Beautifully Broken (The Beautiful series Book 1)

by Tara Lee

  Bishop has been where I had been. He had been an addict in his early teens to his late twenties. It was only a few years ago he got clean and started his business. Black Aces was the top tattoo shop in New York. Bishop knows his shit, and he was one heck of an artist.

  I looked down at the sketch he was designing right now, a skull around flames with roses peeking out. It was one of the more standard designs we do, but everyone wanted some sort of variation, and I'm guessing whoever he was designing this for was no different.

  “So.” Bishop draws.

  “So?” I ask him, smirking.

  “So what happened?” He looked at me now, eyebrows raised.

  I had told him all about Luna when he’d hired me, told him how much of a screw up I am, how I had royally fucked things between us and how she was the love of my life.

  He’d looked me over and said one simple thing

  “ Try harder.”

  His words had rang through my ears over and over. It wasn't until he’d told me his story that it all made sense. I’d only just started to try to get clean when we’d met. I’d tried the place Jaxon and Lacey had referred me to, but knowing Lacey wasn’t here anymore, it just felt wrong somehow. So I found a place here in New York. Mostly it was Brantley coming to my aid when I felt the urge to take something.

  But hearing those words, for some reason it had made me see things clearer, if I wanted to win Luna back, I had to try harder. There were no if’s or buts about it.

  “So?” He prompts me.

  “I asked to talk. She told me to get lost and said she was calling the cops if I didn’t leave.” I sigh, playing with an eraser he has on his desk.

  “Did you expect anything else?” He says knowingly.

  I shrug. “I don't know, maybe that she’d hear me out.”

  He sighs, seeming frustrated.

  “I waited for her outside her building.” I run my hand over my hair and realize it’s my sore one. I wince as the pain shoots up my hand. Fuck. Motherfucker, that hurt.

  Bishop eyes me and just shakes his head. He returns to his sketch and makes me wait for him to talk, because I know he’s got more to say. Don’t know why he’s biting his tongue. Fuck, I don’t think he knows how to.

  “Ethan what do you expect? You had put drugs before her, had left her, and she had no idea where you were or if you were even alive. Then you reappear when her mother passes, only to be drunk out of your fucking mind. I'm betting high, too.” He looks at me.

  He’s right, I was a little high the day of the funeral.

  “Then you come back into her life four months later, wanting her to hear you out. I told you it wouldn't be easy. I told you to expect her to not want to talk, but no, all high and mighty Ethan expected the girl to just fall at his feet.” His last few words are sarcastic.

  I know he’s trying to lighten the mood.

  “That make you feel better?” He asks, pointing at my hand.

  I move it slightly and wince again at the fucking pain. Maybe I needed stronger meds.

  “Not really.” I smirk.

  He shakes his head.

  “As long as it doesn’t prevent you from working, but you probably should have iced it.”

  I nod. Yeah, he’s probably right.

  “Look, your girl isn’t going to forgive you right away, but maybe showing her who you are now will make her see the real you,” He says, still drawing.

  “You’re not the fucking Hulk, okay just take your time, don't go smashing everything you see.”

  “I am pretty high and mighty, thanks, you’d do well to remember that.” I stand, pointing my finger at him.

  He chuckles and shakes his head.

  “Get to work, pretty boy.” He nods to the front.

  I leave him to his sketch. I need to come up with a plan to win Luna back, and it has to be a pretty fucking major one.

  The nerve of that man. He infuriates me. How dare he just come back into my life and expect me to welcome him with open arms. Doesn’t he know I have a life here now I’m starting without him. I tried to make him see that, but now he wants to tell me he’s finally changed. Daddy warned me Ethan might be on his way to me. He said the boy looked so desperate he couldn't not tell him where I was. Daddy had said if he got too out of control to tell him, he’d make him back off.

  I’m not sure what I wanted anymore. Since Mom passed, I felt empty, and everything just felt wrong. I can’t pick up the phone and just call her like I used to, and it hurt knowing she wouldn’t be here when I had children of my own one day. How do I go on without my mom? She always had the best advice.

