Beautifully Broken (The Beautiful series Book 1)

by Tara Lee

  “Come on, Luna, I know you, and you have always loved Ethan, nothing will change that, so why are you denying it?”

  I stop in the middle of the floor. I can see Ethan and Bishop where we left them, they’re looking our way. I knew Ethan would keep an eye out for me, making sure I wouldn’t bail on him.

  “Weren’t you the one who told me it was stupid to jump back in with him? and you always tell me he’s going to break my heart.”

  “Yeah, he probably will, and yes, you should stay away from him, he’s trouble with a capital T, but have you ever listened to me before? why would you start now?” She crosses her arms over her chest, making a really good point.

  The guys continue to look at us, and I know any minute Ethan will walk over, wondering what is keeping us.

  “Okay, but jumping back into bed with him is not the way to go. I mean, I’m done. Ethan and I don’t work, so what’s the use to keep on trying.”

  Callie lets out a not-so-subtle laugh.

  “What?” I ask as I cross my own arms.

  “You are so not done, you never will be, Luna, you can say it as much as you like, but you and Ethan will never be done, and no matter how many times you say it, it’s just not going to happen, chicka?”

  She smiles, and I know he’s behind me.

  “Hey, Ethan, Luna was just saying she wants to dance with you.” She pushes me towards him.

  Ethan’s arms brace me before I fall into him. “I won’t say no to dancing with you, baby bird.”

  He smirks, and it does funny things to my body, Geez, control yourself, body I mean really!

  Before I can reject him and run from the dance floor, Ethan pulls me into his arms, and his body pushes flash against mine, God help me, the intake of breath I take isn’t as silent as I thought, because Ethan pipes up and asks, “You okay there, baby bird?”

  Bastard.

  “Yes,” I say, matter-of-fact.

  He nods, but I know he’s calling bullshit on my end. He continues to pull me around the dance floor, our bodies so close I’m practically vibrating, as Rhianna sings about falling in love in a hopeless place. Not once does he release me so we’re not touching. His hand stills on my lower back, and I freeze on the spot, chills running down my spine, and I can’t help how he makes my body react.

  He moves his hand as slowly as possible, as if he’s teasing me, he finds the end of my dress, and then he places his hand on my left cheek and he can’t help but cop a feeling.

  My eyes widened, and I blurted out,

  “I need a drink.”

  Ethan’s jaw ticks as he watches me, unsure of what to say .I practically run from his arms. Ethan is hot on my heel as I make it to the bar. Callie has already ordered me another drink. I down it without even taking a breath.

  I signal the bartender for another. He nods and within minutes, I have another cosmo in front of me.

  “Maybe you should take it easy, baby bird,” Ethan tells me close to my ear, his breath tickling me.

  He looks down at me, and I stick my tongue out at him and sip my new drink.

  “You’re not the boss of me, Ethan Knight, and I’ll have as many drinks as I want, thank you very much.”

  He frowns as he goes to say something, he thinks better of it and closes his mouth again. He sighs and keeps his mouth shut, lifting his hands up in surrender. I smile to myself.

  Win for me.

  I’ve downed my fifth drink, and my head feels fuzzy, but at least Ethan has stopped complaining about me slowing down.

  My body moves with the beat of the music, which echoes through the club. I can’t believe our fake IDs actually worked. I mean, I’m not even twenty-one yet, and here I am, drinking. I smile to myself as my hips sway.

  A hand rests on my hip, and then I feel his breath tickle my ear.

  “We should get you home, baby bird.”

  I turn in Ethan’s arms and, much to his surprise, move against him. He holds me up as my hips swing back and forth to the beat of the song.

  “Why, do you want to see my bed?” I giggle, running my hands over his chest. My giggle doesn’t stop as I continue to touch him, his chest feels hard—so hard. Damn him and his adonis figure.

  He frowns and starts to move with me. “There is nothing more I want than to get you into bed, baby bird, under me, on top of me, anyway I can fucking get you, but right now, I think we should get you home to your bed for sleep.” His voice is demanding.

