He watched five baristas work fast, undoubtedly sweating bullets under those aprons. Not a seat was left empty and people were slipping away with their steaming cups that looked like pints, rolling luggage behind themselves. At least the airport had places to eat, sit, even shop. He overheard brief conversation about an art gallery. His mother would scramble to its doors, ignoring all of humanity. Skip coffee.
She stood beside Galen as though they were together, rather than in front or behind him in line. He knew he couldn’t avoid the crowd, unless he went into a bathroom stall, which he’d done before in similar situations, but he wasn’t there yet. He could handle the situation a little while longer, at least to keep Darcy company. He felt like they shared common ground.
Darcy was going home and it sounded like she had reservations about her trip. He was going the opposite direction of home and didn’t have a ticket home. So how long would he stay in San Francisco? He didn’t know. After he made the discovery and texted Addison about her little stunt, she told him ‘one day at a time.’
Minutes later she texted him, ‘safe travels.’
Yes. That was Addison. Happy to have him stay. Happy to see him go.
Galen said to Darcy, “So, Madison Wisconsin? The only thing I know about Wisconsin is the Green Bay Packers.”
“Everyone does,” Darcy said. “It’s a nice place to grow up. Good schools. Community. But…I’m kinda frazzled about going back and seeing my old friends and family. The shower planning is stressing me out.”
“You speak your mind. I respect that,” Galen said. “Why go through with it if you don’t want to?”
“It’s my family. How do you not do family?”
He could tell she felt anxious and he wasn’t positive that talking about it was helping. “I’ll bet you are close with your sister.”
Darcy agreed, “My hyper-controlling mother adds stress. Sounds like you probably know what I mean.”
Galen suggested they had that in common and Darcy smiled, as though she knew she had him beat in that competitive category and needed to prove it. “That’s not the half of it. My sister bought my ticket as a one way. What else could someone say to make a point?”
“Oh. So, don’t let the door hit your butt on the way out?”
“She wants her life back. My sister has two little monsters and a husband. I don’t blame her. My mother is tired of me too.”
“How long will you stay?”
“At least until Tuesday. Maybe Wednesday.”
Galen explained his itinerary and Darcy listened, as they got their shot to order coffee. At least at the cashier, service was fast.
Galen had called in his RSVP because he hadn’t sent in that little card, but felt he had to tell them he was coming. He considered that if he hadn’t, his aunt and uncle might not have saved space for him. That and he needed a place to sleep which didn’t cost three hundred per night.
“I’m confused. Why would your sister do that to you?” Darcy asked. “Are you sure that was on purpose?”
“Oh, she was intentional. Told me so, after I figured it out and called her out on it. She thinks I should stay in San Francisco. Silicon Valley has the best jobs.”
Darcy rolled her eyes. “My boss wants an office there to bring in developers.”
Galen paused, wearing a surprised expression, “You work in tech?”
“Don’t sound so surprised. And yes. I do. I work for Swain.”
Galen was amused, “The dating app startup. What are the odds?”
“I have no idea. For real. I’m not an engineer,” Darcy said.
“What do you do?”
“Oh, everything. I work with the developers, quality control, customer service if there is an escalation, things like that. Marketing campaigns. I’ve done it all.” Darcy added cream to her coffee, enough for two inches of the cup. No sugar. “So, wait. Your sister told you to move? Pack up and go?”
“That’s how she helps. It’s my mother’s compassionate personality passing down to the next generation,” he snickered. “Silicon Valley. It doesn’t get any better.” Galen thought to elaborate about living on Addison’s sofa, tying up her second bathroom, chock full of kids bath toys, for his personal hygiene, but he didn’t. It would help Darcy understand Addison’s motivation.
Darcy said, “At least you’re going to a better place. I’m terrified of going. I’ve been avoiding it.”
Galen felt for Darcy, but he didn’t understand. He got the sense that Darcy let other people control her; what they thought shaped her decisions. Why else would she put up with her family pushing her around and her need to make everyone happy? Galen knew that was an impossible errand.
“You’re afraid of family?”
“I’m not positive how to explain it. My mother has standards. My sister wants to be happy and I want her to be happy. I can’t wait to see friends, but I don’t want to be envious of where they are in life. So. I guess I’m waiting for my chance. And at the same time I’m afraid of disappointing my sister. And my mother.”
“I get it. I think. Family is super important to my mom, but not so much to my dad. He works, travels a ton, so he’s not around all that much. I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t want to be around my mother more than I had to if I were him.”
Darcy made a face that said she wasn’t sure if she should laugh or feel sorry for him.
“Family is complicated,” Galen said.
“Ditto,” Darcy said, echoing his sentiment.
The seat they got, ironically, was an ideal seat for snow sighting and an angle at a TV, displaying current flight status, which travelers kept checking, even though it hadn’t changed. Their phones did the same job, complete with both chiming sounds and haptic feedback should an update occur.
“Crazy thing is, I’ve never been anywhere,” Galen said.
“Never?” Darcy asked. He had told her he grew up in Fort Lauderdale and hadn’t ventured far and like a boomerang, he quickly returned.
