Father by Choice

by Amanda Berry

Unlike Sam, who seemed to thrive on the farm, Brady had never belonged here. Even when he had been at the top of his game in high school, he’d felt as if something was missing. He collected the mail and headed down the drive.

  Being in England hadn’t helped. He hadn’t found anywhere that made him feel whole. Like a puzzle with a piece missing, he kept trying to fill it with work and accomplishments, but it didn’t seem to help. Each step forward made him want to reach for the next level.

  The screen door screeched as he opened it. Inside the house it was cool with the windows open and the lights out. He flung the mail on the kitchen table and started to set his bag on the chair when he caught sight of an envelope with red on it.

  FINAL NOTICE. Brady snatched the bill and sank into the kitchen chair.

  “Sam?” he yelled.

  No one answered. Sam must be down in the field or in the barn. Brady tore open the envelope and stared at the balance. He shifted through the other mail and found a few more overdue bills.

  He stormed out the back door and crossed to the barn. Soundgarden’s “Fell on Black Days” blasted from the garage in the back. The garage smelled of oil and gasoline, bringing forward the memory of his father, leaning over their old truck’s engine while Brady, barely Amber’s age, sat on the toolbox ready to hand him a tool, loving every moment of his father’s attention.

  “What is this?” Brady demanded as he hit the off button on the dirt-coated boom box.

  Sam rolled out from under the tractor on the creeper their father had always used. His face was smeared with grease and sweat. He glanced at the notices in Brady’s hands. “None of your business.”

  He rolled back under the tractor.

  “I sent money. How did you get behind?” Brady moved around the tractor, trying to see Sam’s face.

  Sam stayed under the tractor and swiped at his face with an old rag that was too dirty to do any good. His blue coveralls had rips in one knee and were badly in need of a wash. He dropped the wrench and grabbed a screwdriver.

  “Dammit, Sam. This is something you need to pay attention to. You can’t ignore these and hope they’ll go away.” The balance on the bill in Brady’s hand was a couple of thousand alone. But combined with the others and the ones he didn’t know about, it could be a hefty sum. “They could force you to file bankruptcy.”

  “I’ll take care of it,” Sam grumbled.

  “If you need money, I can help—”

  “Money?” Sam rolled out from under the tractor and sat with his arms resting on his knees. The expression on Sam’s face said Brady was being ignorant. “And that will solve everything?”

  “In this case...” Brady looked pointedly at the bill. “Yes.”

  “Do you remember how to work?” Sam pushed to his feet and dropped the screwdriver into a metal tool chest with a loud clang before slamming the drawer shut.

  “I work every day—”

  “Behind that little computer of yours. Pushing buttons.” Sam made little typing motions in the air before he jerked open another drawer and pulled out a socket wrench.

  “And I make money doing it. I use my brains and not my brute strength. I create jobs for people.” Brady met Sam’s gaze. He wasn’t going to give in on this. What he did was important. It took a lot of effort to coordinate the projects to make sure everything went smoothly and according to plan.

  “And I don’t use my brain?” Sam tapped the socket wrench against his hand, lightly.

  “It’s different and it doesn’t change the fact that you are swimming in a sea of debt that this farm can’t sustain.”

  “How would you know?” Sam dropped down on the rolling cart, planting his feet firmly on the concrete floor. “What do you know about farming?”

  Brady opened his mouth and closed it. He’d been away for eight years. Though he’d helped Mom balance the bank accounts and been the one to figure out their father’s will and hers, he knew nothing about what the finances were now.

  “It took Dad, you, me and Luke to keep this farm running on a regular basis during the summer. If the farm had a good year with sufficient rain for the crops and the coyotes didn’t get too much of the livestock, we made ends meet.” Sam pointed the socket wrench at Brady. “The money you sent helped pay for part of this barn.”

  “I sent a hell of a lot more money than—”

  “And you had a child that needed taking care of.”

  “If I’d known about my child, I would have taken care of her.”

