Father by Choice

by Amanda Berry

  But it bothered him more that Maggie wouldn’t meet his eyes. He didn’t like that she wouldn’t talk to him, except for in clipped words. And he didn’t like the pressed thinness of her lush lips.

  “Maggie?” he said.

  She faced him with a questioning look in her eyes. None of the spunk that had drawn him to her years ago reflected in them.

  What could he say to make her happy? To bring back that little smile she’d give him when he said just the right thing.

  “I might be late tomorrow.” Dumb, dumb man. That wasn’t what he’d meant to say, but darn it all, he wasn’t used to being around women in a nonwork environment. He wasn’t used to someone counting on him outside of work projects.

  Her eyes grew frostier, and she nodded briskly. He flinched internally.

  “Amber, you need to go wash.” She went back to ignoring him as Amber raced off to the bathroom.

  Maybe over the years, he’d let his work consume him until work was all he had. There wasn’t a separation between the relaxed him and the work him. It was how he protected himself. He couldn’t let that go for a couple of weeks to “hang out.” He needed to work, it had kept away the pain that he’d felt when his mother had passed so soon after his father. The anger and rage that had engulfed him; that had forced his hand and made him flee not a hundred miles away, but across an ocean.

  In London, no one had asked him about his parents. No one had offered sympathy for his loss, because they hadn’t known. Here, it was in their eyes and words, even if they never said it out loud.

  As they walked home in the ebbing twilight, Amber rambled on about this and that. Brady couldn’t get out of his head. It didn’t help that Maggie continued her silent treatment. The street was lined with trees and though he hadn’t walked this particular street much as a kid, it was familiar. Like every other street in Tawnee Valley. The past seemed to press in on him and force his hand in the present. He had nothing to give to anyone. What made him think Amber even wanted him for a father?

  He had run away from the responsibility of being part of a family. He had run out on Sam and Luke—his own brothers. Even though Sam had been controlling, he could have used some guidance.

  As they reached the porch steps, Amber spun around. “Do you want to see the scrapbook Nana and I put together?”

  “Sure.” Brady didn’t know if Maggie wanted him to hang around any later, but he didn’t want to leave. He wanted to be part of this family, part of whatever they were creating here. Tonight he didn’t want to run.

  Amber bounded into the house. The screen door slammed behind her. Maggie climbed a couple of steps before stopping. Brady barely kept himself from running into her.

  “I need to know if you are in this.” Maggie didn’t turn to meet his gaze. The light from inside the house lit her profile, but he couldn’t make out her expression.

  “I wouldn’t have come all this way if I weren’t.” He wasn’t sure what she was referring to, but he could only assume this was a continuation of their earlier argument about work.

  “Either you tell Amber you are her father or you don’t, but I need to know what you are going to do. I can’t keep lying to her.” Finally, she turned to face him. On the steps she was the same height as him. In her eyes was the fierce protectiveness of a mother trying to keep her child from harm.

  “I’ve done a lot of things since I left Tawnee Valley.” Brady cleared his throat. “I’ve made a lot of deals and created thousands of jobs.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest and looked down her nose at him. Not impressed with his resume.

  “But...” What could he say to convince her? Years of negotiating multimillion-dollar deals failed him.

  “But what, Brady?”

  He searched her eyes, trying to figure out what technique would work. Trying to assess the risks versus the rewards of each scenario, but this wasn’t work. This was a little girl. His little girl.

  “I’m good at what I do, but—” he shrugged and gave up trying to hide “—I suck at the emotional stuff.”

  Her face softened slightly, but her body remained tense.

  He took a deep breath as if he were about to jump into a pool. “I don’t know how to be a daddy.”

  She dropped her arms. “She needs to know you care about her. No one’s asking you to be her daddy.”

  “But I want to be.”

  “You do?” Skepticism lingered in her expression.

  He closed the distance between them. “I’ve missed so much already. I don’t want to miss any more. Amber is an amazing kid.” He paused. “Our kid.”

