six? You can’t be a high school student when you’re twenty-six.”

  “He’s not a high school student.”

  Puzzled, Kelsey glanced at Suzanna.

  “He’s not Joe’s nephew.” Suzanna’s voice was raw.

  Kelsey sat up straighter. “I...I don’t understand.”

  “That’s because we’ve kept things from you.” She could tell Suzanna was trying to be all business. “Luke and Joe are Secret Service Agents assigned to Fairholm High School to prevent some potential violence they think might be brewing.”

  She must be dreaming. This sounded like a late-night TV show. “I don’t understand,” she repeated.

  Joe squatted down before her. “Your school’s been targeted as at risk for eruptions of violence. Luke and I are part of a team that comes to secondary schools to stop that from happening.”

  “You’re not a psychologist?”

  “No, I am a psychologist. I just work for the government.”

  Her heartbeat speeded up. She glanced at Luke, who’d circled back around and was facing her now. His posture was erect, his arms crossed his chest, and his face was blank. Suddenly things fell into place...his intelligence...his mature attitude...his befriending Ben, Smurf, Max...all the troubled kids.

  Ludicrously she said, “No wonder he knew so much about the Secret Service.”

  Joe smiled. So did Suzanna. Luke did not.

  Still stunned, she looked to the woman she loved more than anyone in the world. “How did they do this without your knowing?”

  Suzanna shot Joe a surprised look. A worried look. Then she focused back in on Kelsey. “I knew about it, sweetie.”

  “You knew?” Kelsey tried to wade through the muddle of her mind. “No, no, you couldn’t have known. At least not all this time. Not when I told you last week...” She broke off.

  “Yes, I knew then.”

  “You knew then?”

  “Yes.”

  “No, Suzanna, you misunderstand. You couldn’t have known when I told you...you know...about Luke.”

  Misery claimed Suzanna’s delicate features. “I did know then, Kel.”

  Kelsey swallowed back the emotion in her throat, the significance of Suzanna’s statement crowding out the surprise. “And you didn’t tell me? Suzanna, I confessed my deepest secret, my worst fault. And you didn’t tell me that Luke...?”

  “It was unconscionable, I know, given how you feel about trust. I’m sorry.”

  “No. You can’t take the blame.” This from Joe, who stood abruptly. “I wouldn’t let her tell you, Kelsey. She begged me to bring you in on this, especially after we realized what was happening with you and Luke. I refused, more than once.”

  Kelsey’s head snapped up at Joe’s comment. “She told you about me, about my...feelings?”

  “Yes, and I still wouldn’t allow her to tell you what was going on.”

  A horrible thought came to Kelsey. Her gaze whipped back to Suzanna. “Tell me, Suzanna. Please tell me you didn’t let Luke know how I felt.”

  “Yes, Kel, I did. I’m sorry.”

  “Sorry? You’re sorry?” It was too much to take in. She drew away from Suzanna, stood, and crossed the room to the fireplace, far away from all of them. Sightlessly, she stared into the ashes, trying to make sense of what she’d been told, of what Suzanna had done to her.

  “Kelsey, you’re limping again,” Suzanna said. “You should be off that leg.” It was a mother’s comment.

  For a long moment, Kelsey didn’t speak, trying to internalize what she’d been told. When the implications set in, it was like frostbite warming up. Now that she could feel again, the pain was bone-deep. She turned. “Let me get this straight. You two have been infiltrating our school since February, tricking me, the staff, our students, everybody, for what, three months?”

  Joe moved in front of the others, every inch the leader. “Yes.”

  Again she looked to Suzanna. “And you allowed this?”

  “She had no choice,” Joe answered for her. “Neither did Luke.”

  Oh, God. For the first time, her gaze snapped to Luke. His posture was stiff; his lips, thinned. And he was staring at her. “Did you get a kick out of that, Agent Ludzecky? Did your male ego get stroked when she told you a teacher was attracted to you?”

  “It wasn’t like that, Kelsey.” Luke spoke for the first time, his voice hoarse. “You know it wasn’t.”

  “I know nothing,” she said. She faced Suzanna. “Especially about you. I thought I could trust you.”

  Suzanna’s eyes widened. “I know what a disappointment that is to you, sweetie. Maybe if we could talk about it—” She took a step closer.

  “Don’t come near me.”

  Halting mid-step, Suzanna paled.

  “Do you remember when I was eighteen and my father took the job at Yale without telling me?”

  �
��Yes.”