  I can hear her voice now after I told her about Ethan showing up last night, telling me, “Darling, that boy has always had stars in his eyes for you. He may have messed things up, but it’s never too late to change.”

  Thinking of my mom has my eyes filled with tears, but I can’t let that distract me. I’m finishing setting the table for the lunch crowd today, working at Sunny Side Cafe. It’s a refreshing taste of New York. It’s right in the heart of it, so even with the bustling of the street, it somehow felt calm when I come to work. A hot dog stand is at the corner of the street, and the smell is divine. Times square is almost visible from the window. I smiled —I was a junk food whore, literally. Pizza and ice cream were my go-to foods after Ethan and I had broken up for real the last time, since we had done it so much over the years, people didn’t believe it until they stopped seeing us together. I am pretty sure I’m the reason Pizza Hut and Ben and Jerry’s are still in business. I’ve consumed so much, it wasn’t until I had started to put on weight that I knew I had to stop. I had always been self-conscious about my body. I hate my curves and big boobs.

  “You okay, Luna girl?” Tina, one of the waitresses, asks .

  I smile at her. “Yes, Tina, I'm fine, just off in dream world.”

  She smiles back. “Well, as long as you're not thinking about a boy and that’s what’s got you so distracted, then I don't see the harm.”

  I laugh along with her. If only she knew. The boy that runs inside my head has been there since I was nine and has never left. Ethan stole my heart at nine, and I had fallen in love.

  He was the most beautiful boy I had ever seen. His charm was an added extra that made girls at school swoon over him. I remember being so jealous of the girls at school because they could touch him and be close to him. Daddy had warned me to stay away, but I couldn't. I mean, how could I? Ethan may have been a bad boy with a capital B, but he was sweet and caring.

  His addiction is what held him back. He'd tell me his dead brother would be there and he couldn't seem to get him to go away. I sometimes used to think he was crazy until I’d witnessed it a few times where Ethan acted as though he was really talking to someone. Telling them to go away and leave him alone.

  Before I could think about Ethan anymore, a rush of people came in, ready to sit down for lunch. Now wasn’t the time to think of the boy from my past. It’s time to serve lunch and smile the fakest smile I had come to be good at. The thing Ethan didn’t know is, I hold on to something that would tear us apart even more if he finds out. Mainly because I didn’t think he’ll survive if he knows. It nearly tore me apart, but I found the strength to keep going. I wanted to give up every day after knowing I had nearly lost the last part of myself. Some days I feel okay, others Daddy calls what feels like a million times a day to check in and see how I am. Those days are hard, because even though I have the all clear now, there is a chance it may come back. There is a chance I could get sick again.

  The treatments nearly sent us bankrupt, but Daddy made it work, and after Mom passed, her life insurance money paid out the rest of my debt. I had felt sick just after Ethan and I had officially ended things. I remember joking with mom saying: Maybe I’m preggers, Mom. Clearly, that was not the case.

  I think I’d have rather gone through that alone without Ethan than to get the news about the big C. Yeah, no one tells you how to expect that news, espec
ially when you are a young girl. Your life is just starting out and even though I had spent the first few months crying my eyes out over the loss of Ethan, I knew something was off. Finding out I had leukemia was not the news I wanted added to my already shattered brain. Coming to terms with being in hospital and being sick, seeing the loss around me, feeling the shame and guilt for surviving when others didn’t have that chance, to the point it took a part of me apart I will never get back, and it took a lot longer than I feel strong enough to admit. I felt lost without that part of me, a part I would never get back and a part I’m completely unsure of how Ethan would take it. I knew I was getting ahead of myself, but he hadn’t even known I was sick. How would he cope when he found out? Will he go back down that path again? Will the thought of me getting sick again send him into a spiral?