  “I haven’t made my mind up about you yet.”

  He could tell that he was winning here. Even as he felt more exposed than he had ever felt. “What if she doesn’t like me? What if her fantasy of her dad is built up so high in her mind that only Superman could fulfill her dreams?”

  Maggie’s eyes glistened with unshed tears. “All a little girl wants from her father is for him to be there for her.”

  “Was your father there for you?” he asked, pushing gently for more information. There was something there. He’d sensed it before.

  She shook her head, and a tear escaped down her cheek.

  He smoothed it away with his thumb. “I’ll do my best to not disappoint either of you.”

  That small smile crept onto her lips and he wanted to shout his victory. Her smooth skin beneath his thumb sent electricity down his spine. His body tensed at the sudden flood of desire pumping through his veins.

  “I know you won’t.” She placed her hand over his on her cheek.

  Trust. Had he ever known anyone quite like Maggie Brown? From a starry-eyed girl to a sultry teenager to this glorious woman standing before him, Maggie would never cease to amaze him.

  He kissed her. He’d only meant to kiss her briefly. He wasn’t even sure why. He wanted to, so he did. He could taste the vanilla ice cream. Her lips were incredibly soft beneath his. His only thought was he didn’t want to stop kissing her.

  Chapter Ten

  Brady’s lips were pressed against hers, firm and questing. Maggie couldn’t help but part hers on a sigh, surrendering to the pent-up passion.

  Until her mind butted in with the reminder that this was some other woman’s man. In New York, she hadn’t known, but now...

  She pushed her hands on Brady’s chest, breaking the connection. His eyes were hazy and confused.

  “What about...” She searched for the name she’d heard today. “Jules?”

  His eyebrows drew together. “What about Jules?”

  “Wow.” Her hands were on his chest and she could feel the muscle beneath her fingertips. Heat flushed her cheeks, remembering how his naked skin felt pressed against hers. She pulled her hands away from the fire that he ignited in her. Crossing her arms to keep them from checking out other muscles, she looked down her nose at him as she tried to rally her indignation. “Your girlfriend?”

  Brady had the audacity to appear genuinely confused. “Jules?”

  “I’m not stupid.” Though she was starting to wonder about him. “I heard you on the phone today. You said you were dating.”

  Clarity transformed his face into a grin. “Aah.”

  “Do you typically kiss other women when you date someone these days? Because I can tell you, I’m not okay with that.” Maggie wished she’d felt that way the minute his lips touched hers, but they hummed with pleasure and longed to jump right back into kissing.

  “I’m not dating Jules.” He closed the distance between them.

  She backed up a step on the porch stairs. “I’m not a fool. Just because I’m here doesn’t mean I’m available.”

  “Are you involved with someone?” He stepped onto the bottom step, bringing their bodies within touching distance again. Even though the night was cooling rapidly, his heat curled out from his body and wrapped itself around her.

  “I’m not a cheater,” she said in her best holier-than-thou voice.
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br />   His wolfish grin hit her below the belt. His gaze roamed over her possessively. She almost stumbled trying to get up another step.

  “Just because your girlfriend isn’t here doesn’t make you available.” She held her chin a little higher, proud that she hadn’t crumpled under the power of the attraction between them.

  “Jules isn’t my girlfriend.” He stepped again and they were eye to eye, chest to chest.

  “But you said—”

  “I said she could tell Peterson, a coworker of ours, that we were dating so that he’d stop asking her out. He won’t take no for an answer.” He reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear. His hand slipped behind her neck and every nerve in her body tingled in response. “I wouldn’t betray her or you in that way, Maggie.”

  “Oh.” Her brain completely shut down on her. The blue of his eyes held her hypnotized, waiting for his next move. Her whole body was a shiver of anticipation.

  “Found it!” Amber shouted through the door.

  Brady touched his forehead to hers. “To be continued.”

