Beautifully Broken (The Beautiful series Book 1)

by Tara Lee

  I have pain, too. Ethan ripped my heart out over and over again, and nothing could save us. Can it? Were we already too broken to be fixed?

  Why does it hurt so much to see him hurting? I mean, It should feel good after all the times he hurt me, right? I feel like crap for even making Ethan sad. God, I’m so weak.

  I huff and eat my ice cream Ethan’s ice-cream is long forgotten, sitting on the table. Once I devour mine, I take a few bites of Ethan’s and then put the rest in the freezer. As much as I want to gorge myself on ice cream and hide my feelings, I know I’ll be sick if I do. Best to cry it out instead.

  “What did that asshole do now? I’m going to give that man a piece of my mind.”

  “Cals.” I snob.

  She sits next to me, brushing back the hair that’s sticking to my splotchy face.

  “It wasn’t Ethan.”

  “Huh?” She questions.

  “I’m just upset because he clearly wants us to have another chance, but I keep turning him down, and he looked so hurt today, he left, and I wanted to chase him down but I knew I—” I stop and sniff, more tears falling down my cheeks.

  Callie sighs and wraps me in a hug.

  “I still love him,” I whisper through my tears.

  “Of course you do, babe and I’ll be honest, I don’t think you’ll ever stop. Ethan is your one and only, and I know you’ll never stop loving him no matter how much you try.”

  I nod and wipe my nose with the back of my hand.

  “”Do you believe him when he says he’s clean?” She asks after we sit in silence for a while.

  I shrug but nod at the same time. We both laugh.

  “I don’t know. No...yes... maybe.” I sigh.

  “I want to believe him, I do, but I think we need more time. We need to get back to the us before—” I look up at the ceiling.

  “Before you walked out for good?” Callie says, matter-of-fact.

  I nod because she’s right, we have always been slightly broken. That's just who we are as a couple, but I know together we’re unstoppable, when I’m in Ethan’s arms, it’s magic.

  “Does he know about it?” She eyes me as if to say: “you know what”

  I shake my head. “I haven’t found the right time to tell him and I’m just scared if I do, will he start to treat me differently.”

  Callie nods. “Yeah, I can see that.”

  “I’m not fragile, Cals. It’s bad enough that Daddy treats me like I’m some weakling. I don’t want Ethan to as well. He’d look at me differently. I know he will.”

  Callie laughs and cuddles into me. “I’m pretty sure he’d look at you like he always has.”

  “Oh yeah. And how is that?” I question.

  She sits up and gives me a ‘serious’ look.

  “Like he’d give you the world, like you’re the only woman he sees, and also that dirty look he gives you when he is picturing you naked and riding his cock.”

  “Callie.” I squeal as I slap her shoulder.

  We both break out in a fit of giggles, and it’s not until we are both crying with tears that we compose ourselves.

  Callie cuddles me again, and we lay like this for awhile before she says,

  “You have to decide if he’s truly worth giving a second chance or if you really are calling it quits for good.” Callie hugs me to her side.

  “I know,” I growl.

  “I know I can’t not have him in my life. I told him we could be friends.”

  “Okay, so just do friends for now and then slowly build it back up. I know Ethan isn’t going anywhere, Luna, as bad as he hurt you in the past, that boy loves you more than life itself, and he’s pretty damn crazy about you, even I wasn’t blind to that.”

  “Are you defending him, Miss Callie?” I giggle.

  “Okay, let's not go too far. I’m just saying because I can see how much you both love each other, even if at times all I want to do is punch him in the dick for hurting my best friend,” She tells me with a smug smile.

  “But I also think he deserves to know about your sickness. If you're going to jump back in to with him, he needs to know Luna.”

  I sigh.

  “I know, your right, he does. I’ll find the right time to tell him, I swear.”

  “Thank you.” I hug my best friend even tighter.

  We sit like that for a while before Callie breaks the silence.

  “Hate to break up this special moment, but I really need to pee.”

  I laugh and let her go empty her bladder before we have a mess on our hands.