  “Do you remember what you promised me that night when I said I’d never be able to trust an adult again?”

  “Yes. I said I’d never lie to you, no matter what.”

  Kelsey shook her head. “You lied.”

  “No, I lied.” Joe was agitated, something Kelsey had never seen before. “Haven’t you been listening? I forbade her to reveal this operation to anyone.”

  “Nobody else knows about this?”

  “The superintendent knows,” Joe said hurriedly.

  Suzanna opened her mouth to say something, and Joe cut her off. “Kelsey, people get hurt in undercover situations. It can’t be helped.”

  Luke blew out a breath and jammed his hands in his jacket pockets. “He doesn’t mean that the way it sounded, Kel. This isn’t coming out right.”

  She whirled on him. “Why? Didn’t you have time to plan what spin you’d put on it?”

  Luke stepped toward her.

  She backed up. “Don’t you dare come near me!”

  He stopped, too.

  The three of them exchanged glances. Surprised glances. Oh, for Christ’s sake. “What? Did you all think I was going to be happy about this?”

  Joe said, “Maybe if you saw the reports. You have to let us explain our rationale here...”

  She raised her chin. “No, Agent Stonehouse, I don’t have to do that.” She walked to the table and picked up her resignation, which Suzanna had dropped there, and thrust it out. “Here, Mrs. Quinn. Take this. I’m officially resigning from your high school. As of now, I don’t have to do anything for you. For any of you.” She turned her back on the hurt in Suzanna’s eyes. “Now, get out of my house. And take your spies with you.”

  o0o

  Luke had seen Suzanna face down tough punks and take on Joe better than the Secretary of State had been able to do. But now, she was close to tears. Her pretty complexion was mottled, and she was holding her stomach as if trying to contain the emotion swirling there. Despite all her warnings about Kelsey’s need for trust, neither he nor Joe had really understood what the ramifications of their secret would be. Luke tried to imagine how he’d feel if Matka had betrayed him the way Kelsey thought Suzanna had betrayed her. He couldn’t fathom it.

  “Let’s go.” Joe’s voice was gruff. “Kelsey can use some time to digest this.”

  Biting her lip, Suzanna looked torn. Kelsey had faced away from her again, from all of them.

  “All right.” Straightening, Suzanna crossed to her. “Sweetie, I’m sorry. Please think this through.”

  Kelsey didn’t answer. Luke would have given up state secrets to know where her head was.

  Because of that, he said, “I’m not leaving just yet. Kelsey and I have some things to say to each other.”

  “I think you should come with us, Luke.” This from Suzanna.

  “No, let him stay.” Joe straightened. “Come on, Suzanna.” He grabbed their coats and escorted her out of the room.

  In moments, the front door snapped shut.

  As soon as it did, Kelsey whirled on him. Temper sizzled in her eyes. “So, what does the hotshot secret agent have to say to me in private?”

  “Just one thing.”

  “Shoot. Or is that too much of a pun among you guys?”

  “Getting shot is nothing to joke about.” He rubbed his shoulder.

  Her face paled. “You’ve been shot?”

  “Yes.”

  She didn’t say anything.

  “My one point is, how much is a kid’s life worth, Kelsey?”

  “A kid’s life?”

  “Uh-huh.” He jammed his hands into his jacket pockets. “That’s why we’re here. To save lives. Your students’ lives.”

  “Pretty melodramatic, isn’t it?”

  “The parents at Columbine and all those other schools that have had violence wouldn’t think so.”

  Again her face went ashen.

  He was sorry to slap her down so brutally when she was already raw, but she had to know why he’d deceived her. “Isn’t that worth a few hurt feelings?”

  “Hurt feelings? Hurt feelings?” When she began to pace, her knee buckled. “Shit.”

  He started toward her.

  “Don’t come near me!”

  “All right. Sit down.”

  “Son of a bitch!” She limped to the couch. Reclining on the cushions, much like that night he slept here, she stared up at him with a lethal glare. “I’ve got more than hurt feelings, Agent Ludzecky. For weeks, I’ve questioned my integrity. The kind of person I am. I felt like a pervert having...caring...wanting...” She didn’t finish.

  “The operative word here is felt, isn’t it? You didn’t do anything.”

  “Damn it, I won’t let you twist this around to suit your purposes.”

  He went on as if she hadn’t spoken. “And you didn’t even have feelings for a kid. You had feelings, sexual feelings,” he couldn’t help adding, “for a hot, twenty-six-year-old man.”