  * * *

  Brady sat at the table as Amber leafed through the pages of a scrapbook. Maggie had followed him in and disappeared.

  “I wasn’t allowed to have a dog, but Nana let me put the stickers on this page, anyway.” Amber pointed at the little stickers of dogs surrounding a picture of Amber and Mrs. Brown.

  “We have a dog out at the farm. His name is Barnabus.” Brady tried to not get distracted wondering where Maggie was and if she’d felt the same powerful draw that he had.

  “I’ve never been on a farm. Is it like the zoo?” Amber turned the page. “See, we went to the zoo. It took a really long time to get there.”

  “Never been on a farm?” Brady needed to stay focused on Amber.

  Amber tucked her dark hair behind her ear. A motion he’d seen Maggie do at least a dozen times. “Billy has a farm, but I’m not friends with him.”

  “We’ll have to fix that.” Brady pointed to a picture of Maggie with a monkey. “Did you take this?”

  “Yeah, Mommy said it was silly, but I liked the picture.” She closed the scrapbook and met his eyes. “Would you take me to your farm?”

  “It’s not my farm,” he said automatically. “My brother runs it, but I grew up there. I’d love to show you around.”

  “This weekend?” Amber gave him a pleading smile and put her hands together. “Do you have horses?”

  “Maybe. We don’t have horses.”

  Amber gazed intently at his eyes. “You have the same color of eyes that I do.”

  Brady held his breath. Would she make the connection?

  “Time for bed, baby,” Maggie called from the other room.

  “Will I see you tomorrow? Please, please, please, say yes.”

  “I’ll try. I have some work to get done, but I’ll be over after. Especially if your mother is cooking.” He tweaked her nose with his finger.

  Amber giggled and gave him a hug around his shoulders from behind him before running upstairs.

  He took in a breath. This was familiar, yet foreign to him. Nights at the Ward farm had always been slow and easy, but nothing about his life since Tawnee Valley had been slow or easy. It was hard to remember how it felt to relax.

  “You’ll be by tomorrow?” Maggie swept past him to the kitchen sink and started filling it with water.

  “Planning on it.” He scrubbed his face, suddenly tired. “Can I help?”

  “Sure.” Her voice was tight.

  He took the drying towel and waited while she washed a few dishes. How many nights had he spent with his mother, helping with the dishes? The silence between Maggie and him was comfortable and distracting at the same time. How could he recapture that moment on the porch steps? And if he did, would he have the energy to follow through?

  They finished the dinner dishes. She scrubbed the counters while he dried the last dish.

  She took the towel from him and hung it before turning out the kitchen light. “You’ll think about what I said? About telling Amber?”

  “Yes.” Brady followed her through the dining room to the front door where she held it open. Apparently, she didn’t want to pick up where they’d left off on the porch steps. Maybe she was as exhausted as he felt.

  “She needs to know.” Maggie finally met his gaze.

  What he wouldn’t give to wipe away the weariness from her. To ease her burden.

  “I’ll tell her. I promise.”

  “More promises.” She half smiled.

  “Promises I intend to keep.” Brady stepped close, but she retreated when he lifted his hand toward her.

  “I don’t think that is a good idea.” Her face was stern, but there was a breathless quality to her voice that encouraged him.

  “Not tonight,” Brady said.

  “Not ever.” Maggie leaned against the wall. “I’m tired, Brady. I can’t play this cat-and-mouse game as well as you can. I’m attracted to you.”

  He didn’t move, sensing the “but” behind her words. “I’m attracted to you, too.”

  “I can’t be what makes you go away.” Her face flushed and her bottom lip trembled.

  “I don’t understand...” Why would she worry about that?

  “My dad left when I was six.” Her face went blank as if she felt nothing, but he could feel the pain underscoring every word. “I thought Mom had driven him away and I hated her for a while. Then I thought it was my fault and I hated myself for it.”