  “I didn’t need the money.” Sam acted as if Brady hadn’t said anything. “We were doing fine. Luke was home for the summers for a few years. But then he got busy with med school. I had to pay for someone to come and work our farm.” Sam cracked his neck. “I fell behind a little. Sue me.”

  Sam disappeared under the tractor. Brady wasn’t ready to push the fact that Sam had kept Amber a secret. Losing the farm was too important. It would have destroyed his parents.

  Brady couldn’t erase time and return to Tawnee Valley eight years ago and hang around to help out. He couldn’t erase what had happened to Maggie, Sam or Amber. All he could do was offer the future.

  “Let me look over your books,” Brady said.

  “What? So you can tell me what I’m doing wrong?” The sound of metal hitting metal emanated through the garage.

  “What do you think I’ve been doing the past eight years?”

  “Besides getting soft?”

  “Working on budgets and figuring out how to minimize spending and maximize profits.” Brady started to lean against the workbench, but when a daddy longlegs shuffled past, he decided against it. “If you won’t take my money, at least let me figure out a payment plan, so you can find your way out of this hole without losing the farm.”

  “I won’t lose the farm.” Not even a hint of fear in Saint Sam’s voice, but there was an underlying tightness. “You weren’t the only one with plans. I was at college when Mom got sick, but I gave that up for her, you and Luke. And when Mom died and left Luke to me, I made you go to college, follow your dreams. Figuring you’d find your way home eventually. Guess I was wrong about that.”

  “I never meant to dump that on you,” Brady bit out. He’d struggled with the guilt, but he’d known he had to go his own way.

  “This farm has been in our family for over a century. I won’t lose it now.” Sam banged something with the wrench. The sound of metal against metal reverberated in the space.

  “Just let me look it over.” Brady felt as though he was ten trying to convince twelve-year-old Sam to let him have a turn with the basketball.

  Sam rolled out and wiped his hands on the dirty rag. “Only if you get off your damn high horse and make yourself useful around here.”

  “Do you have any idea how much work I have to do?” Brady could feel his face getting redder by the second. Between Maggie’s demands and Sam’s, he wouldn’t be able to get any work done on the Detrex project.

  “I’m sure there’s someone as fancy as you working up there in New York, getting things done just fine without you.” Sam stood and took the bill from Brady’s hands. He glanced over it with his usual stoic face.

  Fighting with Sam was as fruitless as fighting with Maggie. He’d done them both a disservice and owed them a little of his time in payment. He had left his brother when he needed him most. Sam had raised Luke, no matter how much Brady tried to justify that he’d been away at school. He could have gone to a college closer, so he could help whenever needed. But he’d let his pain control him, and New York hadn’t been far enough away. He’d had to detach himself so much that he hadn’t bothered to keep in touch with anyone from Tawnee Valley except for Luke. Even then, Luke had been the one contacting him, not the other way around.

  Maybe he could make up for the time that he’d lost by helping out. He glanced at his watch and wondered what Maggie was doing.

  Brady sighed. “Just tell me what needs to be done.”

  Chapter Eleven

  “A
no-show, huh?” Penny snatched a carrot from the plate Maggie was setting on the table.

  “He said Sam needed his help.” Maggie avoided meeting Penny’s gaze, afraid she’d catch on to the disappointment Maggie had felt when Brady called an hour ago.

  “Want me to beat him up for you?” Penny straddled a chair and held her fists like a boxer. “I could hit him right where it counts.”

  “That won’t be necessary.” When Penny sagged in defeat, Maggie added, “Yet.”

  “What’s for dinner?” Amber came in and sat next to Penny.

  “Chicken.” Maggie hurried to the kitchen. What she wanted to do was go outside and have a good scream, but she needed to keep it together until Penny went home and Amber went to bed. She hoped this didn’t become a habit with Brady.

  “Is Brady coming over?” Amber called to her.

  Maggie took in a deep breath and forced a smile before returning to the dining room with the platter of chicken. “No, honey, he has work to do.”

  “Can’t he do it over here?” Just a hint of a whine had entered Amber’s voice.

  “Nope.”