“Not really. We traveled a little for art or my father’s work, to Raleigh or Boston. I went to FSU for a year, before trying online college.”
“You don’t strike me as a party school sort. No offense,” Darcy said.
“What? My mousy thick hair doesn’t work for the party school sort? What are you saying?”
Darcy took a second to figure he was joking.
“I must confess that I would like to smoke. You don’t by chance share my fond affection for small and easily exhaustible fires?”
“I’m one of three in my office who doesn’t. It’s fine. If you need to, go ahead. I’ll hold down our table.”
Galen sipped his coffee. “I was hoping you’d say that. I need to quit. I’m trying and failing. Still.”
“Good luck with that.”
“Where did you go to college?” He asked her, wishing he had gotten something to eat, even if it were against his strict diet. Kat would be appaled if he were to cheat after he’d had so much success.
“Baylor. But my degree isn’t of much use.” She paused a moment, watching a couple with a screaming baby walk by briskly and Galen wondered if it were the crying baby that had held her attention. “Your dad was an engineer?”
“He repairs surgical monitoring equipment.”
“Do you know the story of how your dad being an engineer and your mom, being an artist, first met?”
“Vietnam war protest.” Galen said. “I’m not in denial.”
Darcy studied him a second before cracking up. “How do you say that with a straight face?”
“Practice. Seriously. I have no clue how they met. I’ve been afraid to ask, honestly.”
“You’ve never been to Disney? The happiest place on earth.”
Galen admitted that wasn’t a choice when he was growing up. Not because his parents didn’t have the means. They would take trips themselves and leave Galen and Addison with friends, neighbors.
“I’m not a thrill seeker.”
He watched sno
w crews work, to the dull roar of the airport’s pedestrian traffic, as travelers were emotionally coming off the rails. Long and intimidating lines formed at every airline counter as travelers tried to change flights.
He had to wait it out, however long it took. The word was that hotel rooms were filling, based on overheard conversation from restless wandering souls, ranting into cellphones. People were throwing coats and bags at empty seats, wherever one could be found. Emotions were as swaths like bees. Kids ran wild. But at a crowded airport?
Galen overheard a woman reiterating with contempt, ‘your flight will leave soon.’ Apparently that was what the airlines had told her. Whatever that meant.
“I’m happy right now to only have me to worry about, you know?” Galen said. “No screaming kids.”
Darcy twisted her lips and didn’t say anything.
Galen didn’t mean to offend her, but he could tell she was at least a little perturbed. “I guess you like kids? Ah. Of course you do. You’re going to a baby shower. Wait. That doesn’t make sense. Sorry. My mind is wandering.”
“It’s okay,” Darcy said, watching him a beat, then looking around at all the people trying to get places, though the foot traffic around the gates 38 and 39 had diminished a little. She smiled tightly. He could tell she was more than a little anxious and he wanted to make her comfortable.
Kat texted him, telling him the forecast would clear in about an hour, like that was good news. After a moment, he silently agreed it was.
Kat kept her feelings balled inside and most of the time would not outright tell him what she thought. Galen presumed that was self-preservation. Kat wanted to cheer him on. Kat was magical pixie dust. Addison spoke her mind, but not to everyone. She had that trait from their mother–very direct.
“My past is, hard. I’ll leave it there. I have a soft spot for kids. I’d really like a family.” She sipped her coffee as though it were still too hot to drink, looking a little like a deer caught in headlights on a dark back road through the forest. “I’m not sure why I told you that. You don’t need to know my problems,” Darcy said.
Nowhere to go, nowhere to run.
He cleared his throat quickly and said, “Sorry if I was too…forward.” He shrugged. “I’m around kids all the time, because I live with my sister while I am recovering. Well. Was recovering from an injury. I’m better now.”
“It’s okay, you didn’t know. You don’t know me.”
“No judgement from me. I hope you get everything you want someday,” Galen said.
She said, “Thanks,” and watched him a moment, looking into his eyes and he wondered what was on her mind.
“Did you want to walk around? We could check out the art gallery. It’s a tram ride away.”
Darcy looked at her gate, the boards, then said, “I don’t want to go away from the gate, just in case my flight is called. I know. It’s dumb. But I’m an anxious girl like that.” She paused, “But if you want to go, don’t let me keep you. I can hold down the table until you get back.”
He shook his head, “I’ve been to many art galleries, but I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone quite like you.”
At this point she loosened. Smiled. At sat back on her chair, removing her elbows off the table.
“Sorry. Was that too cheesy? Corny? I’m not flirting, I swear. I don’t even know how to flirt. Or date,” Galen said, hoping he didn’t sound overly defensive, but he knew he did.
“You’re actually very sweet.”
He scooted on his seat and kicked his bag again, electing not to look at Darcy, who was studying him. He had to know his bag was there, but he felt a little uncomfortable all of a sudden. The crowds. The noise. It was getting to him a little. It was then he noticed that Darcy kept her foot permanently planted on her bag, so she always knew where it was.
She said, “So. My story goes…I was pregnant once. But I miscarried.” It was so messed up,” Darcy said pausing. Galen kept quiet and sipped his coffee, waiting for her to keep going.
