Our Love

by Vanessa Miller

  She sighed and sat down at the head of the conference table to wait for the board members to come in and pronounce judgment against her. If only David were here, she thought. He would know what to do. But wasn’t that the reason she was in so much hot water now—because David wasn’t here and would never be here again? She had let her husband’s death steal her joy, and she’d taken her focus off of building the ministry the two of them had labored together to grow for so many years.

  Yvonne had to face the facts. David was gone, and she was driving Christ-Life Sanctuary into the ground. She couldn’t imagine that God was pleased with the way she had been handling things. Since David’s death, she had scheduled countless ministers to preach on Sunday mornings when she’d known full well that the congregation was expecting to hear from her. She’d cancelled retreats and conferences that many members looked forward to each year. She had been grieving too much to think about what mattered to her church members. No wonder so many people had chosen to leave after David’s death.

  She hadn’t even been there for her own daughters these past eighteen months. Toya was strong. She could survive while Yvonne took time to grieve. But Tia needed her mother, and, in the absence of her care and support, her baby had gotten pregnant and was now expecting a baby of her own. Yvonne couldn’t let it end like this. From this day forward, by the grace of God, she would strive to be a better mother. And if the church board would give her another chance, she would be the leader God had ordained her to be. Her destiny was tied to this church. David might be dead, but God’s church was still very much alive, albeit languishing. Yvonne would never again be responsible for its failure to thrive.

  The door to the conference room opened, and Deacon Clarence Brown walked in. He was the church’s finance director, as well as a member of the board. Deacon Brown didn’t want a woman telling him how to get from here to there, let alone how to live his life. Yvonne knew that he was opposed to her primarily because he didn’t want a woman preaching to him about anything. But she had known this man for years; she and David had often invited him over for dinner, and they’d attended his children’s college graduations and weddings. So, Yvonne hoped that Deacon Brown would change his mind about her.

  “Pastor,” Deacon Brown said, acknowledging Yvonne as he sat down next to her.

  “Hey, Deacon. I hope you’re in a better mood today,” Yvonne said, hoping humor would convince him that she’d forgiven his behavior the last time she’d talked to him. The time he’d flat out accused her of running members away from the church.

  Deacon Brown had sense enough to lower his head in apparent regret. “Things got a little out of hand during our last meeting, Pastor,” he said. “I assure you, I meant no disrespect.”

  Before Yvonne could respond to him, the door opened again, and, one by one, elders Dwight Conrad, Wanda Pearson, Beverly Carson, and Joel Johnson came in. They took their seats, and their effort not to look in her direction was obvious to Yvonne. These people had been her friends, her confidants, and she wasn’t about to let this meeting take away the good memories she’d made with them. “Hello, everyone,” she said, trying to sound cheerful. “I’m glad you could make it.”

  Somehow, all of the board members seemed to have caught the lowered-head disease. They mumbled their hellos or spoke to her while appearing to examine the carpet beneath the table.

  Yvonne was saved from having to manufacture further conversation with people who obviously didn’t want to talk with her when Thomas walked into the conference room. She smiled as every head in the room turned to him. Thomas had a commanding presence that demanded to be noticed, whether he was dressed in jeans and a T-shirt or an expensive tailored suit like the one he wore now. But then again, Yvonne reasoned, it would be hard not to notice a six foot three inch, hundred-and-eighty-pound chocolate treat like Thomas. Oh my God! Did I really just think that? Yvonne silently chided herself for her thoughts. She had known Thomas for more than thirty years, so, naturally, she’d noticed that the man was handsome; that was a fact that no man, woman, or child could ignore. But she had never thought of him as a “chocolate treat”!

  Okay, she needed to rewind and refocus. This was an important meeting concerning her place in the ministry that she and her husband had built. It was certainly not the time to be thinking about how handsome some guy was. She cleared her throat and, when she believed she had everyone’s attention, whether they were looking at her or not, she began. “Okay, since everyone is here now, I guess we can get this meeting started.”

  Almost before she’d finished speaking, Deacon Brown stood up. “None of us wants to be here,” he said, letting his gaze fall on each person at the table. “We all recognize that Pastor Yvonne helped build this church right alongside Pastor David. And we are grateful for everything she has done for this ministry through the years.”

  Then why are we here? Yvonne wanted to ask. But she was sure that Deacon Brown was getting ready to fill them all in on the reason this cutthroat meeting had been called.

  “Now, Pastor Yvonne, we know that you’ve been under a lot of stress since Pastor David passed away. You’ve done the best you could, considering the circumstances, but the fact remains that we are losing members left and right—”

  “You blame me for the members leaving the church?” Yvonne interrupted him. This was a sore subject for her, and as much as she tried to practice self-restraint and remain cool, she could not help defending herself. She had nurtured and cared for so many of Christ-Life’s members through the years, and the fact that many of them just walked out at a time when she desperately needed them didn’t sit right with her. The intimidation that their departure had been her own fault was not something she wanted to hear right now, as much as she acknowledged its validity. She looked around the table at the faces of the men and women, some of whom had been handpicked by her to serve on this board. None of them met her eyes.