  “What am I, chopped liver?” Penny tickled Amber’s side until Amber giggled and batted her hand away.

  Amber leaned in close to Penny’s ear and said in a loud whisper, “I think Mommy likes Brady.”

  Penny raised an eyebrow at Maggie, but turned and whispered, “I think Brady likes your Mommy, too.”

  Amber nodded and giggled.

  Maggie could feel the heat rising in her cheeks. “I do not like Brady.”

  “They looked like they were going to kiss on the porch,” Amber told Penny.

  Maggie groaned and refused to look at Penny. “Eat your dinner.”

  She passed around the food until everyone had a full plate. Penny kept trying to catch her eye, which Maggie avoided at all costs. She didn’t want to go into details with Penny until Maggie knew how she felt about Brady.

  Amber chatted away about school. Maggie forced herself to participate in the conversation. Ever since last night, though, only one thing had occupied her mind—that kiss. It had been one thing to kiss him in New York. Different place, right mood, old lover, that type of thing. But here? On her front porch?

  She’d been on edge since she got home from work, waiting. Waiting for Brady to come over and finish what he’d started. Even though she’d told him it would be better if they didn’t. Even though she could almost feel every touch, the slide of his skin against hers, his mouth against hers and traveling lower. God, how she’d wanted him and what she wouldn’t give to feel that way. Complete abandon.

  Which would be a mistake. Huge mistake.

  “Earth to Maggie.” Penny waved her hand in front of Maggie’s face.

  Maggie snapped to attention. “What?”

  “Amber asked you a question.” Penny gave her an expectant look.

  “I’m sorry, baby.” Maggie shook off the lingering images from her past. “What was your question?”

  “Why don’t you ask Brady out on a date? Penny would watch me, wouldn’t you?” Amber’s blue eyes were huge and innocent and hopeful.

  Maggie snapped her gaze to Penny to see if she had put Amber up to this, but Penny held up her hands as if to say, “Don’t look at me.” She sighed and turned to Amber.

  “It isn’t that easy.” Maggie tried to think of excuses and reasons and anything but Brady’s hand on the back of her neck. An involuntary shudder raced along her spine.

  “Why not?”

  “Yeah, Maggie, why not?” Penny leaned her elbows on the table and added her questioning look to Amber’s.

  “Because...” Oh, hell, what was she supposed to say? That she didn’t like him? Then the question would be why he was hanging around. Until Brady was ready to come forward to Amber about being her father, her hands were tied.

  “Go on.” Penny was enjoying this way too much.

  If things were different, she might have jumped at the chance to ask Brady out. “He lives in New York and we live in Tawnee Valley. It would never work out. Besides, we’re just friends.”

  She took her dishes to the kitchen. Logically, that was true. Brady didn’t have a burning desire to move back to Tawnee Valley anytime soon. In fact, it seemed he couldn’t wait to get away from it.

  She turned to find both Amber and Penny looking at her from the doorway.

  “What now?” she said.

  “I like Brady,” Amber said. Plain and simple as if that were the cure-all to the world.

  Sensing a trap, Maggie hesitated before saying, “I like him, too.”

  Penny covered her mouth to hide her chuckle. Maggie glared at her, but she waited patiently for Amber to get out what she wanted to say.

  “You should date.” Amber disappeared into the dining room. The clatter of dishes being stacked filled the room.

  “Did you put her up to this?” Maggie whispered and pointed toward the dining room.

  “No, but the look on your face is priceless.” Penny’s grin infuriated Maggie more.

  Amber reappeared with the dishes and took them to the sink. “Are you waiting for my father to come back?”

  Maggie’s mouth dropped open and she honestly couldn’t think of a single thing to say. Even if Amber knew Brady was her father, she would probably be wondering the same thing. Maggie hadn’t dated because the available men in Tawnee Valley greatly dwindled after high school age. And the ones that were available weren’t what she wanted.

  Penny gave her a phony serious look. “Yeah, Maggie. What are you waiting for?”

  Maggie narrowed her eyes at Penny before squatting in front of Amber. “What’s bringing all of this up now?”