“I thought my test was false. First time. So I tried a bunch and when all of them came back positive, so I took like, all of them, and decided to embrace it and be happy. So I put them all in a pretty box and made it into a gift for Tyler, my fiance. At the time.” Darcy said, pausing, looking around the airport. “But he wasn’t happy I was pregnant. And he got really distant, after that. It changed our relationship. Better. We became a real team. You know? Working together. Finishing each others sentences. We talked about getting married right away. But then the pregnancy terminated. It was so weird and I didn’t want to be me when it was all happening because it was like this really long process, not an event. No one-time deal and get death all over with. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m telling you all this. It’s really insensitive of me.” Darcy’s face turned suddenly red and blotchy.
“Oh, no. I’m sorry for you. That sounds terrible. My sister had a miscarriage and it was really hard on her. On them.”
It was true and Galen thought it had been an enriching experience for Addison, because she had said she loved her kids that much more after it was over. She realized, yet again, how precious they are.
“Was that before she had any kids?” Darcy asked.
“After,” Galen admitted. “But she still wants more. It’s hard.”
That was mostly true. Addison wanted a bigger house first, then additional kids. Just one more. At least one more.
Galen felt like Darcy was confessing her problems to him because she figured she would never see him again, that made him safe? A total stranger had no one to gossip to. He didn’t know anyone she knew. Not in Texas. Not in Wisconsin. Or anywhere in between. Was there more to it that he didn’t understand about Darcy? About relationships?
He knew he was completely clueless about women.
Darcy and Galen were, after all, flying different directions. And lived in different places. Everyone in the terminal had a connecting flight, neither a destination nor a home. It meant everyone was stuck between home and their final destination. In limbo. Like a frozen, ice-crusted purgatory.
“I hope she gets everything she wants,” Darcy said, repeating Galen’s line. He agreed.
“She’s a fighter. I can tell that you’re a fighter too.”
“How can you tell that?” Darcy asked him.
“You said you work with software developers. Coders. That takes thick skin. Some balls, if you ask me.”
Darcy managed a short laugh, “They are a unique bunch.”
“Don’t I know it. My old boss used to refer to the programmers on the team as The Stubborn Motherfuckers.”
Darcy cracked up after a second delay and Galen sat there, grinning, holding his coffee with both hands for warmth and to keep his hands from twitching anxiously.
“Sorry if that was too forward,” he said.
“Not at all. I needed that. Totally unexpected, which I think added to the humor. You’re like, Mr. Rogers suddenly dropping an F-bomb.”
“Sure. The Indian Mr. Rodgers.”
Galen set his coffee aside and studied her. He had no idea what people say to comfort hurting people in death situations, like when you’re at a funeral for a person you barely knew or someone says their beloved canary died. What should you say? What good does it do? It was her life. Galen tried to think of what to say about her situation, but came up short, sitting there in silence as their shared humor faded.
Darcy said, “So. I’m trying to sort myself out and I don’t know why I’m even telling you about my past with Tyler, or why I’m even thinking obsessively about it now, because it happened and I’m over it. I know I am. It’s just, coming to mind, I guess.”
Galen said, “Kids are everywhere, so maybe that’s it. And you’re going to a baby shower. That’s bound to start your thinking.”
“Sure. Gotta be it. They are everywhere aren’t they. And always it seems to me, on mom’s phone. Like what the hell? Are kids on iPhones all the time?”
Galen loo
ked around at a couple with two kids, both of them on electronic devices and headphones on. “I know. I mean, what’s mom gonna do while her daughter uses her phone? She’s got to be bored.”
Darcy laughed again and Galen told a short story about Addison’s kids always fighting over her phone and what they watch when they win the privilege.
“I better let my uncle know I’m running late,” Galen said, quickly sending a text to his uncle Frank. “When is your nephew due?”
“Niece. June 8th,” Darcy tweezed her lips and asked, “What did you mean by what you said?”
“Your sister’s pregnancy would probably make you remember. When my sister had her kids it made me think about kids. I wondered if I would have any, if I ever wanted any, that kind of stuff. It’s just questions. Wonders.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
Galen sipped his coffee. “Nothing. I think it’s normal. But tell me about Wisconsin. I’ve never been there.”
Seven
Darcy
Darcy told Galen about Wisconsin. Tyler. Her high school sweetheart. Charming. Scholarship to play at Baylor. The life of the good time. Total opposite of herself, she neglected to admit. He was always going places. She had a great, bright future with him. Inseparable. They did the cutesy things couples do, like finish each others sentences and share ice cream, hold hands everywhere. They were often perusing wedding venues the week before they split up. Scouting and comparing exotic honeymoon destinations. Peeking at starter homes, hoping and dreaming.
What a child could have meant. Tyler would have stayed. Of course. He would have stayed to parent his own daughter. The baby would have been a girl, if the world had accepted her. Darcy told herself her girl was just too bright, too beautiful for the world to handle. Darcy didn’t have good words to describe quite what happened in her body, but she knew there was nothing wrong with baby girl. Maybe Tyler had been right and it had been Darcy’s fault. But Darcy didn’t agree. It was the world. Her little girl just knew it and gave up. There was torture in not knowing.
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