  I smile and bite my lip. He stiffens under me, and I do a mental dance at knowing I still affect him.

  “You’re no fun.” I pout.

  Ethan growls, and then he lifts me and throws me over his shoulder, carrying me out of the club caveman style. I giggle and smack his bottom, as he walks us out into the night.

  “This is sexy. You are going all caveman on me again.”

  Ethan slides me down his body, and I feel every hard muscle. I shiver, not being able to control what he does to my body.

  “You haven’t seen caveman yet, baby bird, and trust me, I’m just as possessive of you now as I was back then, and don’t think for one second that if I wanted to, I could fuck you right now, because I would.”

  His voice is raspy and sexy as fuck and it takes everything in me not to jump him right now. God, when he gets like this, it’s so hot.

  “Who said I didn’t want you to fuck me right now.” I whisper. My lip ends up between my teeth. I bite down hard and I know it affects Ethan. He lets out a growl that almost sounds animalistic.

  Ethan hisses, adjusting himself as he grabs my hand, moving me towards a waiting cab. He helps me in, and then moves in behind me he rattles off my address to the driver. We sit in silence the whole ride home. My eyes get heavy and with the consumption of alcohol. I can’t keep them open any longer.

  I wake with a start in my room. I can’t remember coming home but I’m laid out on my bed. My head is pounding, and my stomach feels awful. I make a run for the bathroom to throw up. I empty the contents of my stomach and lay my head over the toilet bowl, feeling sorry for myself.

  “Here, take this?”

  Ethans’s voice startles me, and I jump up, smacking my head on the wall.

  “Ow.” I wince, rubbing the back of my head.

  “What are you doing here?” My vision is a little blurry.

  He hands me a glass of water.

  “Taking care of you. You’re sick, Luna. I told you to take it easy,” He says angrily, as if he knows all the secrets of drinking. Actually, he probably does.

  I take the glass from him, our fingers brush one another, and damn him, that tingles still there. Yep, wasn’t my drunk-ass mind imagining it.

  “How did I get home?” drink my water. Damn it feels so good as it goes down.

  “Cab. I carried you inside and stayed all night to make sure you weren’t too ill.” Ethan says sitting down across from me, ever the gentleman.

  There’s something in his eyes, but I can’t put my finger on what it is. I continue to sip my water as Ethan starts to talk. Or more like yells at me.

  “What the hell were you thinking, Luna? Why get so drunk? You could barely fucking stand, and I had to carry you up stairs because you passed out.”

  I shrug, annoyed. “I didn’t ask you to take care of me, Ethan, you decided that all on your own.” I go to stand, but my body is still drunk. I wobble a little and brace myself on the sink beside me.

  Ethan grabs my hand and helps me upright. I snatch it away just as quickly, not wanting to feel anything again. I walk toward my bedroom, slightly swaying, but manage to lay down on the bed.

  “As if I would fucking leave you while your in that state, Luna. You really expect me to walk away when you down cosmos like they’re fucking water.” Ethan says behind me.

  He’s pissed. I don’t have to look at him to know that, but I didn’t ask him to babysit me.

  “Your not the b—“

  “Not the boss of you, yeah, I know, you told me that last night before
you told me to fuck you outside the club.” he hisses.

  I turn over. making sure I don’t fall off the bed in the process. because did he really just say I told him to fuck me. “I would never have told you—”

  “Yeah, you did, Luna. Trust me, it took everything in me not to fuck you again, not to have a taste, because trust me, baby, I’ve missed your taste.” He hisses again leaning down over me.

  He's so close I can smell him. It's the smell that always comforted me throughout the years. His breath fans out over my face, and goosebumps to form over my skin. He glances at my lips, and I can see him fighting with himself. He wants to kiss me, but he knows it’s not a good choice. Not while we’re in the middle of whatever this is between us. A fight? Maybe not quite.

  “ What happened to school?” He asks me as he leans back, standing straight now, and crosses his arms over his chest.

  “What do you mean?” I ask him.