  There was a moment of awkward silence, and then Elder Dwight spoke. “We know things have been difficult for you, Pastor Yvonne. And God knows we don’t want to make things worse.”

  “But not only have we lost members; we are now in debt to the tune of three hundred thousand dollars, with no way to pay our creditors,” Deacon Brown chimed in.

  “And I guess the tanking economy is my fault, too?” Yvonne felt herself glaring at the board members, daring them to blame her. “Is it my fault, Deacon Brown, that so many of our members have lost their jobs in the auto industry and now don’t have enough money to put in the offering plate?”

  When no one responded, Yvonne was tempted to start doling out pieces of her mind as if she were passing out candy. One by one, she wanted to let the board members know just what she thought of their scheming. God doesn’t like ugly, and right now, Yvonne wished for warts and big fat pimples to cover their faces—sparing Thomas, of course. She wanted them to be just as ugly outside as they clearly had to be on the inside.

  “I can tell that you’re upset, Pastor, but you need to look at this thing from our perspective,” Deacon Brown finally replied. “The bank is going to foreclose on this church building in a couple of months if we don’t come up with the money we owe, and with the rate at which members are leaving the church, it doesn’t seem like we will ever be able to catch up on these bills.”

  “Okay,” Yvonne conceded. “I may not have been attuned to the effect my grieving was having on the growth of the church. But I’m only human. If you guys give me a chance, I know I can fix this.”

  Elder Joel Johnson spoke up next. “To be honest, Pastor, we’ve given you eighteen months too long already. I don’t think this church can survive with you at the helm for much longer.”

  Elder Johnson’s statement hurt like a punch in the stomach. Yvonne wanted to defend herself. She wanted to list off all the things she had personally done for this church. But then she remembered Tia’s call with the news that she was pregnant. She also thought about how many times she had declined to preach because she had
been too busy grieving. And she relented.

  “Look, I didn’t come here to argue with you all. The fact is, I agree with your conclusions.” At that moment, she wanted to resign and save them the trouble of throwing her out of the church she’d helped her husband build, but she couldn’t bring herself to say the words. So, she decided to just let them do it. They seemed eager enough to be rid of her. “Let’s just go ahead and vote.”

  She glanced at Thomas, who gave her a look that begged her not to throw in the towel. “Are you sure about this, Yvonne?”

  Yvonne turned away. She couldn’t bear to look into his eyes. She knew he didn’t want her to give up so easily, but what else could she do? The board members were right. She hadn’t just been sleeping on the job; she’d grieved too long and hadn’t done her job, period. God help her, she wished she could change things, because she didn’t want to be forced out of her beloved church. But if she was running it to the ground, how could she stay? “I don’t think they are interested in anything I have to say, so we might as well get on with it,” she told him.

  ***

  Thomas’s heart broke at the sadness he saw in Yvonne’s eyes. Looking around the room at the stern faces of most of the other board members, he could tell that this vote was not going to go well. He couldn’t let them take this church from Yvonne. Moved by an inner urging that could only have been the Spirit, he stood up and announced, “There is no need to hold a vote. I will give Christ-Life Sanctuary the three hundred thousand it needs to clear its debt.”

  “B-but w-why would you do that?” Elder Conrad sputtered.

  “Good grief, man, who cares why?” Elder Johnson said. “If Thomas is willing to get our necks out of the noose, I’m just going to accept his money and say thank you.” He smiled for the first time since he’d entered the conference room.

  “In good conscience, I can’t let you do this, Mr. Reed,” Deacon Brown said. “This church is deep in debt. You’d be throwing your money away.”

  “It’s my money. I should be able to ‘throw it’ where ever I want,” Thomas countered.

  He looked at Yvonne, who stared at him with a look of disbelief on her face. He nodded to assure her that he knew what he was doing, but she must not have been convinced.

  “Deacon Brown is right, Thomas,” she said. “If the church is in this much debt, and our tithing members are leaving, how can I hope to guarantee that you will get your money back?”

  “Well, doesn’t the Bible say that it is more blessed to give than to receive? I believe the Word of God, so I’ll just give you the money. There’s no need to give it back.”

  Now Yvonne stood up, placed her palms firmly on the table, and leaned forward toward Thomas. “I will not let you do this,” she said firmly. “Go give your money to Jarrod if you have three hundred thousand dollars to throw away. Let him buy a Ferrari with it or something.”

  “Well, there’s where you’re wrong, Yvonne, because I’m not just throwing my money away. The money I’m offering to Christ-Life Sanctuary comes with conditions.” Thomas had another nudge from the Spirit, and he was certain that this would convince the board members.

  “And what are your conditions, Mr. Reed?” Elder Beverly Carson asked.

  “I have only two. The first condition: Yvonne must be allowed to stay on as pastor of Christ-Life.” He paused for a silent prayer of confirmation. “And the second condition: I will become co-pastor.”

  ***

  “Thomas Reed, have you lost your mind?” Yvonne asked as she closed the door after ushering the last of the board members out of the conference room.

  “No, I haven’t.”

  “Then why on earth would you tell those people that you want to pastor a church?”