  Amber scrunched her face as if she were trying to keep the truth from coming out, before bursting out with, “Jessica said that her mom thinks you should get back with Brady.”

  Maggie closed her eyes. Damned if she does, damned if she doesn’t. What was she going to say to that? That she and Brady had never really been together? Then when Amber found out about Brady being her father, Maggie would have to explain that sometimes people don’t have to love each other to have a child.

  “Do you love Brady, Mommy?”

  That one struck her right in the heart.

  “You know what, runt?” Penny said and held out her hand to Amber. “Maybe we should lay off Mommy for a little while. Let’s go find that book we were reading the other night.”

  Maggie mouthed “Thank you” to Penny as Penny led Amber out of the kitchen. Already almost on the floor, she dropped on the old linoleum and sagged against the dark oak cabinets.

  Did she love Brady? In high school, she believed she was in love with him, but how could you love someone who barely acknowledged your existence? Okay, she had loved him in that first-crush, puppy-love kind of way, completely unrequited.

  But now...he’d changed so much that he didn’t seem like the same guy. She saw hints of the guy she’d crushed on in high school, but that wasn’t the only thing that drew her. When they’d walked the streets in New York surrounded by people, she’d been the only one that had mattered to him. Or when he maneuvered them though the airport, always careful to make sure she didn’t fall behind or get lost. Or when he touched her face to wipe away the tear when she’d confessed about her own father.

  To say that she had a crush on Brady was putting it mildly. The way he was with Amber when he was in the moment and focused was amazing. He’d even caved to her request about work. Even if he missed coming over, he’d respected her wishes.

  “You okay?” Penny stepped into the kitchen and slid down the cabinets to sit next to Maggie.

  “I don’t know.”

  “You know I love to tease you, right?” Penny bumped her shoulder against Maggie’s.

  “Yeah.” Maggie leaned her head against the cabinet and rolled it until she faced Penny. “What am I going to do?”

  “First, you are going to thank me for distracting your daughter.”

&nb
sp; “Thank you.” Maggie reached out and took Penny’s hand. “Really. Thank you for being here for me. You don’t know how much I rely on you.”

  “What are best friends for?” Penny shrugged but squeezed Maggie’s hand. “As for Brady...”

  “Yeah. Brady.” Maggie thudded her head against the cabinets.

  “You’ve got a great daughter, Maggie. And maybe Brady won’t be that bad of a dad for her, but you have to look at the big picture.”

  “What’s the big picture?” Maggie desperately wanted to know.

  Penny clasped her hands around Maggie’s. “Amber is putting this together faster than either of you expected. Brady needs to come clean and you need to figure out what type of relationship you are going to have with each other and with Amber.”

  “I already told him that I didn’t want to get involved with him because of Amber.”

  “Why not?”

  Maggie struggled to find words, but finally pulled it together. “Because—”

  “Brady isn’t your dad. He’s not going to leave Amber. At his worst, Brady’s a workaholic. He earns good money and has kept fit unlike most of the men around here. You could do a lot worse than Brady Ward.”

  “But—”

  “Don’t give me the whole New York-versus-here thing. What are you really worried about?”

  Maggie took a deep, shaky breath. “That the only reason he wants me is because he loves Amber.”

  * * *

  Brady pocketed his phone as he got out of the car. He’d made sure to set the ringer to vibrate in case Jules needed to reach him. All day they’d worked with a contractor who was refusing to listen to anyone but Brady, which was frustrating for both Jules and him. Something he hoped Peterson didn’t get wind about.

  When Brady hadn’t been on the phone or the computer, Sam had kept him busy working the farm.

  He wasn’t about to let another day go by where he didn’t see Amber, though. A sharp high-pitched bark met him as he opened the rear car door.

  “Are you ready?” Brady said to the puppy in the cardboard box.

  The puppy wagged his tail and barked in response. Brady hooked on the leash to the new collar he’d bought and set the puppy on the ground. Barnabus, Sam’s dog, was a pretty big dog and this “puppy” was going to be large like his daddy. He was already the size of a small dog.