  He sighs, and I know he’s just trying to see where my life is headed, because clearly, he doesn’t have a direction. Ouch, I shouldn’t have thought that.

  “You love makeup, Luna. I’d have thought you’d be at school doing some course on becoming a makeup artist. Isn’t that what you always wanted?”

  “Things change,” I whisper.

  “What things, Luna?” He raises his arms up in the air like he has no clue.

  My eyes fill with tears, and I shake them off.

  “Like my mother dying, for one.” My sickness,I want to scream out.

  “Please, Luna, don’t use that as an excuse. You tell me not to use things as an excuse all the time.”

  I gasp. Did he really just say that to me?

  I go to say something, but I have no words.

  “That’s not what I meant, Luna ,and you know it,” He says before I say anything else.

  Right, because he forgot about my mom being dead there for a few minutes, so he was being an ass on purpose?

  “You should go. Clearly I am fine, and us being together never ends well.”

  I move away from him so he isn’t too close.

  He runs his fingers through his hair, and his biceps pop. Why are arm muscles hot as fuck?

  Geez, I must be desperate for some action, because why would I give Ethan another chance? Friends, remember.

  “Luna,” he pleads.

  “Ethan, please leave. I already told you I didn’t want to talk, and nothing will change between us. You haven’t changed, you always say that, but nothing ever changes, so please leave.”

  He sighs but does as I ask, leaving me sitting on my bed. Regret hangs in the pit of my stomach, but I can’t be hurt again, not like that, it was too painful. Friends is all I can do.

  Why or how I thought that was going to end well is beyond me. Luna is still angry as hell at me, and she clearly isn’t ready to forgive and forget. I hadn’t meant what she thought when I said that to her I wasn’t talking about her Mom. Fuck, I don’t know what I was thinking now. Taking care of her last night, I didn’t even have a second thought about what I was doing. She was in trouble, and clearly, she’d had way too many and needed to be taken care of.

  Friends, that’s all she wants to be. Fuck, I’ll be the best fucking friend she ever had. She isn’t getting rid of me that easily. She can push and shove me all she likes, I’m not ready to give up winning her back, and I know deep down she still loves me, she’s just afraid, but that’s okay, because I’ll win her heart again. No matter what, she is mine and always will be.

  This isn’t over, baby bird.

  Bishop told me he hooked up with Callie. Like I gave a shit. He can hook up with whomever he likes. As long as he keeps his dick in his pants around Luna. She's off limits to every guy in New York. Today I have to work, but after, I’m heading to Luna’s apartment, and we’re going to have a friend talk. Work drags, and by the time I’ve finished, I want to see Luna even more. Nothing is going to keep me from her. By the time I head out to my bike, there is a guy standing across from the shop, starting over. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even try to hide the fact that he’s blatantly staring.

  “Take a picture, buddy, it will last longer,” I yelled and hitch my leg over my bike. I pull my helmet on and look over at the guy again.

  Still not moving ,and doesn’t acknowledge that I yell out at him. What the actual fuck?

  I ride off and shake my head at how strange people in New York are.

  I get to Luna’s apartment in record time, even after my pit stop at the corner store. I decide to forget our little fight and move forward with my ‘win her back’ plan. With my bag in hand, I head to the door. Someone comes out, so that saves me having to buzz up. I nod at them as a thank you. One step closer.

  I come to a stop in front of Luna’s door, lifting my hand. I knock loudly, the echo ringing throughout the hall. There are footsteps, then her voice, like pure magic asks,

  “Who is it?”

  I chuckle to myself, I lick my bottom lip, and tell her.

  “Open up, baby bird, we’re having a friend night.”

  The locks click on the other side of the door. Luna slowly opens it, and before she can tell me to go away, I make my way past her and place the bag on the table.

  “Well hello, to you, too.” Luna says sarcastically.

  I can practically feel the eye roll she does. Yeah, she does that a lot.

  I look over my shoulder at her and give her a full-blown, panty-dropping smile, the one I know she can’t help but love. “Told you this friend thing isn’t a good idea with me you’ll just get sick of me.” I tease.