  “It shut them up, didn’t it? Just minutes ago, they were stone-faced and ready to kick you out of your own church. Then, after I spoke up, they were congratulating us and wishing us well as they happily bounced out of here.”

  Yvonne folded her arms across her chest. “And what do you think they are going to do when they realize that you never really intended to move to Detroit or to pastor a dying ministry?”

  “Who says I’m not moving to Detroit? My son lives nearby, and he and I are trying to work on our relationship. Oh, and I’ve got one more reason to move to Detroit: my new church is here. So, what’s the problem?”

  “You don’t like being tied down, Thomas. That’s the problem.” Yvonne unfolded her arms and rubbed her temples. “Look, Thomas. I know you want to help me, but I don’t want you to be miserable in the process.”

  “Who says I would be miserable? I already told you, I’ve reached a point in my life where I’m tired of traveling. I’ve always been in ministry, except that mine has been more on the road. Now I want to grow some roots. I can help you rebuild this church, Yvonne. I’m the one who got you into this mess in the first place, remember?” He gave her a sheepish grin.

  Yvonne smiled begrudgingly. He was mostly right. Thomas had been the one to convince David that a woman could be called to preach the gospel just as easily as a man—an argument Yvonne had tried to make for years, but to no avail. Then, Thomas had come to Christ-Life Sanctuary and preached at a weeknight service. Yvonne hadn’t attended that night, but when David had come home afterward, he’d broken down and cried in front of her. He’d asked her to forgive him and told her that he would never again stand in the way of what God was doing in her life. Yvonne was grateful that Thomas had preached the message God had given him to deliver that night. But that was no reason for her to continue using this man.

  “I’m offering my help to you, Yvonne. Please, take it.”

  “All I asked for was your vote, Thomas. I didn’t ask for your money, and I didn’t ask you to commit your life to something that fulfills my dreams.”

  “I know that, Yvonne. But I really believe that God is pulling me this way. He has been readjusting things in my life lately and helping me to see the error of my ways.” He took her hands and gave them a squeeze. “You need help with this church, Yvonne. Let me be the one to help you.”

  She closed her eyes for a moment to collect her thoughts, then opened them again and met his gaze. “You have always been there for me, Thomas, and for that, I am forever grateful. But I can’t ask you to throw the rest of your life away on me. I just can’t.”

  “I wouldn’t be throwing my life away. I want to do this, Yvonne. Won’t you at least think about it?”

  She pulled her hands out of his and lowered herself into a chair, propping her elbows on the conference table with her palms up. “What do you know about running a church? The first one you had flopped. That’s why you went out on the road, remember?” Even though Yvonne realized that Thomas might be hurt by her words, she was determined to give him a wake-up call.

  “I remember. But do you remember why my church flopped?” Without giving her time to answer, Thomas continued, “Because I was too proud to accept help. David offered to help alleviate our debt, but my belief was that the Lord should take care of everything, and if He didn’t, then He didn’t want me to be a pastor. But I was wrong, Yvonne.” He sat down across from her and put his hands over hers. “We can make this work. You just have to trust me.”

  Yvonne squirmed in her seat. He really wasn’t giving up, was he? “I—I don’t know, Thomas.”

  “Will you at least go out to lunch with me so we can talk about this?”

  She’d gone to lunch with Thomas a hundred times. He was her friend, and she needed a friend right now. “Okay, let’s do lunch. But no more of this crazy talk.”

  Four

  While Yvonne was driving home to change her clothes and freshen up before lunch with Thomas, Toya called her on her cell phone. “Hey, Toy-Toy,” Yvonne said when she picked up the phone. She’d given Toya the nickname as a child and wondered if she’d ever stop using it.

  “Uncle Thomas saves the day again! I’m telling you, Mama, that man was born to be your hero.”

  “Calm dow
n, Toya. Thomas isn’t going to be a hero for anybody, because I’m not letting him do this. And how do you know what happened at the board meeting, anyway?”

  “Beverly Carson called me. She said that Uncle Thomas stood up and started throwing his money around and then told everybody just how things were going to be done from now on.”

  Beverly worked at the law firm where Toya was an attorney, and she was a big blabbermouth. The woman couldn’t hold water. That Go-tell-it-on-the-mountain mouth of Beverly’s made most sisters in the church careful to keep their business to themselves. “I think Thomas just panicked,” Yvonne rationalized. “He’s trying to help me keep the church, and I think he felt like we were running out of options, so he just blurted out the first thing that came to mind without talking to me first.”

  “Well, it sounds like it worked. Beverly told me that the board had already decided that no matter what you said, they were voting you out, but when Uncle Thomas said he would pay off the debt and help you pastor the church, they were willing to reconsider.”

  “Well, wasn’t that nice of them?” Yvonne cringed at her oozing sarcasm but continued, anyway. “Do you think they realize that Thomas is a man who will never be able to settle in one place? He has to be on the go. How can he pastor a church if he’s never here?”

  Toya gave an exasperated sigh. “You need to let Uncle Thomas worry about that, Mama. You need him right now, and the sooner you accept that fact and deal with reality, the better.”

  “And what is reality as you see it, Toya?”