  I’m scared every day I’ll feel those symptoms again and I’m worried that I won’t cope if they do come back. When I lost Ethan, I knew he didn’t have a clue I was sick because we kept it under wraps pretty well. I felt horrible for not even telling him, because what if the worst-case scenario did happen? What if I had gotten worse, and what if I didn’t fight the battle or I didn’t win? What if instead of my Mom, it was my time? I thought Ethan and I were done. I thought he didn’t have the right to know. Back then I was so hurt by him I thought he didn’t deserve to know anything about me or my body. It seems now I was wrong, because he’s back, and maybe for good. Ethan was never good at giving up. I guess he thought I had enough time to get over him and he was here now for me, I guess. Clearly, he knows I’ll never be over him not, fully anyway. We’d both be lying to ourselves if we thought we’ll ever love anyone but each other.

  I finish the cleaning up when my boss, Rina comes towards me, and the look on her face told me this wasn't going to be a pleasant conversation.

  “Luna dear, I'm so sorry, but I have to let you go.”

  “W-what? Why?” My eyes fill with tears. I’m getting fired but I need this job, I had to work. I needed to pay bills and I needed to eat.

  She sighs, and I can see her mind ticking over.

  “I just don’t have it in the budget, and you were the last person hired, that’s all. It’s nothing personal sweetie,”

  It sure seems personal to me.

  I keep the tears at bay, not wanting to shed them in front of anyone here. I’ve only been here a month and already I’d lost a job, and soon I would lose my apartment, too, because jobs in New York were hard to come by. No one is hiring, and some places I won't work at, even if I so desperately needed the money. I undo my apron and hand it to Rina. I grab my purse from out back and then walk out, not looking back. There’s no way I'll step foot in this place again. They could go to Hell for all I cared.

  “Damn it.” I curse to myself as I look up to the sky. This is the last thing I need.

  “I can do this.” I give myself a little pep talk. Who am I kidding?

  What was I going to do now, damn it. Daddy always said if I needed money, he wouldn't hesitate, but I didn’t want to rely on him. I want to do this for myself. I wasn't a little girl anymore. I didn’t need my Daddy coming to rescue me at the first sign of trouble. I’m frazzled, my heart beats a million miles an hour, and my head hurts as I try to think of a solution. A way to make money.

  I walk down the street, contemplating what to do. I chew my bottom lip in a daze, not even sure of what it is I could do. What places were hiring? Could I work at another cafe? God, my mind’s riddled with questions but no answers. I need time, that's what I need, I had a little money saved, but not much. My rent was due in a couple weeks, and that would drain most of it.

  My phone rings, snapping me out of my head. Callie’s name is on the screen, and I answer.

  “Hey, chicka,” She says.

  “Hi, chicka. So, um, I have some news.” I freeze.

  God, I have to tell her. We’re roommates. We had moved to New York together. Callie had got accepted into NYU, and I had kind of followed since I had no clue what I was doing, and since it was so expensive to share an apartment, she has the right to know.

  “I lost my job today.”

  “Fuck, really?” Callie gasps.

  She was the complete opposite of me, which is what I loved about her. She has no filter and called it as it was; she was the center of attention, and I envy that about her.

  “Yeah,” I say biting my lip in a panic. “But I promise I’ll find something. I mean, there has to be something, right?”

  “Yeah, I’m sure you’ll find something, girl. Do you want me to see if there is something going on here?” She’s talking about her job at the cafe where she works as a waitress. She does that in between classes and studying.

  “Um, yeah, I guess, but really I don’t want to put you out. I’ll find something, just give me a week,” I tell her.

  “Okay, chicka, if that’s what you want, but just so you know, there are hot guys here all the time.”

  I laugh and shake my head. That’s another thing Callie was good at. Guys. She always had been and she has been trying for the last four months to get me to move on from Ethan, going as far as setting us both up on double dates, which, I’ll add, went horribly wrong. The guys were douches and expected us to jump them the second we walked out of the restaurant. Not my style, I might add. I’d only ever been with Ethan, so banging another guy just wasn’t on my to-do list.

  “You say that all the time, Cals, but I’m not interested.”