  Ethan is meeting me in Central Park today. I know we need to talk. There has been so much stuff going on between us the last few days, and I need to come up with what I want to say. I bounce my legs up and down while I wait on the park bench for him. Kids are running past kicking a ball, and I can see a few couples enjoying the sunshine together.

  I blow out a breath and check my phone for the tenth time since sitting here. I’m worried Ethan won’t show, and I know I’m being paranoid, but I know I hurt him the other night. He may just decide to be done with me instead. I’m not worth the hassle perhaps.

  “Been here long, baby bird?” His voice breaks through my thumping heart.

  I smile when I see him, and my heart begins to calm down, and boy does he look delicious. He has a simple black shirt and ripped jeans along with his biker boots.

  “My eyes are up here, baby bird.”

  He chuckles. Damn been caught checking him out. Oh well, why do I care? It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.

  “You wanted to see me.” He sits next to me, his leg brushing mine.

  My breath hitches from the electricity pinging through us.

  “Um, y-yes.” God, why am I stuttering?

  He smirks. “It’s just me, Luna.”

  “I know it’s just you, Ethan but I’m nervous.”

  He frowns at my honesty. “Why on earth are you nervous, Luna? You never have to be nervous with me.”

  I swallow, and Ethan moves closer making my brain take a moment to relapse. I have nothing, I can’t speak, I can’t even get my mouth to move. What is wrong with me?

  “You okay, Luna?” Ethan lifts his hand to my cheek, brushing over tenderly with a worried expression.

  I swallow, and finally my brain catches up with me.

  “Yeah, sorry, just had a moment.”

  He grins and his boyish grin is so damn cheeky, I know he currently has wild thoughts running through his mind.

  “I always saw you as a knight in shining armor.” I suddenly tell him.

  He looks over at me, confused. He shifts in his spot, and I place my hands in his. I twirl the silver ring he has on his thumb that I gave him for his sixteen birthday, the one he’s never taken off.

  “I’m no knight, Luna?” His voice is raspy yet fragile. He’s still that broken little boy.

  God, my heart breaks for him.

  “You're my knight.” I tell him.

  He sighs.“Luna, you made me out to be this hero, and I’m no hero. I’ve disappointed you more times than I’m proud of. Each time I broke your heart, I wanted to hurt myself for doing it.”

  “Ethan,” I whisper and lay my head down on his shoulder. “I’m broken, Luna, always has been. Nothing can fix me. For years I thought you were enough, but then I broke things, and you left.”

  He sighs, and I can tell he’s remembering all the times we fought. We had some pretty bad times. But some amazing times as well.

  “That’s in the past. I mean, it may take some time for us to get back to the us before everything went downhill, but I’m willing to try if you are?”

  He stares at me, dumbfounded. “You mean...?”

  I nod slowly but hold my hand up, stopping him before he goes too far. “I still want to start as friends. I want us to rebuild us, you know?” I’m unsure if it’s a terrible idea.

  He looks pained but he smiles. “I’m willing to do anything for you, Luna and if it means I have to endur
e being your friend instead of your boyfriend for awhile, I can do that.”

  I smile and place a kiss on his cheek. “Thank you for giving it a try.”

  He shrugs. “No big deal, baby bird. Like I said, if anything gets me closer to you, then I’m willing to do anything.”

  We sit on the bench while the sun starts to set, and my legs are folded under me while I rest my head on Ethans shoulder, his arm is around me. Every now and then, and he places a soft kiss on my head. It's magical. I haven’t felt like this in a really long time.

  We sit quietly watching people, birds flying over us. Ethan stands and brings me with him.

  “I’m going to cook you dinner. Come to my place, and if you want ,you can stay the night.”

  I give him a look. He holds his hands up in a playful manner.

  “As friends, I’ll even take the couch.”

  We both laugh as we walk towards Ethan’s apartment. Tonight was the start of a new friendship, and maybe eventually more. Who knows where things for Ethan and I will lead. But all I know is, I’m not ready for him to be out of my life.