  “A modest one, too,” she shot back.

  “Look, it was hurtful to trick you. To trick all the teachers and kids at Fairholm. Suzanna has had a hell of a time with this.”

  “I don’t want to talk about Suzanna.” Her tone had gone deadly cold.

  “She’s hurting.”

  “I don’t want to talk about her.” Kelsey’s voice rose a notch. “I won’t.”

  “All right, then listen to this. The government is trying to stem the wave of school shootings. Maybe if you knew more about our operation...”

  “I don’t want to know more. I just want to be out of this situation. Away from you.”

  “Why? We can be together now.”

  “Not in your wildest fantasies.”

  He arched a brow. “Hmm. They have been wild.”

  “Don’t flirt with me, you bastard.” She thought for a minute. Steam came to her eyes again. “Damn you, I believed all that shit about your mother, your father...your troubled soul.”

  “Actually, most of that was true. I do miss my mother. And my sisters. It’s hard not seeing them.”

  “Yeah, well, if it’s true what you said about your father, I can understand now why you disappointed him.”

  Zing, zing, right through his heart. He didn’t have to fake the pain. “That was cruel. Purposely cruel.” He swallowed hard. “Especially since it’s true.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “You know, I never did one thing to intentionally hurt you the way you just hurt me. Not one thing that wasn’t necessary for the operation.”

  “No? How about playing the lecherous teenager and insulting me? You did that intentionally, didn’t you?”

  “I did that to push you away.” He began to pace. God, he hated explaining himself. “I knew how you felt, that you were having feelings for me. Sexual feelings.”

  “Jesus Christ.” She stood again, and despite her limp, crossed to the other side of the room. “Suzanna told you everything I confided in her. I’m so embarrassed.”

  “I felt...feel...the same way about you, honey.”

  “Don’t call me that.” She turned around. “And don’t think for a minute I’m going to be your playmate while you’re here impersonating James Bond, and then have you move on when you’re done. What? Do you find a young teacher to seduce in every district you infiltrate?”

  “No,” he said quietly. “It’s never happened to me before.”

  “I don’t believe that.”

  “I’m sorry that you don’t.”

  She said, “All right, I’ve listened. I’ve heard your explanations, paltry though they are. Now get out of my house.”

  “God, you’re stubborn.”

  “Why, because I’m not falling at your feet?”

  Well, yes. Usually women were all over him when they found out he was an agent.

  She knew what he was thinking. “An ego to match your gall, I see. Let me tell you something, Ludzecky. I happen to prefer mature men who are honest and forthright.”

  “Oh, lik
e Mike I-Wanna-Blow-Your-House-Down Wolfe?”

  “At least Mike’s honest about what he wants from me.”

  That did it. Luke stalked to her. Grabbed her arms like the man he was. “And you’re gonna give it to him? Over my dead body.”

  He saw it in her eyes. The primal response to his proximity. To his jealousy. So he took advantage of it. Yanking her close, he crushed her against his chest. Not gently, his arms banded around her. Before she could protest, his mouth took hers. Devoured it. She tasted the way he knew she would—hot, sweet, and as tempting as Eve. His tongue mastered hers as he explored her.

  And she allowed it. Participated. Encouraged.

  The kiss was merciless and went on for a long time.

  Finally he drew back. “Now you have to deal with me as a man. Think about that.” Turning, he strode to the door, dragged it open, and slammed it as he left.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Suzanna barely made it home before she collapsed into a storm of weeping. As Joe held her, he cursed himself, the Secret Service, and teenagers in general for forcing adults to deceive each other in order to protect them.

  “Shh,” he whispered against her hair, holding on to her tightly. “It’ll be all right.” He’d seen Suzanna cry so few times, her breakdown unnerved him. “It’s my fault.”

  She shook her head, her face against his chest. She burrowed into the sweater he’d thrown on with jeans.

  “Yes, it is. I should have listened to you and Luke last week, told Kelsey then.”

  Struggling for composure, she drew back. Her lashes were spiky, her eyes filled with remorse. “It’s nobody’s fault. Especially not yours. You did what you thought was best.”

  “No. I miscalculated.” It was time for some honesty, no matter how painful. “I knew about her relationship with her father. How she trusted you. I should have listened to you.” Though he hadn’t understood, really, because he never had a mother, or any adult in his life, he could trust the way Kelsey trusted Suzanna. Still it didn’t excuse the damage he’d done. He’d destroyed something beautiful, and more fragile than he could ever have imagined.