  She sighs. “You know you’re going to have to eventually get over him, right?” She sing songs a little, trying to lighten the mood.

  I haven’t told Callie about Ethan’s surprise visit last night, and since she hated him, I was pretty sure I would keep that to myself. At least until I can no longer keep him a secret.

  I stumbled across a bar that isn't very inviting, but it has the OPEN sign flashing. I needed a drink, that's what I need. My fake ID hadn’t failed me yet.

  “Look, girl, I’m going to go. I’ll see you tonight?”

  “Okay, girl, just don’t do anything stupid, okay?” She warns me.

  “Yeah. Got it, love you.”

  “Love you, too, bitch.”

  I laugh as she hangs up. I take a deep breath and open the big black doors. I enter and nearly run back out at the sight. Topless women walk around carrying trays of beer and smiling like it was no big deal. I look around. A man is seated next to me on a stool.

  “Can I help you, sweetheart?” His deep voice rumbles, giving me chills.

  “I-I don’t think so. Sorry this was a mistake.” I go to turn, but his hand on my arm stops me.

  “It isn’t what you think, sweetheart, it's not a strip club. The girls only ever show the top, nothing else.”

  For some reason, his eyes have a calm sensation about them.

  No big deal. Right. Just the tops. I swallow, and it feels like my heart is going to leap out and walk straight back out that door.

  “They get good tips.” He winks at me as if he senses my nerves.

  I look back. One of the girls flirts with a guy. He looks to be old enough to be her dad. But she’s touching his arm and smiling at him. She looks up and sees me. She smiles brightly, so I can’t help but smile back.

  “You are looking for a job.” The guy next to me says.

  I had almost forgotten he was there.

  I shake my head then realize yes, I am but could I do this? Maybe they have something that doesn't require getting half naked. I don’t have the best friendship with my body, even though I have run every day since high school.

  “Actually, I just got fired, but I don't think I could do that.” I say pointing at the girls in front of me.

  He chuckles and stands, placing his hand on my shoulder.

  He stares right at me as if he is trying to gauge if I am older than I look. Because let's face it, I don’t look a day over eighteen.

  “You over twenty-one?

  I nod way too fast and hand him the fake ID.
/>   He looks it over and then continues to stare at me. He makes me nervous, and I can’t help but show just how nervous that is.

  “Okay then.” He hands me back the ID.

  I place it back in my bag. I play with the strap a little. Cleary stalling. My heart punts, and I think it's ready to haul it’s ass right out of here. Clearly, I need to keep up.

  “Sweetheart, these girls can make up to three hundred in tips in one night, plus you get paid a salary.”

  I am pretty sure my eyes just fell out of my head.

  “Three hundred a night,” I mimic.

  He nods and sits back down. He points to a door at the back of the club.

  “Boss is that way.” Tell him Trent sent you.”

  I thank him softly and make my way to where he pointed. My heart races, and I can’t breathe. God, am I really considering this right now? What would Daddy say? God, I can’t think of him right now. If he knew what kind of place his daughter is considering working in, he’d have a heart attack.

  I take a deep breath when I get to the door. It simply says OFFICE, so I assume whoever is behind the door is the man in charge.

  “Okay, Luna, deep breaths, you’ve got this,” I say to myself.

  I lift my hand slow enough that if I change my mind, I can just run and pretend this never happened. That is until the door opens and I nearly smack the person in the face as I go to knock.

  “Oh my God, I am so sorry,” I say too fast and nearly trip over my own feet trying to back away.

  “Can I help you, girlie?” The man I nearly knocked over asks.

  “Um,” Damn it, what was that guy's name again?

  “I was told to come see you about a job.''

  The man looks me over, and it makes me feel a little dirty. I’ve lost a lot of weight since I walked out on Ethan. I guess being really sick will do that to you. I still felt unattractive, like my body would never be good enough.

  “A job?” He says, deadpan.

  I nod nervously. Fear creeps in. God, I should have just turned and run away.

  “You want a job here?” He says again, maybe being sure he heard me right.