  Ethan and I have been spending a lot of time together. I know he wants more to happen, but I'm just not there quite yet. I'm close to giving in, I can feel it, but I need to hold out longer. I need to be sure Ethan has changed. Callie keeps telling me to be cautious because she knows me all too well and my ability to say no to Ethan. I thought when I left him last time I’d be done for good, but having him around again, seeing how happy he is, I mean, I haven’t seen him high once since we have been hanging out again, and even though I haven’t seen him shirtless, to see his arms, I am pretty sure there is not marks there. He just seems like a different guy. Maybe he really has changed?

  No, don’t fall for it, Luna just friends for now, remember like you keep telling Ethan.

  I’m at work getting ready to open soon, and the herd of men that will come piling in soon will be overwhelming. It's Saturday, our busiest day of the week. I'm already so tired, I just want tonight to be over.

  Once I'm up to standards— I mean, it doesn't take much working at a topless bar. It gives you an advantage. Guys come here, plain and simple, to see the girls. I have stopped noticing the guys looking at my chest when they talk to me instead of my face, but whatever right they are tits every woman has them.

  As I walk around with my tray, ready to pick up some empties. A guy I've never seen before watching me. His eyes follow me— he doesn’t once take them off me. It gives me the creeps. I look back at him before I head out back for a break. He catches me looking and smirks at me. It's the creepiest smirk I've ever seen on a man. What is his problem?

  I shiver once I'm out back and grab my top to chuck on while I take ten minutes. Viv, one of the other girls, comes through, talking with one of the new girls. I forgot her name.

  “Hey, girl.” Viv says, smiling at me, popping her gum.

  “Hey.” I brush my hair behind my ears.

  “You see that hot guy with the tats eyeing you all night?”

  There's that shiver again.

  “Yeah, he seems creepy,” I tell her.

  She waves me off. “Oh, honey, he seems harmless. Probably just thinks you have a nice body and didn't want to take his eyes off you. I mean, do you blame him? You are a hottie.”

  I give her a weak smile. Then why does he give me the Heebie-jeebies?

  “I mean, he is pretty hot,” The new girl says smiling at me like he’s the only man out there.

  “You should totally flirt with him.”

  I nod slowly, thinking it over. I know my boss would tell me to since he’s paying me special attention. I decide why the heck not, maybe he’ll give me some great tips.

  I fix my makeup and head back out. I grab a beer and head straight for him. I've seen him drinking them all night, and his current glass is nearly empty.

  “Here.” I say placing the drink down in front of him.

  “I didn't order that.” His deep voice sounds pissed.

  “Oh, well, I thought maybe you wanted another because your glass is—”

  “You just go ahead and assume, do you.?” He bites the inside of his cheek.

  “Well, no, I just thought.”

  “You thought what, hot cheeks?” He leans forward, he eyes me over, his glare dripping down my body.

  I feel dirty.

  “You’d bring me over a beer, I'd tip you good because you got a nice set of tits, maybe flirt with me, work me up a little, but don’t take it any further because your a fucking tease.”

  Wow, okay, this guy is a freaking nut case.

  “Look, I didn't mean to offend you, I was trying to do my job.”

  I go to walk away, but he gets a tight grip on my arm before I can.

  “You think I haven't noticed you, sweetheart? You think I don't want a taste.”

  I break my arm free and screw my face up at him.

  “Screw you, asshole.”

  I storm off, and hear he chuckles. God, what a jerk.

  Once my shift is over, I'm actually thrilled to see Ethan. I come out, catching him on his phone. He looks up and smiles, placing his phone away in his jeans.

  I ran and cuddled him. I feel his smile against my cheek.

  “Nice to see you, too. Miss me did you, baby bird?”

  I shrug, letting him go. “Maybe a little.” I pinch my fingers together for effect.

  Ethan chuckles and helps me onto his bike.

  “Well, friend, what's the plan for tonight?” He asks, looking back at me.

  The rumble of his bike vibrates between my legs, and it has me thinking of a whole heap of dirty things I'd like Ethan and I to be doing, but for now I keep those to myself.