  “Oh, I don’t doubt that,” She teases back.

  I place my hand over my heart like she has offended me. “You wound me, sweetheart.”

  She rolls her eyes playfully and swats my arm. “I think your ego can handle it. What do you have in that bag? If the name doesn’t have Ben or Jerry in it, you need to waltz back out that door right this instant.” She says hitching her thumb over her shoulder, pointing towards the door.

  I chuckle out loud and grab my stomach. “Geez, is that all I’m good for?”

  She goes through the bag and finds two tubs of Ben and Jerry’s. She lifts them with a smile, like a kid on Christmas morning. That smile does things to me, very naughty things, and it just so happens I’m picturing the many wonderful things we could do with that ice cream, neither one of them is us eating it.

  “Why are you smiling like that?” Luna asks as she grabs us each a spoon.

  “Like what?” I ask, unsure.

  She heads towards the sofa, and I follow behind her like the lost puppy I am.

  “Like a creep. I mean, that smile is just weird. Please don’t do it again.” She looks up at me.

  “Fair enough duly noted.”

  Luna opens her tub of brownie and doesn’t wait for me. She dives right in. I can’t help but laugh. She really does love this ice cream.

  “I used to worry that you loved this ice cream more than you loved me,” I tell her, opening my own lid.

  Her mouth hangs open for a few seconds, like she is thinking of her response before she replies.“There is no comparison. Maybe I do. I mean Ben and Jerry’s never broke my heart.”

  Ouch. Walked right into that one.

  “Again, fair enough.” I reply.

  We sit in silence for a bit, both of us consumed by our tub of ice cream, when Luna finally breaks the ice.

  “Why did you do it, Ethan?” She sets her tub down so I know she means business.

  “What do you mean?” I ask, placing my own tub down, too.

  “Break my heart. That’s why this is so awkward. I mean, the whole friend thing just won’t work with us?” She says wringing her hands in her lap.

  I can’t help but rake my eyes over her entire body. She's right, this friend's thing will never work. See, I know what she feels like under me, what she tastes like. But since she isn’t willing to give me another shot, I’m hanging onto this as much and for as long as I can. />
  “I was a jerk,” I finally say.

  “My needs came before yours, and even though I loved you something fierce, the drugs always won out.” I squeeze my hands together in my lap. My knuckles turn white, and I can’t look at her. Only Luna knows the real me, the one I hid from everyone else. She knows the fucked-up shit that runs through my head on a daily basis and the crazy dreams I have that haunt me.

  I hid them for so long, letting them go is a lot tougher than I expected.

  I want everything Luna was willing to give me, because even the slightest bit of love from Luna would be worth all the heartache we’ve been through.

  She fiddles with her hands in her lap. I can practically feel the nerves as they bounce from her. I dart my tongue out, wetting my dry lips. Luna looks up, and I know she has something to say, she’s just finding the courage to do so.

  Luna sighs, and I can hear the pain in her voice as she says,

  “Ethan, you know we don’t stand a chance, right?”

  Her voice is a whisper, but it’s just as painful. I swallow the lump building in my throat and stand. I need to leave. “I’ll leave you to it. Have a good night, Luna.” I can’t say anything else. The knife in my heart just dug a little deeper. I leave before any more of her words slice me open. I thought maybe she’d come around, maybe she’d see I really have changed, but I guess I was hoping too much. My thoughts turn dark, and it takes everything in me to fight going to get a drink or worse. Drugs are easy to find here, maybe I could do a little.— No, Ethan, don’t go down that road again.

  If I don’t have Luna, my life isn’t worth living. If I can’t have her in my life, then nothing is worth it, not even staying sober.

  I knew I had hurt him when he didn’t even look at me as he walked out. I knew he was hurting. My words had opened things up for him. I mean, one day I might be able to forgive him, but today isn’t that day. Everything is still so raw. Even years later, it feels like yesterday since the day I walked out and thought he’d chase after me or beg me to come back. He did neither of those things. I half expected him to show up at my parents’ house, but nothing, not even a phone call or text message.