  “I wouldn’t do that to Amber.” He started to reach out but she flinched away. “Or you.”

  “You don’t know that. I don’t know that.” She straightened. “We are much better off as friends. That way this doesn’t get confused into something it’s not. It never was.”

  Her smile had a touch of sadness to it. He wanted to reassure her, but he didn’t know how much of himself he could give...to Amber or to her. When things had gotten rough in the past, he’d run. How could he guarantee he wouldn’t do the same now?

  Maybe this was for the best. He nodded. “It never was.”

  Her smile vanished though she tried to hold on to it. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow.” Brady stepped out of the house and the weight of the world crashed down on his shoulders. He had people relying on him in New York and people relying on him in Tawnee Valley. Part of him wanted to run away, hide in his work. But as he settled into his rented car, he glanced up as the porch light turned off. Maggie stood silhouetted in the doorway.

  No, this time he’d be the brave one. This time he’d build a relationship with his daughter and make sure that it didn’t fall apart when something major happened. He’d be her rock, the way Maggie’s father should have been for her. He wouldn’t run.

  * * *

  The week turned out to be more hectic than Brady had estimated. Contractors had change orders. Reports had to be in on time. Jules was barely staying afloat.

  It was Wednesday and he’d sworn to Maggie and Amber that he’d be by today, but someone above must have a sense of humor, because everything was falling apart at work.

  The sun beat on his head as he tried to shield the screen of his laptop. He had his earpiece firmly in and was listening in on a conference Peterson had called.

  “We need to increase the budget by at least five hundred thousand dollars to make sure the project doesn’t have overages,” Peterson said.

  “The budget is fine as is and with all the current work orders inputted, we should have a small bit of excess left over in case of another change,” Jules said. “An increase is uncalled for. What we have is sufficient.”

  Brady glanced up at the sound of a truck coming down the old country road. The only place on the farm that received decent reception was at the top of the driveway near the mailbox. Cars rarely came this way, but a lot of farm equipment went past. Of course, if the driver caught a glimpse of Brady, they would stop and chat for at least ten minutes.

  The mail truck c
ame around the corner and stopped at the box.

  “Brady, didn’t your mother ever teach you to wear a hat?” Betsy Griffin tipped her postal cap at him. “You’ll get those good looks burnt right off ya.”

  Brady muted the conference. “If mine gets messed up at least there are two more just like me.”

  Betsy chuckled and tucked a strand of gray hair up into her cap.

  “You tell that brother of yours that his mutt has been up to no good. There are about five puppies on my farm that look an awful lot like that shaggy dog of his.”

  “I’ll let him know.”

  “You take care now.” Betsy tipped her cap and drove off.

  Brady and Sam had managed to maintain a good distance from each other. Sam was always out of the house by the time Brady got going in the morning. He couldn’t afford to get into it with Sam if he wanted to stay.

  He glanced at his screen and unmuted his phone.

  “Brady?” Jules’s voice sounded concerned.

  “I’m here.”

  “Did we get cut off?”

  “No. Someone stopped by. Meeting over?” Brady eyed the time. If he was going to see Amber tonight, he’d need to wrap up quickly.

  “Yes.”

  “What did I miss?”

  Jules filled him in on the proposed changes and how she’d fought to keep the budget the same. Peterson had backed down at the end. Brady could almost hear the triumph in her voice.

  “If you need anything, text me nine-one-one and I’ll call you.” Brady closed his laptop and put it in the bag. “Anything at all.”

  “Spend time with your daughter. I’ll see you when you get back to New York.” Jules hung up.

  Brady stretched as he stood and looked over the old farmhouse and the land surrounding it. The brothers had spent many days working the fields and helping their father make the most out of the land they had. Generations of Wards had worked these fields before them. Now it all fell to Sam.

  The house needed a coat of paint, but the barn looked in good repair. Instead of being held together by whatever scraps their father could find, it looked as though Sam had gone through and made the barn a solid structure.