  “Pizza and movies?” I say over the roaring engine.

  “Sounds good to me.”

  Ethan takes off, and I all but forget about the rude guy that creeped me out at work.

  * * *

  Ethan and I are all settled on the couch, cuddling, watching The Avengers: End Game. It's one thing we have in common, we’re total Marvel nerds.

  Of course, by the end I'm crying, and Ethan wraps me in his arms.

  “Guess some things never change.”

  I wipe my cheek and stare at him. “What things?”

  “You still cry at the simplest things, and I've always loved that about you,” He adds, seeing the hurt expression on my face

  I shrug. “I guess I just feel what they portray on the screen. I've always been an emotional person. I guess as I've gotten older, things haven’t changed.”

  He nods and kisses the side of my head. It's a small gesture, but one that makes my heart speed up.

  “Damn, look at you. Fuck, girl, you’re a fucking goddess.” Ethan whispers, staring down at me.

  “You know I can hear you, right?” I smirk at him.

  He nods slowly.

  “Good.” He leans in closer to me.

  He snuggles his face into my neck, and I feel his lips against my skin, and I almost let out a moan.

  “Because you need to know what I want to do to you, and trust me, none of it’s G-rated.”

  “You need to be a good boy,” I tell him, tapping his nose with my finger.

  He goes to fake bite it and chuckles. “Nothing about me is good, and you should know that already.”His eyes never leave mine.

  “So who else has tasted this sweet nectar.” He slips his hand towards my stomach and slowly goes farther.

  God why does that simple move make me so damn wet?

  I cover my face, embarrassed by his question. I don't want him to see me right now. He gently pulls my hands away and stares at me, dumbfounded.

  “Baby bird, are you telling me you’ve only ever fucked me, that I'm the only guy to ever taste you?”

  I nod slowly.

  “Wait, it's been at least four months since we saw each other, but two years since we slept together. Are you telling me you haven't fucked in two years?”

  “Will you stop
saying fuck?” I sigh, throwing some of the remaining popcorn at him. “You're so brash. Doesn't your mouth have a filter at all?”

  “Why are you embarrassed?”

  “I’m not.”

  “Liar.”

  “Luna, we need to rectify this right now.”

  “Um, no we don’t.”

  He leans towards me, and I freeze.

  “Ethan...” My voice comes out as a soft whisper, but I’m sure he can hear how breathless he makes me.

  His stupid sexy grin holds so much Ethan simply oozes sex appeal. I’m talking earth-quaking, whole-body-shaking, bees-buzzing-in-the-belly, super-wet-lady-bits hotness.

  “Luna, I can’t have you needy and not do anything about it. As your friend, I want to help.”

  “I'm not sure that’s a good idea. Friends don't do things like this.”

  “Yeah, they do, baby we can be close friends.” He winks at me cheekily.

  I throw a pillow at him, and he blocks it with his hands.

  “I’m serious, Luna.”

  “So am I, Ethan we’re not, as you pointedly put it, fucking. It will ruin things between us, and I just got you back.” I bite my bottom lip in a panic. I can’t lose him again. I just can’t even be in the friend capacity.I’m not sure I’m ready to go that far so soon.

  He tilts my chin up with his forefinger and thumb.

  “How do you know it won't make us better?”

  I shrug, because I guess I don’t.

  “You don't, that’s the point, Luna. Take this chance with me, let me help make you feel good. What’s there to lose? it’s a win-win, how I see it.”

  “Oh, yeah how’s that?”

  He smirks, and it’s cheeky as all hell.

  “I get to see you naked like old times, and you get a few amazing orgasms out of it.”

  “Oh, so you're not going to orgasm, just me then.” I tease him.

  He glares at me, but it’s broken by his stupid grin.

  “Oh, I’ll orgasm heaps, baby bird, I’ll even think of a few sexy spots to do it, but either way, we both get something out of this.”

  I stare at him, but my mind starts to think maybe it’s not such a bad idea after all.